Disrespect (Vent)

[AfterSchoolMom]

Can I make it through 10 more weeks of disrespect? This SA child is driving me crazy.

They won't follow even the simplest direction. Everyone else comes in, deposits their shoes, jackets, and bags in the designated spot, ut your backpack where it goes" to keep everyone else from tripping over it - and they carry it into the next room and deposit it in the middle of the floor in there (passing the place where the backpacks go on the way). I say "that isn't where it goes", so they pick it up and sit on it.

I say "don't take your snack bowl into the playroom", so they take a handful of food out of the bowl and carry it into the playroom, munching away.

They say something inappropriate (we're having a hard time with potty talk here right now), so I say "don't say that - you know it isn't allowed and it's inappropriate". They look right at me and repeat what they said, using a DIFFERENT but similar potty word.

I put them in time out on Monday, and I said "you will remain sitting in that chair until I tell you to get up", and 30 seconds later they're across the room sitting on another piece of furniture. "But I'm still sitting...."

It's like they're doing EVERYTHING they can to defy me without blatantly doing what I said not to do. They tweak the bad behavior just a tad because they think I'll give them a pass. I won't, of course, but I feel like ALL I do ALL the time is keep on top of this child and reprimand them, for a solid three hours, every single day. It is driving. me. absolutely. nuts.

This is mostly a vent, but if anyone has any ideas here, I'd appreciate it. The child is certainly old enough to know better (2nd grade).

[SandeeAR]

Sounds like this one has his bluff in on you, and he knows it. It is time to get hard as nails on this one. See with me, he wouldn't get 3 chances to put the back pack in the right spot. If this is something he knows to do, I would remind once. The second time he would be in a chair facing a wall. My tone and body language and attitude would tell him, you better not mess with me. He wouldn't have the access to get up and move to another spot.


Each time he disrespected me, he would find himself in that same chair, each time for a little longer. He is disrepecting you b/c you are letting him. JMHO

[AfterSchoolMom]

Sounds like this one has his bluff in on you, and he knows it. It is time to get hard as nails on this one. See with me, he wouldn't get 3 chances to put the back pack in the right spot. If this is something he knows to do, I would remind once. The second time he would be in a chair facing a wall. My tone and body language and attitude would tell him, you better not mess with me. He wouldn't have the access to get up and move to another spot.


Each time he disrespected me, he would find himself in that same chair, each time for a little longer. He is disrepecting you b/c you are letting him. JMHO

That's the thing though...I DON'T let him get away with it. He's spent the majority of today sitting in a seperate room by himself. When the incident with the food happened, he was done with snack. When the backpack incident happened, after I stood over him until he obeyed, he sat in TO. He wrote sentences for the potty word incident. I NEVER let any of these things go by without a consequence, and I'm VERY firm when I do it too.

It just doesn't do any darn good. The kid has no respect for me whatsoever. In his eyes, he's playing a game with me, and I honestly think he thinks he's trying to wear me down.

[SandeeAR]

That's the thing though...I DON'T let him get away with it. He's spent the majority of today sitting in a seperate room by himself. When the incident with the food happened, he was done with snack. When the backpack incident happened, after I stood over him until he obeyed, he sat in TO. He wrote sentences for the potty word incident. I NEVER let any of these things go by without a consequence, and I'm VERY firm when I do it too.

It just doesn't do any darn good. The kid has no respect for me whatsoever. In his eyes, he's playing a game with me, and I honestly think he thinks he's trying to wear me down.

Then about all you can do is stay the course and stay firm. He is looking for you to break and give in, that is probably what works at home. I have a 3 y/o that went head to head with me for 3 weeks straight. I never let up. When she saw that I wasn't letting up, but only getting tougher on her and not letting her get by with ANYTHING, she gave up trying. She went back to being the well behaved child. Best of luck!

[AfterSchoolMom]

That's what I'm afraid of. It's been a month already. UGH.

I really appreciate your advice!

[daycare]

as someone suggest to me....potty mouth= brush your teeth with spicy adult toothpaste....... Every time......

[happykidschildcare]

as someone suggest to me....potty mouth= brush your teeth with spicy adult toothpaste....... Every time......

hmm may have to use this one...never thought of cimmomon crest as a tool

[SilverSabre25]

hmm may have to use this one...never thought of cimmomon crest as a tool

If you do this...do you get to deduct your toothpaste?

Could also use mouthwash.

[daycare]

If you do this...do you get to deduct your toothpaste?

Could also use mouthwash.

that reminds me,. I have to do my taxes this weekend.........uuuggghhh

[AfterSchoolMom]

Maybe I can make him do MY taxes for punishment.

[missnikki]

Ah...school agers...

1) MOST IMPORTANT: Remain calm at all times. (If you are gonna blow your top, go behind a door and scream into a pillow, but above all, remain calm.)

2) Be one step ahead. He needs as many eyeballs on him as a new crawler.

3) Your body language tells them much more than your words or tone. Stand tall, when he walks in with the backpack, walk over to where you want it, and point. Keep pointing. No eye contact, just say "Backpack over here." while pointing. If it starts going somewhere else, you go, "Ah!" and point. If it gets plopped down still, say "Well we can go ahead and treat it like a toy and share what's in it with everyone, or I promise to keep it nice and safe right over here."

4) He is not trying to get a pass. He is testing you to break you. Kids smell weakness and frustration. To them, it smells like a bowl of chocolate covered ice cream with gummi bears on top. If you don't seem bothered, they will kick it up a notch until they get bored. Refer to # 1.

5) You have to find a weapon. Not weapons for reals, just one object/ activity he loves above all else, and the one thing he cannot live without. Ask him to demonstrate/ bring it/ tell you about it. Seem very interested at least once a day. Do your homework for the next day and figure out a way to relate on that level when he comes. Learn to truly enjoy the conversation.

6) Kind of like 5: Have him teach you. Once he is comfortable talking a little, he will prefer the open ended conversation over trying to annoy you. Trust me, he needs you to keep trying to figure him out.

Once you get there (can take a while to undo any bad blood or trust issues) you might find that the school agers are very funny, inquisitive, and curious.

I wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you break through! Keep us posted!

[missnikki]

It's like they're doing EVERYTHING they can to defy me without blatantly doing what I said not to do. They tweak the bad behavior just a tad because they think I'll give them a pass. I won't, of course, but I feel like ALL I do ALL the time is keep on top of this child and reprimand them, for a solid three hours, every single day.

Sorry, like I didn't write enough, I had more to add...

ENOUGH with the constant punishments. You want a desired result to happen, stop treating him like he's annoying or frustrating. He knows it. He's aiming for it.

At that age, he's not hearing 'DON'T do whatever..., because...". Remember Charlie Brown's teacher? That's what he hears..."Wonk wonk wonk...wonk..." Switch it up, be lighthearted. speak with a laugh when he does that stuff.

Example:
Instead of "Don't take your snack into the playroom", try "Unlimited all-you-can-eat oranges if you eat them right here! Come and get it!"
Instead of "don't say that - you know it isn't allowed and it's inappropriate", try "I would like you to think of 10 things you could have said instead of that word." Let them be silly with it. At first, he'll be all mopey about it and fight you, but then you say "I'll start- number one- Thingamajigger! Your turn- 10 things, GO!" Turn it into a positive.

Here's why:

If you do that enough times on the things you are constantly hounding him about, you will eventually win. Then you can really have the luxury of picking your battles when he does something that really is no good. By then, he'll realize he's disappionted you, and will truly feel some remorse.

[Candyland]

as someone suggest to me....potty mouth= brush your teeth with spicy adult toothpaste....... Every time......

I hope you're joking...don't put yourself in any position of getting called in for "child abuse".
Can't you just let this family go. I would.

[AfterSchoolMom]

missnikki, THANKS! I love all of what you wrote. That was part of my original vent - that I feel like I'm constantly on his case. The rest of my group does what I ask of them PLUS they know they can talk to me about anything. I love the bond that forms each year. I want to have that with the new child too, but he makes it nearly impossible. It's hard, and probably makes things worse, to be happy suzy sunshine to the other kids and then turn around and flip to stern nazi sitter when dealing with him. However, I haven't felt like he's giving me any choice.


I really enjoy my SA's. I like them better than littles. I haven't had much in the way of issues with them at all this year (after the September settling in) until this child started last month. It has really upset our routine.

I'd term in a heartbeat if I could, but I need the money, and I love the rest of the family. I won't need to worry about this after the end of the year though (see my thread about telling the family not to come back)!!

[missnikki]

missnikki, THANKS! I love all of what you wrote. That was part of my original vent - that I feel like I'm constantly on his case. The rest of my group does what I ask of them PLUS they know they can talk to me about anything. I love the bond that forms each year. I want to have that with the new child too, but he makes it nearly impossible. It's hard, and probably makes things worse, to be happy suzy sunshine to the other kids and then turn around and flip to stern nazi sitter when dealing with him. However, I haven't felt like he's giving me any choice.


I really enjoy my SA's. I like them better than littles. I haven't had much in the way of issues with them at all this year (after the September settling in) until this child started last month. It has really upset our routine.

I'd term in a heartbeat if I could, but I need the money, and I love the rest of the family. I won't need to worry about this after the end of the year though (see my thread about telling the family not to come back)!!

He probably gets that from every adult in his life.

I try to make those guys my little 'projects' (I can sniff out the ones that just cannot be respectful and the ones that are hiding a HUGE heart) and I aim to have a verbal moment (conversation or laugh or joke or something) with them at least once a day.

It is truly the best part of my job, when they were once too proud to look at me sideways, then next thing you know they are running up proudly to me to show me their karate belt or the new shoes they got. I know I am one adult that 'gets them'.