Problem Boy To Drop Hours..Keep Or Just Let Go?

[laceylmm]

Ok in another post I mentioned 'five year old boy who can't get with the program'. He had a horrible day last Thursday. Then mildly better Friday with me constantly reminding of rules and making him sit, or go to another area when rules were broken. Even with that he still couldn't keep his hands to himself and again grabbed my 18month knocking him down and making him hit his head.

Today he of course every time I asked him to stop touching the baby (hugs or hi fives only as suggested here) he said 'Im not doing nothing'. Outside despite losing bike privileges several times before he insists on riding as close to people's back tires as possible. Then when they slow down he creams them (has caused several crashes). And always says its the other kids fault.

So today his mom says that his gpa that never gets to see him is going to start keeping him w-f. I said he will still have to make his hours or pay the difference of pt/ft. She said this is fine because she is tired of the conflict.

I asked if this is going to be an every week thing or just this week. She acted like she wasn't sure but it sounds like it is.

The mom is very nice but I feel annoyed that one of the few times I mentioned how horrible a day went this is the response. So I'd kind of like to just cut ties. How should a word a termination letter. Plus I feel like she would use me for the two days a week she does need care until she found someone else to watch him.

[laceylmm]

Also today he continually referenced his 'nuts' and pretended to hump the toys, or the air while slapping at his privates. Also tells me he's not doing anything when I ask him to stop. Today I was in the kitchen and he kept running up trying to grab the baby. One time as I saw him out of the corner of my eye I literally had to body block him to stop him from getting to him.

[Brooksie]

Wow. Yea I would definitely term him. Just be up front with mom. Say that with his current behavior and unwillingness to cooperate, and now the cut hours, you don't feel that he is a good fit for your program. Then just state his last day (2 weeks or whatever your contract says) and be done with it. Start advertising immediately and if she doesn't keep him with you until that last day then all the better.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I have one very similar to this M-F and it is exhausting. The parents ARE willing to fix the behavior, though, which is the only reason that this child stays here.

If you can term him, I would do so. Especially since the parents aren't assisting you in correcting behaviors.

[Starburst]

Also today he continually referenced his 'nuts' and pretended to hump the toys, or the air while slapping at his privates. Also tells me he's not doing anything when I ask him to stop. Today I was in the kitchen and he kept running up trying to grab the baby. One time as I saw him out of the corner of my eye I literally had to body block him to stop him from getting to him.

That looks like a red flag to me. That could be a sign of sexual abuse or it could also be a sign of issues with impulse control (sometimes that can include overtly inappropraite sexual behavior).

But when he says "Im not doing anything" call him on it and tell him you saw him doing it and that you don't like being lied to and that you don't allow lying in your home (and if necassary explain to him that saying you didn't do something when you did IS lying- you would be supprised how many kids don't understand that! or say "I'm just pretending/kidding").

Do you react right away to these things? It could be possible that he sees this as a game and just wants to get a reaction out of you (or his mom). I understand what you mean about the baby thing. I get annoyed when older kids try to get too close to babies (especially when they are up in their face and touching them- germs!). Maybe just make it a general rule with the baby thing and if he tries to touch the baby either make something he likes off limits (like a toy or privilage like tv) and if necassary time out.

It seems like this kid needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions and his family just lets things slide to easily (by letting him say "I didn't do it" and not calling him on it). If it continues and mom doesn't do anything about it, then you should term.

[daycarediva]

5 year olds are BIG into potty words. I wouldn't assume saying 'nuts' meant sexual abuse.

It sounds like you are just done with this guy, and if that is the case, I would term.

My 5yo like yours is actually improving. Even my dh mentioned it when he came home at lunch!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

5 year olds are BIG into potty words. I wouldn't assume saying 'nuts' meant sexual abuse.

It sounds like you are just done with this guy, and if that is the case, I would term.

My 5yo like yours is actually improving. Even my dh mentioned it when he came home at lunch!

[crunchymama]

I sounds like the conflict of touching the baby has created a power struggle between DCB and yourself.
If you've made up your mind to term then a clean break is best. It sounds like DCM wants a change as well. Go back to your policies regarding 2 weeks notice.
I would draft a simple letter:

Dear DCPs,
As of July X, 2013, I will no longer be able to provide care for DCB.
Provider Name

[Starburst]

5 year olds are BIG into potty words. I wouldn't assume saying 'nuts' meant sexual abuse.

It sounds like you are just done with this guy, and if that is the case, I would term.

My 5yo like yours is actually improving. Even my dh mentioned it when he came home at lunch!

It wasn't the "nuts" thing that is the big concerned, it was the humping and slapping his private parts thing that raises concern. I also said that there could be a chance he just has impulse control issues, which would explain why he does things he is told not to do and then says he didn't do it.

http://voices.yahoo.com/sexual-abuse-toddlers-six-behavioral-signs-look-1503739.html

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

It wasn't the "nuts" thing that is the big concerned, it was the humping and slapping his private parts thing that raises concern. I also said that there could be a chance he just has impulse control issues, which would explain why he does things he is told not to do and then says he didn't do it.

http://voices.yahoo.com/sexual-abuse...k-1503739.html

Being obsessed with potty words/potty actions truly is pretty typical for this age. Inappropriate, yes, but pretty typical.

Every child under 5 has impulse control issues. :: The children that are never/rarely disciplined at home just seem to struggle with them more when put into an environment that demands some self control.

[laceylmm]

I do know that the potty words are common for his age. I have two boys 6 &8 of my own. I think I'm going to term with a two week notice. Potty words and impulse control are normal at this age. But it shouldn't have to be such a fight.

The whole group is affected by him nit picking at everyone so it really is for the best.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I do know that the potty words are common for his age. I have two boys 6 &8 of my own. I think I'm going to term with a two week notice. Potty words and impulse control are normal at this age. But it shouldn't have to be such a fight.

The whole group is affected by him nit picking at everyone so it really is for the best.

I agree. It shouldn't. How parents "PARENT" at home really effects how things go at daycare, unfortunately.

[Cradle2crayons]

LET HIM GO.

That is all.

Lol

[itlw8]

Also today he continually referenced his 'nuts' and pretended to hump the toys, or the air while slapping at his privates. Also tells me he's not doing anything when I ask him to stop. Today I was in the kitchen and he kept running up trying to grab the baby. One time as I saw him out of the corner of my eye I literally had to body block him to stop him from getting to him.

That would do it for me terminate. In fact I would call mom and say for the safety of the baby and the other children I need you to come get him. You need to arrange other care for him.

[nannyde]

He needs his own adult. If his behavior reports tax his Mom then she needs to find a place where those words don't hit her ears. They both need special so they wouldn't work in my world. I don't offer a no conflict service to parents and the child's behavior would have warranted an immediate termination the minute he put his hands on one of the kids.