I Feel Guilty, But She Was Passive Aggressive And Didn't Trust Me

[Sahmmie]

Ugh... I had a part time infant for 3 months. From day one parents rarely paid unless I reminded them to do so and they squirmed when asked to pay for extra hours. I gave them a part time rate (which is rare around here) but told them that I would expect to be paid extra for extra hours. They went over their allotted hours almost ever week. If it was just an hour I let it slide but some weeks it was several and even up to 5-7 hours over.

The second issue was that even though they had a part time slot they felt they could drop off whenever they felt like it. They would consistently be 30 minutes to an hour early!

Well, last week the baby was sick so she was not here at all. On Sunday I texted asking if baby was coming on Monday and reminded them that they owe me for last week (all daycares around here charge whether baby is there or not, we charge for the spot, right?) and to please pay me on Monday for both weeks. I don't normally ever text parents to pay me, but these people almost never paid me unless I asked, or they'd be several days late if I did not ask.

She texted back. "You will get paid." And, "I'll drop her off in the morning." I thought that sounded a bit rude, but I texted back, "Thanks, see you tomorrow."

A few minutes later she texted back "And if baby is leaving your house I need to be asked. We leave the carseat for emergencies only."

I was flabbergasted. Two months ago I took the baby for a walk around the block an hour before she was due to arrive at the house. I was planning on texting her but since she was not due for another hour I put it off and figured I'd be back in plenty of time. Well she got to my house an hour early and called me because the door was locked. Guess what she said when I told her I was ONE BLOCK AWAY??? "Oh, I guess I will go run some errand then. Call me when you get back to the house." Does that sound frantic or panicky to you? She didn't come back for nearly an hour!!!

Now after I asked her about money she suddenly brings up this episode????????? She went on and on about how panicked she was and how wrong I was to take her baby out of the house without her permission. And in the mix she also texts that she is sick and tired of me asking for money!!!

In my opinion she was just passive aggressively throwing me a jab because she was mad that I asked to be paid, and probably livid that I expected payment for the week the baby was sick.

So, to make a long story short I told her that I felt she did not trust me nor like me very much and to find someone else to care for her baby.

No matter what I said she would not stop berating me for "leaving the house with her baby" even though I was only a block away and baby was in a stroller, not in the car.

[Sahmmie]

I forgot to mention that she kept saying that we discussed never taking the baby out of the house during our interview - this is not true. I have a very small daycare (just 2 full time and one part timer) and I ALWAYS ask parents if I can take their children out of the house and if they say no I do not take that child on. There is no way I would have agreed to never leaving the house! So she is either not remembering correctly, or lying.

[Leigh]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. That crap about taking the baby out of the house is about nothing except you asking for the pay that you have already earned! I really suggest asking for payment in advance.

[Pestle]

Do not feel bad. I've only been in this gig for 10 months, but what I learned first of all is that:

When a parent is unable or unwilling to pay on time, show up on time, and communicate on time, caring for their child needs to be their problem, not yours. You are here to do a well-defined job. They cannot add additional hoops for you to jump through or demand you do your job without pay.

The only recommendation I have for you is this: Always keep a cell phone on you. Imagine if you were out with a baby and you needed to call an ambulance.

[Sahmmie]

I did have a cell phone. That's why she found me in less than 30 seconds. She knocked on my door and called me immediately when I didn't answer the door. I guess I could have left a note, but I was not expecting her for another hour and would have been home in 15 minutes.

I do ask for payment upfront. They just never had it most weeks.

[TheMisplacedMidwestMom]

Someones going to say it: "No pay, no play". Don't take her child if she hasn't paid upfront. I've read this sooo many times on here and still didn't listen. Then I got burned. It happens.

[Ariana]

You did not do anything wrong! That woman is a psycho. Next time someone signs up with you get 2 weeks advance payment that you will put towards the last 2 weeks of care. That way if they skip out on payment you have their money.

[Unregistered]

I would terminate care effective immediately. Unfortunately it sounds like you will not get the money owed you. As pp have said no pay, no stay and don't feel bad about it or parents will take advantage of you.

[Sahmmie]

You did not do anything wrong! That woman is a psycho. Next time someone signs up with you get 2 weeks advance payment that you will put towards the last 2 weeks of care. That way if they skip out on payment you have their money.

Definitely! That is what I should have done. I usually only sit for people I know personally, so I don't know all the protective measures most people take.

[Sahmmie]

I would terminate care effective immediately. Unfortunately it sounds like you will not get the money owed you. As pp have said no pay, no stay and don't feel bad about it or parents will take advantage of you.

I did already tell her to find alternative care and not come back at all which is what I feel guilty about. I don't like leaving people high and dry, but she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission. I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.

[JackandJill]

I did already tell her to find alternative care and not come back at all which is what I feel guilty about. I don't like leaving people high and dry, but she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission. I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.

Don't feel guilty, when people act like this you aren't "leaving them high and dry", they brought the consequence on themselves!

This mom sounds nuts!!

[Laurie]

She's a tough one for sure... Going forward, make sure you have EVERYTHING written down in your Parents Handbook or Policies and procedures. Have them sign before the child starts. That way you're covered!!!

I've never asked for the last two weeks upfront, but I kinda like that idea. I haven't had to term many families before, but it's best to cover yourself.

As for her not paying on time... that's grounds for termination after the first time. Don't allow people to walk all over you.

[Unregistered]

I did already tell her to find alternative care and not come back at all which is what I feel guilty about. I don't like leaving people high and dry, but she would not relent and kept on pressing the idea that I had betrayed her trust by taking her baby out of the house without her permission. I felt like if I hung in there for two more weeks she'd possibly start making false accusations because she seemed to be so volatile about the whole thing.

That's good that you termed immediately because it does sound like she would be someone that would make false accusations to ruin your business. You do not need to feel guilty because she brought this upon herself. You are running a business and she was not following the terms that were agreed upon when she signed up.

[Blackcat31]

She's a tough one for sure... Going forward, make sure you have EVERYTHING written down in your Parents Handbook or Policies and procedures. Have them sign before the child starts. That way you're covered!!!

I've never asked for the last two weeks upfront, but I kinda like that idea. I haven't had to term many families before, but it's best to cover yourself.

As for her not paying on time... that's grounds for termination after the first time. Don't allow people to walk all over you.

agree with this!

[AmyKidsCo]

Do not feel bad. I've only been in this gig for 10 months, but what I learned first of all is that:

When a parent is unable or unwilling to pay on time, show up on time, and communicate on time, caring for their child needs to be their problem, not yours. You are here to do a well-defined job. They cannot add additional hoops for you to jump through or demand you do your job without pay.

The only recommendation I have for you is this: Always keep a cell phone on you. Imagine if you were out with a baby and you needed to call an ambulance.

I love this. I need to find a nice way to word it in my policies, LOL! "If you do not pay on time, show up on time, or communicate on time, caring for your child will become your problem, not mine." ::::::