Broken Toy

[JoseyJo]

Question for you all-

I have a almost 5yo dcb in my care who has been here since 18 mo. He totally rules the roost at home and mom tries to get me to let him rule the roost here (not that I do but it is a battle w/ her).

Today he PURPOSELY (yes, I know for absolutely sure) tore the nose off of another child's toy that they brought for for show and tell (yes, I let them bring toys, I know, I know). I know for a fact that this boy has destroyed his cousin's property and instead of getting in trouble he was told a week later by his mom "I'm gonna have to talk to your cousin's mom because they still havent replaced that game and they need to replace it so you can play it when you go over again"

My assistant had dcb come to me and tell me what happened. DCB would not tell me and just kept shoving the toy at me. Finally he said "you need to fix this!" in a mean voice, like he was annoyed that he even had to say anything at all.

I asked him how it broke and he said "I broke it" I asked him why and he said "because i wanted to". SO- I told him that it is not fair that the other child now has a broken toy because he wanted to break it so he could replace the toy with the one he brought (they were both around $5-$10 toys). He FLIPPED out (not surprisingly) but I went through with it. I told him that he could choose to keep the broken toy or to throw it away, it was his now and his choice. He threw it away.

Now- here is my question - do you think that was fair? I KNOW dcm is going to flip out and think it was totally unfair. The way I am looking at it is that I am with this child for 50 hours a week, I treat them like I would treat my own. Whenever my own children have purposely broken someone else toy they have replaced it with their own.

What do you think?

[Blackcat31]

I don't think I personally would have made the child give his toy to the other child, although I DO agree that those actions would help in teaching him empathy and respect for other's belongings but I think it's something I would have done with my OWN child verses a DCK's....kwim?

In your case, I would have required DCB to tell his parent himself what he did. I would then let the daycare parent know the family is responsible for replacing the toy or the value of the toy.

If DCB refused to tell his parent on his own what he did, I would have him lose the privilege of ever bringing toys from home again.

Part of my discipline plan here is to always require children to tell their parents on their own what they did so that they learn to take responsibility for their actions.

If I have to tell the parents because the child won't or refuses, the child knows there will be additional consequences here then.

[sharlan]

I would not have handled it the same way you did.

1st - I take toys away from home and put them up. I have kids that are dropped off by one parent and picked up by the other. I seem to be the transfer spot between divorced parents.

2nd - I would have told the child who broke the toy that he would have to tell the other child's parent and his own what he did. I would also tell his parent that she would need to settle it with the other parent. Then I would be out of the equation.

[butterfly]

I understand your reasoning for handling this situation the way you did. If this happened with my OWN children, I would have done the same thing. However, since this wasn't your toy to give to someone else, I wouldn't have had the dck give his toy away.

I wouldn't allow toys from home from now on, for the reason that they get broken (or lost, pose a choking hazard for others...).

Then I would do as others have already posted.

[spinnymarie]

I totally agree that that is absolutely the right thing to do and that that little boy needs to learn that lesson.
I don't know if I would've actually done it though, simply because its probably something his mom needs to do.
I might've suggested it to her, or that they replace it in some way (preferably my way ), but I do think when it comes to belongings that the parents have to handle it (even if they don't). I think it would be VERY appropriate that that boy not be able to bring a toy in for show and tell until he replaces the other child's toy.

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree with the others.

I would have him tell his mom and the victims mom what he did.

I would expect the boys mom to replace the toy.

I would not allow him to ever touch another child personal toy again.

I do allow show and tell. But I have it in my policy that if a child purposely tears up another child or my possessions, they have to replace it. All parents sign.

What you did was awesome parenting. But sometimes we can't handle dck like our own. Yes, I'd have them replace the toy. But I wouldn't have replaced it with his personal toy. Or I would have called his parent and said "either he can replace the broken toy with the one he brought today, or e value of the toy needs to be replaced" and let mom make that choice.

[Familycare71]

I agree with the others.

I would have him tell his mom and the victims mom what he did.

I would expect the boys mom to replace the toy.

I would not allow him to ever touch another child personal toy again.

I do allow show and tell. But I have it in my policy that if a child purposely tears up another child or my possessions, they have to replace it. All parents sign.

What you did was awesome parenting. But sometimes we can't handle dck like our own. Yes, I'd have them replace the toy. But I wouldn't have replaced it with his personal toy. Or I would have called his parent and said "either he can replace the broken toy with the one he brought today, or e value of the toy needs to be replaced" and let mom make that choice.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I agree with the others.

I don't think allowing toys for show and tell is bad at all. I DO NOT allow personal items from home during the week (blankets, stuffed animals, toys, sippy cups, food/drinks in the AM). The only exception is that I DO allow for the child to bring 1 toy in for show and tell every Friday. The child goes and gets it before circle time, shows it, can share it with the kids for a little bit if they would like to, and goes and puts it back in their cubby.

[JoseyJo]

Thank you all so much for your responses! The child whose toy was broken is my own child so that further complicates things. It was NOT a daycare toy, it was his own personal toy, it would be much easier if it was another child's toy!

That being said- upon further reflection I think the reason I chose to handle it this way was because this child is my husband's cousin. I don't think (now that I have thought about it that way) that I would do this if it was a totally unrelated child. The family is totally not a good fit for our daycare and the only reason we have not termed is because they are family (DONT TAKE FAMILY!!!)

SO- Is there a way to change this now? I have not talked to dcm, only to dcb. Should I wait until dcm picks up and have dcb tell her what he did and tell her that he will need to replace the toy before he can bring toys again? Should I tell her that I gave him the option to replace it and he refused so he cannot bring them again? Stick with what I already did and wait for the fallout? Honestly I DO NOT care if they self-term. It would make my life much easier- I constantly have to fight with them to follow the rules anyway. But I don't want anyone to think I am being unfair either.

[Cradle2crayons]

Thank you all so much for your responses! The child whose toy was broken is my own child so that further complicates things. It was NOT a daycare toy, it was his own personal toy, it would be much easier if it was another child's toy!

That being said- upon further reflection I think the reason I chose to handle it this way was because this child is my husband's cousin. I don't think (now that I have thought about it that way) that I would do this if it was a totally unrelated child. The family is totally not a good fit for our daycare and the only reason we have not termed is because they are family (DONT TAKE FAMILY!!!)

SO- Is there a way to change this now? I have not talked to dcm, only to dcb. Should I wait until dcm picks up and have dcb tell her what he did and tell her that he will need to replace the toy before he can bring toys again? Should I tell her that I gave him the option to replace it and he refused so he cannot bring them again? Stick with what I already did and wait for the fallout? Honestly I DO NOT care if they self-term. It would make my life much easier- I constantly have to fight with them to follow the rules anyway. But I don't want anyone to think I am being unfair either.

I think what I would do is have him tell mom what happened. Then tell her you had him give his own toy to dcb but if she prefers, she can replace the value. That way, it still gives an option. Hopefully, since its already done, mom will just say that's fine. If not, don't let the door hit her... Um you get the point

[JoseyJo]

I gave dcb the option to either replace w/ his toy or to not bring share toys/ share other's share toys anymore and dcb happily picked not bring/not share.

DCD picked up- had dcb tell him what happened- tried 4 times, he would not say it loud enough for dad to hear. I told him what happened (that I tried to get him to replace first, he had a meltdown, so I gave choice above. DCD told dcb he WILL replace the toy- out of his piggy bank. DCM would have had a totally different reaction. I am glad DCD picked up

[Maria2013]

Question for you all-

I have a almost 5yo dcb in my care who has been here since 18 mo. He totally rules the roost at home and mom tries to get me to let him rule the roost here (not that I do but it is a battle w/ her).

Today he PURPOSELY (yes, I know for absolutely sure) tore the nose off of another child's toy that they brought for for show and tell (yes, I let them bring toys, I know, I know). I know for a fact that this boy has destroyed his cousin's property and instead of getting in trouble he was told a week later by his mom "I'm gonna have to talk to your cousin's mom because they still havent replaced that game and they need to replace it so you can play it when you go over again"

My assistant had dcb come to me and tell me what happened. DCB would not tell me and just kept shoving the toy at me. Finally he said "you need to fix this!" in a mean voice, like he was annoyed that he even had to say anything at all.

I asked him how it broke and he said "I broke it" I asked him why and he said "because i wanted to". SO- I told him that it is not fair that the other child now has a broken toy because he wanted to break it so he could replace the toy with the one he brought (they were both around $5-$10 toys). He FLIPPED out (not surprisingly) but I went through with it. I told him that he could choose to keep the broken toy or to throw it away, it was his now and his choice. He threw it away.

Now- here is my question - do you think that was fair? I KNOW dcm is going to flip out and think it was totally unfair. The way I am looking at it is that I am with this child for 50 hours a week, I treat them like I would treat my own. Whenever my own children have purposely broken someone else toy they have replaced it with their own.

What do you think?

I have it in my contract that kids can bring 1 small toy if they wish to do so but that I'm not to be hold accountable for lost or broken property

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I gave dcb the option to either replace w/ his toy or to not bring share toys/ share other's share toys anymore and dcb happily picked not bring/not share.

DCD picked up- had dcb tell him what happened- tried 4 times, he would not say it loud enough for dad to hear. I told him what happened (that I tried to get him to replace first, he had a meltdown, so I gave choice above. DCD told dcb he WILL replace the toy- out of his piggy bank. DCM would have had a totally different reaction. I am glad DCD picked up

That is good!

[Familycare71]

I gave dcb the option to either replace w/ his toy or to not bring share toys/ share other's share toys anymore and dcb happily picked not bring/not share.

DCD picked up- had dcb tell him what happened- tried 4 times, he would not say it loud enough for dad to hear. I told him what happened (that I tried to get him to replace first, he had a meltdown, so I gave choice above. DCD told dcb he WILL replace the toy- out of his piggy bank. DCM would have had a totally different reaction. I am glad DCD picked up

happyface

[MotherNature]

I agree with the others.

I would have him tell his mom and the victims mom what he did.

I would expect the boys mom to replace the toy.

I would not allow him to ever touch another child personal toy again.

I do allow show and tell. But I have it in my policy that if a child purposely tears up another child or my possessions, they have to replace it. All parents sign.

What you did was awesome parenting. But sometimes we can't handle dck like our own. Yes, I'd have them replace the toy. But I wouldn't have replaced it with his personal toy. Or I would have called his parent and said "either he can replace the broken toy with the one he brought today, or e value of the toy needs to be replaced" and let mom make that choice.

I agree with this as well. I have a statement in my handbook that says that if a child purposefully/willfully destroys property, the parent of the child needs to replace it.