Stranger Danger

[Sunchimes]

DCG just turned 4 this week and will be heading off to pre-k in 2 weeks. Since she will be riding the bus, they have been talking to her about stranger danger. She is an extremely smart, independent young lady, but she isn't getting this stranger thing. She told me that she wasn't suppose to go with bad men. I pointed out that strangers were people you didn't know, and that included ladies, because ladies could be bad too. Her answer was that she would just ask the lady her name then she would know her.

Her mom said the whole password idea went right over her head. What strategies have you used to teach this concept either in dc or your own children? Do you even bother with it in dc and leave it to the parents? This child has been with me most of her life and is more like a grandchild than a daycare child.

[hope]

I talk a lot about this with my own children at a young age. At first I told them that they can not go with anyone other than their parents or grandparents. The concept of stranger is too vague for them. I discuss it but it is an ongoing discussion that takes time. For this reason I would make the warning easy for her to understand by listing people she is allowed to leave anywhere with. If mommy, daddy or grandparents are not there then she is to know she is in trouble. Simple. Add yourself to list of safe people.

[Unregistered]

http://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/

I'm leery of the "danger stranger" thing. Most times it's known people who hurt or take a kid. I like this article.

[jenboo]

My mom drilled stranger danger into me. We had a password and everything.
Well one day in elementary school (I think 4 th or 5 th grade) I was outside of the school waiting to be picked up. I waited a while and started to get worried. Then a car pulls up and says my name and said that my mom sent her to come pick me up. So naturally I nervously get in the car! I had no idea who this lady was or anything!!!
We get to my house and my mom is panicking because she forgot to tell her friend the password and thought that I wouldn't go with her. Then she was upset with me because I forgot to ask for the password.

Moral of the story, you can teach them not to go with anyone but so and so and can teach them a password but in the end it really might not do anything.

[Michael]

More threads: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...tranger+danger

[BrooklynM]

I really talked to my kids about this, but I don't really like the term stranger danger because it sounds scary and a lot of people that kidnap kids can look very normal. When they first started walking home from school by themselves I even had a coworker that they hadn't met before (she was very normal, pretty, drove a nice car, etc) offer them a ride home. Is that horrible of me? Maybe but they were amazing and my daughter took my sons hand and ran all of the way home (which was like a block). They told me about it right away and even gave me a pretty good description of her.

I dont regret it because it gave me peace of mind that my kids would do the right thing.

One thing about kindergarten though- we had a situation in my son's class where the school let a kid go home with another parent and that kids parent didn't know about it. It was harmless in the sense that it was a communication mix up but the school didn't have the authority to release the child to that parent and it was a BIG deal. The school did the right thing and owned it. They made their policies clear, retrained all of the teachers/staff and admitted they were in the wrong and gave assurance it wouldn't happen again.

[sharlan]

Sometimes, I think parents take it too far. Yes, children need to be taught awareness about their surroundings. But they don't need to be taught that everyone is bad.

[Play Care]

I really like "Protecting The Gift" for this. I despise the "stranger danger" concept. I have yet to have a kid in my care really understand it beyond "stay away from "bad" guys."

[BrooklynM]

Sometimes, I think parents take it too far. Yes, children need to be taught awareness about their surroundings. But they don't need to be taught that everyone is bad.

Some may think I took it too far, but I know someone who was kidnapped, I volunteered in the search, I answered the hotline phone for over a year. They have never found her. When it hits so close to home, I wanted to be certain my kids were prepared.

[sharlan]

Brooklyn, I understand where you are coming from.

You want your child to be aware, to know what to do in various situations, to be able to protect themselves. I used to play the "what if" game with my kids from the time they were little. (What if you heard Mommy or Daddy screaming in the middle of the night? Push out your screen and run to a neighbor's house. Don't check on Mommy or Daddy. What if somebody asks you to help find their pet? Tell them that you'll get Mommy or Daddy to help. etc) As they aged, the questions changed.

IMHO, you don't want your child to be afraid to say "hello" to someone in public.

A few years ago, I had an elderly man approach me in IKEA asking if he could say "hello" to my kids. While I appreciated him asking, I also thought how sad it was that he felt the need to ask before saying a simple "Hello, how are you today?"

A few weeks ago, at the beach, my grandson and I were walking along the seawall. He stopped to talk to a group of adults who were speaking Mandarin. Had he been afraid to talk to them, he would have missed a wonderful opportunity to use his Mandarin.

[BrooklynM]

Brooklyn, I understand where you are coming from.

You want your child to be aware, to know what to do in various situations, to be able to protect themselves. I used to play the "what if" game with my kids from the time they were little. (What if you heard Mommy or Daddy screaming in the middle of the night? Push out your screen and run to a neighbor's house. Don't check on Mommy or Daddy. What if somebody asks you to help find their pet? Tell them that you'll get Mommy or Daddy to help. etc) As they aged, the questions changed.

IMHO, you don't want your child to be afraid to say "hello" to someone in public.

A few years ago, I had an elderly man approach me in IKEA asking if he could say "hello" to my kids. While I appreciated him asking, I also thought how sad it was that he felt the need to ask before saying a simple "Hello, how are you today?"

A few weeks ago, at the beach, my grandson and I were walking along the seawall. He stopped to talk to a group of adults who were speaking Mandarin. Had he been afraid to talk to them, he would have missed a wonderful opportunity to use his Mandarin.

Sharlan-
I totally get what you are saying! It is so sad that we have to be paranoid. Luckily my kids are social now and have pretty good judgement, but there was a time there that they would shy away from people because of the fear I put in them. Its so hard to balance parenting!

[melilley]

My mom drilled stranger danger into me. We always talked about it and I even had a password. One day I was walking to school and a little old lady called me over to get some candy. I actually went up to her door and accepted it! I remember feeling so bad that I went up to a stranger, but didn't tell my mom because I was afraid of what she would say. A few weeks later I was at my grandmas house and I was so disappointed in myself for talking and accepting candy from a stranger that I had to tell her. Needless to say she told my mom and got into trouble.
I think that you can talk to your kids all day about not talking to strangers, but in the end, it's up to them. I have talked to my dd about this and I always tell her that it's ok to talk to others if someone is with her-an adult, but if she is alone or even with friends (she's 11 and does ride her bike in the neighborhood) not to talk to anyone. She always rolls her eyes and says I know, I know.

Have you ever seen the show where they go undercover with families with children? They feature families that say they talk to their kids until they are blue in the face about not talking to strangers; most of them are 100% sure that their child won't talk to a stranger or go up to their car, etc... Then they have an actor in different scenarios go up to the kids (with a hidden camera) and try to talk to them or have them get into their car. Shockingly, some of these children actually associated with the stranger. Scary.

[cheerfuldom]

I dont use the stranger danger approach with my kids. I find this info much better and this is similar to what our schools present to the kids. There is more info in the links at the bottom of the article. http://www.checklistmommy.com/2012/0...new-strangers/

This is also one of the reasons why my children are rarely ever out of my direct supervision. I don't trust other people, I don't allow them to walk anywhere or do anything alone. I am not a helicopter mom IMO, I just supervise at all times. One child rides the bus but only because I put her on the bus at my house. I would never allow my children to stand at the bus stop, come home to an empty house or play at the park alone. All things I did as a child. Now, that said, we are friendly when we are out an about. My children are taught to ask mom first before doing anything or approaching anyone else. They will ask "Can I go make friends with that lady over there?" and that sort of thing. They look to me if someone approaches them to see if they can interact. I know that sounds intense but it is what they are used to and way better than them running all over the neighborhood fearless of anything. I hate that things have to be this way though . I also dont ever blindly trust anyone including teachers, neighbors and such. We dont allow sleepovers or drop off parties. Sucks for my kids.