Potty Training Frustration

[tenderhearts]

I have an almost 4 yr old girl (next week) who is not potty trained yet. It is the most frustrating thing. She knows, she chooses not to. The hardest part is parents say they try at home but they baby her WAY too much, especially the dad. He's a nice guy but googoos over her way too much and it drives me crazy. Anyways, I do not believe they really try, to make matters worse she goes to grandparents a day per week and I know they do not try, in so many words they have said, it's just more convenient for diapers.
I have tried and tried and have started a "reward" system, I ran it by mom and she was completely on board however she makes progress until the weekend hits, or after grandparents.
This is so frustrating. Any suggestions? I know this girl is capable just not willing...

[midaycare]

I have 2 almost 4's like this. Parents aren't even close to being interested in potty training.

One dcd told me, "We expect one day he will just go use the potty by hinself." Just ridiculous. And these are smart people!

[daycarediva]

OP, have you actually sat them down and said everyone needs to be on board or dcg will be going to K in diapers?

I don't enroll children over age 3 who aren't potty trained now. I know that sounds harsh, but I had a 5 year old leave for K not trained last year.

If a child is enrolled prior to that age, I bring up potty training plans to parents at interviews. I also watch for readiness signs, and I give parents a LOT of feedback on it. I assist (up to tossing them in underwear, or running around naked or going every 20 minutes)

I have noticed that *I* have been the initiator of the whole potty training process for the last 3ish years for EVERY child. Kids who show readiness signs like pulling pants up, staying dry for periods of time, telling me they are going/need to go, etc.

I also give parents a BIG warning- if they wait, it becomes a power struggle. IMHO, there is a narrow window of time when a child is ready, and willing and if you miss that window, they are already accustomed to just peeing/pooping when the diaper goes on. The 5yo I mentioned actually would wait until I put a diaper on him to go home and poop in it, sometimes before he even got in the car.

I ALSO tell parents that wiping and being completely potty independent takes time, months-years and they need these skills mastered WELL before Kindergarten. The teachers WILL NOT wipe a child.

[Gemma]

I know how you must feel, I have the same issue with one of my dck and I TOTALLY blame the lack of consistency at home

...but I'm done stressing over it cause no one else seems to care!
I just keep encouraging to try and stay dry and let me know when "it's coming", so we can go to the toilet, then if she does, great, and if she doesn't oh well, we tried!

[tenderhearts]

daycarediva, yes I am in constant communication with them and how we HAVE to ALL be on board with this including the grandparents, they say they know this however, laziness takes the win for sure. I usually do the initiating of potty training or else no one will ever be potty trained.
I will not put them in underwear for sanitary reasons but I talked with mom last week about all of this and said if she could find the thicker cotton gerber underwear and plastic pants that would be better than pull ups. I use them here on here and like I said, she was doing well UNTIL today after the grandparents. I just don't understand.

[laundrymom]

I support the parents. I encourage the kids. But I don't hand hold or micromanage.
If parents don't mind buying diapers, and child doesn't mind wearing them, I don't stress. However, life is much easier with underwear. Lol. Especially mine.

[Blackcat31]

I don't involve myself in toilet training at all.

When parents choose to start, I will support their efforts (within reason) but I don't initiate the process nor do I tell them if or when I think their child is ready.

That's a parent's call.

[tenderhearts]

That's just about what I'm going to do with her. Just let them deal with it. I just get really tired of changing a 4 year old.

[Blackcat31]

That's just about what I'm going to do with her. Just let them deal with it. I just get really tired of changing a 4 year old.

It does get old and nasty but honestly, it's less stress for you over all. I mean either way you look at it, changing a poopy diaper is gross but it takes only a few minutes and wham bam you're done.

The stress of having to constantly be in "training" mode with this child has got to be way worse....

I am also betting the DCM was more than on board with you doing the reward thing because that meant doing the hard work would be YOUR problem not theirs.

I would just let her be. Let her wear diapers.

I have lots of "big kid" activities and toys that only children in underwear can partake in. If they want to play with those things or be a big kid, it doesn't take the child long to figure it out.

But I certainly won't stress about a child in diapers due to lazy parents and I certainly don't like putting in more time and attention to something that benefits mostly the parents, then the child and lastly you. The stress of training compared to the ick factor having to change a 4 yr old isn't even a difficult choice...

I give this to parents.... https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8_...ew?usp=sharing

when it's time for me to jump in and help finish up the process, it usually takes only a day or two and that is that.

[midaycare]

BC what are your big kid activities?

[Blackcat31]

BC what are your big kid activities?

I have an entire preschool room of activities that are for those kids that wear underwear only.

Little Legos
Big kid doll house
Markers/art cabinet
"Sewing" supplies
Light Table
Magnet board
Hot Wheels

Tons of things that have smaller pieces or that require older abilities.... you know everything a little kid WANTS desperately to have to have access to

No password required, no fees or dues, no magic words or keys required.....just underwear and the ability to use the toilet.

It's amazing how much of a motivator that can be.

[midaycare]

I have an entire preschool room of activities that are for those kids that wear underwear only.

Little Legos
Big kid doll house
Markers/art cabinet
"Sewing" supplies
Light Table
Magnet board
Hot Wheels

Tons of things that have smaller pieces or that require older abilities.... you know everything a little kid WANTS desperately to have to have access to

No password required, no fees or dues, no magic words or keys required.....just underwear and the ability to use the toilet.

It's amazing how much of a motivator that can be.

I love that idea! What typeof light table do you have? I'm in the market.

[Blackcat31]

I love that idea! What typeof light table do you have? I'm in the market.

I bought this one last summer (courtesy of a QRIS grant)

https://www.kaplanco.com/product/62802/led-activity-tablet?c=9%7CSC1005

Super easy to use and very durable!

[midaycare]

I bought this one last summer (courtesy of a QRIS grant)

https://www.kaplanco.com/product/62802/led-activity-tablet?c=9%7CSC1005

Super easy to use and very durable!

I'm hopingfor a QRIS grant, too

[Unregistered]

Children must be toilet trained by three or a very short time after age three here. Recently I worked at a Montessori preschool and they took kids two to five. Kids had to be trained before enrollment........and they were!

I'm just not doing it. Nope!