RSV+ But Mom Keeps It From Me!!!

[sahm2three]

I had a little boy go home early on Monday because he had a high fever. 103 that spiked all the sudden. She took him to the doc and when she called she said he had an ear infection. I asked about his cough and she said, "Oh, just a cough." She asked if she could bring him the next morning and I said he should spend a day at home with the fever and in hopes that his cough settles down. She said ok. I then saw one of the other daycare moms and say said, "Ahhhh, poor X has RSV (Respiratory syncytial virus), huh?" WHAT?!?!?! No, *I* didn't know!!!

I called and asked the mom and she said, "Oh yeah, it's ok though because the doc gave me meds to clear his lungs." I said, no, it's not ok. He cannot come back for the rest of the week or at least until his cough, fever and runny nose have resolved! I told her that I have infants and a child with a compromised immune system and a case of RSV could be FATAL. I told her I should have been one of the first to know, and she should NOT have tried to hide it from me. She didn't have much to say, except to complain that she was going to have to miss work!!!!!! OMG!!!!!

I love the little guy, but wouldn't you say this is grounds for termination?!?!?! How dangerous and careless!!!! What would you do?! I am so livid I can barely think straight!!!

[dEHmom]

Was that mom aware of the child at high risk?

I agree that you could terminate, but I wouldn't.

But I would definitely advise this mom that this was grounds for termination.

You have a child that has a compromised immune system, and for her lying, or purposely/consciously sending an ill child could possibly cause a fatility, the liability on HER end is great.

Maybe once you throw in there, that she could be held accountable (not sure if she could be so make sure you know that before saying it) for this child becoming hospitalized and possibly even causing a fatality she will think twice when her child has even 1 sneeze.

[sahm2three]

Was that mom aware of the child at high risk?

I agree that you could terminate, but I wouldn't.

But I would definitely advise this mom that this was grounds for termination.

You have a child that has a compromised immune system, and for her lying, or purposely/consciously sending an ill child could possibly cause a fatility, the liability on HER end is great.

Maybe once you throw in there, that she could be held accountable (not sure if she could be so make sure you know that before saying it) for this child becoming hospitalized and possibly even causing a fatality she will think twice when her child has even 1 sneeze.

Well, the mom is aware that I have infants in care, and it could be fatal to them! She also knows of my special needs little guy who is on OXYGEN!!! Regardless, isn't RSV one of those illnesses that are considered communicable?! To me she was completely and totally off base and I am so mad!!! I don't know how I am going to be able to trust her again!!!

[marniewon]

I would terminate. If she showed any remorse for not telling you about child's RSV after you told her about the infants and immune compromised child, then I would just give her a warning. But it sounds like all she really cared about was that she had to miss work again.

To me, she was deliberately keeping that info from you, to be able to bring him back so she didn't miss any more work. She may not have known about the immune compromised child, but she certainly should have known you have infants in your care.

You asked her straight out about the cough and she LIED to you. If she just didn't realize that RSV was a serious thing, that's one thing, but she LIED to you. I don't (wouldn't) put up with that.

Also, if I termed over this (which I already stated I would) I would definitely let her know exactly WHY I termed her - her disrespect of you and the other children and her dishonesty.

Let us know how it goes!

[dEHmom]

I would terminate. If she showed any remorse for not telling you about child's RSV after you told her about the infants and immune compromised child, then I would just give her a warning. But it sounds like all she really cared about was that she had to miss work again.

To me, she was deliberately keeping that info from you, to be able to bring him back so she didn't miss any more work. She may not have known about the immune compromised child, but she certainly should have known you have infants in your care.

You asked her straight out about the cough and she LIED to you. If she just didn't realize that RSV was a serious thing, that's one thing, but she LIED to you. I don't (wouldn't) put up with that.

Also, if I termed over this (which I already stated I would) I would definitely let her know exactly WHY I termed her - her disrespect of you and the other children and her dishonesty.

Let us know how it goes!

Yep I changed my mind, I would term her over it, unless she was sincerely stupid about it. .

I totally forgot about the cough part, and you did ask her, and she completely lied about it so I definitely have changed my mind.

I think a term would be in order

[marniewon]

You have a child that has a compromised immune system, and for her lying, or purposely/consciously sending an ill child could possibly cause a fatility, the liability on HER end is great.

I don't think this is correct. We, as providers, are the ones who are responsible for making a safe and happy place for our dck's. That is OUR responsibility, not the other parents'. All she would have to do in that instance is say "I didn't know it was contagious" or "I didn't know it could be fatal" or "I didn't realize there was an immune compromised child" etc. It's not her responsibility to look out for the other children. It IS her responsibility to convey her child's diagnoses to the provider and keep him home when sick, but that is where her responsibility ends.

[daycare]

But how can we properly do our job if the parent is not being truthful?

[tulip1969]

Sometimes I think the doctors are the ones at fault as well. My daughter had RSV when she was 3 months old and the Dr. told me very mater-of-factly. I was a new mom and never having heard of it didn't know how dangerous it could be. Luckily I was a SAHM at the time. I would first ask the mom if the Doctor told her how serious and contagious this illness really is. There is a possibility she doesnt know. Of course there is a possibility she just tried to cover it up as well. Maybe copy an article about it and give it to her.

[dEHmom]

I don't think this is correct. We, as providers, are the ones who are responsible for making a safe and happy place for our dck's. That is OUR responsibility, not the other parents'. All she would have to do in that instance is say "I didn't know it was contagious" or "I didn't know it could be fatal" or "I didn't realize there was an immune compromised child" etc. It's not her responsibility to look out for the other children. It IS her responsibility to convey her child's diagnoses to the provider and keep him home when sick, but that is where her responsibility ends.

True, and maybe the word "liability" is the incorrect word. But I believe she would have to live with this for the rest of her life. Whether it was LEGALLY accountable or not, she would for the rest of her life have to live with the fact that she caused a child to die, if in fact that was the outcome.

I don't agree with the fact that her liability should end with her responsibility. I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm saying the system, regulations or whatever else is wrong.

You could easily accept a child that is ill, and has been masked with some sort of medication, and by the time you realized it, it would be far too late. Would it not? It is the PARENTS responsibility to inform the provider of any and all situations whether they are in fact contagious or not. That is my opinion on that.

I don't think it's right that you are the only personal responsible for the health of all in your care. YOU can't know how the child was feeling the night before, therefore the parents are responsible for letting you know.

What if Charlie was throwing up and diarrhea all night, but no fever or anything in the am. Mom drops him off as usual and no mention of last night. You take him into care, and 2 hours later he throws up all over another child while they are playing? Gross I know, but it happens.

[sahm2three]

I don't think this is correct. We, as providers, are the ones who are responsible for making a safe and happy place for our dck's. That is OUR responsibility, not the other parents'. All she would have to do in that instance is say "I didn't know it was contagious" or "I didn't know it could be fatal" or "I didn't realize there was an immune compromised child" etc. It's not her responsibility to look out for the other children. It IS her responsibility to convey her child's diagnoses to the provider and keep him home when sick, but that is where her responsibility ends.

How can *I* as the provider act responisibly without all the pertinent information?! I can't! I would have allowed him back into care today!!! Would have maybe been mildly annoyed by the fact that he is coughing all over the place, but not aware of the serious ramifications that could come from it! To me, it would be HER liability if she didn't tell me! She flat out LIED to me! So why would she lie to ME, but tell someone else if not to cover it up so he could come to daycare?!?! Negligent! I think I am going to have to terminate. I don't know how I could ever trust her again!! I am still so mad!!

[dEHmom]

How can *I* as the provider act responisibly without all the pertinent information?! I can't! I would have allowed him back into care today!!! Would have maybe been mildly annoyed by the fact that he is coughing all over the place, but not aware of the serious ramifications that could come from it! To me, it would be HER liability if she didn't tell me! She flat out LIED to me! So why would she lie to ME, but tell someone else if not to cover it up so he could come to daycare?!?! Negligent! I think I am going to have to terminate. I don't know how I could ever trust her again!! I am still so mad!!

yep I agree.

do it now before it's too late. It'll give her enough time to find alternate care while she's home with child anyway

[Zoe]

I'd be livid too. OMG. It's one thing to mask a fever with tylenol, but to not mention RSV?!? Oooh. I would try to get to the bottom of why exactly she felt the need to not mention it. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I don't really blame you for not trusting her now. She needs to know that the trust is gone and that what she did was NOT ok!

[TBird]

Sometimes I think the doctors are the ones at fault as well. My daughter had RSV when she was 3 months old and the Dr. told me very mater-of-factly. I was a new mom and never having heard of it didn't know how dangerous it could be. Luckily I was a SAHM at the time. I would first ask the mom if the Doctor told her how serious and contagious this illness really is. There is a possibility she doesnt know. Of course there is a possibility she just tried to cover it up as well. Maybe copy an article about it and give it to her.

I have to agree with what you said about the doctor thing. What you should do about daycare or school should be one of the FIRST THINGS out of the doctor's mouth......"You can (or can't) bring the baby back to daycare for X amount of days." Plus, she should have asked if he didn't tell her. Some of these parents are SO clueless!!!

But anyway, it seems like this mom flat out LIED. I don't know if I would terminate, but I dang sure wouldn't let the child back into my care for the rest of the week or without a doctor's note!!!

[dEHmom]

but I dang sure wouldn't let the child back into my care for the rest of the week or without a doctor's note!!!

do doctors charge for doctors notes?

I know plenty of doctors would willingly write a doctors note because it's extra money coming into their clinic. I don't always trust doctors to use best judgement. Sometimes they are just looking for turnovers, and want you in and out as fast as possible so they tell you something, write something, and kick you out.

[Symphony]

Oh my gosh I am so mad FOR you, I can't imagine if this was one of my families how I would feel! I almost lost my 2 year old DS when he was 3 weeks old to RSV. People are so clueless!

I would term, just because I would never be able to look at her the same.