Don't Trust My Daughter's Daycare Center

[Unregistered]

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

[midaycare]

I would talk to them about it. I would see if she did get a cupcake, and if not, why. Are there other things, or just the cupcake issue? It could be a simple misunderstanding.

If you don't trust the place, don't take her back. Not today, not tomorrow. But I would expect to pay whatever fees you will need to if there is no outstanding reason to pull her.

[racemom]

If you honestly don't feel safe, I would pull immediately. But if the cupcake incident is the only one, I think there is probably a good explanation for it.

Have you considered maybe the teachers saw you were there before she got hers, and they knew she was leaving so they didn't give one to her because you were ready to go. I find when I give cupcakes to 3 year olds, it is going to take them forever to eat only the frosting, because that is all they like.

[Unregistered]

I have dropped by unannounced in the past to pick my DD found her sleeping in corner away from the other children. My DD has always had a napping schedule specially since I run my own daycare and she's been following it since day one. Their excuse was that she was not sleeping and making too much noise so she had to be by herself in the corner. My DD who's been potty trained since she was 2 has started peeing on herself and wetting the bed at night ever since she started her DDC back in October. The DC teacher are always telling me that she's peeing on the way to the bathroom. Which never happens at home.

[e.j.]

From what you've said, your daughter's version of events didn't quite mesh with your own observation. She told you that only the boys got to eat cupcakes yet you say the other girls were eating cupcakes, too. Based on that, I would say take a deep breath and contact one of the teachers to ask what happened. Speak calmly and don't be accusing and listen with an open mind. Once you hear the teacher's explanation, you'll be able to make a better decision as to what your next step should be. Good luck!

[Alwaysgreener]

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting but I need advise. My DD who's currently 3 years old goes to a religious DC full time. Up until now i felt somewhat comfortable and trusted the 3 main teachers. However there has been past incidents that made me question their decisions. This past Friday while picking up my daughter. I noticed that the DC had a Birthday celebration for one the DCC. All the DCC were sitting down eating cupcakes but my daughter.
I assume that my daughter had eaten hers faster than the other DCC. But both her hands and face we're clean "she's typically a messy eater especially with cupcakes" the table where she was sitting was also clean and, the other DDC who are sitting with her we're just getting started. So after walking out on our way to picking up her older brother from school. I ask her if she liked her cupcake. My DD looks at me with saddest face and tells me she's didn't eat a cupcake "only boys can have cupcakes" she then goes on to inform me that she only had cracker and her teacher said no cupcakes for her. The other DCC boys and girls include had cupcakes but my child. I feel very hurt and betrayed since this is 2nd child in their program. I try to be a respectful understanding and polite parent. I know what it's like to work in the CCI I own my own HDC. I would never and have never treated any of my DCC badly. I don't trust them and honestly fear for my little one. I wanted to pull her out immediately but my husband thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should pay them for this month and leave come January. I plan on speaking to DC director on that matter today. But I don't know what to say??? I don't want to come off as rude. I need advise

I have dropped by unannounced in the past to pick my DD found her sleeping in corner away from the other children. My DD has always had a napping schedule specially since I run my own daycare and she's been following it since day one. Their excuse was that she was not sleeping and making too much noise so she had to be by herself in the corner. My DD who's been potty trained since she was 2 has started peeing on herself and wetting the bed at night ever since she started her DDC back in October. The DC teacher are always telling me that she's peeing on the way to the bathroom. Which never happens at home.

If you run your own dc, why isn't your DD in your DC?

[storybookending]

My cousin runs a home daycare and she put her child into another daycare for the socialization and to be around older kids when she was around 3.

I would go in to this conference and try to stay level headed and ask your questions calmly. 3 year olds don’t always have their stories lined up correctly. I know in my state withholding food is considered child abuse but I’m not sure where the line is on serving some children a treat and not others. Giving cupcakes to some and not others seems cruel if there is no medical reason (allergies).

I’ve seen the wetting on the way to the bathroom many times in a daycare setting. It’s different than at home where she may be busy playing and not realize until it’s too late that she has to go. Children do regress sometimes with training of a sudden change occurs, such as starting a new daycare.

Bottom line is if you feel the daycare is unsafe why are you still sending your child there?

[Blackcat31]

I agree with e.j. and would ask to speak with the teacher's directly. Many times a 3 yr olds version of what happened is no where near the truth. I am not saying your DD is lying but she may be misunderstanding or interpreting differently.

I would never deny a child snack or lunch but there have been times in which we've had sugary food rewards that not all kids earned so not all kids got. Many times if they haven't eaten lunch I will give them crackers to eat first BEFORE allowing the sugary treat so that they have something good for them in their belly first. kwim?

As for the potty accidents, I've been in this business for 25+ yrs now and I have yet to meet a child that performs at home the same way they do here. The different environments could be a valid explanation for that.

All in all though I would absolutely schedule a time to talk with the teachers and get their take on what's happening.

If, however you feel uncomfortable about anything...remove your child. Instincts are usually there for those times in which our logic or our brains are saying something different.

[Blackcat31]

If you run your own dc, why isn't your DD in your DC?

I sent my own child to a structured program/preschool at 3 and at that time I still took school aged kids. My kid needed what I was unable to provide. I think it's common for providers to do this.

[Ariana]

I also sent my 4 yr old to a preschool seperate from me. She needed more socialization than what I could offer her at the time.

I also have a child in my daycare who started wetting his pants when he started with me. He suddenly needed pullups at nap time for the first time ever...and he has been potty trained since 2 years old. No clue why, other than major anxiety issues when away from his home and routine.

As for the napping I am not sure what to think about that. Maybe a few more drop in unannounced and a talk to the director is in order. I never want to tell moms to go against their instincts but sometimes parents do suspect the worst when nothing is really happening.

[Cat Herder]

Were you later than your typical pick-up time?

[Unregistered]

Were you later than your typical pick-up time?

No 7am-6pm I picked her up at around 3:20pm

[AmyKidsCo]

ITA that you should talk to the teachers and see what's going on.

I had a parent terminate care because she didn't like what she thought was going on but never asked me about it. For instance, she picked up early so I always made sure her child had snack before she came. Often when she picked up her child was running around and the other children were eating snack. She assumed that meant I didn't feed her child, when the opposite was true.

[Mom2Two]

Everyone above has good advice. "Only boys eating cupcakes" sounds a bit over the top. But if they are really that crazy...well I think you know the answer.

If you have your own professional, successful daycare, I'm surprised that you don't know how to approach this situation. I mean, just treat them how you'd want to be treated. Surely they know and respect that this is your profession too.

Off topic, but I have to say that I'm amazed to hear about daycares that feed kids cupcakes. I tried that like twice and NEVER again. Birthday candy here would be jelly beans or smarties: clean, no biting, no crumbs, no frosting etc. I'm such a scrooge when it comes to messy food.

[Unregistered]

I ended up speaking to the two of of the teachers. Director was not there at the moment. I asked DCT if my daughter had a cupcake on Friday she said she didn't remember. The other DCT proceeded to inform me that she had offered my daughter a cupcake and she refused. However that doesn't explain why my daughter was told only boys can have cupcakes. She continued on saying how my daughter always switches her story. Either way I feel suspicious and i shouldn't have to feel this way. So if I'm wrong I'm wrong and willing to apologise. I'm making sure to stop by at random times to make sure.