Advice...This Is Not What I Had Expected

[MommyMuffin]

I need some advice or words of wisdom.

I left a horrible job where I was treated badly so I am very happy to be out of that enviroment. But daycare is not at all what I thought it would be.
I am so bored and lonley and each day is just the same.

We do activities and have fun and I try to mix it up. I have been doing this for 2 months now. I am pregnant and therefore my husband and I could never afford to put what will soon be 2 kids in daycare.

I have 2 -3 years until my oldest will be in school and I could afford to go back to work. How do I make it?

I'm trying to keep positive and I hope that when the summer comes and we can get outside I will feel better too... I'm just getting so depressed and 3 years is a long time.

[momofboys]

I need some advice or words of wisdom.

I left a horrible job where I was treated badly so I am very happy to be out of that enviroment. But daycare is not at all what I thought it would be.
I am so bored and lonley and each day is just the same.

We do activities and have fun and I try to mix it up. I have been doing this for 2 months now. I am pregnant and therefore my husband and I could never afford to put what will soon be 2 kids in daycare.

I have 2 -3 years until my oldest will be in school and I could afford to go back to work. How do I make it?

I'm trying to keep positive and I hope that when the summer comes and we can get outside I will feel better too... I'm just getting so depressed and 3 years is a long time.

aWW i have been in your shoes. I'm sorry you have not been feeling like yourself. If you have never been a SAHM it is a very HARD thing to get used to. I know when I first starting SAH with my kids ([prior to doing DC) I was also depressed to a certain degree. First off I think you need to make sure you are getting some kind of a break everyday during childcare hours if at all possible. Do your kids rest at the same time? IF so, make yourself the #1 priority. I would sit down with a book or relax on the couch or watch some reality tv taking time for YOU first. Then tend to your chores after you have had a much needed 1/2 or so to regroup. I am not sure where you live but I know this time for me (in the midwest) it's all about being indoors & that is tough. I try to take my kids to the library for storytime (1 mile from my home) & I truly look forward to this opportunity to get out of the house. And you can believe anytime our temps hit 40 or higher we will be outdoors enjoying the sunshine. I'm not sure what your numbers are (how many kids you watch) but maybe you could get together with another provider in yoru area 1-2 x a month for a playdate morning. I don't know if any of this info helped but I'm sending you a cyber hug & wishing things take a turn for you. Remember, this time will pass. . . but don't wish your life away. Try to be in the moment for your kids & enjoy it while it lasts.

[Blackcat31]

I need some advice or words of wisdom.

I left a horrible job where I was treated badly so I am very happy to be out of that enviroment. But daycare is not at all what I thought it would be.
I am so bored and lonley and each day is just the same.

We do activities and have fun and I try to mix it up. I have been doing this for 2 months now. I am pregnant and therefore my husband and I could never afford to put what will soon be 2 kids in daycare.

I have 2 -3 years until my oldest will be in school and I could afford to go back to work. How do I make it?

I'm trying to keep positive and I hope that when the summer comes and we can get outside I will feel better too... I'm just getting so depressed and 3 years is a long time.

It can be frustrating, loney, exhausting and down right hellish at times, but IMHO the first time you look into your new little one's eyes and know that YOU will be spending all his/her moments with them and not a childcare provider you will know it is worth it......I don't mean any disrespect to child care providers since I am one, but I am a mother FIRST and even though daycare has it's ups and down's a majority of people do stay in it for the long haul........you have support (here) a healthy child and one on the way so time to count up those blessings and remember this too shall pass....

[kitkat]

If you transitioned from working outside to SAHM and child care provider at the same time, then it's a HUGE adjustment. I think starting up is one of the hardest times (emotionally). Being pregnant and a bit hormonal doesn't help. And if you are in a cold climate and can't get outside, then it just adds to the negative feelings. I'm in WI, so it's really cold right now and we are stuck inside except for walking to/from school. If you can spend time outside, do it! I started Movie Monday 2 years ago to help combat the winter yucks and it totally helps! We do it every Monday now, which wasn't the original intention, but I'm ok with it. Make sure to do non-child care related stuff during nap time first. I eat when everyone naps. The biggest thing is to not expect yourself to be super woman. Oh, and try not to look at how many years you have to do this until the kids start school...that will just depress & overwhelm you more. Try to take it one day at a time. And when that new baby comes, you will be thankful that you are home. Baby #3 for me will be here in March and I can't imagine having to send him/her to daycare. Hang in there and come to the forum for support! We've all been there, so know that you aren't alone. And on the really bad days, go out or order in

[laundrymom]

I agree with everyone else,... give it more time, let yourself enjoy every single perk, when your child sleeps in their own bed, wakes up, and sits on your lap, in their home, and snuggles you all morning. When you are able to see every step, couch, sniffle and smile. It helps to get through the days of not having adult friends. My best friends are still in diapers,... =-) I cope by having a support system for myself that includes friends, activities away from home, camping, swimming, shopping, (not buying, but shopping) and other things I enjoy. dont think about it as ,.. how many more years,.. but as,.. how many more experiences am I going to be able to share with my kids,....

[kidkair]

If you have a small group maybe you could meet up with some other providers in your area and do a get together or a field trip together with the kids. Or meet up with other providers and let go of some of the stress and bounce ideas off them face to face rather than just reading on here. I know one provider who worked a short cleaning job after she closed and her husband was home to watch their kids. She said it's great because it gets her out of the house and allows dad to have time alone with the kids. Maybe you could do something similar? I joined a women's club to get to meet more women outside my profession. I belong to a provider's club too. Maybe check into clubs in your area.

[MommyMuffin]

Thanks for all the advice. I wrote down some of the things you all said and posted it on my fridge so that I can stay positive.

It is really nice to know that other people have felt this way too and I am not alone. I hope once the hormones settle down and the snow gives way to spring and birds and sun I will have a different outlook.

So glad to know I am not a horrible person for thinking these things and just to know others have been there really helps me. Thank you.

[nannyde]

Thanks for all the advice. I wrote down some of the things you all said and posted it on my fridge so that I can stay positive.

It is really nice to know that other people have felt this way too and I am not alone. I hope once the hormones settle down and the snow gives way to spring and birds and sun I will have a different outlook.

So glad to know I am not a horrible person for thinking these things and just to know others have been there really helps me. Thank you.

What did you think day care was going to be that it isn't?

Over the years I have seen a number of providers both new and a few years into this where they had resentment that they felt they had no alternative to make money and support their familes if they didn't do child care.

It's common when the provider has a second child and the amount of money they are able to make in the outside world isn't enough to pay for the two kids day care. There are few work at home jobs that are stable. Being a new child care provider is not necessarily a stable job either.

It's HARD to make money from home. There's no other way to say it. If you don't have ANY other way to support your family then you have to be REAL in your mind and accept what you have gotten yourself into.

If you have gotten into a job where you just can't do it then you have to be real also. You don't want kids coming into your home when you do not want to care for them. That's not good for you or the kids.

Maybe consider that you guys would be better off to live in a smaller world with less bills and just have you be a stay at home Mom. Is that possible? You would be better off living in a tiny apartment with two kids and a husband than living in a larger space that you have to support doing work you don't like.

I don't know your living situation but if there is any way that you can make it work with you not working you may want to really consider it. Child care for other people is a hard job that is often unstable. The learning curve to be good at it and prosperous takes a long time. If you don't have the personality for it then you need to be honest with yourself and get out of it. Your children don't need an unhappy Mommy and the day care families shouldn't hire someone who is unhappy.

Some of it may be the newness. Some of it may be your pregnancy. If you, in your heart, don't like doing it you HAVE to figure out a way out of it and either do something else or knuckle down and make this work. You can't make it work if you don't see the full truth in it. If you litterally do NOT have any other way to make money then you need to come to acceptance on it and get to making it work.

You sound super sweet Muff so I hope you take this with a good heart.

[MommyMuffin]

What did you think day care was going to be that it isn't?

Over the years I have seen a number of providers both new and a few years into this where they had resentment that they felt they had no alternative to make money and support their familes if they didn't do child care.

It's common when the provider has a second child and the amount of money they are able to make in the outside world isn't enough to pay for the two kids day care. There are few work at home jobs that are stable. Being a new child care provider is not necessarily a stable job either.

It's HARD to make money from home. There's no other way to say it. If you don't have ANY other way to support your family then you have to be REAL in your mind and accept what you have gotten yourself into.

If you have gotten into a job where you just can't do it then you have to be real also. You don't want kids coming into your home when you do not want to care for them. That's not good for you or the kids.

Maybe consider that you guys would be better off to live in a smaller world with less bills and just have you be a stay at home Mom. Is that possible? You would be better off living in a tiny apartment with two kids and a husband than living in a larger space that you have to support doing work you don't like.

I don't know your living situation but if there is any way that you can make it work with you not working you may want to really consider it. Child care for other people is a hard job that is often unstable. The learning curve to be good at it and prosperous takes a long time. If you don't have the personality for it then you need to be honest with yourself and get out of it. Your children don't need an unhappy Mommy and the day care families shouldn't hire someone who is unhappy.

Some of it may be the newness. Some of it may be your pregnancy. If you, in your heart, don't like doing it you HAVE to figure out a way out of it and either do something else or knuckle down and make this work. You can't make it work if you don't see the full truth in it. If you litterally do NOT have any other way to make money then you need to come to acceptance on it and get to making it work.

You sound super sweet Muff so I hope you take this with a good heart.

Thanks nan! I've decided I am not ready to throw in the towel yet and I think what your saying is buck up and give it your all or get out. I think your right! Thanks