Letting Kids Change Clothing?

[Play Care]

I have a 4 yo boy in my care. When mom sends him in any type of button shirt he is always asking if he can change to a t-shirt. In the past I did let him change, as if a child is not comfortable with a clothing item then I don't want to force them to keep it on. As you can guess though it's now a daily habit. Yesterday it came out that he doesn't care for the button downs as he feels it doesn't allow him to properly wear the dress up capes I have::

I only have so many spare clothing items for him, so yesterday I encouraged him to keep his button shirt on because "that's what mom sent you in and that must be what she wants you to wear" in order to keep a spare for when it was really needed.

Would you just let the child change? Mention something to Mom? The child tends to be very finicky (can't wear clothing with tags, has to have socks "just so") and mom has said she doesn't want to always play into it. Not a big deal, just wondering how others handle it.

[SilverSabre25]

sounds mostly like a sensory issue. i know from my own sensory "stuff" and from reading, that those sorts of things can be absolute hell. he's most likely NOT doing it for attention, but because something about the shirts drives him crazy, or makes him feel trapped, etc. i would find a way to mention to mom that it's probably more important he feel comfortable than that he wear a button down shirt to daycare. i know foe me, most button down shirts are kind of itchy...and i can't stand that my arms have freedom of movement...and sometimes the bit of a draft that comes through the spaces between the buttons makes me nuts.

you might want to keep "sensory" in mind with him in general. i bet he's got other sensory avoidant behaviors, or sensory seeking ones, or both.

[Angelsj]

Agreed. Talk to mom, explain sensory issues if you want, but you could just tell her he needs tshirts for daycare, no button downs. Use whatever excuse you want, dirt, freedom of movement, or just cause that is what you want.

I have several kiddos (my own and daycare) like this. They are not brats, they are uncomfortable.

[Play Care]

Agreed. Talk to mom, explain sensory issues if you want, but you could just tell her he needs tshirts for daycare, no button downs. Use whatever excuse you want, dirt, freedom of movement, or just cause that is what you want.

I have several kiddos (my own and daycare) like this. They are not brats, they are uncomfortable.

I just want to be clear that I never said or implied that I thought the child was being a "brat." Just before the tar and feather committee pops in

[SilverSabre25]

I just want to be clear that I never said or implied that I thought the child was being a "brat." Just before the tar and feather committee pops in

oh no, I definitely know that! I for one extrapolated from you quoting mom, "not wanting to play into it." sensory issues are not very well understood by the general public and I run into a lot of this kind of attitude.

If you don't want to/can't talk to mom about it, can you buy a package of cheapo t-shirts that he will wear, change him when he gets to your house, and then change him back before pick up?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

sounds mostly like a sensory issue. i know from my own sensory "stuff" and from reading, that those sorts of things can be absolute hell. he's most likely NOT doing it for attention, but because something about the shirts drives him crazy, or makes him feel trapped, etc. i would find a way to mention to mom that it's probably more important he feel comfortable than that he wear a button down shirt to daycare. i know foe me, most button down shirts are kind of itchy...and i can't stand that my arms have freedom of movement...and sometimes the bit of a draft that comes through the spaces between the buttons makes me nuts.

you might want to keep "sensory" in mind with him in general. i bet he's got other sensory avoidant behaviors, or sensory seeking ones, or both.

I agree!

I'm an Aspie and if you forced me to wear something that I was truly uncomfortable in then you would be dealing with a person that is less than pleasant. Could he change upon coming in and then change right before leaving so that his "spare clothing" stash doesn't consist of all button up shirts?

[Angelsj]

I just want to be clear that I never said or implied that I thought the child was being a "brat." Just before the tar and feather committee pops in

LOL I wasn't referring to you, it was the mom "not wanting to buy into it." These kids are typically truly uncomfortable. :hug:

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree with everyone on the sensory issues... My daughter has a diagnosis related to that as well. Socks have to be a certain kind, underwear a certain type and fit, and now bras a certain way (sigh).

[Play Care]

I agree that it could very well be a sensory issue - this child has always had sensitive skin and does clearly get irritation from tags. The complication is that he is also very strong willed so sometimes it's hard to tell if something is truly bothersome or he just wants to change it because he can - case in point - it came out yesterday that he didn't feel the dress up cape "lays right" when he has a button shirt. So for that, I was willing to take the risk and say we are not changing. But I remember hating sandals when I was a kid and being forced to wear them because they were "cute" even though the feeling of grass tickling my feet made me uncomfortable (still does!) so I am trying to be sensitive.

[Cradle2crayons]

Yes, definitely sounds sensory. The cape may have made the buttons press in on him or something similar. Personally I'd just ask mom to send loose clothing and more t shirts instead of button ups for comfort... But you are with him and its easier for you to know if he's just wanting to manipulate or if there is a real reason... It seems you are trying to be sensitive if it is an issue.

[SilverSabre25]

That kind of strong will can be due to sensory issues. Clothes bug him, and he doesn't quite have a strong enough grasp of it to vocalize it clearly. Though "doesn't lay right" sounds like a good attempt at explaining that something with the button down shirts and the cape drives him nuts. Given that he has a history of having issues with tags, and socks and stuff, that you're looking at a child struggling to be comfy in his clothes and he can't help it.

And they don't even have to be diagnosable as "sensory processing disorder" or "sensory integration disorder" or anything else. Almost everyone (I'd venture to say that everyone!) has at least a few sensory seeking or sensory avoidant behaviors.

[rmc20021]

My daughter had a sensory issue when she was young. She would not wear jeans, socks had to be inside out so the seam didn't bother her. She came across a satiny type short sleeved tshirt that she wore every single day for a year straight under her other clothes because of the texture of the material felt good to her compared to regular clothes. Washing it was a bear...had to do it while she was in the shower.

She also had other sensory issues...mostly related to sounds, but I would definitely bet your dcb has at least a mild sensory issue. Watch and notice if he shows any other signs. A lot of times they will not touch certain textures, will smell everything, especially food before they eat it, show signs that noises bother their ears.

[littlemissmuffet]

I have a 4 yo boy in my care. When mom sends him in any type of button shirt he is always asking if he can change to a t-shirt. In the past I did let him change, as if a child is not comfortable with a clothing item then I don't want to force them to keep it on. As you can guess though it's now a daily habit. Yesterday it came out that he doesn't care for the button downs as he feels it doesn't allow him to properly wear the dress up capes I have::

I only have so many spare clothing items for him, so yesterday I encouraged him to keep his button shirt on because "that's what mom sent you in and that must be what she wants you to wear" in order to keep a spare for when it was really needed.

Would you just let the child change? Mention something to Mom? The child tends to be very finicky (can't wear clothing with tags, has to have socks "just so") and mom has said she doesn't want to always play into it. Not a big deal, just wondering how others handle it.

I would say to mom "Jane, could you please stop sending Jack in button shirts, please. Every time you do, he wants to change into a t-shirt and is uncomfortable."

If she said yes, great.

If she said no, I would require her to bring 5 spare tshirts every Monday - one for each day of the week. I would change him into a tshirt as soon as he arrived and I would NOT change him back into his button shirt for pick up.

[daycarediva]

I would say to mom "Jane, could you please stop sending Jack in button shirts, please. Every time you do, he wants to change into a t-shirt and is uncomfortable."

If she said yes, great.

If she said no, I would require her to bring 5 spare tshirts every Monday - one for each day of the week. I would change him into a tshirt as soon as he arrived and I would NOT change him back into his button shirt for pick up.

This. Im kind of sad for the little guy, and at 4 years old they should have some say in what they wear anyway.

[Starburst]

Agreed. Talk to mom, explain sensory issues if you want, but you could just tell her he needs tshirts for daycare, no button downs. Use whatever excuse you want, dirt, freedom of movement, or just cause that is what you want.

You could always say that button up shirts are a safety issue; especially if you have babies and toddlers (choking hazard if a button gets lost). Also when I think of button up shirts I think of dress up (or "church") clothes, not play clothes- you could say that children need to be dressed to play. If you don't already maybe have a bit of a dress code (hair ties, jewelry, shoes, etc.).