Firm with Another DCB

[Boymom]

Was I wrong? I feel bad for some reason! Well, more embarrassed than anything.

Dcm mom came to pick up her son. Well another dcb gets way out of control when parents come pick up their kids. Well, while I'm talking to dcm, the other dcb tried to bite another kid (not her son.)

I VERY firmly said NO, we don't bite!!!

I feel like I over did it. I don't know why! I guess I had a lot of energy and it just came out super firm and I feel like I was very loud. Not yelling, just firm and severely to the point!!

Was I wrong?

I don't want to be passive, but I don't want to sound mean either!

I was surprised how strong it came out of my mouth ! I didn't know my voice could get so deep ha!

[Josiegirl]

Geez, that was YOU?! Could hear you all the way over here.

I wouldn't worry about it; you stopped the biting didn't you? That's the important part. Anybody who is sweet, gentle, whispery soft all the time towards every child is delusional. :: I would rather get my point across by a loud voice than deal with the aftermath of having to tell dcps about the bite.

[Thriftylady]

Geez, that was YOU?! Could hear you all the way over here.

I wouldn't worry about it; you stopped the biting didn't you? That's the important part. Anybody who is sweet, gentle, whispery soft all the time towards every child is delusional. :: I would rather get my point across by a loud voice than deal with the aftermath of having to tell dcps about the bite.

Agree with this!! If I was the mom picking up I would rather see that than you doing nothing.

[pandamom]

Agree with this!! If I was the mom picking up I would rather see that than you doing nothing.

This! I work in a center and we're supposed to use positive redirection always. There have been a few times that I've had to yell loudly to sort of startle a kid or get their attention before biting/hitting/kicking another child. And then letting the child know that behavior is unacceptable. Every one of those parents had told me that they were glad that I did that instead of just brushing it off.

[Boymom]

Geez, that was YOU?! Could hear you all the way over here.

I wouldn't worry about it; you stopped the biting didn't you? That's the important part. Anybody who is sweet, gentle, whispery soft all the time towards every child is delusional. :: I would rather get my point across by a loud voice than deal with the aftermath of having to tell dcps about the bite.

Hahaha I do feel like I was that loud!! ::

Good, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't out of line! I am trying to get some confidence, but I don't want to come of mean!

[Boymom]

Agree with this!! If I was the mom picking up I would rather see that than you doing nothing.

Thanks, Thrifty! I've never been firm like that, especially in front of another parent!

[Febby]

This! I work in a center and we're supposed to use positive redirection always. There have been a few times that I've had to yell loudly to sort of startle a kid or get their attention before biting/hitting/kicking another child. And then letting the child know that behavior is unacceptable. Every one of those parents had told me that they were glad that I did that instead of just brushing it off.

Isn't everyone all about positive redirection these days?

But in reality I'm as firm as I need to be to keep my room under control. While still being appropriate and non-abusive, of course.

[CalCare]

I'm sure you were keeping the kids safe! Not everyone is about redirection! We were always taught that redirection is not so useful as guidance and firm boundaries. Here's a good little article:

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/06/5-reasons-toddlers-dont-need-redirection-and-what-to-do-instead/

[Laurel]

When something like that happens, you might feel better making a comment to the parent that heard it. "Oh my gosh, I didn't realize I was raising my voice like that (or I sounded harsh). I was just so worried that Susie would get bit." Reasonable people understand that things like that just happen.

[Leigh]

Recently, I was getting over an upper respiratory illness (my voice had suffered), and had just cleaned my sliding glass doors because the same 4.5 yo constantly puts his hands on them and slides them all over the glass. I'd given him warning after warning that day to stop smearing the windows. While a parent was picking up, I told him to take his hands off the window. Instead, he started rubbing his hands on them again. I tried to use my deep, serious voice to tell him to take his hands off and ended up shrieking like a bird of prey "hands off the windooooooow!". The parent that was here burst out laughing, but I felt like a mean old idiot. It happens. Nothing wrong with telling a child about to bite "NO!". Positive redirection is great. NO to stop someone from getting hurt works a lot better than "here, chew on this chew toy instead of biting your friend". They MUST hear no now and then, too!