Questions About How to Term and How to Bring It Up

[Indoorvoice]

I've been working up the nerve to term a family for a long time. I really need to do it soon. I have only termed 2 other times. One was easy because we hadn't worked together long, and the other went poorly. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to say, but I'm having trouble with the actual "how" of doing it. We are on friendly terms, though I have no intentions of continuing the friendship after this is over. A lot of you say to write a letter, but it would be way out of the norm for me to hand her a letter without saying anything about it and I feel like with how personal I let this relationship get, that it wouldn't go well. To bring it up at pick up would be hard because she would want to talk and I would have several other kids running around at her pick up time. So when you term, do you always do a letter? Do you give any lead up before you hand the letter over? If so, how do you bring it up in conversation? If it helps, my reasoning for terming is that I need to downsize my program and will no longer be able to open at the time she needs.

[Blackcat31]

I've been working up the nerve to term a family for a long time. I really need to do it soon. I have only termed 2 other times. One was easy because we hadn't worked together long, and the other went poorly. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to say, but I'm having trouble with the actual "how" of doing it. We are on friendly terms, though I have no intentions of continuing the friendship after this is over. A lot of you say to write a letter, but it would be way out of the norm for me to hand her a letter without saying anything about it and I feel like with how personal I let this relationship get, that it wouldn't go well. To bring it up at pick up would be hard because she would want to talk and I would have several other kids running around at her pick up time. So when you term, do you always do a letter? Do you give any lead up before you hand the letter over? If so, how do you bring it up in conversation? If it helps, my reasoning for terming is that I need to downsize my program and will no longer be able to open at the time she needs.

I'd just say it at drop off then so she can't stay to chat... something like:
"Hey Sally, I know this isn't the best time for bad news but when is a good time right? .... ! Anyways, I've made some changes in my hours and my capacity limits and unfortunately I'm not going to be able to continue caring for Jr after next Friday. I know it's hard to find good care but it's also hard to manage a business and make everyone happy but his change is non-negotiable. Here are the details in writing. Feel free to email me if you have any questions"

Then hand her the written letter and tell her "See you after work!"

I know telling someone right before work isn't ideal but honestly terming someone has no right or wrong rules... You just have to do what's best for YOU and drop off seems much better for you than pick up.

[Laurel]

I never termed anyone (but I should have twice) so take this with a grain of salt. I think I'd do like Blackcat says but do it on a Friday at pick-up.

If the reason is 'only' because of the hours, be prepared for her to say she can change her hours even if you don't think she can. She just may find a relative to drop off or may be able to adjust her work hours so you'd be stuck if you have other issues with her than just hours.

I did give someone a friendly ultimatum one time. I just simply said "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but if we can't get his no napping under control, I just won't be able to watch him anymore." I think starting off with the "I'm so sorry" relates that it is nothing personal but a business decision.

Good luck!

[lovemydaycare0912]

I never termed anyone (but I should have twice) so take this with a grain of salt. I think I'd do like Blackcat says but do it on a Friday at pick-up.

If the reason is 'only' because of the hours, be prepared for her to say she can change her hours even if you don't think she can. She just may find a relative to drop off or may be able to adjust her work hours so you'd be stuck if you have other issues with her than just hours.

I did give someone a friendly ultimatum one time. I just simply said "I'm so sorry to have to tell you this but if we can't get his no napping under control, I just won't be able to watch him anymore." I think starting off with the "I'm so sorry" relates that it is nothing personal but a business decision.

Good luck!

I agree with Laurel. She will definitely say she's willing to change hours. So make sure you have a comeback if there are other reasons you do not want this family. Good luck!

[Ariana]

I always term through email. I do this because I can say exactly what i want to say the way I want to say it. At pickup and drop off there is just too much going on and to be honest I don't like blindsiding people. I told one client at the door and it did not go well and I became flustered as I was not expecting such a crazy reaction.

That is what works for me. It gives them time to process and then we chat about it the next day or that Monday or whenever. All of my terms I did this way have gone amazingly well. The only negative term was when I did it face to face.

I usually say something like "this is by far the hardest part of my job but......" It is the truth. Terming stinks.

[Play Care]

I also only term in writing due to a parent losing it when I did it face to face.

But I do like Blackcat's method.

[Indoorvoice]

Thank you for all of your responses. This does help me get a grasp on it. I think I'm going to tell her in person, even though in writing would be so much easier for me. Curious, when you do it in writing, how does the next day go usually? Do you bring it up to make sure they're clear? I really wanted to wait until summer to tell her because she is off for summer anyway and thinks she is just leaving for my maternity leave soon until summer and then coming back in the fall. It would be so easy Peasy to just send her an email since she would still l have 2.5 months to find care at that point, but everyone tells me that's wrong. Can you tell this is difficult for me?

[Play Care]

Thank you for all of your responses. This does help me get a grasp on it. I think I'm going to tell her in person, even though in writing would be so much easier for me. Curious, when you do it in writing, how does the next day go usually? Do you bring it up to make sure they're clear? I really wanted to wait until summer to tell her because she is off for summer anyway and thinks she is just leaving for my maternity leave soon until summer and then coming back in the fall. It would be so easy Peasy to just send her an email since she would still l have 2.5 months to find care at that point, but everyone tells me that's wrong. Can you tell this is difficult for me?

If it were me, I would wait until your leave started and send her a term letter. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that as she will have over two months to secure other care. That is not short notice, or in any way shape or form unprofessional.

If it were me, I'd take a deep breath and let it go. When mom talks about the fall I'd nod and smile. And then, a few days after my leave started, I'd send the letter.

[Thriftylady]

Thank you for all of your responses. This does help me get a grasp on it. I think I'm going to tell her in person, even though in writing would be so much easier for me. Curious, when you do it in writing, how does the next day go usually? Do you bring it up to make sure they're clear? I really wanted to wait until summer to tell her because she is off for summer anyway and thinks she is just leaving for my maternity leave soon until summer and then coming back in the fall. It would be so easy Peasy to just send her an email since she would still l have 2.5 months to find care at that point, but everyone tells me that's wrong. Can you tell this is difficult for me?

The main reason I think it would be wrong for you to wait, is in your posts about it, it sounds like you are just ready to be done. And dragging it on when you feel the need to be done is just punishing yourself.

[Ariana]

Thank you for all of your responses. This does help me get a grasp on it. I think I'm going to tell her in person, even though in writing would be so much easier for me. Curious, when you do it in writing, how does the next day go usually? Do you bring it up to make sure they're clear? I really wanted to wait until summer to tell her because she is off for summer anyway and thinks she is just leaving for my maternity leave soon until summer and then coming back in the fall. It would be so easy Peasy to just send her an email since she would still l have 2.5 months to find care at that point, but everyone tells me that's wrong. Can you tell this is difficult for me?

I usually term on the weekend (friday evening) and ask for a response in the email before I see them face to face. That way I know they have read the email. You could also text or mention that you sent them an important email to which you need a response kind of thing. Mostly I will offer extra time to find alternate care and then ask whether or not they were going to take it or end care at the contracted two weeks etc.

I have never had a client not read the email and respond before I saw them. I have also never had a child return to care once the email was sent.

[KristinsHomeCC]

I've only termed twice. Once by face to a young mother who flipped @*&# in my living room. Slammed my door, peeled out of my driveway, stalked my business facebook with rude comments and demands for hours afterwards, posting pictures of her crying, just oh my gosh - VERY uncomfortable situation!

Then -- the other, the mother who was very sweet and understanding, I emailed. She obviously was very hurt but kept it simple and business-y.

With the first one, I quickly learned that I am not able to think of all my reasons when feeling anxious or pressured like that (them staring at you, waiting for you to spit out what you're trying to say :: ) I was only able to tell her one small reason why she was being terminated before she flipped. I had so much emotion after wards from not knowing what to do, I started crying myself! So, from now on, I will always email with all my reasons explained so the emotion can be left out of it. Good luck, terming sucks. But, you feel so much better after you get rid of what's making you unhappy

[daycarediva]

If it were me, I would wait until your leave started and send her a term letter. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that as she will have over two months to secure other care. That is not short notice, or in any way shape or form unprofessional.

If it were me, I'd take a deep breath and let it go. When mom talks about the fall I'd nod and smile. And then, a few days after my leave started, I'd send the letter.

When you start your maternity leave, I would email her then to let her know she wouldn't have a space in fall due to program restructuring (number of children, hours, ages, include it all if you feel like she will attempt to negotiate).

[Play Care]

When you start your maternity leave, I would email her then to let her know she wouldn't have a space in fall due to program restructuring (number of children, hours, ages, include it all if you feel like she will attempt to negotiate).

I feel like providers are made to feel guilty when making changes to their programs. And we think we are being nice by giving more notice than we are contractually obligated to.
Having fallen for that , I can say all it does it make for a very long, uncomfortable few months (or however long the period is).
Unless you are only giving them two week NOW, I wouldn't do it before you were originally planning.
You can even say "the new baby has brought more changes than I planned on" etc. Most people are somewhat understanding that adding a new baby to the mix can change things.

[Indoorvoice]

Those of you who say to term while I'm on maternity leave, I love you, but does your opinion change if I told you she was having trouble finding care to cover my leave? She doesn't want to pay for summer while she is home so she has been telling providers she only needs 5 weeks of care to cover may through first part of June and of course no one is interested in her as a client. I know that's not technically my problem, but if I would just grow a pair and tell her she's done here, maybe she could find care easier for may. That is where I'm struggling. Though I suppose there won't be many who will let her have the summer off for free anyway...She got lucky with me.

[Controlled Chaos]

Those of you who say to term while I'm on maternity leave, I love you, but does your opinion change if I told you she was having trouble finding care to cover my leave? She doesn't want to pay for summer while she is home so she has been telling providers she only needs 5 weeks of care to cover may through first part of June and of course no one is interested in her as a client. I know that's not technically my problem, but if I would just grow a pair and tell her she's done here, maybe she could find care easier for may. That is where I'm struggling. Though I suppose there won't be many who will let her have the summer off for free anyway...She got lucky with me.

I would tell her now and allow her to look for a long term new provider. I always give them a note AND tell them in person. I give the letter because when someone tells you bad news people often shut down. They can't fully listen, process, remember etc. I termed a set of twins a few months back. I loved the parents. Kids were ok. But I had a golden family with an infant wanting the spot and it was a fulltime trumped part time situation too. I told mom "I am so sorry, ___ is the last day I will be able to provide care. I am not offering PT anymore. I will miss G and L very much. You are a wonderful family to work with. Everything I just said, plus some resources for finding care are in the letter. Please don't hesitate to email me with any questions." They were sad, but understand this is a business.