Yet Another Potty Training Question

[Sunchimes]

My dcg is 2 1/2. Last fall, we (mom and I) thought she was well on the way to being trained, then she suddenly stopped. We attributed it to the holidays, eased up, and started up again after the first of the year. Once again, we thought it was almost completely a done deal. She could get her pants and pull-ups on and off, told me when she had to go, etc. Still some accidents, but not many. Then, about a month ago, she stopped again.

Now, she won't even sit on the potty and throws a huge fit when it is suggested and lately won't even let me change her pull-up. Even the suggestion that we change her "diaper" sends her into a tantrum. We have tried everything we can think of and even resorted to bribery. She won't even sit on the potty with the promise of M & Ms or (her previous favorite) coins for her bank. (I only have 2 dck's, so I can do stuff like that-I'm more like a day at grandma's than day care).

Personally, I don't care if she's trained yet or not, but Mom does. The thing is that she knows what she's suppose to do and for some reason, has decided she isn't going to do it.

She's the same way with letters and numbers. I was slightly concerned because she is really smart but seemed to have no recollection of the numbers and letters we worked on each day. Then, I overheard her sitting alone picking out letters from a book-correctly. Same with numbers. For some reason, she has decided to block us at every turn-very strong willed.

Any suggestions? I am totally out of ideas.

[Cradle2crayons]

Lol her and my daughter could be twins... That was 8 years ago and I still remember it. Just like she's always been, the main thing that works for her is to convince her it is HER idea. This relates to everything. We made it her idea to potty train and it worked like a charm after our failed ideas. Same with school work. She would do the exact thing your girl is doing. Again, we made it HER idea..l well... At least she THOUGHT it was HER idea

[Sunchimes]

So, how do you make her think it's her idea?

[Cradle2crayons]

You make her think you don't actually want her to potty train at all. Don't even mention the word potty related to her. HOWEVER, for the other children you make a HUGE deal out of it.. Even over the top crazy huge deal. Make her want to be a part of the potty trained club. Then it becomes her idea and then she owns that idea. Then you have a child who you already know is physically and emotionally ready potty trained in one day not looking back. Then you award her with the special potty trained laminated tiara and move forward from there.... A least it's always worked for me, and not just for my stubborn little diva .

[Cradle2crayons]

Oh and for those that are potty trained, I give them all a tiara or crown, tattoos, stickers, and a special badge.... I don't exclude the stubborn one from activities and such... That's wrong... But I make them really really want to be a part of the potty trained.. I edited but it didn't post. I wanted to add this method is ONLy for those that you are sure are already emotionally and physically ready in every way to potty train just refuse.

[Sunchimes]

Ok, that makes sense except she is the only one I have that is old enough to train. The baby is just 14 months old and far from potty training. But, thanks for the ideas. I'll store them for future. Maybe I can think of something else to make her want to join the club.

[Cradle2crayons]

Just lay out all of the club awards and YOU wear them. Explain why you wear them. Make all of hers and lay them out and explain what they are for. Tell her you are the only one in the club and you really want someone else to be able to join. Tell her you are making extra club items and let her help. Then sit them out and say " well, if anyone else here ever joins the club they get these things" ... She'll soon want to be in the club.

[Sunchimes]

Ah!! Genius!!! Maybe I'll make a set for her mom too! Thank you so much!!

[Willow]

Bribery likely won't work with a kiddo like this.

It's probably a combination of her stubborn will and at this point an established complete opposition to the process because of the pressure.

Pull back completely, I'd tell mom to do the same. I don't do rewards for bodily functions and this is why, you have to keep upping the ante. She's learned to play the game, and look at all the attention she gets for it! Rewards didn't finish the job before, the odds of them coming through now are slim to none at best.

Back to diapers. I would not ever ask her if she had to go. No dismay displayed for soiled diapers, no party thrown for initiating using the toilet. She has to want to feel clean and accomplished for HERSELF. All the hub-bub from all the adults for so long has completely removed her own sense of responsibility over the process. Giving her an opportunity to re-find that sense of self will be the quickest path to her success.

I would not keep a family that took any other path at this point. She's regressed purposefully twice now. Unless they want to be dealing with this when she's in her teens now is the time to step back and back off.

[Cradle2crayons]

More than anything, it's important for us to model the behavior we expect them to show. You be the sole member of the potty trained club. Once a week you could say something like " gosh nobody else has joined my club and I'm lonely" etc.... She's a smart cookie I'm sure shell want to become the second member. Some items to include, and yes you'll look ridiculous but well worth it :::: those Marti gras beads, tiara, temp tattoos, special badges I make, stickers, a party hat, one of those colorful boa feather things, anything else you can think of

[Cradle2crayons]

I totally disagree this is bribing at all. Bribing her would be saying " please go pee in the potty and if you do I'll, give you candy" completely different. As I said, don't negotiate at all. Don't beg, don't bribe. And yes, if her mom is supportive, she can be the second member great idea!!! My daughter has severe ADHD as well as sensory processing disorder and some other really not so awesome diagnoses... Bribing doesn't work with her and neither does negotiation. Sometimes I have to step outside of the box and get creative

[Cradle2crayons]

And for the record, all the completely made up special clubs I've come up with over my 20 years has quickly gained new members who DO in fact feel self accomplished and very proud of themselves for getting the membership... And you don't even want to know how stupid I looked being the sole member of more than one club!!!!!

[Crazy In Mo]

And for the record, all the completely made up special clubs I've come up with over my 20 years has quickly gained new members who DO in fact feel self accomplished and very proud of themselves for getting the membership... And you don't even want to know how stupid I looked being the sole member of more than one club!!!!!

[Cradle2crayons]

printable templates

Here are some links to some of the printable templates I use for crowns. We use glitter glue and some of those pom poms and regular glitter etc to decorate them.

>>>http://www.firstpalette.com/tool_box/printables/princesscrown.html<<<

[Sunchimes]

Willow, that was my thought too. It's been a couple of weeks since I offered candy or coins or made her sit on the potty. Now, I make her let me change her pull-up when I see that it's so wet it's going to start leaking. Otherwise, I ignore it. It has reached the point that when we go into the bathroom to wash our hands, she balks and says she isn't going to potty. I just say "Ok, that's fine."

If she ever makes up her mind, she will be trained the first hour.