Help with behaviour

[childcaremom]

So I have recently reopened and so far have one child enrolled. His first week was this past week and he was only here one day. He is almost 2.5 yo and not very verbal.

I posted about him after interviewing the family. He did not listen to mom and dad. I talked with parents afterwards and felt assured that they were on the same page as far as behavourial expectations were concerned. I was told he was a biter, that centre wasn't concerned until parents were, and that it stopped after they mentioned it.

So first day was ok. I expect other kids to sign soon and stuck to what my 'normal' schedule will be like with him. In other words, our routine is how it will be once there are other kids here.

Morning was fine. He explored. He seemed comfortable with environment and with me. There were a few little things as far as listening was concerned but I am hopeful that with consistency and repetition he will understand what the rules and expectations are here. Not sure what the centre was like as far as what the rules were but I understand that there will obviously be some differences.

After nap, any time I told him that he could not do something he would throw himself on the floor. That happened 3 times. He wanted to go upstairs and I told him that we would soon and he threw a basket at me. Sat him at the table with an activity and then we 'tried again'. He again was told no (can't remember about what) and he got angry and threw the toy he was holding across the room. Repeated the rule and told him that he could not play with the cars if that was how he was going to treat them. Sat out of play for a few mins.

Then he was fine. The day proceeded without any more outbursts when I had to remind/tell him what the rules were.

When dad showed up, he didn't listen and was all over the place.

He slept well but didn't eat much. Mom and dad assured me that is on par with how he normally is.

His verbal skills are quite low. I really have to listen and put in context what he is saying. I don't know how much this may be contributing to his acting out in frustration.

Any advice?

[DaycareMom]

I would keep telling him the rules and having him take time outs if he has a fit. Repetition and consistency is key!

I have had quite a few boys who don't start really talking until 2.5-3. Give that some time and just keep helping him along. It's an adjustment for him too.

As far as him not listening at drop-off/pick-up - I would say that's a very common problem. Keep reminding him of the rules if mom or dad won't do it. And if it continues, you may need to talk to the parents regarding the rules at your house.

Good luck! Hope it works out for you!

[Gemma]

I allow kids to show disappointment for not being able to do what they want (as they do at home) but, if this means throwing themselves on the floor, and kicking their feet, they must do that where no one else could get hurt so....you need to throw a fit cause I said no? well ok. this is where you can kick and scream all you want!


I use the very same spot all the time, and for all the kids, other than those young enough for pnp ....I hardly ever have kids do that passed their 13-14th month while they're learning that at my house they get no attention that way.

[spedmommy4]

You mentioned that his verbal skills are low. Is it just his ability to talk, or do you feel like he also has difficulty understanding what you say? Do you repeat something- then have to add a gesture or simplify your language - or both, to get him to do something? If you find yourself doing these things, it is possible he doesn't understand.

If this is the case, you can try:

* Give simple directions in context (Walk, get down, pick up the car)
* Use gestures when possible and appropriate (Point to the car when you ask him to pick it up)
* Give directions in the positive (Drive the car, Not, don't throw)

Young kids need to know exactly what adults want them to do. I may catch some flack here, but time out is not typically the most effective method of discipline. I know, I know, but here's why . . . Very young kiddos are learning appropriate social behavior. If for every naughty behavior, I systematically enforce a time out, the child misses the lesson on pro social behaviors. There also isn't a direct connection between throwing toys and time out.

If Johnny throws cars, and I tell him or show him to drive the cars, (And maybe model some cool new ways to use them) I taught the pro social behavior that I want to see next time. If he persists, I tell him. You threw cars, no more cars. He will be mad. (If he was really mad, I would direct him to an area where he could calm down) He lost the cars and when he calms down, he will have to clean up. All consequences relate back to his actions.

I have a little one very similar to the little guy you are describing now and the other things that help are:

* Consistency- The rules are always the same and I always enforce them (even if mom is here)
* Always respond the first time (I request once and then get up and address it)

I got this little guy when I was low and behaviors are pretty minimal now.

[Gemma]

* Consistency- The rules are always the same and I always enforce them (even if mom is here)
* Always respond the first time (I request once and then get up and address it)

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That gets to me, when I see parents asking please, over and over, and the kid does nothing!... and the parent insist on asking "please sit down we need to put shoes on" ...sorry I ask you one time really nice, then if I know you heard me, but still don't sit down, I will "help you" sit!

[childcaremom]

Thanks for all the advice.

You mentioned that his verbal skills are low. Is it just his ability to talk, or do you feel like he also has difficulty understanding what you say?

This is what I am wondering. I feel like his behaviour may be more related to his inability to verbalize his frustrations. He has only been here one day so it's hard to say at this point. I will be watching for that this week and focussing on giving him words for his feelings.

And thanks for the other tips. Will see how they work for us.