More Nap Advice!

[NillaWafers]

Here I am again, please ease my conscience or tell me how to do this better:

New DCG -18m will have been here for two weeks next Weds. She is awesome, except she will not nap. Right now, I have her napping in a PnP in my boys room. The other children have white noise and are not bothered by her screaming.

I feel terribly guilty. At first, I was checking in on her, trying to lay her back down, patting her back. This did nothing so I have quit. She is going down at 12, absolutely screaming her head off for our 2-hour nap. No breaks. And I mean screaming. Twice she has fallen asleep when it was time to get up which made it impossible to rouse her. Once she fell asleep for 30 minutes and woke up again to continue screaming. She now anticipates when nap is coming because she starts screaming as soon as we sit and read a book, which is what we do every day before nap. I am trying to keep things as predictable as possible.

Parents say they are sleep training at home also. I am wracking my brain trying to figure out how to get this kid to sleep. I hate listening to her scream, and it makes me feel guilty (and worry what parents might say although I did tell them once she is in there, I am not going back in).

I know it is the beginning and it might get better, so this may be more of a vent than anything! I hate the adjustment period! She was in care before and parents say she slept there.

Should I try two naps? She would be the only one napping in the morning besides my almost 4mo old who naps a lot. I would really prefer one nap but if it's going to make it easier on her, I would try it. Parents say she is mostly taking one at home, sometimes two.

[childcaremom]

I have gone through a nap screamer. I tried everything. I listened to the screaming for 4 long months. Nothing worked.

The only advice I have: put a star on the calendar. :hug:

I hope someone is able to offer you golden advice.

(I am also wondering what in the world made them switch providers.... something makes me wonder if they were termed due to screaming?)

[NillaWafers]

I have gone through a nap screamer. I tried everything. I listened to the screaming for 4 long months. Nothing worked.

The only advice I have: put a star on the calendar. :hug:

I hope someone is able to offer you golden advice.

(I am also wondering what in the world made them switch providers.... something makes me wonder if they were termed due to screaming?)

Oh gosh don't tell me that!

They left other DC provider because she was working in DTLA, and their provider was near her work. She started a new job and wanted something closer.

I am a little worried cus when I asked dad what they did for naps at home he said they bedshared. I was pretty clear when I signed them up that I can't rock kids to sleep and it would be best if they tried to get her to sleep by herself so things were consistent. I'm just hoping they really are sleep training and not telling me they are to pacify me

[MunchkinWrangler]

I hate to say it, and I know others have disagreed with me on this. But it's the bedsharing and she is at that age where they get stubborn and very persistent in getting what they want.

I know you want to make this work. Forge ahead with what you are doing. I have been there. Where everytime you go in it makes it worse, but it is so nerve wracking to hear screaming and the guilt of leaving her is probably the worst.

I agree with childcaremom, put a star on the calendar and if it doesn't improve by then, you will have to move on for your own sanity.

Hearing a baby cry or scream puts adults in a flight or fight response. For good reason. Your heartbeat quickens, your muscles tense, every sense is heightened, and your adrenaline starts pumping. This is not a healthy state to be in for extended periods of time. I hope she eventually 'gets it' that it's naptime and she can start resting, which is what she needs the most. :hug:

[CityGarden]

I hate to say it, and I know others have disagreed with me on this. But it's the bedsharing and she is at that age where they get stubborn and very persistent in getting what they want.

I will admit that I was/am that mom who co-slept it was sweet and allowed me to get sleep when dd was an infant as we nursed but there are downsides. I was a WAHM so dd did not need to be in group care but it still made things difficult as Grandma/babysitters/ etc. could not get her to sleep. Luckily dd was not a screamer she simply would not sleep and would be moody from the lack of sleep later. Honestly dd is now nine and even though we no longer co-sleep she still has a very difficult time going to sleep if I am not at home and she is with a sitter. I don't regret the decision I made to bedshare but if I have any future children I won't make that same decision again.

When my dd went to preschool (where I often volunteered) it was common for the teachers to rub or pat the children's backs until they went to sleep or at least so they would lay in a restful state. They would go from child to child..... I am not sure if that is something you would be willing to do but for my extended day program that is what I plan to do. I found once I stopped trying to accomplish something during naps and was just present and patting/rubbing the children's backs that it was actually restorative for me and the other teachers well and the kids went to sleep quicker so I was able to help with other things.

Having been a parent that co-slept what I did to change the pattern was note that they patted dd's back to sleep at preschool (which most days worked) so at home I did the same. I was careful not to speak at all and not to lay down and pat dd's back I either sat straight up in her bed or in a chair next to her bed and patted her until she was sleep, then I started patting her until she was almost asleep eventually I just read and story and tucked her in and left.

Some other things to consider:

Does she seem tired at your current nap time? (Sometimes 30 minutes earlier can make a difference)

If she were just on the nap mat and not in another room what would she do? If you said fine just don't nap but read quietly would she be bored with the other kids all sleeping and having no attention?

[CityGarden]

Also want to add AUDIO BOOKS!!!! Some children will listed to audio book and find them calming...... find one she loves and play it over and over.

[NillaWafers]

I will admit that I was/am that mom who co-slept it was sweet and allowed me to get sleep when dd was an infant as we nursed but there are downsides. I was a WAHM so dd did not need to be in group care but it still made things difficult as Grandma/babysitters/ etc. could not get her to sleep. Luckily dd was not a screamer she simply would not sleep and would be moody from the lack of sleep later. Honestly dd is now nine and even though we no longer co-sleep she still has a very difficult time going to sleep if I am not at home and she is with a sitter. I don't regret the decision I made to bedshare but if I have any future children I won't make that same decision again.

When my dd went to preschool (where I often volunteered) it was common for the teachers to rub or pat the children's backs until they went to sleep or at least so they would lay in a restful state. They would go from child to child..... I am not sure if that is something you would be willing to do but for my extended day program that is what I plan to do. I found once I stopped trying to accomplish something during naps and was just present and patting/rubbing the children's backs that it was actually restorative for me and the other teachers well and the kids went to sleep quicker so I was able to help with other things.

Having been a parent that co-slept what I did to change the pattern was note that they patted dd's back to sleep at preschool (which most days worked) so at home I did the same. I was careful not to speak at all and not to lay down and pat dd's back I either sat straight up in her bed or in a chair next to her bed and patted her until she was sleep, then I started patting her until she was almost asleep eventually I just read and story and tucked her in and left.

Some other things to consider:

Does she seem tired at your current nap time? (Sometimes 30 minutes earlier can make a difference)

If she were just on the nap mat and not in another room what would she do? If you said fine just don't nap but read quietly would she be bored with the other kids all sleeping and having no attention?

Ok, I have tried patting, but really - she is hysterical by the time I put her in the PnP. She will not lay down on a mat nor the PnP. She is exhausted by the time mom picks up, like today she was already falling asleep while her mom held her while signing out.

Our routine goes like this: 11:30 is mealtime, then we read a book, put the others kids mats out. I change her diaper, then put her in the pnp. By the book reading she is already crying because she knows nap is coming.

She freaks out while I change her diaper because it is in the same room as the pack n' play.

I do not think she would care if the other kids were sleeping and it was boring. She would scream while I put her back on her mat a million times and wake the other kids up

ETA: Her mom says if she takes a morning nap it'll be around 11-12ish, so I'm not really missing that window I don't think.

[CityGarden]

Maybe share this with the parents:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/what-to-do-when-your-kid-cant-fall-asleep-without-you-in-the-room/2016/01/26/a77426ce-c079-11e5-9443-7074c3645405_story.html

[MunchkinWrangler]

I bedshare. I have since DS was a baby, he's 2. I didn't have any reason to not and he was the type to not let himself fall asleep without me

Now at naptime he goes in by himself and that is it. Bedtime is different. I actually regret doing this because I never taught him to be an independent sleeper.

I did for almost a year have him sleeping in his own room up until some home situations changed(his father and I split up)since that time, he hasn't been able to sleep without me. If I had to do it over again, I would have done this differently. I do believe, though, that parents who know they will have a daycare situation should prepare their child for that setting, respecting the provider's inability to recreate the home setting.

I am a family child care licensed provider. It would be impossible for me to rub/pat any child's back so to be fair, no one gets that treatment.

[CityGarden]

I bedshare. I have since DS was a baby, he's 2. I didn't have any reason to not and he was the type to not let himself fall asleep without me

Now at naptime he goes in by himself and that is it. Bedtime is different. I actually regret doing this because I never taught him to be an independent sleeper.

I did for almost a year have him sleeping in his own room up until some home situations changed(his father and I split up)since that time, he hasn't been able to sleep without me. If I had to do it over again, I would have done this differently. I do believe, though, that parents who know they will have a daycare situation should prepare their child for that setting, respecting the provider's inability to recreate the home setting.

I am a family child care licensed provider. It would be impossible for me to rub/pat any child's back so to be fair, no one gets that treatment.

Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. Change is a trigger for dd (9) still and as a single parent her climbing in my bed is not a bother but independent sleep is not something I taught dd and at this point she will want to be away from me soon enough (pre-teen years here we come)

I realize patting children's back to sleep is not for every provider but I enjoy it and find the children do. There is a thread on it here with different views: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47063

Still if the little girl is already screaming far before that point we have to brainstorm something even before story or diapering....

[childcaremom]

Oh gosh don't tell me that!

They left other DC provider because she was working in DTLA, and their provider was near her work. She started a new job and wanted something closer.

I am a little worried cus when I asked dad what they did for naps at home he said they bedshared. I was pretty clear when I signed them up that I can't rock kids to sleep and it would be best if they tried to get her to sleep by herself so things were consistent. I'm just hoping they really are sleep training and not telling me they are to pacify me

What I would suggest: deciding what you can do and stick with it. Whether it's a straight to bed, tuck in and leave OR stories and straight to bed, checking every 15 OR stories, straight to bed, tuck in and pat back. Whatever. Just be consistent.

Tell dcps that whatever they are doing to be consistent.

I tried different scenarios, different lead ins, different check in times, etc etc. Offered suggestions to parents, tips, articles, web sites.

Turns out, after it all, she did not like to nap at home, either. I tried. I really tried. I felt like a complete basket case by the end of it but I tried.

[childcaremom]

I hate to say it, and I know others have disagreed with me on this. But it's the bedsharing and she is at that age where they get stubborn and very persistent in getting what they want.

I know you want to make this work. Forge ahead with what you are doing. I have been there. Where everytime you go in it makes it worse, but it is so nerve wracking to hear screaming and the guilt of leaving her is probably the worst.

I agree with childcaremom, put a star on the calendar and if it doesn't improve by then, you will have to move on for your own sanity.

Hearing a baby cry or scream puts adults in a flight or fight response. For good reason. Your heartbeat quickens, your muscles tense, every sense is heightened, and your adrenaline starts pumping. This is not a healthy state to be in for extended periods of time. I hope she eventually 'gets it' that it's naptime and she can start resting, which is what she needs the most. :hug:

Not good for your weight, either. I stress ate during naps and gained almost 10 pounds.

[childcaremom]

Oh gosh don't tell me that!

They left other DC provider because she was working in DTLA, and their provider was near her work. She started a new job and wanted something closer.

I am a little worried cus when I asked dad what they did for naps at home he said they bedshared. I was pretty clear when I signed them up that I can't rock kids to sleep and it would be best if they tried to get her to sleep by herself so things were consistent. I'm just hoping they really are sleep training and not telling me they are to pacify me

My screamer changed my interview process. I specifically ask for details about naps now. How does the child fall asleep? How long does it take for them to fall asleep? Do they cry/talk/chatter themselves to sleep?

If a child is not an independent sleeper, I turn them away.

Co-sleeping is wonderful. Did it. Also did not have to go to work. But it would have been MY job as a parent to TEACH my child how to soothe myself to sleep before returning to work so that naps were not an issue. Simply not fair to the child, the rest of the group or the provider.

(touchy subject for me )

I just want to add, good luck with it all. Maybe she just needs a bit of extra time for adjustment. Maybe it will click. I hope it does!

[CityGarden]

Co-sleeping is wonderful. Did it. Also did not have to go to work. But it would have been MY job as a parent to TEACH my child how to soothe myself to sleep before returning to work so that naps were not an issue. Simply not fair to the child, the rest of the group or the provider.

(touchy subject for me )

I just want to add, good luck with it all. Maybe she just needs a bit of extra time for adjustment. Maybe it will click. I hope it does!

I agree with this!!!!

[NillaWafers]

She is asleep! I tried really hard to get the kids down by 12, things were a little rushed but we did it. She screamed as I put her in the PnP. I let her scream a little, then I went back in and just started laying her down every time she got back up. She eventually stopped getting up, and I managed to leave without her screaming.

Just checked on her and she is ASLEEP. God, please let this be the beginning of the end.