Opinions on Parents & Kids Bathing Together?

[DBug]

What are your thoughts on this? I've known several families who bathe or shower with their kids, but I've always been of the opinion that it was incredibly inappropriate. And if you're okay with it, what would be the age cut-off for it (since I'm assuming that there IS an age where it is no longer appropriate at all)? And does the gender of the parent and the child matter (ie. is it okay for a mom to bathe with her son and vice versa)?

Most importantly, when does it become so inappropriate that it should be reported? Or am I just too much of a prude?

[AfterSchoolMom]

We stopped doing that when ours were around 2. We let them bathe together until they were 4 or 5 (same sex). I think it's fine until they start making comments or when (as in our case) they start thinking that naked Mom and Dad are funny.

[kendallina]

I'm on a parenting forum where this was just asked and a lot of parents said they stopped around 5 or so. I was a little surprised by this because I no longer bathe with my daughter who's two. But, she does come in the bathroom when I bathe and such still. I think there's a huge range of people's comfort level with this, as some families are just very comfortable with their own nakedness. I would say that obviously, if the child is starting to feel uncomfortable with it, but I think that wouldn't happen until they're older maybe 7, 8 or 9.

When I was a girl there were times when I showered with my older sister when she was probably 8 and I was 6. It was always like a 'hurry up and shower we have no time for separate showers' thing.

[lil angels]

Never did it don't like the idea of that!!

[KEG123]

I never did it because I was always afraid he'd pee in the tub. But I see nothing wrong with it. A kid will know and tell their parents when they are ready for privacy, sometimes it will be age 2 sometimes age 6. Sometimes the parents take the firs step which is fine, it is what they are comfortable with. Everyone has their own comfort levels and that is FINE and none of your business. I'm actually appalled you think it should be reported! Wow!!! Children need to learn that our bodies are not just sexual objects. Being naked is NATURAL for Pete's sake. Are you going to go to Africa or wherever and tell them to put clothes on themselves and their kids? NO because they don't have the same stigma on nudity we do here. Hence why breastfeeding here is such a hot topic. But sould it be? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Breastfeeding is a natural way to feed a baby, and heaven forbid a couple people get a peek at a boob. Seriously, I don't get the big deal. At all.

[SilverSabre25]

When either the child or the parent starts feeling uncomfortable with it. I would say that's likely to happen by age 6 or 7. Of course, that's my opinion, given that I don't think I will personally feel comfortable with it much past that age.

[cillybean83]

i think that's up to the individual, my sons are 8 and 1 and they sometimes bath together...all though there isn't much scrubbing, mostly bubbles, dyed water, and toys....my older son used to shower with my husband when he was younger because it was just easier and faster for my hubby to get in there with him to scrub him up...but since he's been 6 he's known how to shower by himself, i would supervise, then when he was 7 he started doing it on his own, we just say "go shower" and that's it...I have no issues with co-showering if everyone is comfortable, but I've personally never showered or bathed with either of my kids

[nikia]

This isn't really black and white when you say something like reporting it. Like actual signs if abuse? I mean really if people are going to start reporting a parent for bathing with their child at a young then where does it end. I think adults sexualize things that are not sexual in nature and I think that is what is sick about it. If there are no signs of abuse then I think yes you are being unreasonable.

[cillybean83]

totally missed the reporting reference...not to be rude but it kind of isn't your business...what a family chooses to do in their home is their business, and while we as providers are technically with the kids more than parents, and we get attached...we need to draw the line somewhere and realize they are not our kids, we are not their parents, and we don't have a say in what parents choose to do outside of daycare...showering by itself is not something you should report

[Jewels]

Wow way to much of a prude I think..........I bathe with my kids, they are 4(son), and almost 2 (daughter), Its a bath, geez, I take a bath everynight for myself, my kids sit and bang at the door for 15 minutes to get in, husband lets them in, and they jump in, I get them washed, then I get out, to me its just easier to wash them while I'm in there, there is no akwardness about it, They are kids, and my kids at that, I find bath time a great time to talk about inappropriate touch actually, I still wash my sons hair, but he washes his own penis, and at this time, we always talk about how nobody should touch him there and so on, and we also then talk about strangers, I find bath time a very bonding time with my kids, I have bathed with them since they lost their belly buttons, and it will stop eventually, I'm not going to be bathing with him probably after he starts school, maybe soon after 5, I don't really know, I will judge that for when I think he could get uncomfortable with it, And when I dont bathe them in the tub, my husband does, there is absolutly nothing sexual about it, and I think it is so incredibaly judgemental to jump to that conclusion.....maybe if its a 10 yr old girl and her dad, but man come on. I should also note, I have a very large tub.

[dEHmom]

I didn't read all the posts.

I grew up with a mom who was VERY open about nakedness. Bathed/went potty with the door open. Aunts who did much the same. My mom was the last of 14 kids born, no bedrooms in a farm house, just an attic, living room, and kitchen. So there was no privacy.

DH can't stand it, but often when we are home I just run to the bathroom. I stopped closing the door behind me because the door is situated RIGHT by the toilet. So when you are on the toilet and someone throws open the door, YES THROWS IT OPEN, screaming mommy, it hits you in the head or clips your toes.

THE SECOND I have a privacy moment, the entire household is in demand for me. DH has hit me many times in the head while I was undressing/dressing for/from a shower, or using the potty. So I don't bother anymore. It's a safety issue

As for bathing/showering, my children still shower with me. A bath is a little inappropriate I'd say opposite sex around 2 yrs old, same sex 4 yrs old. Just due to lack of room in a tub. ALL my children still jump in shower with me IF it's necessary only, but usually they shower on their own. My daughter is turning 7 and she's just starting to want the privacy somewhat, but often asks me to shower with her, and I tell her no, because we no longer let her bathe with her brothers. She often feels like she is "alone" because the boys bath together, but she does by herself.

I agree with the mentions about it's a comfort thing. There is an inappropriate age, but I think it varies greatly on the maturity of the people involved.

[ammama]

I don't think it is inappropriate until the child wants their own privacy. Obviously forcing nakedness on someone who is not comfortable with it is wrong. My daughter is 7, and still occasionally sees me naked, although we don't bathe together anymore (that stopped around 3-4 because I wanted my privacy back). We (DH and I) still bathe with our DD2. I think reporting the family would be a terrible thing to put them through over nothing!!

[MN Mom]

I grew up in a family that was very open about nakedness. We did family showers (our shower was large enough to fit 2 adults and 3 children easy) until I was 8 or 9....but those were mostly in the summer after working outside all day, and we were hurrying to get ready to go out to eat. I bathed with my father until I couldn't fit in the tub with him anymore...as did my sister and brother. He would happily play Barbie and superheros in the bubble bath with me as a kid Even when I was in H.S. I could (and felt comfortable) going into the bathroom when dad or mom were the tub to talk to them about things that were bothering me. Never thought twice about it. It was never viewed as sexual or uncomfortable by me.

I have bathed with each of my children from birth to around age 5 or 6. My son (5) just jumped in the bath with me yesterday, as a matter of fact. I was almost done, and he got in so I could wash his hair, I got out and he played for another 30 min or so with his toys.

My husband is much more prude about nakedness. He has just now become comfortable with the kids seeing him in his boxers (if they happen to be at the bedroom door in the morning begging him to get up)...but naked? Never with the girls...and even with my son he has a hard time with it....although he has become better because I made him allow my son in the potty with him when he was training so he could see how daddy pees in the potty, and it worked like a charm to get him trained.

I think it all depends on how you were raised. I think being open about our bodies is VERY important, so the kids won't feel uncomfortable asking about sex or body changes when they are older; I want them to know that all bodies are different shapes and sizes, and it's OK to be different from what is labeled as "normal". It was something my parents felt was important, and an issue that was stressed in my Human Sexuality course in college. It works for me, and my girls know they can ALWAYS ask me questions about their bodies. Bonus is they know all the proper nouns for body parts, as I will not allow them to use vulgar nick-names.

[DBug]

Just to clarify: it was a hypothetical question -- I'm NOT planning on reporting any families. I totally agree that this IS a private parenting preference and none of my business.

However, I have missed the signs of sexual abuse by a father in the past. I have that on my conscience and I would be remiss if I did not keep an eye open for any similar situations.

Since it's something I am not comfortable doing with my own children (or any one else's for that matter ), I was just looking to see what opinions are out there for those who are. For example, at what age should a father stop bathing with his daughter? Is 6 okay? 9, 10? And is it just dependent on the child's preference for privacy? If that's the case, I know some 10 year old boys that have no sense of privacy -- is it generally accepted as okay for them to still be showering with their parents? And what if both parents are in the shower at the time?

I guess the reason for asking the question is that I feel it could be construed as inappropriate and I'm wondering if it is a borderline issue that parents should be aware of. I totally trust all of the families that I know, and I know they would never do anything evil to their children. But then again ... I trusted that one dad, too. He's in jail now .

[Jewels]

I'm not sure when it becomes innappropriate..........I know my daughter is almost 2, and I'm sure my Husband will loose his comfortableness with her soon, my Son is 4, and still has no issues with privacy, but that is just with his dad and me, I teach him to be more private around others, but I don't want him to be shy around us, not yet, not at this age, It will come naturally, and I know I will be able to tell when it does, I would never want another adult to bathe with him, as I would never feel comfortable bathing with someone elses child, that would be weird to me. I also came from a very open home, and have never been shy about my body, I have a large walk in bathroom, and have been in there taking a bath, and all of the sudden, my two sisters and my cousin(all girls) were all in there sitting and chatting with me, This is just how we all were raised. I still have no problem if mom walks in the bathroom if I'm taking a bath(we do livew seperate, but this did happen when my son was a baby) But my son will need to bathe by himsself starting soon, I don't want him to be in school and tell another kid his bathes with his mom, eventually their will be a stop and I'm guessing by the time he is five, but thats just with me, not his father, but boys are always going to the bathroom right next to each other.