Bankruptcy & Business

[Unregistered]

I have some questions concerning bankruptcy. This may be off topic and I do understand that none of you are lawyers, but I'm in a bad situation so I need some direction. My husband recently lost his job of 25 years and that really put a BIG strain on our finances. While we both were working I filed with my state an LLC to open a daycare. I was given a fixer-upper so I began fixing on the building...a little here and there to use it for my future daycare center. I have never opened because I was getting some work done on the building. Well, like I mentioned my husband recently lost his job and I wasn't able to finish. Since he lost his job we are behind on our mortgage risking foreclosure and about to get both of our vehicles repossessed...so we're thinking about bankruptcy. He has applied for over 15 jobs, had many interviews, but still nothing full-time yet so he toke a part-time job that barely pays the light bill. We have never been in this situation before!! I'm ashamed and embarrassed. So my question is if we file bankruptcy how will this affect us? How will this affect me if I decide to open my business later? The building is my great-grandmothers will I be forced to sale it? Any suggests, things heard, options- ALL will be considered.

[Alwaysgreener]

You could try asking Tom Copeland. Just search his name to find his blog.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I have some questions concerning bankruptcy. This may be off topic and I do understand that none of you are lawyers, but I'm in a bad situation so I need some direction. My husband recently lost his job of 25 years and that really put a BIG strain on our finances. While we both were working I filed with my state an LLC to open a daycare. I was given a fixer-upper so I began fixing on the building...a little here and there to use it for my future daycare center. I have never opened because I was getting some work done on the building. Well, like I mentioned my husband recently lost his job and I wasn't able to finish. Since he lost his job we are behind on our mortgage risking foreclosure and about to get both of our vehicles repossessed...so we're thinking about bankruptcy. He has applied for over 15 jobs, had many interviews, but still nothing full-time yet so he toke a part-time job that barely pays the light bill. We have never been in this situation before!! I'm ashamed and embarrassed. So my question is if we file bankruptcy how will this affect us? How will this affect me if I decide to open my business later? The building is my great-grandmothers will I be forced to sale it? Any suggests, things heard, options- ALL will be considered.

Okay, so first thing is to take a deep breath! Financial issues are overwhelming and exhausting!!! BUT, you are not alone! This happens a lot and I was in the same situation 7 years ago. We avoided bankruptcy, but only because my husband's family helped us out. So I am just going to relay my advice based on my own experience. And I am not a lawyer, so of course, this is just layman advice

We had a car lease, rent, utilities, some credit card debt, student loan debt, and a past medical bill that I was still paying on. We were a few weeks behind on our usual bills already, due to job issues, but basically living paycheck to paycheck and maintaining. Then, we went to our coed softball game one sunday night and my husband threw a ball in from left field. He walked in grabbing his arm and we knew something was wrong (he broke his humerus in half). Long story short, one ER visit, referral to an orthopedist, bone scans, referral to an orthopedic oncologist, biopsies, surgery to fix arm, and follow up visits, plus no insurance (my husband started with a new job and was waiting for open enrollment, so did not have insurance), and we were suddenly in about $40,000 worth of debt. Our incomes were a total of about $45k a year, but my husband could not work and had not gained any benefits at his work yet, so I became the sole income earner over night and my income only accounted for about $18k at the time. We didn't know what to do. It felt embarrassing and shameful and so I know exactly how you feel right now.

I can offer suggestions to avoid bankruptcy, but I would need to know more info. If bankruptcy is inevitable, then I would consult a lawyer about which type is best for your situation. Filing for bankruptcy does cost money, so you will need to account for that. From what I know, you will probably be guided towards a chapter 7, since your debt seems to be secured debt. Meaning, they can take something back in exchange for writing off the debt (your house and cars). It will affect your credit score and ability to rent or obtain loans. Doesn't mean you won't be able to get a loan, but your interest rate and initial obligation will be more costly.

As for your daycare property, do you own it? Is it your relative's property and in their name? If so, it would not be affected. As for daycare licensing, I am not sure they check credit reports, so I don't think it would mess with your ability to gain a license, but maybe Tom Copeland can verify that. It would affect your ability to obtain a loan to buy the property from your relative or to get a business loan to advance your daycare, but I wouldn't think it would prevent you from getting license.

I hope this info helps and again, just take a breath and remember that everything will be ok. Stick together and you CAN get through this period in your life! :hug:

[Unregistered]

You could try asking Tom Copeland. Just search his name to find his blog.

Thanks I will.

[Unregistered]

Okay, so first thing is to take a deep breath! Financial issues are overwhelming and exhausting!!! BUT, you are not alone! This happens a lot and I was in the same situation 7 years ago. We avoided bankruptcy, but only because my husband's family helped us out. So I am just going to relay my advice based on my own experience. And I am not a lawyer, so of course, this is just layman advice

We had a car lease, rent, utilities, some credit card debt, student loan debt, and a past medical bill that I was still paying on. We were a few weeks behind on our usual bills already, due to job issues, but basically living paycheck to paycheck and maintaining. Then, we went to our coed softball game one sunday night and my husband threw a ball in from left field. He walked in grabbing his arm and we knew something was wrong (he broke his humerus in half). Long story short, one ER visit, referral to an orthopedist, bone scans, referral to an orthopedic oncologist, biopsies, surgery to fix arm, and follow up visits, plus no insurance (my husband started with a new job and was waiting for open enrollment, so did not have insurance), and we were suddenly in about $40,000 worth of debt. Our incomes were a total of about $45k a year, but my husband could not work and had not gained any benefits at his work yet, so I became the sole income earner over night and my income only accounted for about $18k at the time. We didn't know what to do. It felt embarrassing and shameful and so I know exactly how you feel right now.

I can offer suggestions to avoid bankruptcy, but I would need to know more info. If bankruptcy is inevitable, then I would consult a lawyer about which type is best for your situation. Filing for bankruptcy does cost money, so you will need to account for that. From what I know, you will probably be guided towards a chapter 7, since your debt seems to be secured debt. Meaning, they can take something back in exchange for writing off the debt (your house and cars). It will affect your credit score and ability to rent or obtain loans. Doesn't mean you won't be able to get a loan, but your interest rate and initial obligation will be more costly.

As for your daycare property, do you own it? Is it your relative's property and in their name? If so, it would not be affected. As for daycare licensing, I am not sure they check credit reports, so I don't think it would mess with your ability to gain a license, but maybe Tom Copeland can verify that. It would affect your ability to obtain a loan to buy the property from your relative or to get a business loan to advance your daycare, but I wouldn't think it would prevent you from getting license.

I hope this info helps and again, just take a breath and remember that everything will be ok. Stick together and you CAN get through this period in your life! :hug:

Thanks so much for your reply!! My husband did receive a lump some of money from his time he accumulated on his job over the years. We toke that money and paid 3 months ahead on our both of our vehicles and made 2 months payments on our house, paid off furniture notes, credit card, and some old bills. We also did some small renovations to our house. Well since he wasn't able to find a full-time job during that time we lived off the money to help pay other bills. He's is currently working part-time and we are on government benefits to help supplement. It's very shameful because my husband was making over 60k a year. Now he's making less than $1000 per month. Our current bills are over $2000 per month. We have a mortgage with a 50k balance, one vehicle with a 20k balance, the other vehicle with a 10k balance, and I have over 20k worth of student loans. I do not want to lose my home because we are a family of 6. The house is listed under my business name. I would hate to sell it because it was my great-grandmother and I know the family would be very upset with me, but I'm running out of options. I don't know what else to do.

[midaycare]

Can you sell one vehicle? Do you owe more than their worth?

Call the student loans today and get a deferral. Don't pay another cent to them right now.

I was having a little trouble following- do you work currently? What can you do to get a job quick and make the other $1000K per month? Wait tables? Grocery store? Walmart? McDonalds?

[Unregistered]

Can you sell one vehicle? Do you owe more than their worth?

Call the student loans today and get a deferral. Don't pay another cent to them right now.

I was having a little trouble following- do you work currently? What can you do to get a job quick and make the other $1000K per month? Wait tables? Grocery store? Walmart? McDonalds?

Finding jobs in my area is not as easy as it sounds. Most people in my area have a 30 min.-1 hour commute for the best jobs. My husband was driving a 1 hour round trip in his former job. I have a degree and its been difficult because jobs are very competitive. During the time I was given the building we both were working. I was making 30k per year in addition to my husband making 60k plus. I was working full-time during the day and attending school at night. That became too much as a mother with 4 children. So my husband and I agreed that I would pursue my education and quit my job. So he was working a full and part-time job....fast forward to our current situation....he lost that full-time job.

I'm not paying on student loans they are in deferment.....I only stated how much to give an idea of my current debt. If I sale one vehicle, if that was even possible which is not I still then would be unable to work.

I'm not trying to give my entire life history here just enough information concerning my choices for bankruptcy.

[TomCopeland]

Bankruptcy

I have some questions concerning bankruptcy. This may be off topic and I do understand that none of you are lawyers, but I'm in a bad situation so I need some direction. My husband recently lost his job of 25 years and that really put a BIG strain on our finances. While we both were working I filed with my state an LLC to open a daycare. I was given a fixer-upper so I began fixing on the building...a little here and there to use it for my future daycare center. I have never opened because I was getting some work done on the building. Well, like I mentioned my husband recently lost his job and I wasn't able to finish. Since he lost his job we are behind on our mortgage risking foreclosure and about to get both of our vehicles repossessed...so we're thinking about bankruptcy. He has applied for over 15 jobs, had many interviews, but still nothing full-time yet so he toke a part-time job that barely pays the light bill. We have never been in this situation before!! I'm ashamed and embarrassed. So my question is if we file bankruptcy how will this affect us? How will this affect me if I decide to open my business later? The building is my great-grandmothers will I be forced to sale it? Any suggests, things heard, options- ALL will be considered.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I'm not an expert on bankruptcy. I would recommend speaking with a lawyer before you went ahead and filed for bankruptcy. That's because there are consequences down the road (impact on credit rating, ability to get future loans, costs of bankruptcy). If you can't afford a lawyer (who can!) then I'd contact your local Legal Aid office and see if they can help or can refer you to someone. If you live near a law school they may have a program that can help advise you.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

Thanks so much for your reply!! My husband did receive a lump some of money from his time he accumulated on his job over the years. We toke that money and paid 3 months ahead on our both of our vehicles and made 2 months payments on our house, paid off furniture notes, credit card, and some old bills. We also did some small renovations to our house. Well since he wasn't able to find a full-time job during that time we lived off the money to help pay other bills. He's is currently working part-time and we are on government benefits to help supplement. It's very shameful because my husband was making over 60k a year. Now he's making less than $1000 per month. Our current bills are over $2000 per month. We have a mortgage with a 50k balance, one vehicle with a 20k balance, the other vehicle with a 10k balance, and I have over 20k worth of student loans. I do not want to lose my home because we are a family of 6. The house is listed under my business name. I would hate to sell it because it was my great-grandmother and I know the family would be very upset with me, but I'm running out of options. I don't know what else to do.

If you were to sell your cars, would you be losing money or making money? If you can make money on even one of them, I would sell and take and the cash to buy a cheap car (under $2k). If you will lose money, then keep them and see if you can speak with your lenders about refinancing options or getting an exemption for a month or two so you can catch up. If your credit is still good right now, then you may have options there.

Do you have equity in your home? I would most definitely be working with my lender if so. They may be able to delay payments and tack em on the back end to give you more time or they may have options for home equity lines of credit to help you in the meantime.

You already deferred your Student Loans, so that is great, but all the above that I mentioned are stall tactics. If you do not forsee your financial situation changing in the next few months, then you may need to speak with a lawyer about your options. If you are able to run a daycare out of your current home, get a 2nd, 3rd job to add to your income, I would exhaust all those options first. If it is just not happening, then I would consider a few things.

Any assets you own will be considered in the bankruptcy process. If you have the deed to your grandma's property, it will be included. Your house and cars as well. Student loan debt does not get discharged in bankruptcy, so that one will stick around. Bankruptcy does not always mean you will lose your house though. It really depends on the type of bankruptcy you file and if you meet the exemptions to keep your home. How much equity you have in your property(s) will be a big factor in that, so it is case by case.

One thing to keep in mind, if you file a chapter 7, it is a means to start over with a clean slate. A chapter 13 is quite different and is a way to repay your debt through the help of lawyers who set up repayment plans. Basically, you pay a trust and they dole it out to your creditors. It is the best option to keep your home, but if your income situation is not going to improve and you cannot make those payments and continue making your mortgage payment, then you may need to think about the clean slate option.

Either way, they are difficult decisions to make, but when it comes to bankruptcy, it is best to go through all your options and get a lawyer consult to see if it is the best choice.

IMO, if you have equity in your home, cars, and/or your grandma's property, I would look into selling first to gain some cashflow and then downsizing everything to a level that your current income can keep up with. I would hate to give up that equity by filing bankruptcy, if it is something I can do myself without punishing my credit, know what I mean?

If I can offer any other advice, please let me know! And hang i there! It will be okay!:hug:

[TomCopeland]

Bankruptcy

I have some questions concerning bankruptcy. This may be off topic and I do understand that none of you are lawyers, but I'm in a bad situation so I need some direction. My husband recently lost his job of 25 years and that really put a BIG strain on our finances. While we both were working I filed with my state an LLC to open a daycare. I was given a fixer-upper so I began fixing on the building...a little here and there to use it for my future daycare center. I have never opened because I was getting some work done on the building. Well, like I mentioned my husband recently lost his job and I wasn't able to finish. Since he lost his job we are behind on our mortgage risking foreclosure and about to get both of our vehicles repossessed...so we're thinking about bankruptcy. He has applied for over 15 jobs, had many interviews, but still nothing full-time yet so he toke a part-time job that barely pays the light bill. We have never been in this situation before!! I'm ashamed and embarrassed. So my question is if we file bankruptcy how will this affect us? How will this affect me if I decide to open my business later? The building is my great-grandmothers will I be forced to sale it? Any suggests, things heard, options- ALL will be considered.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I'm not an expert on bankruptcy. I would recommend speaking with a lawyer before you went ahead and filed for bankruptcy. That's because there are consequences down the road (impact on credit rating, ability to get future loans, costs of bankruptcy). If you can't afford a lawyer (who can!) then I'd contact your local Legal Aid office and see if they can help or can refer you to someone. If you live near a law school they may have a program that can help advise you.

[Unregistered]

If you were to sell your cars, would you be losing money or making money? If you can make money on even one of them, I would sell and take and the cash to buy a cheap car (under $2k). If you will lose money, then keep them and see if you can speak with your lenders about refinancing options or getting an exemption for a month or two so you can catch up. If your credit is still good right now, then you may have options there.

Do you have equity in your home? I would most definitely be working with my lender if so. They may be able to delay payments and tack em on the back end to give you more time or they may have options for home equity lines of credit to help you in the meantime.

You already deferred your Student Loans, so that is great, but all the above that I mentioned are stall tactics. If you do not forsee your financial situation changing in the next few months, then you may need to speak with a lawyer about your options. If you are able to run a daycare out of your current home, get a 2nd, 3rd job to add to your income, I would exhaust all those options first. If it is just not happening, then I would consider a few things.

Any assets you own will be considered in the bankruptcy process. If you have the deed to your grandma's property, it will be included. Your house and cars as well. Student loan debt does not get discharged in bankruptcy, so that one will stick around. Bankruptcy does not always mean you will lose your house though. It really depends on the type of bankruptcy you file and if you meet the exemptions to keep your home. How much equity you have in your property(s) will be a big factor in that, so it is case by case.

One thing to keep in mind, if you file a chapter 7, it is a means to start over with a clean slate. A chapter 13 is quite different and is a way to repay your debt through the help of lawyers who set up repayment plans. Basically, you pay a trust and they dole it out to your creditors. It is the best option to keep your home, but if your income situation is not going to improve and you cannot make those payments and continue making your mortgage payment, then you may need to think about the clean slate option.

Either way, they are difficult decisions to make, but when it comes to bankruptcy, it is best to go through all your options and get a lawyer consult to see if it is the best choice.

IMO, if you have equity in your home, cars, and/or your grandma's property, I would look into selling first to gain some cashflow and then downsizing everything to a level that your current income can keep up with. I would hate to give up that equity by filing bankruptcy, if it is something I can do myself without punishing my credit, know what I mean?

If I can offer any other advice, please let me know! And hang i there! It will be okay!:hug:

After looking back on our vehicle and mortgage statements we actually owe more than what I previously mentioned. My husband's truck was actually bought the same year he was separated from his job, so we will not be able to receive a return on it. We had no idea after purchasing it that he would lose his job months later. As far as our mortgage company it was sold to a servicer. We have been in our house 11 years and the servicer said we don't qualify for deferment and then that same company with another rep said they don't offer it....I don't know what to do. Maybe I need to let my church and family know about our financial situation, but I'm really ashamed...idk I will take Tom Copeland's suggestion and see if I can talk with Legal Aid and gets some further advice. Thanks alot for all your information!

[Unregistered]

I have some questions concerning bankruptcy. This may be off topic and I do understand that none of you are lawyers, but I'm in a bad situation so I need some direction. My husband recently lost his job of 25 years and that really put a BIG strain on our finances. While we both were working I filed with my state an LLC to open a daycare. I was given a fixer-upper so I began fixing on the building...a little here and there to use it for my future daycare center. I have never opened because I was getting some work done on the building. Well, like I mentioned my husband recently lost his job and I wasn't able to finish. Since he lost his job we are behind on our mortgage risking foreclosure and about to get both of our vehicles repossessed...so we're thinking about bankruptcy. He has applied for over 15 jobs, had many interviews, but still nothing full-time yet so he toke a part-time job that barely pays the light bill. We have never been in this situation before!! I'm ashamed and embarrassed. So my question is if we file bankruptcy how will this affect us? How will this affect me if I decide to open my business later? The building is my great-grandmothers will I be forced to sale it? Any suggests, things heard, options- ALL will be considered.

I've been there and back, so I can help answer some questions.
My first advice: speak with a lawyer who specializes in bankruptcy. They should give you a free consultation and tell you exactly how much it will cost to file, which chapter (7, 11 or 13) would fit your situation and IF bankruptcy is even your best option- vs a debt consolidation plan.

Mine was about 12 years ago. It cost me $700 to file Chapter 7. It took about a month from filing to my closing court date. I "re-affirmed" my car loan so that I could keep my car. That was the only debt I kept. I let my house go since I was backwards in my loan and would owe thousands if I sold it. Foreclosure can take 7 months-1 year from the date you file, unless you haven't been making any payments on your loan and the lender started the process already.

I know it can feel overwhelming and depressing even having to admit that this is your best option. Don't let it consume you. It's more common than you think and it's not hard to get your life back on track after. The hardest part is "where will you live". If you let your house go into foreclosure, then it's harder to get a rental since most landlords will pull credit. So have a plan ahead of time.
Get a secured credit card after filing to start building your credit back up. It takes about 3 years to really change your FICO score for the better. I know some people that have gotten a home loan between the 3-5 year mark after filing. "Bankruptcy" should drop off your credit report after 10 years. But again, your credit score will start improving around the 3 year mark.

And no, it won't affect doing daycare. I have never heard of any states or licensing putting that stipulation on obtaining a license.

[Unregistered]

I've been there and back, so I can help answer some questions.
My first advice: speak with a lawyer who specializes in bankruptcy. They should give you a free consultation and tell you exactly how much it will cost to file, which chapter (7, 11 or 13) would fit your situation and IF bankruptcy is even your best option- vs a debt consolidation plan.

Mine was about 12 years ago. It cost me $700 to file Chapter 7. It took about a month from filing to my closing court date. I "re-affirmed" my car loan so that I could keep my car. That was the only debt I kept. I let my house go since I was backwards in my loan and would owe thousands if I sold it. Foreclosure can take 7 months-1 year from the date you file, unless you haven't been making any payments on your loan and the lender started the process already.

I know it can feel overwhelming and depressing even having to admit that this is your best option. Don't let it consume you. It's more common than you think and it's not hard to get your life back on track after. The hardest part is "where will you live". If you let your house go into foreclosure, then it's harder to get a rental since most landlords will pull credit. So have a plan ahead of time.
Get a secured credit card after filing to start building your credit back up. It takes about 3 years to really change your FICO score for the better. I know some people that have gotten a home loan between the 3-5 year mark after filing. "Bankruptcy" should drop off your credit report after 10 years. But again, your credit score will start improving around the 3 year mark.

And no, it won't affect doing daycare. I have never heard of any states or licensing putting that stipulation on obtaining a license.

I spoke with a legal firm (not the attorney) that handles bankruptcy, but the guy was so rude. He explained to me that we don't meet the income requirements for a chapter 13 and he said I can't keep my house with a chapter 7. I don't like when people make me feel like I'm asking for a hand out and everything is simple as just go get a job. There was another situation when I was so embarrassed applying for government benefits because during my interview the lady asked me "aren't you supposed to be opening a business" I was so ashamed and upset. I have a degree and always maintained a good job until school and working became overwhelming. So my husband and I agreed that I could quit to finish my degree. We had no idea that later he would lose his job too. Its hard when you're use to a certain living and you now have to buy groceries with food stamps and on medicaid because my kids are no longer on insurance. Finding jobs in this area is hard! My husband and I have applied and interviewed and applied and interviewed again....maybe we need just to let them foreclose on our house and repo our vehicles then we can maybe relocate.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I spoke with a legal firm (not the attorney) that handles bankruptcy, but the guy was so rude. He explained to me that we don't meet the income requirements for a chapter 13 and he said I can't keep my house with a chapter 7. I don't like when people make me feel like I'm asking for a hand out and everything is simple as just go get a job. There was another situation when I was so embarrassed applying for government benefits because during my interview the lady asked me "aren't you supposed to be opening a business" I was so ashamed and upset. I have a degree and always maintained a good job until school and working became overwhelming. So my husband and I agreed that I could quit to finish my degree. We had no idea that later he would lose his job too. Its hard when you're use to a certain living and you now have to buy groceries with food stamps and on medicaid because my kids are no longer on insurance. Finding jobs in this area is hard! My husband and I have applied and interviewed and applied and interviewed again....maybe we need just to let them foreclose on our house and repo our vehicles then we can maybe relocate.

How many months behind are you on your bills?
Are there other communities you can move to with more promising job market? Are you still in school? Have you spoke with the aid dept? Students who are struggling may qualify for help, whether loans or subsidized living. May be worth checking.

Any chance you can check into a private lawyer who specializes in bankruptcy? They may give a free consult, but if not, have your papers together and everything lined out, so you use as little time as possible, to reduce the fees. Research them, bc most will do a free consult. They recognize you are coming to them in a tough financial spot and ime, are empathetic to your situation. Hppefully, you can find someone good.

Legal aid can be hit or miss. Kind of like the people at our social services. They get burned out quick. I think they see a lot more people who are expecting a handout, versus people like you who actually need it temporarily until you get back on your feet. Try not to let them get to you. As the pp said, it is more common than you think and it does not make you a bad person. You are just in a bad spot right now, but you will come through. Hang in there!

[lovemykidstoo]

I completely understand where you are coming from.

6 years ago, my husband lost his job of 16 years and he was making abou $120000 a year. He had about 6 months severance and we thought no big deal, he'll find another job. Well 2 years went by. He had interview after interview and nothing. Thank God we had a nice nest egg that we supplemented along with my daycare business. Then he decided to take life into his own hands and open a carpet/tile, grout/hard surface cleaning business. Well, he grew that over the past few years, but it is not enough to really make it and it's so up and down. So we went to a lawyer about bankruptcy and decided not to do it. We instead put our house up for sale. It sold for $212000. It was a 2,600 sq foot house, gorgeous with an above ground pool. We bought a 1800 sq ft, foreclosure house that was destroyed for 76000. A HUGE thing for us and our kids who were 14 and 16 at the time. I know they were humiliated with the house change, but they never complained once. We have done tons and tons of work on the house and it's finally getting good after 1 1/2 yrs. We still have debt up the A** and just settled with 1 credit card for 1/3 of what we owed and we're working with a lawyer on another one. All 3 cars are paid for, we have a small equity loan on the house and still 3 credit cards. So we still talk about if we should do bankruptcy. People say bankruptcy will affect your credit score, but if you're late on your bills all the time your credit score is junk right now anyway. My husband finally realized that his business is not enough to carry us. He got a job last month at a hospital as a supervisor of the cleaning staff. It's 2nd shift, with benefits which is wonderful. So used to doing obamacare where you almost have to give a rectal exam to get that. He has 1 more year on his business payment, so he's still doing that on the side. So with his new job things are looking up for us a bit, but we still are faced with years of payments, so we may still consider bankruptcy, I don't know.

So long story longer, I get how you feel because my husband too had that great job and we fell from the sky. I don't wish this on anyone. It's extremely humiliating and embarrassing, but like others said, more common than you think. i would talk to someone else about it. If that person was rude, don't give up, try again and see if you can get someone nicer to explain things to you. I wish you the best of luck and really hope things go right for you. I know how heavy that burden is.