Off DC Kids And Cell Phones

[daycare]

I am in the middle of a debate right now with my ex-husband about cell phones.

We have a 12 year old daughter together and for xmas he bought her an iphone4 (which i dont think a 12 year old needs an iphone). Yesterday I did my weekly random phone check and found out that she has been texting during class and making short videos during class.

Not only this, I also found some text msg I did not like. So I took the phone away.

My daughter walks to school to and from. It is about a half mile away, maybe less. We live in a very safe city.

Anyway, her dad demanded that I give the phone back becuase she NEEDS it to have when walking to and from school...

I dont agree and don't see why she needs any cell phone to walk to and from school for any reason.......

what do you guys think and also does your child have a cell phone? If so what do they have and how old are they..

[Blackcat31]

I am sort of 'old school' about kids and cell phones. My own children were not allowed to have one until they learned to drive and got cars because I felt that was reason enough to have one...if the car breaks down etc. They also were required to pay for it themselves. I think that kids donot necessarily need cell phones unless they have to reach a parent etc but it seems tome that most places that kids go have phones to use in case of an emergency so again I still see no use for a kid to have a cell....

I am sure that other people will see it differently but I also grew up in a generation where we left the house at a certain time and told our parents we would be back at such and such time and .....we were. No calls, no checks, no nothing.

I have a daycare mom who bought an i-phone for her 10 yr old! but I guess that is her deal....


In your case, I would tell ex-hubby that she does not need the phone if she is breaking the rules with it but he will probably not see your side of it unless you guys get along well enough to actually communicate about the subject and aren't the type to just do things to get under each others skin.

Maybe you two could set up some ground rules about the phone that you BOTH agree on and what the punishment will be for dd ahead of time so she knows you are both on same page. Whew! This is a tough call...good luck

[Meyou]

I wouldn't give it back. My 12 year old rides the public bus home from school and I still take her phone when she misuses it. Phone rules are phone rules.

[Little People]

If dad demanded she has the phone back because of her walking to school and home and you do not want her to have a phone at her age, then why not have dad to just buy her a simple phone that will NOT text or do video's. Then she would only have a phone that makes calls

[laundrymom]

I would absolutely give it back,.... After a weeks grounding. Including weekend. During that week she would carry back and forth to school a prepay voice call only in case of emergency. No texting, no fb. Nothing but a lifeline should she need it. They are like 14.99. Worth the money to prove a point AND put ex hubby in his place.

[daycare]

we are on great terms acutally, we have dinner together once in awhile and he is usually always open to discussion. the cell phone has been an issue for quite sometime. She has been caught sending text messages 10:30 at night on a school night. Dad was supposed to turn on some kind of parental controls, but it never happened.
It looks like this time we are going to battle it out about the phone.


I am like you where I grew up in the era of no cell phones. I walked to school from first grade through high school until I started driving. If I was told to be home at 5, then my butt better be home at 5 no exceptions. well unless I was dead....so my mom would say.

I hate that she not only has a cell phone but an iphone. She has free access to the internet 24/7...
I did not give it to her this morning and it was a drag out fight. But I told her that she was going to learn that there are rules.

[daycare]

I would absolutely give it back,.... After a weeks grounding. Including weekend. During that week she would carry back and forth to school a prepay voice call only in case of emergency. No texting, no fb. Nothing but a lifeline should she need it. They are like 14.99. Worth the money to prove a point AND put ex hubby in his place.

love love love this idea. where do you buy such a phone like that?

[laundrymom]

love love love this idea. where do you buy such a phone like that?

Walmart, radioshack, walgreens cvs. Just about anywhere. I think they may be called tracphones?? My mom has one. Just in case.

[daycare]

love love love this idea. where do you buy such a phone like that?

btw I really dont think that she needs a cell phone at all and would really like her to have one when she can earn it and afford it..

[Blackcat31]

Maybe you could steal that idea from Oprah or whoever about signing a cell phone contract. You and ex-h and dd sit down make a list of rules and consequences and have her sign it. If she breaks a rule she will be fully aware of what the consequence will be. This way there is no room for complaining because she is fully aware of rules etc....if she still tries complaining/having a fit; I used to tell my daughter "Thanks for clearly demonstrating that you are nowhere near mature enough to (whatever our argument was about.) "

Just like the dcp's; you sometimes have to take the 'heart' part out of it and only deal with the logical part of it.... I like clear rules, expectaions and consequences. Makes it easier for everyone in the long run.

[TBird]

My daughter is (will be) 13 next month. She's had a phone since she was about 10/11 and ONLY because my hubby got some other kind of plan and we had the extra phone. She has THE FREE PHONE that you get with the plan. An iphone??? Probably not, but she makes President's Honor Roll every semester so it's not out of the question.

If I thought even for a MILLI-SECOND that she was misusing it or behaving inappropriately I would SNATCH it out of her hand IMMEDIATELY (and probably take a couple of fingers with it)!!! This is MY HOUSE, I bought everything in it, there is no privacy until you move out...that includes book bags, diaries, cell phones, pocketbooks and the like. They've known this from preschool so behave accordingly or you know the consequences.

That's just what we do, but if I was in your shoes Dad and I would be having a looooooong, involved talk. Good luck Sweetie!!!

[momofsix]

I am sort of 'old school' about kids and cell phones. My own children were not allowed to have one until they learned to drive and got cars because I felt that was reason enough to have one...if the car breaks down etc. They also were required to pay for it themselves. I think that kids donot necessarily need cell phones unless they have to reach a parent etc but it seems tome that most places that kids go have phones to use in case of an emergency so again I still see no use for a kid to have a cell....

I am sure that other people will see it differently but I also grew up in a generation where we left the house at a certain time and told our parents we would be back at such and such time and .....we were. No calls, no checks, no nothing.

I have a daycare mom who bought an i-phone for her 10 yr old! but I guess that is her deal....


In your case, I would tell ex-hubby that she does not need the phone if she is breaking the rules with it but he will probably not see your side of it unless you guys get along well enough to actually communicate about the subject and aren't the type to just do things to get under each others skin.

Maybe you two could set up some ground rules about the phone that you BOTH agree on and what the punishment will be for dd ahead of time so she knows you are both on same page. Whew! This is a tough call...good luck

This exactly!

[daycare]

lmao sounds like you and i are a lot alike.. In my house their are NO secrets or things that are off limits to me. If they are in my house they are mine... ok I don't say it that way, but I monitor everything.

I dont plan on giving the phone back. If she is going to get it back, she is going to earn it back.

I started this new thing.
No such thing as allowance for comman day chores, like dishes, trash and etc. If you want $ then you have to earn it above that.
I made a list :
clean the front bathroom/shower $3.00
Clean compost, side yard and trash area $4.00 (about 35 min of work)
Laundry room clean up $4.00
Clean and organize outside DC area $8.00

They have to start at the bottom and work their way up. If they chose to do it they will get paid, if they don't then they dont get anything. I hope that they learn the harder they work the more $ they will get paid.

Its only been about two weeks, but so far its working with my son who is 15.

[Crystal]

I'm in total agreement with you about taking it away. I will never understand the "need" for ANYBODY to have a cell phone, much less a child. Yes, it is a convenience and nice to have in an emergency, but the dire NEED for electronic devices nowadays is ridiculous.

She broke the rules. She recieves discipline for breaking rules. IMO it is no different than when any other rule is broken, there needs to be a consequence so that the behavior is not repeated.

When my son was a junior in HS he got caught texting in class. He lost his phone for a MONTH. And was warned that if it happened again, he'd lose it indefinitely. It was also a great example for my younger two, they have NEVER used it in school.

[Blackcat31]

Chores in my house was the "rent" you paid since you weren't old enough to work and contribute financially. I never had a problem giving my kids money for school event or functions. Anything else they wanted , they earned.

It was my job to raise responsible, dependable, contributing adult members of society...not people who expected everything to be easy, fair or equal.....that would have been a lie.