DCP's Hinting At Potty Training - The Nope

[Denali]

I'm rolling my eyes/venting/explaining myself out loud Instead of in my head - so sorry...

So the family that just started with the 21 month old (the maybe strawberry allergy with the gandma that hung out for an hour to watch DCG play and then wouldn't go because DCG would cry) is now "ready to potty train soon". Dad has begun the hinting "she took off her diaper" "was grabbing herself" "when I sat DCG on the potty she peed twice this morning"

Wednesday it was "she's showing big interest in the potty at home." and Thursday it was the above. DCG shows no signs of readiness here, has very little speach, and is always dressed in stiff bottom up jeans and has no clue on what to do about dressing herself.

So the end is nay. I've never had this type of thing end with the kid staying as I will not bend with my policies and parents are not happy that I wont. Pull to go somewhere that will underwear train "and support their child in potty training and not hold them back." Only for me to hear that almost a year later they have gone to 3-4 other Childcares or kicked out of whatever pre-school program they were trying to get into and kid is still not potty trained.

Also according to DCM, DCG still prefers to eat mostly parade "baby food at home, but eats regular food when they go to a restaurant" and Wednesday at pick up it took DCM 15 minutes standing in my gated off entrance trying to negotiate with DCG to give her one of the daycare toys and get her coat on so they could leave. Trying to bribe her with apples and oranges and toys. Once they get outside DCM

Now to be fair to DCD, she has been trying to take her diaper off here, ... but I do not allow it. I'm 98% sure that parents let her run around naked at home.

At this point it doesn't matter to me, it's not happening anytime soon here, DCG is just really not ready. My policies were made clear.

I already made it clear that if she gets another rash I'm excluding.

It would not be a Financial burden if they left. it's just a very quiet time for phone calls, and will be until school is out. So I'm leaning towards keeping them until they break policies or until they become more trouble then they are worth.

Quite frankly I would miss DCG because she is a cute sweet little girl, but the parents have no idea about anything regarding group care as DCG has never been in daycare until now.

When DCPs are wanting me to "be the bad guy" or "parent for them" because DCG won't listen to them and they don't won't her to cry; I just walk away. She is their responsibility when she's on the other side of the gate. I pick her up when she throws herself down to not go home and hand her to parent and walk away because I'm suddenly to busy to get her ready for them.

I am wondering though, if any of these parents that want to have me deal with the pee all over my house and do all the hard work training a child not ready to potty in underwear- maybe I should start offering that service- for a $10,000 cash non- refundable potty training payment? I'd make bank with how many parents want this service! 😝

Thanks for listening and shaking your head at me, I feel better. 😆

[CityGarden]

I think the best thing to do is create a Potty Training handout and hand it to mom / dad or grandma and say:

"The other day you mentioned DCG's interest in learning to use the potty. Here is our handout with what you can do and look for to help her along the way, it also outlines how we can best support your efforts with DCG once she has reached the other milestones."

I need to create something like this myself but the children I currently have either are using the potty already or show no signed of readiness so it's a non-issue. Still something to create before it is needed though. Then truly outline how they can help their child get ready....

Put child in clothing that encourages independence
Allow child to push down their own pants and pull them up consistently
Put child in diapers they allow them to feel wet the first time they use the bathroom (cloth diapers, special diapers that do this, etc.)

on and on as you feel best....

Blackcat on here seems to have a handout on everything. Maybe she has one you can start with.

[Denali]

I think the best thing to do is create a Potty Training handout and hand it to mom / dad or grandma and say:

"The other day you mentioned DCG's interest in learning to use the potty. Here is our handout with what you can do and look for to help her along the way, it also outlines how we can best support your efforts with DCG once she has reached the other milestones."

I need to create something like this myself but the children I currently have either are using the potty already or show no signed of readiness so it's a non-issue. Still something to create before it is needed though. Then truly outline how they can help their child get ready....

Put child in clothing that encourages independence
Allow child to push down their own pants and pull them up consistently
Put child in diapers they allow them to feel wet the first time they use the bathroom (cloth diapers, special diapers that do this, etc.)

on and on as you feel best....

Blackcat on here seems to have a handout on everything. Maybe she has one you can start with.

I need to do that, make up a form that has my potty training policies on it and what I expect for child to do for me to consider ready. That's a very good suggestion thank youThat would probably help some, I do go over my potty policies at interview, I just revamped them a bit ago even, but it always seems to be "this is my policies" and the parents hear "this is my policies but they don't pertain to you so ignore them" ��

[CityGarden]

I would look at your policies but also a handout on what parents can do to help..... parents do look to us for guidance and if we don't give it then they will go to where ever they can which might not align with your approach or views.

Sometimes parent feel the pressure from others and want to be involved, help child along, etc. While I do not feel parents should rush I find children in cloth diapers learn to potty much sooner so yes there are things can parent can do to support their child's development.... that is not to say I think all parents should use cloth (I do but that is not my suggestion here) but that they can help their child gain readiness by their actions and choices.

[Blackcat31]

Blackcat on here seems to have a handout on everything. Maybe she has one you can start with.

I do!

Here is my potty training section from my handbook:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_3z0c2eVI8NGp1dENYMVRObWM/view?usp=sharing

[Denali]

I would look at your policies but also a handout on what parents can do to help..... parents do look to us for guidance and if we don't give it then they will go to where ever they can which might not align with your approach or views.

Sometimes parent feel the pressure from others and want to be involved, help child along, etc. While I do not feel parents should rush I find children in cloth diapers learn to potty much sooner so yes there are things can parent can do to support their child's development.... that is not to say I think all parents should use cloth (I do but that is not my suggestion here) but that they can help their child gain readiness by their actions and choices.

I do get the pressure thing, and asking for guidance, I'll happily help and give them info and reference And all that. I will not allow the kids to pee all over my house while the parents do minimal work on that front. I thought after the last one and updating my policies, and making sure parents understand at interviews that parents would get it.

The problem I seem to always have is "my special snowflake is advanced/ready early" or "they have to be ready for pre-school and it's your job to get them ready" when there are NO signs of readiness.

I get the "their 2 year old child is ready chapter book and are talking in full sentences at home" when they can barely manage one word that is understandable. And the child would sooner eat the paper pages in a book instead of looking at them.

I guess my problem is I tell parents my policies, specifically my potty training and illness policy, they swear up and down that it's gold and they fully agree with them, only to change their minds and pull their kids when I then tell them no to when they try and break those policies they agreed to ( even compliment me on these policies) in the first place.

I thought it was me, that I was doing something wrong, but now I'm starting to think it's not all me and it's "we hear your words, but it doesn't apply to us"

I mean how much more clear can I get other than saying "I will kick you to the curb if you pull this with me and I'm not just saying these words- all this does apply to you regardless of what you think"

[AmyKidsCo]

I mean how much more clear can I get other than saying "I will kick you to the curb if you pull this with me and I'm not just saying these words- all this does apply to you regardless of what you think"

::::::

My policies also clearly state that parents need to start potty training at home and that children can't wear underwear here until they're dry at home for a week.

Oh parents...

[happymom]

Not pertaining to this particular situation.

But I have a son, 17 months in daycare full time. He says several words but for the most part is non verbal and communicates by pointing, but he understands a lot of what I say to him and follows directions.

At home I ask him every so often if he has to go potty. He shakes his head yes or no. When he tells me yes, I remove his diaper, set him on the potty and he will go 100% of the time (when he tells me yes). At home he will bring me his potty ring to "tell me" he has to go.

Is it unreasonable for me to ask daycare to ask him if he has to go potty when they ask the other kids even though he is so little? Or do they normally just wait until the kids are doing more for themselves

[happymom]

Or would they want him in pull-ups for this sort of thing?

[daycare]

how long has she been there? I won't start potty training a child until they have been in my program for at least 1-2 months depending on if the child is full time or part time.

the stress of being new alone is hard enough, can you imagine trying to get a child that is trying to build trust with you to all of a sudden just now start the stressful process of potty training. I say let them get to know us first and feel confident here before trying to make them do anything...poor kids, parents want too much sometimes.

No thanks....

[Denali]

I do!

Here is my potty training section from my handbook:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing

Thank you Blackcat! I will very closely look at yours and mine and tighten mine up. The Last few times I had a problem with potty training with parents and what I'll allow here, and changed my policies to add the 2-week no accidents then underwear, but Obviously something it lacking... I'm not bending, but parents seem to think I will if they agree to my policies and then I enroll their child it's like a bait and switch.

I've even had the "my child is potty trained" at interview and I make sure to ask "do they need any help with potting?'and I'm told "No" they fill out my forms and under 'is your child potty trained?' They put yes even when there's a lot of room for them to wright "needs help with wiping or help with clothes"

Then when I leave the children to do it, the parents then come back with "why is my child not being cleaned properly??"
Me: What?
Them: why are you not helping Snowflake in the bathroom?
Me: because you told me they were completely potty trained? And didn't need help in the bathroom. I even asked Snowflake if they needed help the first week and they said no. You never said anything.
Them: Snowflake is not allowed to wipe themselves at home, they're not ready for that, that's your job, and they need help pulling up their undies and pants. Why has Snowflake been telling me you're not helping her?
Me: you told me she was 'completely potty trained'
Them: they are! They go in the potty!

I guess this is more how do you deal with parents that lie about child and agreeing to policies but then turning around and arguing and breaking policies after they are enrolled and passed the 2 week period?

I've just been either terminating or letting them term after I make it clear that I will not bend.

[Denali]

how long has she been there? I won't start potty training a child until they have been in my program for at least 1-2 months depending on if the child is full time or part time.

the stress of being new alone is hard enough, can you imagine trying to get a child that is trying to build trust with you to all of a sudden just now start the stressful process of potty training. I say let them get to know us first and feel confident here before trying to make them do anything...poor kids, parents want too much sometimes.

No thanks....

Started in middle of January.

I have potty trained a lot of kids here over my 6 years of running. I've been the one to go "underwear Monday, your kid is ready." Parents start over the weekend and they either have one ops here Monday or nothing and that's the end of it and the kids trained. It just seems this last year (or2) I've been having problems with the parents lying about the work they do at home or making up how ready their child is and the progress at home.

I'm at a lost on how the fix it/address it/deal with it.

[Denali]

Not pertaining to this particular situation.

But I have a son, 17 months in daycare full time. He says several words but for the most part is non verbal and communicates by pointing, but he understands a lot of what I say to him and follows directions.

At home I ask him every so often if he has to go potty. He shakes his head yes or no. When he tells me yes, I remove his diaper, set him on the potty and he will go 100% of the time (when he tells me yes). At home he will bring me his potty ring to "tell me" he has to go.

Is it unreasonable for me to ask daycare to ask him if he has to go potty when they ask the other kids even though he is so little? Or do they normally just wait until the kids are doing more for themselves

My son was non-verbal (special needs), I'd be good taking him to the potty as long as he could communicate in some form and After two-weeks no accident (and it's not like every 15-30 minutes) I would be game to try lined underwear.

!!BUT!! you need to actually talk to your daycare about it. Their daycare, their rules. It's ok to ask honest questions to your daycare provider if it's not clear in your handbook.

I LOVE IT when parents ask me questions. Honest questions are great and I happily answer and clarify. I gladly work with parents as long as they work with me and understand that when I say no it's because I won't and/or can't and understand and listen when I explain why.

What I hate is when after explaining my 'no' parents then act like the no is just to spite them and their child and hold their child back.

[laundrymom]

Here is mine.
I would smile when they mention it again.
"That's awesome Dad! I hope you guys really made a biggdeal about the success. Here's a copy of my toileting policy. If you have any questions just let me know. "
And share your policy.


Potty Learning Policy::
Knit/jersey pants/shorts during transition. (Leggings or sweatpants are best) No belts, buckles, jeans or bibbed overalls. Undies under diaper or pull-up. Not on top. If child has an accident during the two-week transition time, we simply start a new two week period. I do not fuss at or shame a child for having an accident. We just clean up the mess and move on with our day. If child is accident-free for two weeks, we remove diaper/pull-up during play and wear only during nap. After a month or so of dry naps we let them sleep diaper/pull-up free and I place a fleece blanket under their cots at nap until I stop worrying about accidents.*

[Mom2Two]

So far it has worked well for me to say that I don't get very involved with potty training, but I do require that they be in pull ups until they are consistently not having accidents. I do help with reminders to go potty if they are new at it, and I wipe them if they need help with that.

Also I put in place a $20 fee for underwear accidents. That has reduced accidents to very, very few here.

But it doesn't bother me if a child is older before they are potty trained.