Parenting Book

[kcnjason]

Our 4 year old has always been strong willed and ornery. We have struggled with discipline with her since she was about 2 years old. She can be very loving but can be a stinker, as most kids can. She gets upset and throws temper tantrums, (not as much as she did at one time) says "I hate you, I don't like you, etc" I have read several parenting books, along with Love and Logic for Early Childhood but that seems to fit younger kids. It seems that when she is gone during daycare the kids get long great and when she is home she does mean things. We are a very loving family, our oldest is the complete opposite and would never say something to hurt feelings. Does anybody have any recommendations on books that we would benefit from? I would appreciate any input

[Cat Herder]

I can't recommend a book but I would recommend taking her to a counselor for evaluation.

There may be more going on and they would be your absolute BEST resource.

Hugs, I know how scary that can be but it will be worth it.

[ammama]

I'm not really sure if this book would help your specific situation, but the best parenting book I have ever read is called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne.

[youretooloud]

It sounds like she's a very typical 4 year old, only much more extreme.

I really love a strong willed child, and I'd work very hard not to break that will of hers. However, she must learn empathy and respect.

I like the Love and Logic books because it teaches the kids responsibility for their own behaviors. I don't like ALL of it, but most of it.

The trick with parenting books, is to find a few you like, take what works, and ignore the rest. Some books suggest very harsh discipline, and I will usually not even pick up such a book. Some books are all about the parent bending over backwards and making everybody's life miserable so the child can feel loved. I know there's a happy medium in there.

I hate the term "Spirited". I think it should be changed to "Difficult, and exhausting", and use Spirited for kids like "Anne of Green Gables", or "Junie B Jones". But, I have heard this book is highly reccomended.

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Rev/dp/0060739665/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1305124187&sr=1-2

[youretooloud]

Also, depending on your religious affiliation, I like Kevin Leman.

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Children-without-Losing-Yours/dp/0800731050/ref=pd_sim_b_10

But, I strongly DIS-like James Dobson.

[MN Mom]

I have to share a story because this thread reminded me of my youngest DD.

My daughter Grace is/was very strong willed, "spirited", colorful...whatever term you want to give it.

When she was 2, and did not get her way she would stomp to her bedroom and yell.

Grace: Can I have a sicle? (Popsicle)
Me: No, you may not
Grace: *STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP - "You're wooning my wife!" - SLAM
Me: *look at dad, look at grandma, laugh uncontrollably*

Of course she outgrew this phase, is still a little sassy (when it suits her, of course), but is also one of the most loving little girls..and extremely empathetic too

[Symphony]

It sounds like she's a very typical 4 year old, only much more extreme.

I really love a strong willed child, and I'd work very hard not to break that will of hers. However, she must learn empathy and respect.

I like the Love and Logic books because it teaches the kids responsibility for their own behaviors. I don't like ALL of it, but most of it.

The trick with parenting books, is to find a few you like, take what works, and ignore the rest. Some books suggest very harsh discipline, and I will usually not even pick up such a book. Some books are all about the parent bending over backwards and making everybody's life miserable so the child can feel loved. I know there's a happy medium in there.

I hate the term "Spirited". I think it should be changed to "Difficult, and exhausting", and use Spirited for kids like "Anne of Green Gables", or "Junie B Jones". But, I have heard this book is highly reccomended.
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-S...5124187&sr=1-2

LOVE this book! I was going to suggest it too

Also I cannot stand Dobson, and the Pearls/Ezzos should be in prison. JMHO of course

[DCMom]

My son is 24 now and Raising Your Spirited Child was my bible from the time that he was 4 years old. His 'spirited' nature has served him well ~ he is where he is in life because of it.

[youretooloud]

the Pearls/Ezzos should be in prison. JMHO of course

Did you ever read the page where they say "Even if the toddler complies, he must be whipped on bare skin, so he learns to believe that you will whip him"

They use words like "break his will" and "Spirit must be broken". :confused:

[WImom]

My son is 24 now and Raising Your Spirited Child was my bible from the time that he was 4 years old. His 'spirited' nature has served him well ~ he is where he is in life because of it.

That's good to hear. This book covered my daughter to a tee. She is still very stubborn and can have a tantrum like you wouldn't believe but she is very loving and VERY imaginative. She keeps us on our toes.

We always laugh because my 1st DD was the first grandchild and our first so she was so spoiledby everyone in the family and when my DD2 was born we told her in the hospital that she's going to have to be a loud one to get attention. We'll we didn't think she was going to call us on it.....


KCNJason - is your DD in school? Mine is in K5 and is a perfect angel there but she is naughty in the evenings. I think it takes alot for her to hold it in all day and she has to release that energy.

[Symphony]

Did you ever read the page where they say "Even if the toddler complies, he must be whipped on bare skin, so he learns to believe that you will whip him"

They use words like "break his will" and "Spirit must be broken". :confused:

My personal favorite is where you are to lay your child on a blanket starting at 4 months, and set a toy in front of him. You sit behind him with a switch a whip him everytime he reaches for the toy. This teaches him he may only touch if YOU say he may.

Seriously, there are no words.

[SandeeAR]

Looks like I'm in the minority here, but I raised a very strong willed, redhead but using Dr. Dobson's strong willed child. I read it at least 4 times while she was young. I don't think my two turned out bad at all.

[youretooloud]

My personal favorite is where you are to lay your child on a blanket starting at 4 months, and set a toy in front of him. You sit behind him with a switch a whip him everytime he reaches for the toy. This teaches him he may only touch if YOU say he may.

Seriously, there are no words.

Sadly.. these days, if you lay a 4 month old on a blanket, he instantly collapses and starts crying because they've never been laid down on their tummies before.

[youretooloud]

Looks like I'm in the minority here, but I raised a very strong willed, redhead but using Dr. Dobson's strong willed child. I read it at least 4 times while she was young. I don't think my two turned out bad at all.

My church always liked Dobson. (neither one of our kids was the least bit strong willed) But, I just was never able to wrap my brain around spanking, or punishing. Obviously, since my kids were easy going kids, I never had to resort to anything like that...so, if I'd HAD a strong willed child, I might think differently. Instead, I have the dreamy, artsy completely filthy kids. There's no book for that.

[kcnjason]

Parenting Book

My dd is in prek and is very well behaved at school and it really seems when she starts getting tired is when she gets naughty. I have read both of Dr Dobsons books, scream free parenting and another which I can not recall the name. When she is home during daycare is when she seems to get out of control, mean to the other kids and it really tires me out. I will check into the books that were mentioned.