Talking Preschool at Drop Off

[Josiegirl]

Maybe I'm taking this the wrong way, can you help me decide?
Two dcms are here at the same time this a.m., both really nice people. One has a 4 yo and the other dcm asked if she was going to send her to preschool in the fall. The 4 yo's mom said 'I don't know, we're thinking about it but since we live an hour away, it makes it difficult'. So mom #2 says 'the state gives you 3K towards choosing whichever preschool you want'. Well, it's obvious if she chooses preschool, I lose her. But here they are, discussing all this right in front of me.
How would you feel?

[Cat Herder]

"How would you feel?"

Sorry for the kids. Sorry for the Moms.

There is so much peer pressure right now on young Moms about the right early childhood experience for their kids.

They are made to feel like they are half-@$$ing it if they stick with traditional care.

The same way we are shamed if we choose to stay traditional.

All for jacked up educational spending dollars and the spin doctors.

[NoMoreJuice!]

I think it took a while for this to sink in for me, but I totally get it now. The universal rule regarding daycare clients is: They will always do what is in their best interest. No matter how close you think you are with a family, or how much mutual respect you have for each other, if they find what they consider to be a better situation they will always take it. That could be a less expensive daycare, free preschool, a blue house when you have a green one, whatever. We all just have to know our worth and send them on their way.

[Leigh]

"How would you feel?"

Sorry for the kids. Sorry for the Moms.

There is so much peer pressure right now on young Moms about the right early childhood experience for their kids.

They are made to feel like they are half-@$$ing it if they stick with traditional care.

The same way we are shamed if we choose to stay traditional.

All for jacked up educational spending dollars and the spin doctors.

I share with parents at interviews about how I feel about preschool not being developmentally appropriate. I don't understand the rush to push kids into formal education when there is so much proof that free play is what they need.

[Snowmom]

Maybe I'm taking this the wrong way, can you help me decide?
Two dcms are here at the same time this a.m., both really nice people. One has a 4 yo and the other dcm asked if she was going to send her to preschool in the fall. The 4 yo's mom said 'I don't know, we're thinking about it but since we live an hour away, it makes it difficult'. So mom #2 says 'the state gives you 3K towards choosing whichever preschool you want'. Well, it's obvious if she chooses preschool, I lose her. But here they are, discussing all this right in front of me.
How would you feel?

How would I feel?
I'd feel like I just got a 4 month notice and probably start interviewing now to replace them. If a replacement was found sooner rather than later, I'd give them notice.

I think discussing it in my front entrance is rude. But honestly, now you know what her plans are and you can plan accordingly.
If it came up again though, I'd probably flat out stop her mid sentence and tell her that I don't appreciate her recruiting my clients for other businesses.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I would be upset. What if we talked in fron t of them about wanting to replace current kids and implying that we wanted to fill their spot? They would be upset and wondering if they will have care int he future, just as we wonder if we will have that income. Not sure how you should handle it, but maybe call them out on it. "You and ____ were talking about preschool the other day...are you planning to send dck then? I just need to know so I can let people on my waiting list know that I have a opening." See what they say or if they back off of it.

[daycarediva]

How would I feel?
I'd feel like I just got a 4 month notice and probably start interviewing now to replace them. If a replacement was found sooner rather than later, I'd give them notice.

I think discussing it in my front entrance is rude. But honestly, now you know what her plans are and you can plan accordingly.
If it came up again though, I'd probably flat out stop her mid sentence and tell her that I don't appreciate her recruiting my clients for other businesses.

and this is what I would do.

I run a prek program (play based, developmentally appropriate). I have NEVER had a parent leave for free/upk care.

I go over and over it at interview and only enroll clients who agree that PLAY is how children learn best, and dislike the early pushdown of academics. I PROVE to them via photos, articles, etc what they are learning daily. I track their progress and send home reports.

I think educating the PARENT has become a new part of my job description.

[Blackcat31]

I share with parents at interviews about how I feel about preschool not being developmentally appropriate. I don't understand the rush to push kids into formal education when there is so much proof that free play is what they need.

I do the same and make a point of making SURE my clients understand that I offer a full preschool curriculum.

I see no issues discussing preschool in the entryway/within ear shot of the provider IF they weren't aware that I offered a full preschool curriculum. kwim?

So my response to OP's question and my reaction to the parents if this happened in my entry way is and would be dependent on the parent's awareness or lack of awareness of my offered/provided services.

[Leigh]

and this is what I would do.

I run a prek program (play based, developmentally appropriate). I have NEVER had a parent leave for free/upk care.

I go over and over it at interview and only enroll clients who agree that PLAY is how children learn best, and dislike the early pushdown of academics. I PROVE to them via photos, articles, etc what they are learning daily. I track their progress and send home reports.

I think educating the PARENT has become a new part of my job description.

We've never had what I would consider a good one last around here. Parents are looking for places that send home tons of worksheets, adult oriented art work, and will teach their kids to read by kindergarten. We've had some good ones, but they never last.

[mommyneedsadayoff]

I do the same and make a point of making SURE my clients understand that I offer a full preschool curriculum.

I see no issues discussing preschool in the entryway/within ear shot of the provider IF they weren't aware that I offered a full preschool curriculum. kwim?

So my response to OP's question and my reaction to the parents if this happened in my entry way is and would be dependent on the parent's awareness or lack of awareness of my offered/provided services.

I totally agree and understand your point. In my area, preschool is only a few hours a day, so most people still need daycare, so I wouldn't be offended by that either. In this case, though, it sounds like preschool must be full day, so they are talking about leaving her care, while still in her home, which I think is rude. To me, its no different than talking about going to a different daycare while still standing in my entryway I would be upset by that, but I wouldn't make a stink. I would just make sure I advertise and prepare to lose them or maybe even, depending on how serious I think they are, give notice and move on to my next kid.

[AmyKidsCo]

I think it took a while for this to sink in for me, but I totally get it now. The universal rule regarding daycare clients is: They will always do what is in their best interest. No matter how close you think you are with a family, or how much mutual respect you have for each other, if they find what they consider to be a better situation they will always take it. That could be a less expensive daycare, free preschool, a blue house when you have a green one, whatever. We all just have to know our worth and send them on their way.

Yes, Yes, Yes! This is what I always tell other FCC providers!

No matter what, families always do what's in their best interest.

The sooner we figure that out the less heartache and stress we go through.

[CalCare]

What always complicates these conversations is that the word "preschool" doesn't have any specific universal meaning. You can call your all day TV daycare "Patty's Preschool" if you want!
The fact of the matter is, "preschool", "childcare", and "daycare" are all words that mean a program where the children are cared for usually (not always) apart from their parents.

So, these parents wanting "preschool" don't know that what they are really looking for is some sort of preparation for kindergarten. And, what they often don't realize, is that the way children prepare for kindergarten is by having opportunities to learn about themselves and their world through play.

Many psychologists are saying the rise in child and teen depression and suicide is because of the lack of play growing up. Many scientists, doctors and child development professionals are practically begging our government to stop writing curriculum that they have no experience or education in writing and to make a return to play.

And play based curriculum doesn't mean the care givers or teachers don't plan. Just the contrary. Quality play based programs do have curriculum, planning, lesson plans, and an environment and materials purposefully prepared. All "play" programs aren't quality either- you can call yourself play-based and say "go play toys" or you can call yourself "play based" and make formal observations of children daily/weekly, determine what developmental areas need support, plan environment and materials to be provided - which specific children have show specific interest in, and follow through by facilitated that play and assessing it afterwards.

So, I guess in this particular situation, I might ask what the parent thinks the "preschool" would provide that isn't provided here. If it's a developmentally inappropriate curriculum where children are asked to sit at tables- just to teach them how to sit at tables in Kindergarten, then I would tell the parents that's not developmentally appropriate and give them plenty of peer reviewed articles and results of studies that prove it. When they are confused as to why this is what the government seems to think is best (these are state funded upk's, we are talking about I presume?), I would explain that the only reason the state funds these programs is because academics is getting pushed down from first grade and kindergarten to preschool because the way high stakes testing has caused a demand for younger and younger children to know more academic concepts sooner and sooner. And do you know who plans common core (the reason academic curriculum is being pushed down)? Government officials with no background in child development or education. The better kids can manage to do on these tests, the more money those test makers and curriculum planners get. These mf's are using our kids for money. They are preying on the fears of well meaning parents and teachers. The fear that we want to do the best for these children and if we don't we'll ruin them. But we are ruining them. We are literally ruining the social, emotional and creative development of our children because of this. And not only that- the children who are in play based programs actually develop better language and cognitive skills as well. It's just not as obvious because they do better on tests AT FIRST. Studies show that children from head start programs did have an academic advantage over their peers- until it leveled off at third grade. After that, there was no advantage. And by then, those kids did not get to develop appropriately in all domains.

That's my more than two cents!

[Josiegirl]

How would I feel?
I'd feel like I just got a 4 month notice and probably start interviewing now to replace them. If a replacement was found sooner rather than later, I'd give them notice.

I think discussing it in my front entrance is rude. But honestly, now you know what her plans are and you can plan accordingly.
If it came up again though, I'd probably flat out stop her mid sentence and tell her that I don't appreciate her recruiting my clients for other businesses.

Two words you wrote down defines exactly the way I feel, rude and recruiting. I went speechless when dcm started talking about the money from the state and everything because she wasn't sure SHE wanted to send her 4 yo dd to preschool or not. Her dd is the special needs dcg I have and I think in HER situation preschool will be very beneficial, only because she'll have trained help available to her and she'll be in with kids her age. Someone in her dd's list of experts suggested preschool and I agree in her case. But not every case.
This other little girl has always thrived here, today was her 1st day back from being home with mom on maternity leave.
I don't know.... Should I say something to dcm to see how serious she is? Parents now are doing it because it seems to be the 'in' thing to do. I wish I could express all my thoughts well enough to her to sound intelligent.

[Unregistered]

A few years ago two of my dcms were preschool directors. But they brought their preschool age children to me.

They used to try to recruit among my other dcks though. Kinda warped :: I put a line in my policy just for them about not soliciting business from my dc families.

[Snowmom]

Two words you wrote down defines exactly the way I feel, rude and recruiting. I went speechless when dcm started talking about the money from the state and everything because she wasn't sure SHE wanted to send her 4 yo dd to preschool or not. Her dd is the special needs dcg I have and I think in HER situation preschool will be very beneficial, only because she'll have trained help available to her and she'll be in with kids her age. Someone in her dd's list of experts suggested preschool and I agree in her case. But not every case.
This other little girl has always thrived here, today was her 1st day back from being home with mom on maternity leave.
I don't know.... Should I say something to dcm to see how serious she is? Parents now are doing it because it seems to be the 'in' thing to do. I wish I could express all my thoughts well enough to her to sound intelligent.

The dcm that was being asked if she was considering school?

If you decide to have a talk, I would do it privately (outside of daycare hours or when there's potentially no interruptions expected).
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with being candid with families regarding what their expectations are vs what your expectations are. I think that's a very healthy business relationship.

You could say something like:

"Hey DCM, I was wondering if we could have a chat about DCG and her future here.
I wanted you to know that my observations regarding DCG are..."
Then you could mention how well she does with group time, socialization, learning activities, etc.
When I touch base with families (usually mid-year), I typically give them a few bullet points of things I'd like to work on with their child over the next few months. Typically things like sharing, expressing emotions, etc. Nothing too complex, but something to keep in mind for the parents at home too.

Then ask what her expectations are while at your daycare and how she feels DCG is doing.

You could mention that you overheard DCM1 asking about formal preschool and see what she says, but I don't think it's really necessary if you get a good feel from the conversation.