The NY Times Article

[Mom2Two]

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/25/upshot/the-relentlessness-of-modern-parenting.html?mc=aud_dev&ad-keywords=auddevgate&subid1=TAFI&ad_name=INTER_20_XXXX_XXX_1P_CD_XX_XX_SITEVISITXREM_X_XXXX_COUSA_P_X_X_EN_FBIG_OA_XXXX_00_EN_JP_NFLINKS&adset_name=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nytimes.com%2F2018%2F12%2F25%2Fupshot%2Fthe-relentlessness-of-modern-parenting.html&campaign_id=23843215545470063&fbclid=IwAR0QYF8covoCxLWxpeCOdx3GDiN5h2feg-KM82wj__2FOcGeP40FMvn1pQY

I commented on the facebook link to this:

"To the above parents. I am sitting here...as a small-business, licensed, in-home daycare provider, been a SAHM, didn't finished my Masters', with a SPED child...wondering how to respond to the complaint about the cost of daycare. What is the message given by this complaint? Do daycare providers/businesses earn too much? Are you saying that you feel like Child Care is truly a sub-standard profession, not worth paying for? Are these businesses deceiving you or fleecing you somehow? Do you complain like this about the restaurants you frequent or the hotels you stay in? Or do you actually believe the idea that we can all have it all--and that our lives and lifestyles are going to come without some hard choices, expenses, and sacrifices? It seems like the whole picture hasn't been really considered and analyzed. "

[Cat Herder]

"Over just a couple of generations, parents have greatly increased the amount of time, attention and money they put into raising children. Mothers who juggle jobs outside the home spend just as much time tending their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s."


:::::: I can't breath :::::: what a load of hogwash.

Have they already forgotten the study done by the United States Labor Division? https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-...-by-parent.htm

Less than 2 hours per day, guys.

[Mom2Two]

And I didn't explain well. On facebook, one of the first comments was the usual brainless rant about the cost of childcare. Like how you might complain that Santa didn't give you what you wanted--no connection to reality.

I responded to that lady.

[Mom2Two]

"Over just a couple of generations, parents have greatly increased the amount of time, attention and money they put into raising children. Mothers who juggle jobs outside the home spend just as much time tending their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s."


:::::: I can't breath :::::: what a load of hogwash.

Have they already forgotten the study done by the United States Labor Division? https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-...-by-parent.htm

Less than 2 hours per day, guys.

[Ariana]

"Over just a couple of generations, parents have greatly increased the amount of time, attention and money they put into raising children. Mothers who juggle jobs outside the home spend just as much time tending their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s."


:::::: I can't breath :::::: what a load of hogwash.

Have they already forgotten the study done by the United States Labor Division? https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-...-by-parent.htm

Less than 2 hours per day, guys.

NY Times article written by a working mother with a ton of guilt obviously trying to justify herself.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

That lady is crazy! What world is she living in? Parents are not spending more time with their kids. Dropping them off at 10 different activities every week after long days at school or daycare is not "spending time" with them. She seems to think that the time and money spent facilitating their participation in those activities somehow translates into "intensive parenting". I honestly couldn't finish the article...I felt anxiety reading it, but maybe I just need more coffee.::

I wonder if screens were ever factored into her intensive parenting narrative. With phones and tablets present, the small amount of time a kid gets to stay home is usually spent in front of some type of screen, so my opinion of parenting these days seems so far off from this lady.

I have purposely under scheduled my kids for all of our sake. They need to just be home and allowed to relax. We ALL do. My husband and I both work outside the home 40-45 hrs a week and we want to stay home in the evenings and on the weekends. It's important for us to reboot as well so we can be better parents/coworkers. But we have gotten flak from some of our friends and family who schedule their kids in numerous activities. To them, they see it as us being lazy and not giving our children opportunity. For us, just being together and spending time with each other feels like the most important thing we could do for them and ourselves. We are parents, but we are still people and we have a marriage to tend to as well, so just being home together seems to work well for us. We cook together, we go to the park together, we went sledding last weekend together, but we also lay around the house together. Our kids are only seven and nine and we feel there will be plenty of time for sports and other activities as they get older. But just being together, at home, or doing activities we all enjoy, like going to a movie, seems like a better way for us to spend our time, versus running from one place to the next. I'm sure that will come soon enough once they get really into sports or other activities...I'm in no hurry to bring it on even sooner!::

[Meeko]

That lady is crazy! What world is she living in? Parents are not spending more time with their kids. Dropping them off at 10 different activities every week after long days at school or daycare is not "spending time" with them. She seems to think that the time and money spent facilitating their participation in those activities somehow translates into "intensive parenting". I honestly couldn't finish the article...I felt anxiety reading it, but maybe I just need more coffee.::

I wonder if screens were ever factored into her intensive parenting narrative. With phones and tablets present, the small amount of time a kid gets to stay home is usually spent in front of some type of screen, so my opinion of parenting these days seems so far off from this lady.

I have purposely under scheduled my kids for all of our sake. They need to just be home and allowed to relax. We ALL do. My husband and I both work outside the home 40-45 hrs a week and we want to stay home in the evenings and on the weekends. It's important for us to reboot as well so we can be better parents/coworkers. But we have gotten flak from some of our friends and family who schedule their kids in numerous activities. To them, they see it as us being lazy and not giving our children opportunity. For us, just being together and spending time with each other feels like the most important thing we could do for them and ourselves. We are parents, but we are still people and we have a marriage to tend to as well, so just being home together seems to work well for us. We cook together, we go to the park together, we went sledding last weekend together, but we also lay around the house together. Our kids are only seven and nine and we feel there will be plenty of time for sports and other activities as they get older. But just being together, at home, or doing activities we all enjoy, like going to a movie, seems like a better way for us to spend our time, versus running from one place to the next. I'm sure that will come soon enough once they get really into sports or other activities...I'm in no hurry to bring it on even sooner!::

lovethishappyface:hug:lovethishappyface:hug:

[Lux]

I love your comment!
I hate how parents consider their time caring for their kids invaluable and so hard, but don't consider anyone ELSE caring for their kids invaluable or so hard
It IS worth payment and your kids don't become easy stress free angels when someone ELSE is caring for them.
Do they think people don't deserve to earn an income or wth?
Ugh!
I felt this way before and after I had kids. Childcare is VALUABLE, therefore unless you're gifted with free care via family, it will cost you and be worth every dime because we are caring for the most precious commodity ! Your babies!
Also all this griping is against WOMEN (since we are the usual childcare providers) , primarily, and I hate it. I would never go back to center care because of the low pay. I am still in childcare only because, yes, I still get low pay but in my own home and get to be my own boss and be with my own children.

[amberrose3dg]

I love your comment!
I hate how parents consider their time caring for their kids invaluable and so hard, but don't consider anyone ELSE caring for their kids invaluable or so hard
It IS worth payment and your kids don't become easy stress free angels when someone ELSE is caring for them.
Do they think people don't deserve to earn an income or wth?
Ugh!
I felt this way before and after I had kids. Childcare is VALUABLE, therefore unless you're gifted with free care via family, it will cost you and be worth every dime because we are caring for the most precious commodity ! Your babies!
Also all this griping is against WOMEN (since we are the usual childcare providers) , primarily, and I hate it. I would never go back to center care because of the low pay. I am still in childcare only because, yes, I still get low pay but in my own home and get to be my own boss and be with my own children.

Yes and I can tell you at least what I observed is parents do not want to spend more time in fact it is a lot less. So much less they do not even know when their children are behaving different. I have noticed a trend. A baby is born the parents want to spend as much time as possible(at least in the beginning) with it. Once the child hits a year old, is walking and getting into stuff they spend as much time as possible in daycare, at grandma's etc...
I have cared for infants and parents pull them at 13 to 15 months to go to a center because I am not open long enough or won't keep them 12+ hours( was open 11 hours refused to keep kids that long)
They would keep the baby with them on days off then that no longer happened and they would have"me time" frequent with the child in care. Like others said it is to make those parents feel better about their choices.
Parents do not spend more time with their children than they did in the 70's you can clearly see that by the social decline across the U.S.

[Ms.Kay]

Yes and I can tell you at least what I observed is parents do not want to spend more time in fact it is a lot less. So much less they do not even know when their children are behaving different. I have noticed a trend. A baby is born the parents want to spend as much time as possible(at least in the beginning) with it. Once the child hits a year old, is walking and getting into stuff they spend as much time as possible in daycare, at grandma's etc...
I have cared for infants and parents pull them at 13 to 15 months to go to a center because I am not open long enough or won't keep them 12+ hours( was open 11 hours refused to keep kids that long)
They would keep the baby with them on days off then that no longer happened and they would have"me time" frequent with the child in care. Like others said it is to make those parents feel better about their choices.
Parents do not spend more time with their children than they did in the 70's you can clearly see that by the social decline across the U.S.

YES!!!!! They're usually pulled by 3 here to go to a preschool. Preschools here dont transport ...there for you go to a center that has preschool and 12 hr care. Next...these kids are put in b/a care for the same amount of time. Mom/dad need to go to the gym. One center near me is now considering offering dinner. These kids are seldom out of the warehouses...IMO. i have 5 out of 7 families .that use insta cart grocery services....not because they dont have time....they dont want to take their kids..it's too much work. More and d more of my families leave kids when they go on vacation. This generation is missing out on so many basic fundamentals..for life experiences. SAD.

[amberrose3dg]

YES!!!!! They're usually pulled by 3 here to go to a preschool. Preschools here dont transport ...there for you go to a center that has preschool and 12 hr care. Next...these kids are put in b/a care for the same amount of time. Mom/dad need to go to the gym. One center near me is now considering offering dinner. These kids are seldom out of the warehouses...IMO. i have 5 out of 7 families .that use insta cart grocery services....not because they dont have time....they dont want to take their kids..it's too much work. More and d more of my families leave kids when they go on vacation. This generation is missing out on so many basic fundamentals..for life experiences. SAD.

I put a gym in my home. Just saying ::
Parents do not know how to control their kids or get anything done with them around. I have heard they need to clean their home or go grocery shopping on their days off. :confused:

[sahm1225]

NY Times article written by a working mother with a ton of guilt obviously trying to justify herself.

This 100%. Absolutely ridiculous that the mom feels anxiety all the time. That’s not normal!! Kids need to be kids! And I’m Sorry, from the families I have in daycare and I’ve been doing this 10 years, NO parents don’t spend as much time with their kids as they used to

[Msdunny]

"parents have greatly increased the amount of time, attention and money they put into raising children."

This statement says a lot to me because of what it doesn't say. It doesn't say parents give their CHILDREN time, attention, or money. They put that effort into the 'raising' of their children.
- TIME spent on researching and transporting to classes,
camps, and childcare
- ATTENTION to planning classes, camps, and childcare
- MONEY put towards classes, camps, and childcare.

It is not the child the parent is focused on, contrary to how it may appear. Parents are focused on looking good to their peers, and on pursuing their own interests. (In large part. This is not a blanket statement! )

[Ariana]

YES!!!!! They're usually pulled by 3 here to go to a preschool. Preschools here dont transport ...there for you go to a center that has preschool and 12 hr care. Next...these kids are put in b/a care for the same amount of time. Mom/dad need to go to the gym. One center near me is now considering offering dinner. These kids are seldom out of the warehouses...IMO. i have 5 out of 7 families .that use insta cart grocery services....not because they dont have time....they dont want to take their kids..it's too much work. More and d more of my families leave kids when they go on vacation. This generation is missing out on so many basic fundamentals..for life experiences. SAD.

We went to a parent teacher interview at 6pm in the evening and parents were just getting to the school to pick up their children. At that point my kids had been home for two hours and we had dinner together!! I also spend two hours with them in the morning when their friends are in the B&A care at school. It is unreal how much these kids spend in “institutions”.

[Josiegirl]

Any way to post all your replies directly to the author of this article?? Wish there was because you all make some very valid points and the writer needs to see them! Everything I've read here is spot on, everything the author said is ridiculous.