Sent Home For Crying. Was I Right?

[AuntTami]

One of my DCB's(will be 2 in June) was just sent home for crying/screaming. Just wondering if I did the right thing?

He was dropped off at 6:50, and appeared to be in a decent mood. Mom said he had the stomach flu Saturday with diarrhea and puking, no temp. But he was fine Sunday, no diarrhea and no puking at all on Sunday, so I let him stay.

6:55 I sit him on the floor with some toys because I need to use the bathroom... The screaming/crying begins.

7:15 my other DCB is woken by DCB1's screaming and crying. He's not just crying, he's screaming at the top of his lungs too. His eyes and cheeks are beet red and puffy from crying so hard.

7:45 I call for pick up as nothing is working to soothe him. I tried food,milk,laying down, toys, etc. the only thing that worked was holding him and there's no way I could or would even be willing to; hold him all day long so he stopped crying.

He kept standing at my knees screaming, begging to be picked up. I would pick him up for a minute, give him a hug and a pat on the back, and put him back down. He screamed as soon as he was anywhere but in my arms.

9:15 hes finally picked up by dad after screaming and crying for 2 hours!

He's normally a crier but this was extreme and NOTHING was stopping it except holding him. I have two other kiddos here today, I can't devote my whole day to him.

Did I do the right thing in sending him home? I feel bad, but I didn't know what else to do, and it wasn't fair to let him cry all day, and it wasn't fair to everyone else either......

[Thriftylady]

I think you did the right thing. In group care, you just can't hold one child all day.

[Blackcat31]

One of my DCB's(will be 2 in June) was just sent home for crying/screaming. Just wondering if I did the right thing?

He was dropped off at 6:50, and appeared to be in a decent mood. Mom said he had the stomach flu Saturday with diarrhea and puking, no temp. But he was fine Sunday, no diarrhea and no puking at all on Sunday, so I let him stay.

6:55 I sit him on the floor with some toys because I need to use the bathroom... The screaming/crying begins.

7:15 my other DCB is woken by DCB1's screaming and crying. He's not just crying, he's screaming at the top of his lungs too. His eyes and cheeks are beet red and puffy from crying so hard.

7:45 I call for pick up as nothing is working to soothe him. I tried food,milk,laying down, toys, etc. the only thing that worked was holding him and there's no way I could or would even be willing to; hold him all day long so he stopped crying.

He kept standing at my knees screaming, begging to be picked up. I would pick him up for a minute, give him a hug and a pat on the back, and put him back down. He screamed as soon as he was anywhere but in my arms.

9:15 hes finally picked up by dad after screaming and crying for 2 hours!

He's normally a crier but this was extreme and NOTHING was stopping it except holding him. I have two other kiddos here today, I can't devote my whole day to him.

Did I do the right thing in sending him home? I feel bad, but I didn't know what else to do, and it wasn't fair to let him cry all day, and it wasn't fair to everyone else either......

If this was not normal behavior for him, I would have sent him home too.

Sounds like you already tried everything within reason and he was still unhappy.

I wouldn't feel badly at all.

[LindseyA]

Makes me think that he was probably snuggled all day while sick, and now it's 'back to reality'. Thats tough for a toddler to process. But I agree with your decision. You cannot carry a child all day. And they cannot be disruptive all day. I would've called as well.

[AuntTami]

Makes me think that he was probably snuggled all day while sick, and now it's 'back to reality'. Thats tough for a toddler to process. But I agree with your decision. You cannot carry a child all day. And they cannot be disruptive all day. I would've called as well.

I think that's exactly what happened. He's overly snuggled and held as it is, so he's always whining to be picked up and held, but hes been getting better lately. But today was worse than I've ever seen, worse than his first day here!

I don't know why I feel bad, probably because like PP said, it's hard to adjust after a weekend of extra snuggles and I feel bad that I couldn't comfort him.

[Shell]

you did the right thing.

I have only sent one or two kids home in the past, and I always question it myself, just like you are.

We know our dc kids, and if you felt something was off, it probably was.

[Blackcat31]

I think that's exactly what happened. He's overly snuggled and held as it is, so he's always whining to be picked up and held, but hes been getting better lately. But today was worse than I've ever seen, worse than his first day here!

I don't know why I feel bad, probably because like PP said, it's hard to adjust after a weekend of extra snuggles and I feel bad that I couldn't comfort him.

But you shouldn't have to be the one that "makes up" for that.

I tell my daycare families that I am routine and I expect my DCK's to follow that routine while here (this is where the "able to participate as normal" comes in) because you wouldn't be doing DCB any favors by amending his day simply because he was snuggled a lot at home over the weekend.

It creates mixed signals to kids when we do that. I see it a lot when kids are sick and parents and provider simply want them to sleep or eat so they waiver from their normal rules so that the child will comply and then when the child is feeling better or back to normal we often have to "retrain" the child back to following our regular rules/routine.

IMHO, it's best to simply have the same daily routine/expectations for each child as you normally do. It creates safety and security in the kids and promotes good behavior over all.

[Gemma]

If this was not normal behavior for him, I would have sent him home too.

Sounds like you already tried everything within reason and he was still unhappy.

I wouldn't feel badly at all.

[finsup]

I would have done the same. In my sick policy I have that children must be able to participate in regular daycare activities upon returning. If they cannot, even if other symptoms have subsided they will need to go home. Screaming and crying non stop? Uh no. No one here is dealing with that

[spinnymarie]

I agree with sending him home.
I also wanted to note that my own kids and several DC kids had the stomach bug that's been going around, and NONE of them were back to 'normal' even 24 hrs after finished the puking. Even if they didn't have a fever, they were all lethargic, crabby, and NOT finished being sick, so it's highly possible he also wasn't 'over it' entirely.

[TaylorTots]

Not only were you right, but I would want to know why dad took an hour and a half to pickup?!!?

[laundrymom]

For my group I would not have sent home. At two if have told him to settle down and play. I Would have gone in w the day even if it were difficult because if they figure out crying is a ticket home, they will ride that train every single day.

[AuntTami]

Not only were you right, but I would want to know why dad took an hour and a half to pickup?!!?

I called DCM who then called dad. He was in the shower when she called, so that was 10-15 minutes. Then he was at home with their 4 year old getting her dressed Nd waiting for her ride to pre-school picked her up. Idk why he didn't come get him BEFORE sisters pick up at 8:45ish but I wasn't about to argue. I just wanted him to stop screaming or to at least scream somewhere other than my house!

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the support. I knew deep down that I did the right thing. I'm considering terming this child anyways, so it's really just another nail in the coffin at this point.

[Blackcat31]

For my group I would not have sent home. At two if have told him to settle down and play. I Would have gone in w the day even if it were difficult because if they figure out crying is a ticket home, they will ride that train every single day.

Been there done that....

NOT fair to the other kids to have to listen to a child scream.
Crying is one thing...screaming is a totally different ball game and affects the kids emotionally and mentally and I do not feel that is fair to them.

After trying to "wait it out" with a screaming 2 year old a while back, I vowed to never do it again and to never allow the other kids to be subjected to that.

I understand it's a "ticket" home but most times the behavior is caused by the parent so the parent can "fix" it.

[AuntTami]

For my group I would not have sent home. At two if have told him to settle down and play. I Would have gone in w the day even if it were difficult because if they figure out crying is a ticket home, they will ride that train every single day.

He was. He was also put in our cry spot, but neither was working. He was just standing in the middle of the living room screaming his head off. I ignored as long as I could but he wasnt calming down at all