Sending a Kid Home For Playing "Guns"

[LovetheSun]

Hello Everyone!

We have a little one who has been building "guns and weapons" from anything possible such as makers caps, Legos, play kitchen items... And then pretends to shoot all his friends.

We don't tolerate guns games or flight even ninjas.

We have been very strict, and took away the toys away everytime but he continuing and it seems to get worse.

The youngest ones are now trying to. I am thinking to let the parents know that he will need to go home for the day if that happens again (the shooting everyone and using bad language) as I believe it must be something from home (inappropriate video games or shows).

What do you guys think? Is that too much?

[permanentvacation]

If it is something that is against your rules and you have tried over and over again to get the child to stop, then I believe you have the right to send him home for it. I think you should give the parents a verbal warning of you needing to send him home the next time he does that. Actually, you might want to have a written warning with the parents signing the fact that he is behaving in a manner that is unacceptable and that the next time he will be sent home. That way, you have written proof that you have discussed the problem with the parents.

[LovetheSun]

It been a few weeks that he is doing this. And it is becoming worse. we talk about it a lot with the parents.

The sign paper is a very good idea, I will give them a print out warming then.

I feel bad but I think I need to stop it now... been curious about fights/ and more aggressive pretend play is ok at this age (4) but he is really unaware that is not a positive behavior and is doing it so much that he has to spend time away from everyone.

[CalCare]

Where I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck

[Josiegirl]

I don't encourage but I don't make a big issue of it either. The more of on issue you make of it, the worse it'll become. They'll create guns out of everything and anything. If they're in the mood to shoot, have them shoot bears out the window. Never let them point at each other.
I think I'd be more upset about the bad language, to be honest.
That's just me though. I hate guns, I hate hunting. If it's bugging you, try more redirection. Take away all the toys they're using as guns until it slows down a little.
I grew up in a non-hunting, non-gun owning family but I pretended cowboys and Indians all the time with my brother. I've never touched a real gun, nor do I want to. I'm not a violent person.
I think we've all tried to become over-the-top politically correct and sometimes it's draining to keep up with our beliefs. Maybe we need to do some modifying somewhere along the line. I'm certainly not saying you should if that's a strong belief of yours. I was just thinking...when I said Cowboys and Indians, that's probably not even PC these days.
I think violence comes more from media these days, what has become allowed for children to watch, rather than pretend play. Our kids(and adults) have become desensitized from day 1, watching and listening to, everything around them.
But that's just me. I could be wrong.

[Blackcat31]

If this is something you do not allow in your program then yes, you need to let the parents be the one to take responsibility where they can.

Depending on the age of the child they may or may not have any success. If they child is old enough the parents can definitely discuss with him when things are appropriate and when they are not.

If he is too young for a discussion they can certainly limit what their child is exposed to as far as TV/Video games but because gun play and the eternal struggle between good and evil is embedded into most boys' DNA, it doesn't necessarily mean that it comes from home.

The child can hear/see something ANYWHERE and act it out or add to it. Pointing the finger towards home is only part of it.

The child care also has an obligation in my opinion to have a consequence for the behavior as well and to implement a plan of action for any behavior that is unwanted before immediately calling a parent and sending them home.

As a parent, Id want to know what steps the program takes before resorting to sending the child home.

I personally DO allow gun play (with rules and guidelines) but when things happen at daycare because of something I believe started or is rooted in the child's home life, I prefer to have a partnership and plan of action with the parents so we are both working towards a common goal.

[kendallina]

Where I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck

This is how I handle it as well. It's very difficult to not allow any gun play with this age group. It's age appropriate. When I have worked places that don't allow it, I felt like the kids tried to play it more. So, I don't know if you can print out the article for your director/co-teachers to read and see if there is a possibility of a rule change??

[AmyKidsCo]

This is how I handle it as well. It's very difficult to not allow any gun play with this age group. It's age appropriate. When I have worked places that don't allow it, I felt like the kids tried to play it more. So, I don't know if you can print out the article for your director/co-teachers to read and see if there is a possibility of a rule change??

ITA that gun play/power play is normal and developmentally appropriate for children. Not to mention that having a No Guns rule encourages children to lie and be sneaky more than it keeps them from playing this way.

Heather Schumaker has a great chapter about it in her book "It's OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Caring and Compassionate Children."

[Thriftylady]

I have a no gun play policy, only because of all the horror stories that I have heard about young children getting in huge trouble and kicked out of school for something as little as a finger gun, one ate a sandwich into the shape of a gun... The list goes on and on. So my policy is an effort to help prepare them for what they need to do at school when they leave here.

[Unregistered]

Those who allow gun play can u explain some rule to go with it right now I do not allow but not too strict on itI have two familys that dont like it dont allow it but also have some who do allow it even one parent kinda obsess with guns.years ago I had nerf guns with the velcro sheild kids only played twice (I put them up and forgot out them) they loved it I wanted to bring out again.

[Blackcat31]

Those who allow gun play can u explain some rule to go with it right now I do not allow but not too strict on itI have two familys that dont like it dont allow it but also have some who do allow it even one parent kinda obsess with guns.years ago I had nerf guns with the velcro sheild kids only played twice (I put them up and forgot out them) they loved it I wanted to bring out again.

No shooting people.
(Although I have in the past over looked a couple epic battles over enemies crossing the moat and a stronghold at the castle door. )

Basically my rules are no extremely aggressive violence and to make sure we always talk about safety (in a variety of areas) and I consider what type of "play" is and isnt okay depending on developmental ages and maturity levels

A re-enactment of Grand Theft Auto by my 3 yr olds is NOT ok.
A re-enactment of George Washington/Battle of Trenton by my 5 yr olds is ok.

Every year my group is different so every year my rules vary with the exception to the extreme/unnecessary violence. That is always steadfast.

[LovetheSun]

Thank you all for your replies.

He is 4 and the big issue is that is a all day thing. He is constantly building weapons and pretending to hurt his friends (he will say " I am going to hurt you"). The other boys (and girls) are able to superheroes while respecting the rules (no pretend hurting or weapons). He doesn't seem aware that is not a normal behavior and that it should only be for pretend play.

Is interesting to see everyones policies, and I am wondering if I am too strict with this policy and the no violence/aggressive play. I will stick with the no weapons because majority of the parents attending are against guns (so am I) but I like the idea of allowing "good guy/bad guy play" (with no pretend weapons).

[LovetheSun]

Where I have worked, and and my son, pretend weapon play has been allowed if the child playing it asks the other child if they want to play (no pretend weaponing someone who says 'no'). Also you weapons are never provided but the children are free to create their own (and they do- out of any and everything). It is normal, age appropriate and to be expected. In another place I worked, it was not allowed- that was a pita. I prefer the allowed. http://boysalive.com/aggression-viol...he-difference/
This is a link to a very short but interesting take on it. I really like Michael Gurian who is brought up in the article. I think we really need to consider our view on boys and what we expect (demand) of them and what is in their nature. Good luck

This link was very interesting to read and I will share it with some of the parents attending. Thank you

[CalCare]

I wanted to add that if you have a chance to watch Michael Gurian youtube lectures, they are very insightful. I was always "no guns, no rough stuff, no wrestling, no, no, no", but I have shifted. Especially having two boys of my own now, I don't want them to feel like I disapprove of their innate urge to rumble because that's just part of them and how can I tell them part of them is just bad/unacceptable.

And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?

Recently my sons were tying up a stuffed animal and hitting it. I felt that was pretty disturbing! I wasn't sure if I agreed with it or not. It was just a stuffed animal. They were playing together and making plans and having fun. I told them I didn't like them doing that to Moosey. They stopped. Not sure where I stand on some of these!

[Blackcat31]

I wanted to add that if you have a chance to watch Michael Gurian youtube lectures, they are very insightful. I was always "no guns, no rough stuff, no wrestling, no, no, no", but I have shifted. Especially having two boys of my own now, I don't want them to feel like I disapprove of their innate urge to rumble because that's just part of them and how can I tell them part of them is just bad/unacceptable.

And I have to really wonder how CAN they play good guys v bad guys without weapons (as mentioned above)? What would they do? There's chasing, grabbing and putting in jail I guess, but then the grabbing and man-handling to jail would probably result in the adult's disapproval too (I'd probably be going "Gentle, Gentle!). They can't talk crap to the bad guys 'cause I'm sure the adults won't approve of that! So, really what is left for them to do?

Recently my sons were tying up a stuffed animal and hitting it. I felt that was pretty disturbing! I wasn't sure if I agreed with it or not. It was just a stuffed animal. They were playing together and making plans and having fun. I told them I didn't like them doing that to Moosey. They stopped. Not sure where I stand on some of these!

Yes! The lines are often very blurry and the best I can do is know my kids and their developmental stages/ages.

Some things are ok by some kids and some things would not be okay...it all really depends on the group dynamics and the overall tone of the play.

Tying up "Moosey" the loveable cuddly stuffed animal "friend to all" and beating him senseless for no apparent reason would concern me.

Tying up "Moosey" (in an Oscar award winning performance as "Moose the giant man eating monster) because he has been terrorizing the village for days now and has finally been captured thus leaving the villagers safe to sleep and spend time outdoors is acceptable.

Every situation is different and with each situation comes a lot of discussion too so gun play/good guy-bad guy play is handled on a case by case basis.

There really is no other way as I feel VERY strongly that a better teaching tool is education with limits verses eradication all together.
There is NO lesson in simply banning ALL of that type of play.