Need Suggestions

[gonecrazy]

So you have tried a visual schedule and he tore it up?

I have tried telling him "mommy will come after nap time" "first we do this, then we do that, etc" and he just talks over me. I have not tried an actual paper schedule because he would tear it up. He tears crafts off my front door, pictures off my fridge, etc. He wouldn't stand and listen as I pointed and tried to explain it to him.

[Mom2Two]

I have a two year old daycare child who is having trouble lately. He has no routine where his home life is concerned and has been very clingy to Mom lately (he doesn't spend much time with her because of her schedule). The last two weeks he comes in and immediately launches into a tantrum at the thought of her leaving. I have to physically take him for her to leave. She doesn't drag it out, she is good about just going when I take him.

This one doesn't worry me toooo much by itself. Some kids just are good at pitching fits at separation.

Then we spend the next three or four hours with him doing nothing. He will just sit in the floor and stare. If I tell him to get out toys and play he will get up and move to another spot, sit down and do nothing. No amount of encouraging him to play works.

This worries me. It seems so unnatural to not play. Is there anything he likes to play with? Do you have a variety of interest centers? How about water table? Blocks? Cars? Trains? Balls? Does he like bubbles?

He never knows from day to day who is picking him up so he asks me no less than 100 times a day who is coming to get him. Over and over and over again. Telling him yes, mommy will come after work doesn't work. He just keeps asking...over and over and OVER!

I would quit answering after a few times of this. It's getting nowhere for either of you. Instead, maybe try giving a different kind of comfort. Does he like stories read to him? Songs?

He has also started not eating. He just stares at his plate and says "I don't like it!" even when it's food that he has eaten many times.

This almost sounds like depression or sign of feeling stress.

This past weekend Mom took him on a trip with her. Yesterday was absolute hell here.

How was he on the trip with mom?
Was there any behavior?

He launched into a horrible tantrum when she tried to leave. It got so bad that he ended up kicking me in the stomach. He sat and did nothing all morning. He asked who was coming over and over. He cried off and on all morning and finally begged to take a nap at 10:30. And I let him! This morning it's the same thing. Tantrum, crying, asking who is coming, crying, sitting doing nothing, crying, begging for a nap. I am at a loss with him. If I try to get down and play with him he just cries because it's not what he wants. My nerves are frayed to say the least. I have never had a child who cried over a parent leaving or sat and cried all day and have never had a 2 year old (or any child for that matter) who just sat and refused to play. Any ideas on how to help him get through this phase? And Lord, I really hope it's just a phase LOL!

This was a lot to read through, but I'm wondering if he's really showing signs of stress. And the softie/no routine/not seeing mom much thing can really contribute to the stress. Not having consistency can really mess kids up. Who is/are his authority figures? No routine sounds like he would be feeling insecure. He should have the sense of security of knowing that someone with more brain power than him is in charge and setting the boundaries. He doesn't have that.

It sounds like it's horrible for you. Maybe the best thing you could do is tell them that you feel like the lack of consistency is seriously affecting the child's behavior when with you.

[Valerie928]

A parent that doesn't put the needs of their child above all else is a selfish parent. It's a shame she simply expects you to deal with the fallout of her choices

IME, #1 indicator of behavior issues that are impossible or most difficult to manage are those of children with the least amount of face time with their parent(s)


His anxiety is more than likely a result of failure to form a secure attachment to his parent. Children that have established a secure attachment to their parent are willing and able to be apart from them during the day.

Yep! This is so true. I can totally tell the children that are bonded and given adequate attention vs. the child who is not put first before their parents needs. The behavior of the bonded child in my opinion is so much better. I feel bad for the little guy op is looking after😕

[Blackcat31]

Yep! This is so true. I can totally tell the children that are bonded and given adequate attention vs. the child who is not put first before their parents needs. The behavior of the bonded child in my opinion is so much better. I feel bad for the little guy op is looking after😕

...and so many providers feel bad about this that they try hard to make it up to the child or be the substitute "stable" person in their life but that usually backfires as the provider has to continue upping her/his game so that the child is continually busy or distracted from the fact that they are missing their parent. It works for a bit but not in the long term. The child grows more difficult to manage as they novelty wears off and the provider becomes continually more frustrated as they struggle to meet the needs of the child. It's definitely a hard situation to be in for everyone.