Have You Ever Had a DCP Discipline Your Child in Front of You?

[Indoorvoice]

A dck's grandma yelled at my dd for calling the dck a liar today at pick up. It was totally inappropriate of my dd and I would have addressed it on the spot, but I wasn't given a chance. The dck WAS actually lying though and had the grandma not been lingering at pick up, this wouldn't have happened. I told her I would handle it and said bye. Have any of you had to deal with this before?

[Mom2Two]

I'm hoping for your sake that you don't have to see crazy grandma very often.

I haven't had this exact thing happen, but I have had a dcm tell me that her daughter's (serious) behavior problems were because my daughter "wouldn't share toys with dd." Total denial and completely untrue and out of character for my daughter.

[daycare]

A dck's grandma yelled at my dd for calling the dck a liar today at pick up. It was totally inappropriate of my dd and I would have addressed it on the spot, but I wasn't given a chance. The dck WAS actually lying though and had the grandma not been lingering at pick up, this wouldn't have happened. I told her I would handle it and said bye. Have any of you had to deal with this before?

I don't care who's kid it is, unless it is their own. NO parent will handle the children. I would not be ok with this and G-ma would be on my list of not able to pick up if she can't follow the rules.

I actually have a G-ma that can't pick up because she lets dck run into the street every time she picks up. I told dcp no more. If she can't control the child to keep the safe, she can't pick up. they were very unhappy with me, but no way in the world was I going to deal with that any longer. Way too unsafe and way too much liability.

Do you have this rule in your PHB that only the provider is to handle the children?

[Snowmom]

A dck's grandma yelled at my dd for calling the dck a liar today at pick up. It was totally inappropriate of my dd and I would have addressed it on the spot, but I wasn't given a chance. The dck WAS actually lying though and had the grandma not been lingering at pick up, this wouldn't have happened. I told her I would handle it and said bye. Have any of you had to deal with this before?

When you say "yell", what exactly does that mean?

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with anyone discipling a child that wasn't their own in my daycare.
But, this also makes me think about how it was handled by grandma.

I am not ok with yelling at a child. Raising my voice when it's loud and I need to be heard... ok. Raising my voice for safety reasons...ok. But yelling AT a child, no.
If you get my meaning.

If that happened here, I would be talking to the parents and expressing my frustration for sure!

[midaycare]

I have a dcd who will correct dcks. He's a super nice guy, but...the reason they are acting out at all is because he's lingering He's kind about it though.

One time he told my ds, who was 8 at the time, he couldn't bring his Legos in the daycare area. He just had a mini figure in his hand... But overall, nice family.

[Indoorvoice]

When you say "yell", what exactly does that mean?

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with anyone discipling a child that wasn't their own in my daycare.
But, this also makes me think about how it was handled by grandma.

I am not ok with yelling at a child. Raising my voice when it's loud and I need to be heard... ok. Raising my voice for safety reasons...ok. But yelling AT a child, no.
If you get my meaning.

If that happened here, I would be talking to the parents and expressing my frustration for sure!

Yeah, she raised her voice, pointed at dd and said "I do NOT appreciate you saying that! You are a bully!" She then kept saying she was sorry she should have let me handle it but she did not like that.

[debbiedoeszip]

I don't care who's kid it is, unless it is their own. NO parent will handle the children. I would not be ok with this and G-ma would be on my list of not able to pick up if she can't follow the rules.

This. I have contradicted a parent disciplining their own child though. Mom came during snack and told dcb that he had to finish all the food on his plate. I said, "No he doesn't". Sometimes I trump parents. My house, my rules.

[Rockgirl]

Yeah, she raised her voice, pointed at dd and said "I do NOT appreciate you saying that! You are a bully!" She then kept saying she was sorry she should have let me handle it but she did not like that.

Oh, &$@# NO! She would not be allowed back in my home. Name calling, pointing, yelling at your child in her own home.....no.

[Snowmom]

Yea, that's not ok.
I would expect all adults to model good behavior.

[JackandJill]

Not my child, but one of my daycare kids. I let them go on the spot, it was so inappropriate!

[nannyde]

A dck's grandma yelled at my dd for calling the dck a liar today at pick up. It was totally inappropriate of my dd and I would have addressed it on the spot, but I wasn't given a chance. The dck WAS actually lying though and had the grandma not been lingering at pick up, this wouldn't have happened. I told her I would handle it and said bye. Have any of you had to deal with this before?

I never allowed my son contact with my daycare parents or whoever picked up the kids. He was banished from day one from the arrival and departure door. He wouldn't have had the opportunity to say something to a daycare kid in front of the picking up party.

It was really important to me to keep his life separate from the daycare. This is one of the reasons why. His actions or words could affect a 7 K a year relationship if they had ONE kid. I didn't want him to have that responsibility or opportunity.

[Indoorvoice]

I never allowed my son contact with my daycare parents or whoever picked up the kids. He was banished from day one from the arrival and departure door. He wouldn't have had the opportunity to say something to a daycare kid in front of the picking up party.

It was really important to me to keep his life separate from the daycare. This is one of the reasons why. His actions or words could affect a 7 K a year relationship if they had ONE kid. I didn't want him to have that responsibility or opportunity.

You bring up a super good point that I'm not sure how to handle. I have struggled with both my 6yo and 3yo acting out at pick up and drop off and have told them they aren't allowed to come in the daycare area while parents are here. However obviously they often break this rule because I can't come up with a consequence strict enough for them. The attention is more important to them. My house is not set up where I can physically ban them from the entrance and they will scream and carry on if I gate them off. It's awful. It doesn't help that despite contracted times, my dcps show up early often and I never know what time to be ready for them. That along with the lingerers is really tough on me and my own kids. I'm so glad you chimed in nannyde. What do I do?

[Controlled Chaos]

The fact that the grandparent apologized profusely helps. We all get defensive sometimes. I can see a grandparent getting defensive of their grandchild and overstepping. That she apologized and understands she overstepped is what would matter to me. I would communicate that it will never happen again, let them know you will term if it does then move on.

As for my kids interacting with dcps at pickups. I am working on that. I worry about their ability to kill income as they are desperate for attention by 5pm and can be monsters for the other parents. I have started letting my 5yo and 7 yo go upstairs to watch a cartoon for the last 30 min of the day. If they haven't earned that, then they are at a table activity and don't leave the area when a parent arrives. The trick is my newly turned 3yo monster DD . Though Friday we started working on, when I see a dcp arrive, she runs to my special chair and sits quietly until the parent and dck leave. Then she gets and M&M before returning to play. She loved it. She will do a lot for an M&M Working on training all children to stay in their area until I tell them it is their parent and to get their shoes. Its hard though!

[daycarediva]

Oh, &$@# NO! She would not be allowed back in my home. Name calling, pointing, yelling at your child in her own home.....no.

I don't care how much she apologized, grandma would NOT be allowed to pick up anymore. NO WAY IN HELL would I allow my child to be treated that way in their own home.

I couldn't care less about my relationship with the parent or the potential income loss. I would explain it to the child's parent- it's the same protection I would extend to my daycare kids. How would they have felt had an adult spoke to their child that way? I actually have a section in my handbook about NOT speaking to or even ABOUT other children in my care.

[Indoorvoice]

The fact that the grandparent apologized profusely helps. We all get defensive sometimes. I can see a grandparent getting defensive of their grandchild and overstepping. That she apologized and understands she overstepped is what would matter to me. I would communicate that it will never happen again, let them know you will term if it does then move on.

As for my kids interacting with dcps at pickups. I am working on that. I worry about their ability to kill income as they are desperate for attention by 5pm and can be monsters for the other parents. I have started letting my 5yo and 7 yo go upstairs to watch a cartoon for the last 30 min of the day. If they haven't earned that, then they are at a table activity and don't leave the area when a parent arrives. The trick is my newly turned 3yo monster DD . Though Friday we started working on, when I see a dcp arrive, she runs to my special chair and sits quietly until the parent and dck leave. Then she gets and M&M before returning to play. She loved it. She will do a lot for an M&M Working on training all children to stay in their area until I tell them it is their parent and to get their shoes. Its hard though!

Great ideas. I was using my phone for a while to keep them entertained during pick up but now they argue over it and I use the brightwheel app so the parents need it to sign out. I have also tried candy motivators but they're not huge on candy. Of course. Lol. I just need to be more strict but I feel bad that they can't have free reign in their own home. And like I said, I had my kids under control but the grandma had been there for 15 minutes when my dd came upstairs to ask me a question. I had been trying to walk away and get her out the door the entire time. I need to figure out a way to have her kid ready to go and just hand her off. It's the having to sign out that stumps me and also the fact that I never know what time she's coming. It really shouldn't be this difficult.