DCM Asks To Skip 2 Weeks Of Payment To Catch Up On Money

[Unregistered]

I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.

I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.

I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.

Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.

[Unregistered]

has anyone else ever been in this position? What would you do?

[KTsKids]

I actually just did exactly this for a family. I've been watching her child since she was 6 weeks old, they always paid on time and followed all my rules. It was one of the best families I've worked with and DCG was quiet and easy to take care of. Then DCM got pregnant, with twins, while on birth control. Two weeks after that DCD walk out on them. So... I started letting her fall behind a week or two in payment while waiting for child support to kick in... Next thing I know it's been 4 months, still no child support, and she has an $800 balance!

Once she fell substantially behind I didn't want to terminate care because I felt if she had to find and pay for another provider I would never see the money she owed. So I kept her, and she fell further and further behind. Last week she went into labor 2 months early and had the babies... So now she's not working, DCG was pulled from care, and with her newborns in the NICU I'd look like an insensitive b@%$ if I were to contact her about her balance. I've really learned my lesson on this one, I'll never let someone fall more than a day or two behind again. You have to do what's right for you though. It's easy to sit on this side of the computer and tell you don't do it, it's a lot harder to be in your shoes and tell DCM no.

If you do choose to give her a break be prepared for it to last longer than two weeks. I've found that once a parent knows I'll bend the rules even slightly they'll start to take advantage. Ya know, give an inch they take a mile. DCM knows that the electric company, landlord, and insurance company won't budge. If she thinks you will you'll be the one she comes to every time money gets tight. I know it's hard, but do your best to keep emotion out of it and keep your own family in mind. Why should her bills come before you taking care of your own kids?

[laundrymom]

"I'm sorry mom, but this is not something I'm able to accommodate. "

Why would she expect you to suffer for her money issues? Is she your sister?
Or close friend? Why would you take a pay cut or pay deferral because she chose to not be prepared?

I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.

I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.

I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.

Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.

[childcaremom]

"I'm sorry mom, but this is not something I'm able to accommodate. "

Why would she expect you to suffer for her money issues? Is she your sister?
Or close friend? Why would you take a pay cut or pay deferral because she chose to not be prepared?

I'd just use the simple phrase above. Then start advertising.

[Snowmom]

Even the best relationships can turn sour very quickly. Especially when money is involved.

If you are prepared to potentially never see the money and you are ok with working for free, then sure. But, I would definitely go into it thinking it's charity and not business.

[sharlan]

No, no, no! I did this with one of my best paying parents. I also loaned her cash with a signed contract.

Mom ended up leaving the country with NO warning. I had to call her work to find out she left.

Expensive lesson that I won't forget.

[Blackcat31]

I got a message from DCM asking if she could skip a week or two of paying so she could catch up on money. She said she is hoping child support would kick in soon or she can find a better job to repay anything she owes......which, to me, sounds like it is going to end up being longer than the 2 weeks she mentioned.

I really like this mom and her son. They have been respectful of my policies and rules and to my home and family.

I really wish I could make this work- goodness knows I have fallen on hard times myself but I simply can't afford to not fill his spot for who knows how long. She didn't make me feel guilty or that it was my responsibility to do a favor for her and she understood if I couldn't do it.

Am I wrong for telling her that I just can't right now? As my husband said to me "this is a business, not volunteer work" and I agree. He didn't mean it in an insensitive way-We have 4 kids to feed and clothe and this is my income but I just wish there was something I could to do help I guess. While I am getting better at keeping my emotions out of things like this, I guess there is always room for improvement.

Daycare is not a charity.

I wonder if she'd be willing to suspend her internet or cell service for a period of time instead....

It's disheartening that child care providers are the first one's asked when in reality, you can still work if you don't have cell or internet but you can't work if you don't have child care services so I will never understand this thought process in regards to parents.....

@OP ~ if you are unable to make this arrangement with the mom, simply say no. You are NOT wrong for being honest and not being able to take the cut in pay.

[Leigh]

I had a family that fell into temporary hard times a couple of years ago. I discounted their rate for 2 months down to $15/day/child. I explained to them that I could NOT watch them for free because I would end up spending my own money for the privilege of caring for their children. It DOES cost you money to care for kids, so there's no way you should do it for nothing. I don't regret offering the temporary discount, but I doubt I'd do it again-I need my full rate. I can't justify taking money from my family to give to theirs.

[Ariana]

Daycare is not a charity.

I wonder if she'd be willing to suspend her internet or cell service for a period of time instead....

It's disheartening that child care providers are the first one's asked when in reality, you can still work if you don't have cell or internet but you can't work if you don't have child care services so I will never understand this thought process in regards to parents.....

@OP ~ if you are unable to make this arrangement with the mom, simply say no. You are NOT wrong for being honest and not being able to take the cut in pay.

Absolutely!

It is not your problem and you are not being an insensitive b!tch for not wanting to take on someone else's problem. It makes you a healthy person with healthy boundaries.

In my experience giving people breaks never ever works out for the caregiver. You cannot afford it so this will create a very bad situation for your family. They come first.

[JackandJill]

I'm always surprised when people ask if they can not pay or not pay on time! Like BC said, they could make cuts in other areas, but even then I am sure many of those companies would not be okay with not getting paid either.

You are a business... I would not work for free. Even if I could afford it, I know that it would cause the relationship to sour. They few times I have "done favors", parents have always ended up taking advantage of the situation.

Parents will do whats best for them, so always do whats best for you.

[Silly Songs]

If you want to help her maybe you can reduce her rate for a month and give her the numbers of some social service agencies.

[lovemydaycare0912]

You are not wrong for saying no. You said it yourself you have 4 children to feed and in my eyes, family comes first.

[Unregistered]

Thank you for all of your replies. I knew you would open my eyes!! I feel better about standing firm in what I know is the right thing to do. I have an interview for a new family this Tuesday. I appreciate every response. Thank you again!

[renodeb]

Situations where the client has asked for a big favor like that rarely ever work out. Its a very slippery slope. That client should ask herself how she would fell if they asked if they could skip paying her for two weeks. I wouldn't do it. I have learned from my mistakes. I would start advertising to fill that spot.