Would You Tell the Parent?

[permanentvacation]

Would you tell your daycare child's parent if their child bossed your new daycare substitute around all day?

[Baby Beluga]

No, I don't think that is something worthy of reporting back home. I would handle it in the DC between the sub, child and myself.

[mom2many]

Yes, but depending on what went on, I probably wouldn't pose it in a negative way though. Some kids are assertive and if they were only trying to be helpful that would be a different story than a child being disrespectful to authority...new or not.

[permanentvacation]

She was constantly telling the substitute things like, " You can't go in that room." "You're not allowed to do that" "You're supposed to do this" "I don't think Ms. So and So would like you going into her refrigerator" No matter what my sub did, the 3 year old child reprimanded her for it and told her she wasn't allowed to do that or was 'supposed' to do something else. The sub constantly, nicely - in my opinion too nicely which is why the child continued reprimanding the adult told the girl that what she was doing was just fine, or explained herself to the child saying things like "It's okay that I'm going in Ms. So and So's refrigerator. I need to make lunch for you."

So, yes, the child was literally reprimanding the adult all day and telling her what to and not to do!

[mom2many]

She was constantly telling the substitute things like, " You can't go in that room." "You're not allowed to do that" "You're supposed to do this" "I don't think Ms. So and So would like you going into her refrigerator" No matter what my sub did, the 3 year old child reprimanded her for it and told her she wasn't allowed to do that or was 'supposed' to do something else. The sub constantly, nicely - in my opinion too nicely which is why the child continued reprimanding the adult told the girl that what she was doing was just fine, or explained herself to the child saying things like "It's okay that I'm going in Ms. So and So's refrigerator. I need to make lunch for you."

So, yes, the child was literally reprimanding the adult all day and telling her what to and not to do!

This sounds like a child that needs to be told who is in authority. I would be the one addressing this and letting the child know this is totally unacceptable.

The assistant is "my" helper and you, as a daycare child are NOT in charge!

If the child continued with this behaviour after it was discussed with them, then yes I would talk to their parent.

I've never had an issue with a child once they understand and realize the limits that need to be imposed.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I have had several kids that would have done the same. I would probably just say something along the lines of "I heard Suzi really wanted to keep Miss XXX on her toes all day and make sure she was following the rules. I do appreciate her looking out for me but she needs to understand that when I am not here it is ok for Miss XXX to do whatever she needs to do in my house. I would appreciate it if you would also explain to Suzi that Miss XXXX is in charge.

[daycarediva]

This sounds like a child that needs to be told who is in authority. I would be the one addressing this and letting the child know this is totally unacceptable.

The assistant is "my" helper and you, as a daycare child are NOT in charge!

If the child continued with this behaviour after it was discussed with them, then yes I would talk to their parent.

I've never had an issue with a child once they understand and realize the limits that need to be imposed.

I have had several kids that would have done the same. I would probably just say something along the lines of "I heard Suzi really wanted to keep Miss XXX on her toes all day and make sure she was following the rules. I do appreciate her looking out for me but she needs to understand that when I am not here it is ok for Miss XXX to do whatever she needs to do in my house. I would appreciate it if you would also explain to Suzi that Miss XXXX is in charge.

I would address it with the child, with the parent and with the sub. Everyone needs to be on the same page, imho.

[Cat Herder]

I would be more concerned with why the sub could not handle it themselves. Children smell fear and inexperience. Did the sub ask for your help?

[Play Care]

I would be more concerned with why the sub could not handle it themselves. Children smell fear and inexperience. Did the sub ask for your help?

My thoughts exactly. My sub would have had no issue putting "little Miss" in her place. IMO, she needs to handle it or you'll spend all your time doing her work too. Been there, done that.

[permanentvacation]

The sub that I'm talking about is my sister. She's raised 4 of her own children and is currently raising 6 of her grandchildren. However, she and my other sister have for years told me that I'm too mean with my daycare kids. So she believes that she (and I) should be nicer with them. By her being nicer with them, the child ran all over her and bossed her around like a dog - just like I told her the child would if she weren't authoritative with the child. I wasn't here when that was going on. While I was here, the child was fine. But as soon as I left and the child saw that my sister (my sub) was trying to be all nice to her, the child ran over her like a Mac truck! The sub that I used to have, when she first started working for me, used to leave here every day and go home and CRY because the kids ran over her and bossed her around! After months of that, I finally convinced her to be authoritative with the kids. Once she was more authoritative, she had no problem working with the kids here.

I also feel that the parents, my sub, and I all need to know what the child is doing in every aspect; their behavior, education, manners, etc. But I am pretty much convinced that none of the parents in my area want to know jack squat about their children.

[AmyKidsCo]

No, I'd handle it "in house." Was your sister upset by the child's behavior? If not, I'd just let it go and trust her to handle things. If she was upset I'd talk to the 3 yr old.

I wonder if the 3 yr old was feeling insecure, not knowing if the sub would follow the same rules you have and react in a similar way as you would? Maybe that was her way of testing the limits to see if they'd still be the same.

[Thriftylady]

I only talk to parents if a problem is ongoing or if it is severe. Other than that, I deal with it here. I would be having a talk with the child, and then later I would be having a talk with my sub about not allowing that.

[permanentvacation]

This particular child also tried to boss me around when she first started and tried to boss my previous sub around. She only stopped trying that when I got very authoritative with her and let her know who the boss is and who is NOT the boss. Most of the kids that I get here are like that. I think it's from lack of parenting. I've seen many of my daycare parents completely obey the children. This is a very typical conversation between a child and his/her parents, As the parent arrives to get their child, the child will look at me and say, "Ms. So and so, we're going to get ice cream now." The parent will look at the child and say, "What? I don't have money for ice cream, no, we need to go home so you can play in your room. I'm tired" Then the child will command to the parent "I TOLD YOU that I was getting an ice cream today!" And then the parent will say "Oh yeah, you did tell me that this morning, didn't you? Okay, I guess we are going to get ice cream now."

The parent would not have been joking as if they are pretending to have forgotten that the child commanded to them that they were going to get ice cream. And the child is speaking to the parent as if he/she has a belt in their hand and is going to beat the living sh*t out of the parent if they don't obey them!

The whole time I'm standing there thinking 'OMG! I'd have to smack the mess out of that child if he were my kid! and Good Grief! No wonder he thinks he can talk to the other children and me like he does!' I'm just standing there completely shocked that the child just ORDERED the parent to do what he said and that the parent OBEYED!

But that's how probably 95% of my kids and parents relationships are. They are completely opposite of the way the relationship should be. The child is the authoritative, dictating parent and the parents obey the children's commands! The 5% of parents who do not allow the children to run the house, those are the couple of kids/families that I actually enjoy working with.

[Thriftylady]

This particular child also tried to boss me around when she first started and tried to boss my previous sub around. She only stopped trying that when I got very authoritative with her and let her know who the boss is and who is NOT the boss. Most of the kids that I get here are like that. I think it's from lack of parenting. I've seen many of my daycare parents completely obey the children. This is a very typical conversation between a child and his/her parents, As the parent arrives to get their child, the child will look at me and say, "Ms. So and so, we're going to get ice cream now." The parent will look at the child and say, "What? I don't have money for ice cream, no, we need to go home so you can play in your room. I'm tired" Then the child will command to the parent "I TOLD YOU that I was getting an ice cream today!" And then the parent will say "Oh yeah, you did tell me that this morning, didn't you? Okay, I guess we are going to get ice cream now."

The parent would not have been joking as if they are pretending to have forgotten that the child commanded to them that they were going to get ice cream. And the child is speaking to the parent as if he/she has a belt in their hand and is going to beat the living sh*t out of the parent if they don't obey them!

The whole time I'm standing there thinking 'OMG! I'd have to smack the mess out of that child if he were my kid! and Good Grief! No wonder he thinks he can talk to the other children and me like he does!' I'm just standing there completely shocked that the child just ORDERED the parent to do what he said and that the parent OBEYED!

But that's how probably 95% of my kids and parents relationships are. They are completely opposite of the way the relationship should be. The child is the authoritative, dictating parent and the parents obey the children's commands! The 5% of parents who do not allow the children to run the house, those are the couple of kids/families that I actually enjoy working with.

The relationship the kids have with their parents has nothing to do with the one they have with you. They CAN learn how to behave differently in different places. I am working on that with my SA kids right now. Once you and any sub you have set her straight, she will figure it out.

[NillaWafers]

I only let parents know if it's something I think I can't handle myself i.e. I have been working on this behavoir for a month and it's not improving. Then I'll talk to them about it.

I feel like being negative about their kids on a constant basis can drive a wedge between parent and provider and make it seem like you don't like their child or want their business. So I wait until it's urgent.