Delayed Gratification... How To Teach?

[jojosmommy]

I have a 3 yr old dcb who is difficult however I can handle most of his behaviors most of the time. Lately he is so lazy about doing anything that doesnt get him an instant reward. Today he took off his socks and threw them around the room. When it was time to go outside I suggested he find his sock so we could get shoes on and go. He glanced around for less than 2 seconds and then demanded I find it. Needless to say we went out on the deck and he was left inside (within regs- I could see and hear him at all times) to look for the sock. He never even attempted to look. Hands in pockets- looking at ceiling. It was pretty warm already this am so the kids didnt end up staying out very long and he never did make it outside. I checked on the progress and suggested he "look with eyes, try moving some toys, maybe under the couch" etc. He is like this with projects/games etc too. If it doesnt dance and scream back at hime (like tv) within 2 seconds he flat out refuses to engage. He rarely picks up, but tells everyone else to do it for him. Additionally his sister can not wait for food/drink crayons etc. She is a little younger but I am working on teaching both delayed gratification- work hard reap the rewards, wait paitently for others, not EVERYTHING you see is yours to take/touch/eat.

Any good methods to teach this skill? I know this is probably a "now a days epidemic" but what can I do in my house to teach this?

[Blackcat31]

In a center I interned at, we would tell the kids they can have one M&M now or wait until the bell went off (we set a kitchen timer for 3 minutes) and have 5 M&M's. We did this little activity on a daily basis. Didn't take the kids long to figure out the longer they waited the better the rewards.

[Christian Mother]

For some reason socks are the things that always gets taken off and then lost...!!

All my little's are around 2 2/12. As soon as they step in the house the socks and shoes go off and placed in the foyer. That way when it's time to go out side there waiting for each child. I find that I need to pick my battles with the young ones. As they get older...like 4 I expect them to not only assist them selves by them selves in the rest room but washing hands and clothing them selves. I found that still at 3 yrs old some kids can be slow on this are looking for us to reward them for every little thing. I teach them at a early age that they we don't get rewards for good behavior and listening. They get praise and lots of it. As soon as I notice them doing something by them selves correctly or attempting....They get the biggest recognition and praise. They are almost scared by it because they aren't used to someone showing them praise but getting a hand out of either candy or stickers. Try and limit your self so it's a win win situation for you. As soon as that child is dropped off. Socks and shoes off. Place them somewhere they can't be played with or can be forgotten. That way when it's time for out side play they can all line up and sit down waiting for shoes and socks to go on. That is how we do it here. Parents asked how it's possible until the child at drop off suddenly stopped and sat down taking there shoes and socks off and placed it at the wall. Then at pick up same thing...they sit down waiting for help to place shoes and socks on. As far as clean up's go with toys try singing a fun pick up song. We sing" Clean up Clean up, Everyone everywhere, Clean up Clean up, Everyone do there share...repeat it until it's finished. The kids love it and all participate and then on to the next activity you have planed. I hope this helps you.

[momofsix]

In a center I interned at, we would tell the kids they can have one M&M now or wait until the bell went off (we set a kitchen timer for 3 minutes) and have 5 M&M's. We did this little activity on a daily basis. Didn't take the kids long to figure out the longer they waited the better the rewards.

That's really interesting. Did you do this JUST to teach delayed gratification or was there another purpose to it?

[Blackcat31]

That's really interesting. Did you do this JUST to teach delayed gratification or was there another purpose to it?

Yeah, basically we were having a hard time with some of the kids not understanding having to wait. Wait for their turn, wait for art time, wait for lunch, wait for outside etc etc. It was getting annoying to hear all the impatience so one of my professors said to try this activity until the kids really started showing understanding of waiting and not getting the instant gratification. The whole thing worked wonders and we eventually weaned the kids off the daily M&M fix (lasted only about a month) but the changes in patience lasted the whole rest of the year.

[Kaddidle Care]

In a center I interned at, we would tell the kids they can have one M&M now or wait until the bell went off (we set a kitchen timer for 3 minutes) and have 5 M&M's. We did this little activity on a daily basis. Didn't take the kids long to figure out the longer they waited the better the rewards.

Did they start drooling every time they heard the timer ring? :: (Sorry - just had to.)

I actually like this idea.

[Rachel]

Google "Marshmallow Test" I've actually been meaning to try it with my kiddos. The results are interesting. There have been studies comparing how kids did on the test at 4 vs. how the graduate college, etc. Saw a whole special on BBC about it once.