Why, Why, Why??? WWYD?

[sierrastreasures]

Quick post for suggestions please.

I have a 3 year old that continuously ask why, why, why and more whys. Some whys are out of curiosity, others because she does not want to do a particular project or change activities or share for that matter.

To be honest out of frustration the other day I said to her after 10 whys that morning, "because I asked you to and please don't keep asking why". The child went home last night and complained to her mom.

Mom showed up this morning a little miffed. She is a very young mom 19 years old and very sensitive to her child's complaints. Her conversation went like this "___ said she is not allowed to ask why at your daycare. Your daycare is different than so and so's because she was allowed to ask why any time she wanted as well as run and scream all day. She did not have as many toys as you do but _____ had the whole basement to run and scream if she wanted to".

I explained that there are differences in the type of why's that ___ continually ask ask. I went on to explain that I have recognized that when ___ does not want to change activities she says "why".

I'm upset with myself because I did not stick to my guns and gave into her request to answer every why. Now I fear the other children will follow suit when they do not want to follow my program and the questionable whys will become whiny whhhhhhyyyyyys???????

How can I correct this situation and put the ball back in my court. I don't want to bend the rules for one child and I feel I've just set myself up from the beginning with this young mom to run the show. Am I being over sensitive? :confused:

[marniewon]

You told mom that you would answer dcg's every "why"? Yikes! I would have told mom that I would answer every "why" that comes from curiosity, but would not answer "why's" that are just stalling or whining. I ignore (stalling/whiny) whys here. And some curiosity whys too - after about the 10th time of the same "why" I'm done. One thing you can do is turn it around on her - she asks why so you ask a why question.

Not sure what you can do to get the ball back in your court, except maybe do what you do and next time mom comes to you with an issue, don't back down. Or you could tell mom that after thinking about things, you have decided you will not answer every why, unless it's a curiosity why. That you will not allow whining or stalling tactics. Do you suppose mom answers every single why? I'll bet she doesn't

[Blackcat31]

Tell the child "I don't know ask your mom." every time she asks why.
Sorry, I was being sarcastic!!! That is a tough one, but the whole going home and complaining to the parent is a tough and annoying situation. I've had kids do that before too and I just tell parents that they need to keep in mind that the kid is telling them things from a child's perspective and no matter what the kid complains about all you can do is assure the mom you are providing a safe and nurturing environment for her child and that she would be doing herself a favor by not calling you out on every complaint her preschool age child has. Bottom line is that if she truly wants someone to answer every "why" her child has then hire a tutor or a nanny to give her child that kind of attention. I've had kids tell their parents that they never get to eat here or that we have mac'n cheese EVERY day...and then had the parents actually come and ask me if we really eat mac'n cheese every day!?!?!

"If you promise not believe everything your child says happens at daycare, then I promise not to believe everything they say happens at home!"

[Live and Learn]

When lil kids go throughout this stage..... and a whole lot of really smart kids do.....if I know that the lil one already knows the answer I say "Why do you think?" with a smile in my voice....sometimes asking why just becomes a habit for them too. I answer all "why's" but if I know they know the answer I turn the why back around to them......It is easy for me to answer the why's because I have a smaller group then many others on this forum.

[Live and Learn]

"If you promise not believe everything your child says happens at daycare, then I promise not to believe everything they say happens at home
This is so true

[melskids]

i usually just look at them and say "why not?" i get a confused look for a second, and then they're on their merry way.....

[DancingQueen]

"because I said so"

[DancingQueen]

so basically you have a kid saying "WHY" all day then mom comes and asks "WHY?" LOL apple - meet tree.. tree.. meet apple.

[kitkat]

When lil kids go throughout this stage..... and a whole lot of really smart kids do.....if I know that the lil one already knows the answer I say "Why do you think?" with a smile in my voice....sometimes asking why just becomes a habit for them too. I answer all "why's" but if I know they know the answer I turn the why back around to them......It is easy for me to answer the why's because I have a smaller group then many others on this forum.

Exactly what I do! Why is such a contagious word, also. Even DD who turned 2 in Sept has picked it up from dcg who is 4. Whenever someone asks why and it's not a true why question, I always ask, "Why do you think?" and they always can tell me the right answer.

[SilverSabre25]

Why? (curiosity)--as honest and true of an answer as possible, even if it's "I don't know"...
Why? b/c a. Why a? b/c b. Why b? b/c c. Why c?...answer as honestly as possible until you're tired of it or it seems to be a game--then my stock answer is, "Because, because, because, that's why I like giraffes" and redirect to something else. The answer is silly and elicits giggles and distracts from the game of Why.

Why? (stalling)--as honest and true of an answer as possible--the first time. ("because it's lunch time" "Because we wash our hands before we eat" "Because it's time to clean up"). Subsequent times: "Because I told you to. Now do it."

[Luna]

For "why?'s" when I know they already no the answer, or there is no answer, I usually make something up...like "because the cows on the moon are dancing", "because the mayor of Sillyville needs new shoes"...something like that. They look at me like I have two heads and walk away.

[kitkat]

"because I said so"

I hate using this, but I do it with DS6 sometimes.

so basically you have a kid saying "WHY" all day then mom comes and asks "WHY?" LOL apple - meet tree.. tree.. meet apple.

:: Love it!

[Live and Learn]

Dancing Queen:
Apple tree comment SO FUNNY!!!!!::::::::::

[AnythingsPossible]

When lil kids go throughout this stage..... and a whole lot of really smart kids do.....if I know that the lil one already knows the answer I say "Why do you think?" with a smile in my voice....sometimes asking why just becomes a habit for them too. I answer all "why's" but if I know they know the answer I turn the why back around to them......It is easy for me to answer the why's because I have a smaller group then many others on this forum.

Ditto this! I always use this strategy when they get into the what's this what's that. If I know they know the answer, then I ask the question back to them. As far as the constant why's on some things, I have in the past ignored the question, or just repeat the statement firmly. Ignoring may not be the nicest way to handle it, but it is better then snapping at them out of frustration! (hanging head in shame for having done this a time or two..)

[Lilbutterflie]

I try to be patient with all of the "whys" here b/c all of my dck's are at the age to ask why all the time! When it's out of curiosity, I try to answer. BUT, around here if you ask an authority figure "Why?" after they tell you to do something, it's DISRESPECT! I don't tolerate it in my house. I would have told DCM that you are willing to answer her "whys" out of curiosity, but when it's b/c she is questioning your authority it is not tolerated. In my house, if you are told to do something you DO it without any questions. If they are still curious after they have done what they've been told (like asking "why are we getting our shoes on" while they are in the process of getting shoes on), then I will answer.