Oh! So That’s Where You Get It From!

[MsMe]

I have a DCF that is the classic first to arrive last to leave, brings kids no matter what, and only takes one child if they HAVE to.

Long story short....DCM called grandma (her mother) to drive to town 4hrs bc DCG has been on the edge of a fever for two days and is gereraly miserable. DCM informs me DCGMA will be to town around noon but not to call unless she developes an actual fever and then DCGMA will come to get DCG but not DCB.

So GMA is going to dive 4 hours to sit at their house incase I call. Not spend time with her Grandkids. She also does this the 3-4 times a yr she comes to visit.

I love the kids in my program to pieces but anytime they can get with actual family is SO much better for them. These children inparticular have issuse steming from the lack of family time they get.

I don't judge parents....but it is hard not to lose a little repect for them.

[TBird]

Okay....this sounds soooooo crazy. Grandma is gonna drive 4 hours and NOT pick the child up??? This sounds like a CLASSIC case of "Well, we've already paid for the day so DCK has to go!"

I swear, some parents get so hung up on the money AS IF it's not the best dollar that they've ever spent or ever will spend. I'm sure they've blown more money on electronics than they have reserving their spot with you.....sad.

[MsMe]

Yes, I often wonder at what weekly rate they would be willing to miss alittle daycare time to spend with their kids. If I only charged 100, 90 or 50 a week THEN would you feel like you could not send them every minute! What 'price' is your family time worth to you?

[marniewon]

Yes, I often wonder at what weekly rate they would be willing to miss alittle daycare time to spend with their kids. If I only charged 100, 90 or 50 a week THEN would you feel like you could not send them every minute! What 'price' is your family time worth to you?

Sadly, unless your daycare services were FREE, they would probably still feel like they needed to "get their money's worth"!!

[Lucy]

Yes, I often wonder at what weekly rate they would be willing to miss alittle daycare time to spend with their kids. If I only charged 100, 90 or 50 a week THEN would you feel like you could not send them every minute! What 'price' is your family time worth to you?

Such a good point. And I have this same family, btw! Makes me sick. Dad has every-other Friday off, but the kids still come here. The kids have never stayed home on mom or dads vacation days, etc., etc. I could go on and on.

[nannyde]

They have dosed the kid up with tylenol or advil and that's the time they fear it will wear off.

Grandma doesn't want to be around the kids anymore than the parents do. This generation of grandparents are on the begining of the cusp of grandparents refusing to deal with the kids. The grandparents have had a significant part of their young adulthood in this "point and click... facebook... texting. 400 channels on TV" life. They like that stuff better than dealing with these kids.

I'm not saying they don't want to SEE the kids. I'm saying they don't want to take care of the kids alone. They might do a little here and there but it's more obligatory than generational.

Always exceptions but I think it's very very common now.

When this generation of parents become grandparents they won't even want the obligatory. Kids will be cared for by people receiving money the majority of their waking hours.

[TBird]

Grandma doesn't want to be around the kids anymore than the parents do. This generation of grandparents are on the begining of the cusp of grandparents refusing to deal with the kids. The grandparents have had a significant part of their young adulthood in this "point and click... facebook... texting. 400 channels on TV" life. They like that stuff better than dealing with these kids.

I'm not saying they don't want to SEE the kids. I'm saying they don't want to take care of the kids alone. They might do a little here and there but it's more obligatory than generational.

Always exceptions but I think it's very very common now.

When this generation of parents become grandparents they won't even want the obligatory. Kids will be cared for by people receiving money the majority of their waking hours.

So well put and SO true Nannyde! The tide is-a-changin' and these parents better be ready for it!

[nannyde]

Yes, I often wonder at what weekly rate they would be willing to miss alittle daycare time to spend with their kids. If I only charged 100, 90 or 50 a week THEN would you feel like you could not send them every minute! What 'price' is your family time worth to you?

I don't think money is the reason. It may be the justification when a parent is doing the mental gymnastics of deciding but I don't think it's the core reason.

If you offered free care on the weekends ... every weekend... saying you are available the same hours as during the week... and the parents were definitely off of work... how many of your full time parents would (within a month or two) be bringing their kid the majority of the weekend too?

How long would it take for the parents to believe that the 100 dollars a week they pay you is really for SEVEN days and not five... even if you made it clear that the fee they pay you is JUST for the five days?

[wdmmom]

My policy is:

If one child goes home, any other siblings go to!

[marniewon]

They have dosed the kid up with tylenol or advil and that's the time they fear it will wear off.

Grandma doesn't want to be around the kids anymore than the parents do. This generation of grandparents are on the begining of the cusp of grandparents refusing to deal with the kids. The grandparents have had a significant part of their young adulthood in this "point and click... facebook... texting. 400 channels on TV" life. They like that stuff better than dealing with these kids.

I'm not saying they don't want to SEE the kids. I'm saying they don't want to take care of the kids alone. They might do a little here and there but it's more obligatory than generational.

Always exceptions but I think it's very very common now.


When this generation of parents become grandparents they won't even want the obligatory. Kids will be cared for by people receiving money the majority of their waking hours.

You may be right, but this greatly saddens and confuses me. I can almost understand, in this entitlement age, the parents wanting time away from the kids, as they have them all the time. I don't agree with it, but can almost see it. But the grandparents?? That's the best part of grandkids - you can love on em all you want and then send them home! If you lived 4 hours away, why would you NOT pick up and spend the afternoon with them?!?

I have a 3 yo grand-daughter. She is my world. She's 3, she has the attitude of a 3 year old, and she's spoiled. But I love every piece of her and spend as much time as possible with her. She comes every Friday and I look forward to Fridays for that reason. On the occasional day that she doesn't come, I miss her terribly. I can't imagine not having her in my life and spending time with her. I just don't get grandparents (especially) who don't want anything to do with their grandkids!! Is it really because there's so much more in life to do? Do people just not matter anymore? Or are the kids today so out of control that even grandparents don't want to bother with them? :confused:

[Gurdy]

This makes me think of a very sad situation I had not long ago. I had a dcm that was on maternity leave and her mother and her MIL were both in town for a week staying with her to help out. Her husband was also off work that week. So we have 4 adults all in the same house for a week and wouldn't you know it... They brought their 18 mo old to me EVERYDAY that week, from open to close! I was so stunned! I even offered to give them a vacation week unpaid and they declined. Why would they need 4 adults to take care of 1 newborn and ship the 18 mo old off to daycare everyday? I just don't get it!

[nannyde]

This makes me think of a very sad situation I had not long ago. I had a dcm that was on maternity leave and her mother and her MIL were both in town for a week staying with her to help out. Her husband was also off work that week. So we have 4 adults all in the same house for a week and wouldn't you know it... They brought their 18 mo old to me EVERYDAY that week, from open to close! I was so stunned! I even offered to give them a vacation week unpaid and they declined. Why would they need 4 adults to take care of 1 newborn and ship the 18 mo old off to daycare everyday? I just don't get it!

Yup and given the same situation I think 90 plus percent of people would do the same thing.

The 18 month old is a MILLION times harder to take care of then a snuggly newborn.

[Mike Lassiter]

food for thought

Years ago now, my (then) mother in-law would always tell my wife and I "That's what Grandparents are for - to spoil them, then send them home to mama." She would say this every time we fussed about THEM spoiling OUR kids. We would tell the kids "no" and then grandparent(s) would under mine that by telling them they could anyway - "it won't hurt anything".

Wife and I got pretty worked up several times by this because they are OUR KIDS, not your kids. As parents we decide what they do and don't do when we are present. As grandparents we trust you to never do anything to hurt our kids and never allow them to do things they shouldn't. I remember many times growing up the only reason for do or don't was because "I said so." That should be good enough for the grandparents too.

From the things I have saw, many parents find it "easier" to allow the kids to do as they please so they don't have to parent. Buy them expensive things they will not take care of, to keep them occupied and out of the parents hair. With that said, perhaps Grandparents don't want to deal with their spoiled grandkids. I want to see my grandkids - and they ARE going to mind me. As all of you know, it's not easy to be a parent especially if you have to live in bad places for kids to grownup because of the things they become exposed to. Most parents just want the kids to go somewhere and be quite.
That's why they become difficult I think - lack of direction growing up. It's harder to parent and be apart of your kids life's. It takes time and effort. And as with so many things; you get back what you put into it. If children are growing up with no direction or supervision, THEY are raising their selfs.
I'm not saying this applies to EVERYBODY, but I have saw more than once the kids were basically running the household and parents allowed it because it was easier than saying no or making them follow instructions. Not sure I have said what I was trying to, but enough.

[TBird]

You may be right, but this greatly saddens and confuses me. I can almost understand, in this entitlement age, the parents wanting time away from the kids, as they have them all the time. I don't agree with it, but can almost see it. But the grandparents?? That's the best part of grandkids - you can love on em all you want and then send them home! If you lived 4 hours away, why would you NOT pick up and spend the afternoon with them?!?

I have a 3 yo grand-daughter. She is my world. She's 3, she has the attitude of a 3 year old, and she's spoiled. But I love every piece of her and spend as much time as possible with her. She comes every Friday and I look forward to Fridays for that reason. On the occasional day that she doesn't come, I miss her terribly. I can't imagine not having her in my life and spending time with her. I just don't get grandparents (especially) who don't want anything to do with their grandkids!! Is it really because there's so much more in life to do? Do people just not matter anymore? Or are the kids today so out of control that even grandparents don't want to bother with them? :confused:

My mom is the same way you are....she wouldn't miss a MINUTE of the madness!!! BUT I am a super responsible parent and she never feels like she HAS to take care of me or my kids. There are sooooooo many grandparents out there that are taken advantage of and treated like dirt by their irresponsible children (as it pertains to their grandchildren). I believe that this is the reason that a lot of grandparents "drop out" and don't do anything AT ALL for their grandchildren unless it's an emergency. It's kind of like some of them have to safeguard themselves against being used. It's so so sad, but true in a lot of cases.

[MsMe]

funny you mention a newborn situation. I have a DCF that had a baby a week ago today. MOM DAD AND ONE GMA are home and they too 4 yr boyt to teh DR today, He has ear infection. "we are running lare can you make sure to save him lunch we will be there in a minute!'

OMG stay at home with your KIDS! You just had a baby do you really think it is making him feel like a 'special' big brother to be shipped off to daycare even when he is sick and MOM DAD AND GMA are home to spend time with the precious new baby!!?!?!?!?

It has been my observation that 50 of the parent I have in my care should have never had children and there are a few I have a hard time looking in the eye I think so littel of them.