Parents Too Lazy to Potty Train

[Unregistered]

I have two 3 year old boys who are fully ready to potty train, but dcf's won't take the time. They are basically waiting for child to make the decision to use the toilet on their own.

More and more I am having to deal with blow out diapers that go up the back because their diapers are too small for their bm's. I'm thinking of charging for this, or trying to come up with a motivational penalty. Any ideas for me?

[permanentvacation]

If you've already discussed the problem with the parents, then I would suggest that you buy the size diapers you believe the children need and supply the diapers yourself. And that either you potty train the kids while they are with you and don't worry about what the parents are doing about potty training at home. Or do what the parents are doing and wait for the children to show interest in training.

I have fought against many, many parents in my area. I never had problems with parents in my old area. But here, I couldn't tell you how many parents I try to teach how to be parents. This past weekend, I finally decided to stop trying to make people do things or be people that they simply aren't. I learned a long time ago when trying to get my abusive husband to stop being abusive that you can't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do. The only person you can control or make do anything is yourself.

So, you need to decide what YOU are going to do. Are you going to continue to fuss with the same parents over the same thing knowing that they are never going to change? Are you going to buy the size diapers you believe the children need? Are you going to potty train at your house and not care if they potty train at their house since you already know they don't plan on doing so anytime soon? Or are you going to decide that you simply cannot accept that those parents won't do what you believe is right in this situation and are going to decide to terminate the children?

[Blackcat31]

I have two 3 year old boys who are fully ready to potty train, but dcf's won't take the time. They are basically waiting for child to make the decision to use the toilet on their own.

More and more I am having to deal with blow out diapers that go up the back because their diapers are too small for their bm's. I'm thinking of charging for this, or trying to come up with a motivational penalty. Any ideas for me?

ANY uncontained "blow out" equates to being sent home.

If I send a child home from care, they are excluded for 48 hours.

[lovemydaycare0912]

ANY uncontained "blow out" equates to being sent home.

If I send a child home from care, they are excluded for 48 hours.

I'm sure they'd get the hint after this. Imagine sending home Monday. Return Thursday. Send home. Return Monday.

[Unregistered]

If you've already discussed the problem with the parents, then I would suggest that you buy the size diapers you believe the children need and supply the diapers yourself. And that either you potty train the kids while they are with you and don't worry about what the parents are doing about potty training at home. Or do what the parents are doing and wait for the children to show interest in training.

I have fought against many, many parents in my area. I never had problems with parents in my old area. But here, I couldn't tell you how many parents I try to teach how to be parents. This past weekend, I finally decided to stop trying to make people do things or be people that they simply aren't. I learned a long time ago when trying to get my abusive husband to stop being abusive that you can't make anyone do anything that they don't want to do. The only person you can control or make do anything is yourself.

So, you need to decide what YOU are going to do. Are you going to continue to fuss with the same parents over the same thing knowing that they are never going to change? Are you going to buy the size diapers you believe the children need? Are you going to potty train at your house and not care if they potty train at their house since you already know they don't plan on doing so anytime soon? Or are you going to decide that you simply cannot accept that those parents won't do what you believe is right in this situation and are going to decide to terminate the children?

I don't know here...it's not my job to buy diapers nor to potty train. I'm not terming over this, but it is a sanitary issue. I don't need giardiasis or any other gross poop type parasite showing up here.

The dcf's are good except for this. I'm noticing a trend with some parents. Some are just too self-involved to notice or care when they have to actually work at parenting, such as in potty training.

[Unregistered]

ANY uncontained "blow out" equates to being sent home.

If I send a child home from care, they are excluded for 48 hours.

Interesting. Have you lost any dcf's due to your sick/exclusion policy?

[Thriftylady]

I don't know here...it's not my job to buy diapers nor to potty train. I'm not terming over this, but it is a sanitary issue. I don't need giardiasis or any other gross poop type parasite showing up here.

The dcf's are good except for this. I'm noticing a trend with some parents. Some are just too self-involved to notice or care when they have to actually work at parenting, such as in potty training.

I wouldn't buy diapers either. But I also wouldn't continue to deal with a sanitary issue. It isn't just nasty and gross, it isn't safe for your family or the other children in care. And that is what I would tell the parents, that as long as this continued to happen, they couldn't stay in care where it put the other children at risk. I didn't know it until I started daycare in KS, but many illnesses can be transmitted by fecal matter. I had parents who didn't tell me, but a boy in care got salmonella. The health dept. came and did all sorts of checks right down to the attendance records of kids, asked lots of questions about how the health of the other kids ect, because it turns out salmonella can be transferred that way, along with MANY other things. Before that, I thought it was only a food thing!

[Blackcat31]

Interesting. Have you lost any dcf's due to your sick/exclusion policy?

Nope. I think parents actually like the rule. (I've had families contact me specifically because of my illness policies)

I have little to no illness spread back and forth.

I might just have really good parents/families too but I've had the rule for several years now and no one has ever complained or not signed on because of it. I have a lengthy wait list and care is not hard to find here.

[Leigh]

I'd just tell the parents today that they MUST start providing the proper sized diaper (and tell them what size you need!). They go up to size 7 in Pampers Cruisers, I know. Then, don't accept the child without the proper size. Let parents know that it is a sanitation issue. You can't do anything about potty training, and honestly, I'm on the parents' side with this-I'd rather wait until the child is ready. It's much easier.

[Unregistered]

I'd just tell the parents today that they MUST start providing the proper sized diaper (and tell them what size you need!). They go up to size 7 in Pampers Cruisers, I know. Then, don't accept the child without the proper size. Let parents know that it is a sanitation issue. You can't do anything about potty training, and honestly, I'm on the parents' side with this-I'd rather wait until the child is ready. It's much easier.

These children are ready. They tell me when they need to be changed because they have the least little pee and they tell me before they have to poo and then go hide. It's hard work to potty train, but also a necessary skill.

I don't think the dcf's are purposely not providing the right size for the children - they buy the size for the child's weight. If you buy them too big, I imagine the kids wouldn't feel pee or poo at all, and it would take even longer to train.

These parents need to just buckle down and get this done. I mean, it takes, what, a weekend?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

These children are ready. They tell me when they need to be changed because they have the least little pee and they tell me before they have to poo and then go hide. It's hard work to potty train, but also a necessary skill.

I don't think the dcf's are purposely not providing the right size for the children - they buy the size for the child's weight. If you buy them too big, I imagine the kids wouldn't feel pee or poo at all, and it would take even longer to train.

These parents need to just buckle down and get this done. I mean, it takes, what, a weekend?

Have them use the toilet during regularly scheduled restroom breaks like the big kids.
They could easily be fully potty trained with YOU and not at home. It has happened here before and no, I don't typically potty train children (in fact, in my handbook it says I do not) BUT ... if they're REALLY able to be potty trained then it takes 1 day tops. Since I have 11-12 kids here daily, I'd rather they go in the toilet than change a poop diaper.

[permanentvacation]

You don't potty train children, but you take kids who are not potty trained yet? And you just expect the parents to potty train, but you don't offer to potty train them while they are in daycare? You said that it's not your job to potty train. If you take children who are not potty trained, then, yes, it is your job to potty train them during the time they are in your care and it's the parents' job to train them while they are with the parents. Children can not only be potty training while at home and then not trained all day long at daycare.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

You don't potty train children, but you take kids who are not potty trained yet? And you just expect the parents to potty train, but you don't offer to potty train them while they are in daycare? You said that it's not your job to potty train. If you take children who are not potty trained, then, yes, it is your job to potty train them during the time they are in your care and it's the parents' job to train them while they are with the parents. Children can not only be potty training while at home and then not trained all day long at daycare.

I don't agree. She doesn't HAVE to potty train them. The parent could do this on a weekend and then have them in pull-ups or underwear and plastic pants at daycare until they've been accident free for a set number of days. I've done that here many times with great success. I've also potty trained a child who was more than ready but had a parent who just couldn't commit to doing it.

[JackandJill]

You don't potty train children, but you take kids who are not potty trained yet? And you just expect the parents to potty train, but you don't offer to potty train them while they are in daycare? You said that it's not your job to potty train. If you take children who are not potty trained, then, yes, it is your job to potty train them during the time they are in your care and it's the parents' job to train them while they are with the parents. Children can not only be potty training while at home and then not trained all day long at daycare.

I don't potty train either. I gladly help with the training, but it must start at home on a long weekend or vacation. I will only do it when the child has accomplished a list of potty skills at home, before starting in care. Once they are trained they still have to wear pull ups until they have gone 2 weeks accident free. And I think that is pretty fair, considering how much work and frustration goes into potty training!

[Unregistered]

You don't potty train children, but you take kids who are not potty trained yet? And you just expect the parents to potty train, but you don't offer to potty train them while they are in daycare? You said that it's not your job to potty train. If you take children who are not potty trained, then, yes, it is your job to potty train them during the time they are in your care and it's the parents' job to train them while they are with the parents. Children can not only be potty training while at home and then not trained all day long at daycare.

OP here. I think your last sentence says it all. Of course I potty train, but I work WITH dcf's, not by myself. Otherwise all the work I do is undone at night or over a weekend. Why should put it effort to potty train, when mom and dad are just throwing pull ups on?