When A Parent Tells You That They Are Your Boss

[ccare_erin]

I need to write a letter for this family. I want to keep this nice and professional yet get my point across.
Long story short, this particular dcm has made reference a couple times that her husband feels they are my employer. I have let it roll off because I love their daughter and have had her for two years. And really, if they want to think that way so be it.
However, last night dcd picked up (an extremely rare occurence) and was late. Therefore I was running late to my appointment. I sent a text to dcm asking where dcd was and then also called dcd.
He showed up ten minutes late.
This morning dcm told me that dcd would never say it to me but he tells her that he is my employer and as his employee I have no right to 'bitch' about him being a few minutes late. (he works from home two miles away) And that if he is going to be late I need to deal with it because he is my boss and I have no right to tell him when he has to be here.
This I could have lived with. He is entitled to his opinion.
But then she told me he would be picking up more often because she has horse riding lessons and if he is late then I need to pack up her daughter and take her with me and my family and she would come pick her up when she could.
So basically, the plan is that he will be coming more often and will be late.
I don't like this smarmy little gross man and he gives me the heebie jeebies. The fact that he thinks he has power over me is even more disturbing. As is the fact she think i will take her daughter with me.
They leave for a 2 week cruise tomorrow so I need to set them straight today. They pay for 1 month in advance and I don't want the check until they understand the way things are going to be should they stay.
So here I am. I need to compose a letter that is professional but I wanted to look for advice before I start. Has anyone had to deal with a parent like this before?
TIA

[butterfly]

as his "employee" I would quit. Effective immediately!!

[therov]

Here are three scenarios:

Dear family,

My client contract clearly stipulates that on-time pickup is required, or else you will incur a late fee of $xx. I am unable to extend my business hours, so if you require later pickup, please make alternate arrangements for your child's pickup with a family member or neighbor. Thank you.

Regards, me

****

If you don't have a late pickup/fee policy, institute one ASAP. Indicate that regular late pickups are cause for termination.

*****

Or just terminate the family. You don't have their respect and they've lost yours.

[craftymissbeth]

I would....

Take their one month in advance check, let them go on vacation, and give them their 2 week notice when they return.

Because as their employee I would feel that I really didn't owe them much at all. As their employee, I would take advantage of getting paid 2 weeks and not having their child.

And also because I'd love to tell them that as an employer they should know not to "bitch" when an employee screws them over and quits suddenly. Happens all the time to employers.

[craftymissbeth]

Also, dcm was WAY out of line for even bringing it up. I'm guessing she feels the exact same way as DCD and wants you to know it.

[Laurel]

I need to write a letter for this family. I want to keep this nice and professional yet get my point across.
Long story short, this particular dcm has made reference a couple times that her husband feels they are my employer. I have let it roll off because I love their daughter and have had her for two years. And really, if they want to think that way so be it.
However, last night dcd picked up (an extremely rare occurence) and was late. Therefore I was running late to my appointment. I sent a text to dcm asking where dcd was and then also called dcd.
He showed up ten minutes late.
This morning dcm told me that dcd would never say it to me but he tells her that he is my employer and as his employee I have no right to 'bitch' about him being a few minutes late. (he works from home two miles away) And that if he is going to be late I need to deal with it because he is my boss and I have no right to tell him when he has to be here.
This I could have lived with. He is entitled to his opinion.
But then she told me he would be picking up more often because she has horse riding lessons and if he is late then I need to pack up her daughter and take her with me and my family and she would come pick her up when she could.
So basically, the plan is that he will be coming more often and will be late.
I don't like this smarmy little gross man and he gives me the heebie jeebies. The fact that he thinks he has power over me is even more disturbing. As is the fact she think i will take her daughter with me.
They leave for a 2 week cruise tomorrow so I need to set them straight today. They pay for 1 month in advance and I don't want the check until they understand the way things are going to be should they stay.
So here I am. I need to compose a letter that is professional but I wanted to look for advice before I start. Has anyone had to deal with a parent like this before?
TIA
Erin

I never termed in 20 years but I might have to for that kind of attitude. If however, you feel you can't and need the money or whatever, I'd have a talk, in person, with dad. I just would want him to know that I'm not afraid to face him. Yes, I would be very nervous but I'd have to do it. You can practice what you are going to say or write it out. I suppose this could be a letter too really but I think in person is more effective.

It would go something like this:

Hi Dad, I need to talk to you and this is serious. Your wife mentioned that you will be picking up late in the future. I make appointments or have activities after work as it is the only time I can go. I close in time to make these on time. I absolutely will not take your daughter with me if you are late. First, it is a liability for me concerning car insurance in case something would happen and second I don't want to do it. My time is my time the same as your time after your work is your time. So I wanted to be clear with you that I won't do it.

Second, I want you to understand something. I've heard that you consider me your employee. Let me assure you that I am not. I am operating a business that has rules like any other business. No different than a day care center. You can have any opinion about that that you'd like but it doesn't change the fact that I am not your employee. If you want care for your child from an employee you should check into getting a nanny to come to your home. She would be an employee.

The following will be what will happen should you be late in the future. (Here state your policy).

If he gets snotty, I'd probably just term. I wouldn't back down. I also might make a new late fee policy if it looks like he is just going to come late anyway. First time=very hefty fee, Second time=double the first time, Third time=terminate. I'd explain it and have them both sign it.

You don't have to put up with this. Good luck!

Laurel

[daycarediva]

Sorry, they wouldn't have made it out the door without a reminder of my policies that THEY signed agreeing to. I am NOBODY's employee. I am SELF employed and provide a service.

"Sorry dcm, since dcd is wanting an employee he can boss around, you'll be nanny shopping. Effective immediately."

as I was bagging items. I don't put up with disrespect.

[snbauser]

I agree with all the pp's. When I read the title of this post my immediate thought was "then I quit" as I was handing them their things. You need to set them straight or terminate.

[Leigh]

I believe it is Blackcat that has a 3 strikes policy for being late, with increased fees each time they are late up to termination. I'd have a face to face with Dad and tell him something like this:

Your wife told me that you feel that being on time to pick up is not that important. Let me assure you that it IS important. Scheduling appointments immediately after daycare allows me to NOT have to close the daycare for the day to make an appointment during regular business hours. Having a parent show up late means that I can't make it to my doctor/banking/whatever appointments, and that is unacceptable to me. My business hours are clear: They are 7:30-5:30. Just as a department store won't stay late until you arrive, I also will not. I am implementing a new late policy to ensure that my business is able to run the way that I need it to (hand him the policy). Please sign and return it by Friday. If he mentions you taking his child with you to an appointment, just say No, I am not willing to do that.

[Laurel]

Also, dcm was WAY out of line for even bringing it up. I'm guessing she feels the exact same way as DCD and wants you to know it.

She absolutely does feel the same way or she wouldn't have brought it up. I totally agree. She was too chicken to say it herself so she used the old "husband is upset about this" line.

I had a dad do this about his ditzy wife all the time. "Oh well it's not me. The wife made the decision." On his last day, I kept my cool, but told him how I felt. I told him my honest thoughts (using "I" messages) about how I felt about what they had done to me. So then he starts the "Well my wife..." I cut him off and said "I don't want to hear that yet again. You know this is wrong and I don't appreciate you passing the buck." He dropped off.

THEN, when his wife came later for pick up, I told her how I felt too.

All very professional and I can tell you it felt sooooo good. Neither one left my house that day without knowing how I really felt.

Laurel

[lovemykidstoo]

If you can afford it, I would term now. You have a couple of things going wrong with this family. Being late and his attitude. Man, unbelievable. I allow 1 late pickup. Then I flat out say it is not going to be tolerated. If you can't be here on time, we're done. Period. I don't do late fees, because I just can't have anyone be late. I have 2 kids involved in alot of things. I don't want their money for late fees, I want them ontime. So, if they can't be on time, then hit the bricks.

[Cat Herder]

I need to write a letter for this family. I want to keep this nice and professional yet get my point across.
Long story short, this particular dcm has made reference a couple times that her husband feels they are my employer. I have let it roll off because I love their daughter and have had her for two years. And really, if they want to think that way so be it.
However, last night dcd picked up (an extremely rare occurence) and was late. Therefore I was running late to my appointment. I sent a text to dcm asking where dcd was and then also called dcd.
He showed up ten minutes late.
This morning dcm told me that dcd would never say it to me but he tells her that he is my employer and as his employee I have no right to 'bitch' about him being a few minutes late. (he works from home two miles away) And that if he is going to be late I need to deal with it because he is my boss and I have no right to tell him when he has to be here.
This I could have lived with. He is entitled to his opinion.
But then she told me he would be picking up more often because she has horse riding lessons and if he is late then I need to pack up her daughter and take her with me and my family and she would come pick her up when she could.
So basically, the plan is that he will be coming more often and will be late.
I don't like this smarmy little gross man and he gives me the heebie jeebies. The fact that he thinks he has power over me is even more disturbing. As is the fact she think i will take her daughter with me.
They leave for a 2 week cruise tomorrow so I need to set them straight today. They pay for 1 month in advance and I don't want the check until they understand the way things are going to be should they stay.
So here I am. I need to compose a letter that is professional but I wanted to look for advice before I start. Has anyone had to deal with a parent like this before?
TIA
Erin

I would schedule a group conference in which I would lay the issue, point blank, on the table.

No more He said/She said. No more Waif Mom/Bully Dad play.

It has been my experience that women play this passive aggressive "my mean husband" card much to the shock of their enabling husbands who have spent hours listening to their wives rant about your perceived slights to her at home.....

Following your contract or being terminated is a really easy subject to explain after that.

[nannyde]

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-boss-of-me-parent.htm

The Boss Of Me Parent

[Blackcat31]

I believe it is Blackcat that has a 3 strikes policy for being late, with increased fees each time they are late up to termination. .

Yes, I have a graduated fee scale for late pick ups.

My persona time is VERY valuable to me and I require my clients to be respectful of that. Once is understandable, twice is forgivable but three times is simply outright disrespect.




OP~ Consider looking into purchasing this book. It's written by a long time contributing member of this forum and has LOADS of great info about dealing with problematic daycare parents.

There is a complete chapter dedicated to managing parents that think thay are your boss.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/daycare-whisperer-doing-daycare-tori-fees/1120311978?ean=2940150427556

[Shell]

Wow , what a jerk! Both of them! Agree that dcm probably feels this way and is using dcd so she can say what she really means. I had a dcm that acted like this, but would never say it. If I could do it all over again, she would have been termed. Even when I got strict and firm with her, it was just a matter of time before she started acting up again. Some people are like this, and like to feel superior. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction- show them the door!