3 Yr Old DCG Exposing Herself

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

I just returned from 10 days of holidays lastnight and I recieved a call last night from one of my DCM'S telling me that one of my DCG's had exposed her privates to her son, about 2 weeks ago.

Apparently this went on when I went upstairs to start lunch.

Now we both understand that it is normal curious behavior, but if she is the one that is pulling her pants down, to all of the boys, is this normal?

She also talks very openly about her privates ( calls them the proper names),
and on occasion when mom drops her off, she has said to mom, my ****** hurts can you rub it? Of course mom say no im not doing that.

Mom is a nurse, and I understand that some people are very open to explaining body parts to the kids.

My question is do i need to tell the parents about something that happened (almost 3 weeks ago ) when they return from holidays or just let it go and make sure she is never unsupervised again.

[Sugar Magnolia]

3 years seems too old for that kind of thing. I went through this with a boy. He started here when he was 2. He always had one hand on his junk and other hand's thumb in his mouth. Constantly "hands out of your pants, hands out of your mouth." At 3 he started actively masturbating under his blanket at nap and sometimes when sitting at the table. Just before he turned 4, caught him with it fully out and going to town, complete with panting and erection, trying to get girl next to him to wake up. I was right there, in the room, just reading a book with my eyes averted! I looked up when I heard the panting! Had a conference with parents where they tried to tell me it was normal. I said if I saw his penis outside of the bathroom use one more time, that would be it. They didn't agree with my belief that it is unacceptable for a 4yo to do this. Nope. Termed. They condoned it at home. NOT HAPPENING HERE!
I would watch this child VERY closely. I would not say anything to other parents at this juncture, but if it does happen again, I would tell the parents it is a strong warning and you will terminate. I put it to the mom of my problem child like this "how would you react if you had a girl child and the girl child came home and said 'a boy at school was playing with his penis'. They did NOT waiver from their "its normal" position and the child was gone with 2 weeks notice.

[cheerfuldom]

I bet nanny will have something to say on this. I know she mentioned it as a fixation issue (regarding the little boy in the previous post). I had one girl do this type of thing as well but she was able to stop while here. I am guessing she did it a lot at home. She also did a lot of other fixations like repetitive noises and such.

[Sugar Magnolia]

Cheerful, yeah this boyu had a host of other issues too, mainly being SUPER, over-the-top hyperactive and throwing tantrums when redirected. He could not sit still and concentrate on anything for more than 5 mins. When he was sitting still, he was sucking thumb and hands in pants within seconds. Seemed like classic ADHD, but they said, again, that bouncing off walls all day long was "normal". Nothing but problems. Glad he's gone.

Hope the 3yo girl is easily redirected away from exposing herself. Couldn't possibly be as frustrating as this boy was.

[nannyde]

My question is do i need to tell the parents about something that happened (almost 3 weeks ago ) when they return from holidays or just let it go and make sure she is never unsupervised again.

As a mom I would want to know this.

The "take away" risk is lack of supervision. That's going to be the go to for the Mom of the kid who did it so be prepared.

The fact that this kid did this when you were out of the room says a lot. That tells you she knew it was wrong. The fact that the other kid told his mom instead of you tells me he knows it's wrong.

How three is the three year old?

[Country Kids]

My question would be why does she ask mom to rub it and why does it hurt? That sounds very odd to me! There is nothing wrong with children knowing proper names but asking someone else to rub it:confused:?

I would not leave her alone for a minute. Certainly have a talk with the girls parents and explain to them what is happening and that you will be changing the way the day will be going. I would definetly be bringing all the children up to make lunch and whatever else you have to do. You need to let her know that she has been caught, it isn't ok, and know she will be constantly supervised.

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

As a mom I would want to know this.

The "take away" risk is lack of supervision. That's going to be the go to for the Mom of the kid who did it so be prepared.

The fact that this kid did this when you were out of the room says a lot. That tells you she knew it was wrong. The fact that the other kid told his mom instead of you tells me he knows it's wrong.

How three is the three year old?

She turned 3 in March.

I figured that all of the kids, all boys 4 & 5 yrs old and this girl would be fine to play in the play room for 5 min while i ran upstairs and turned on the oven and put the food on cookie sheets to bake.

I guess not.

I asked my son, who was there when it happened also, and he said that she said dont tattle on me.

I told him if anything like that happens anywhere to anyone, you always tell.

[Crystal]

She turned 3 in March.

I figured that all of the kids, all boys 4 & 5 yrs old and this girl would be fine to play in the play room for 5 min while i ran upstairs and turned on the oven and put the food on cookie sheets to bake. I would wholeheartedly disagree with this. I don't think it's okay for one minute, much less five

I guess not.

I asked my son, who was there when it happened also, and he said that she said dont tattle on me. How old is your son? With this girls' "behavior" I'd be EXTREMELY careful about leaving your son alone with DCK....just in case....I am NOT saying your son ghas or ever would do anything, but the little girl seems a bit "advanced" for her sexual development and may say something happened, no matter how innaccurate she is parents will beleive it

I told him if anything like that happens anywhere to anyone, you always tell.

I think it would be wise if ALL children accompany you to the kitchen and that your son never be left alone with the kids, especially the little girl.

[TBird]

My question would be why does she ask mom to rub it and why does it hurt? That sounds very odd to me! There is nothing wrong with children knowing proper names but asking someone else to rub it:confused:?

I'm with Country Kids on this one....I've seen a lot of kid "discovery play" but this one is odd!!! I've heard plenty of kids say that their "pee pee" hurts (from wiping, a rash or what have you) but I've never heard a child ask for an actual rub.:confused:

Document, Document, Document....and talk to Mom!!!

[Hunni Bee]

I don't know.

My last wave of kids has been very private-part oriented and into sexual play. I've never had kids like these before.

I had a 3yo dcb (and one of the rare instances that director termed a child) who was fixated on another dcb, also three but smaller and less mature. DCB1 would follow the other child into the bathroom, show him and other children his penis, touch the other childs privates and bottom and his hands were constantly in his own pants. I couldn't turn my head for a second. I actually had section off an area for the older child to play in by himself. The mother either didn't believe me or didn't see it as a big deal, and when we finally told her he couldn't return, she got angry and said we weren't equipped to handle her son.

Now I have two boys who are obsessed with girl's backsides. They squeeze and smack their bottoms, pull up their dresses, make comments...it makes me so angry. But people are saying things like "boys will be boys" and "at least you know they like girls".

I've never seen anything like it...

[youretooloud]

I, personally don't think it's anything to be alarmed about. I love that some parents are open about their bodies, but sometimes the parents can take it too far and create an interest that wouldn't be there if the parents weren't so busy being "open minded".

However, I'd put a stop to it too. I'd just keep that child with me when I, or someone else couldn't be right there to tell her to knock it off.

I've never ever had a year where the three year olds didn't come in, and show each other their underpants. Underpants are a status symbol at this age, like Harley Davidsons are to 45 yr old men.

But, being overly concerned with her privates would annoy me, and I wouldn't tolerate it.

[registered but signed out]

We had a couple dc girls (sisters) who did this type of thing pretty often. Had to constantly watch them like a hawk. Would say their pee pee hurt and all that, but would remove clothes, also, and show themselves to the boys. After a paticular incident of this we found out that one of their parents (who was no longer in the picture by this time), had sexually molested them before when they were younger. We thought it was normal for children to do this (had even been told that in some child care workshops), so just watched them very carefully. Anyway, the dad was trying to get custody again, so the child welfare got invloved and all, and they told us over the phone that there may not be anything they can do now, since we didn't report it immediately when we first noticed. They really got after the owner and let her know she could be in BIG trouble. we felt awful, but really didn't know it was anything at the time. We learned to document everything and call CPS to see if it's anything to be concerned about. They told us to NEVER mention it to a parent if you suspect that, until after we have talked to CPS. All they do is record what you told them, and then if any more ever came of it, they'd have the provider's notes and know that they'd contacted them before. That keeps provider out of trouble for not sayng anything to them.

Also wanted to mention and see what you all think of those new "anatomically (sp?) correct baby dolls. You know, the ones where the girl has all their parts, and the boys have their parts? So you can talk to the children about their parts and how girls have a .... and boys have .... and this is what they look like. This is what this is called, etc. They're highly recommended by the NAEYC and CDA people. Eventually we might be required to get them if we want to proceed further in our State childcare rating level.

[bice99]

I don't know.

My last wave of kids has been very private-part oriented and into sexual play. I've never had kids like these before.

I had a 3yo dcb (and one of the rare instances that director termed a child) who was fixated on another dcb, also three but smaller and less mature. DCB1 would follow the other child into the bathroom, show him and other children his penis, touch the other childs privates and bottom and his hands were constantly in his own pants. I couldn't turn my head for a second. I actually had section off an area for the older child to play in by himself. The mother either didn't believe me or didn't see it as a big deal, and when we finally told her he couldn't return, she got angry and said we weren't equipped to handle her son.

Now I have two boys who are obsessed with girl's backsides. They squeeze and smack their bottoms, pull up their dresses, make comments...it makes me so angry. But people are saying things like "boys will be boys" and "at least you know they like girls".

I've never seen anything like it...

You might want to let those parents know that when those children enter school, that will be considered sexual harassment and result in a trip to the principal and possibly suspension. I know that sounds harsh, but most schools have zero tolerance for that stuff now.

[Hunni Bee]

You might want to let those parents know that when those children enter school, that will be considered sexual harassment and result in a trip to the principal and possibly suspension. I know that sounds harsh, but most schools have zero tolerance for that stuff now.

It doesn't sound harsh. That's serious business. I always use my face and I am quite stern with them about this because its sexual harrassment now, just on a smaller level. These boys understand that they should not touch other people's private parts, its just that someone else at home is thinking its cute and encouraging them to be interested in girls and their body parts. In addition to all the inappropriate music and television they are exposed to.

And I will not have my little girls having to worry about receiving that kind of attention at DAYCARE. I always let them know as well that it is not okay for anyone to touch their parts, and to always get away immediately and tell an adult. And especially since most of my girls are big and developed for their age, and actually have something back there (hormones in the milk???).

It makes me really angry that I am having to deal with this with three and four year olds. Society is waayyyy oversexed...and its showing up earlier and earlier.

[nannyde]

It makes me really angry that I am having to deal with this with three and four year olds. Society is waayyyy oversexed...and its showing up earlier and earlier.

My theory is there is nowhere else to go with behavior. We have accepted violence now in small children. We've accepted disrespect to your elders. We accept that the child should lead from birth on...... we are to follow them and do as they want.

We've normalized really bad behavior in kids.

What's left?

Sexual behavior

It's the same flow as candy for breakfast. Once a kid starts their day with mountain dew and skittles......... there's nothing left that's worse.

In kids behavior there's nowhere else to go.....