Showing Up Early!

[daycarediva]

DCG is my first drop off since terminating a family. My hours of operation are now decreased from 6-6 to 7:30-5:30.

I am NOT going back to early mornings again, ever. 7:30 opening allows me to get my older kids up, fed, and on the bus and get my younger kids up, dressed and ready at a reasonable time.

Dcg is contracted (hours dcm wrote in herself) for 7:30-5:30. (10 hour MAX per contract) Last Friday she showed up at 7, and I had the door open to put dd & ds on the bus, so they came in. I said "Oh, you're here early!" and dcm apologized "Oh yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you I have to be at work a little early." I did tell her that she needs to let me know as my hours have changed because I no longer have to accomodate other dcf. Then ds's bus arrived and dcm left, nothing else was said about it.

Fast forward to today, dcm attempts to drop off at 7, AGAIN without ASKING. There was no school today, and I heard her pull in, and knock, but I didn't open the door until 7:25. I did sit here and watch the news and drink my coffee. Dcm was upset when I opened the door. "I was just going to call you to make sure you were open today! We have been waiting in the car for almost 30 minutes!" To which I responded....

"I open at 7:30, you are scheduled to be here at 7:30. Do you need to go into work early again?" dcm stood there with her mouth hanging open. THEN she says "But you are already up and ready because of your kids, I don't see the big deal!" Apparantly a 30minute early drop off 'isn't a big deal'.


I pulled our contract and showed her what she signed, and she said that it hadn't been a problem previously (I had allowed her to drop off a little early before because I had that other DCF and it wasn't a huge deal to me, but that was always SCHEDULED!) I even sent home a notice when my hours of operation changed, and another family moved back their drop off from 7 to 7:30. I told DCM that I would be willing to open early to accomodate her needs AS NEEDED,with notice,the previous day, for the fees set (for out of normal operational hours, and over my 10 hour max).

Dcm was SO MAD. She kept saying "But dcg will only play while your kids are getting on the bus!"

No dcm. Even if that were the case, NO.

I just got 'the text' saying her early hours are going to be posted and will be regular/1-2x a week and that if I can't 'work with her' she might have to find somewhere else for dcg to go.

I'm calling her bluff. I just said "Ok dcm, thanks for letting me know. Per our contract---termination stuff here..."

[lovemykidstoo]

I definately see your frustration, but the last part she is doing what you asked and is giving you notice and asking you to work with her 1-2 times a week regularly. Is that something you could work with if you added a little bit to those 2 days a week?

[Blackcat31]

I pulled our contract and showed her what she signed, and she said that it hadn't been a problem previously (I had allowed her to drop off a little early before because I had that other DCF and it wasn't a huge deal to me, but that was always SCHEDULED!) I even sent home a notice when my hours of operation changed, and another family moved back their drop off from 7 to 7:30. I told DCM that I would be willing to open early to accomodate her needs AS NEEDED,with notice,the previous day, for the fees set (for out of normal operational hours, and over my 10 hour max).

That is why this is an issue to her. YOU allowed it before with no explanation as to why it was or wasn't ok before. She is simply not understanding why it isn't ok now since it was before.

Perfect example of how "special" becomes the norm to daycare parents when there are NO clear explanations, boundaries and/or consequences.

OP~ I am NOT bashing you. I am only pointing out why this mom is upset.

She should have been denied early services before if it wouldn't have ALWAYS been ok or she should have been clearly notified that there would be additional fees for this service.

I understand you have sent out notices of new hours etc but I am referring to before you did that.

[countrymom]

That is why this is an issue to her. YOU allowed it before with no explanation as to why it was or wasn't ok before. She is simply not understanding why it isn't ok now since it was before.

Perfect example of how "special" becomes the norm to daycare parents when there are NO clear explanations, boundaries and/or consequences.

OP~ I am NOT bashing you. I am only pointing out why this mom is upset.

She should have been denied early services before if it wouldn't have ALWAYS been ok or she should have been clearly notified that there would be additional fees for this service.

I understand you have sent out notices of new hours etc but I am referring to before you did that.

but black cat she allowed it because she was open and another family was using the early services. So when the hours changed the mom was aware of it and signed the contract, so really it isn't her fault.
I would call her bluff. If she needs early times doesn't she know the night before not the day off.

[lovemykidstoo]

DCG is my first drop off since terminating a family. My hours of operation are now decreased from 6-6 to 7:30-5:30.

I am NOT going back to early mornings again, ever. 7:30 opening allows me to get my older kids up, fed, and on the bus and get my younger kids up, dressed and ready at a reasonable time.

Dcg is contracted (hours dcm wrote in herself) for 7:30-5:30. (10 hour MAX per contract) Last Friday she showed up at 7, and I had the door open to put dd & ds on the bus, so they came in. I said "Oh, you're here early!" and dcm apologized "Oh yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you I have to be at work a little early." I did tell her that she needs to let me know as my hours have changed because I no longer have to accomodate other dcf. Then ds's bus arrived and dcm left, nothing else was said about it.

Fast forward to today, dcm attempts to drop off at 7, AGAIN without ASKING. There was no school today, and I heard her pull in, and knock, but I didn't open the door until 7:25. I did sit here and watch the news and drink my coffee. Dcm was upset when I opened the door. "I was just going to call you to make sure you were open today! We have been waiting in the car for almost 30 minutes!" To which I responded....

"I open at 7:30, you are scheduled to be here at 7:30. Do you need to go into work early again?" dcm stood there with her mouth hanging open. THEN she says "But you are already up and ready because of your kids, I don't see the big deal!" Apparantly a 30minute early drop off 'isn't a big deal'.


I pulled our contract and showed her what she signed, and she said that it hadn't been a problem previously (I had allowed her to drop off a little early before because I had that other DCF and it wasn't a huge deal to me, but that was always SCHEDULED!) I even sent home a notice when my hours of operation changed, and another family moved back their drop off from 7 to 7:30. I told DCM that I would be willing to open early to accomodate her needs AS NEEDED,with notice,the previous day, for the fees set (for out of normal operational hours, and over my 10 hour max).
Dcm was SO MAD. She kept saying "But dcg will only play while your kids are getting on the bus!"

No dcm. Even if that were the case, NO.

I just got 'the text' saying her early hours are going to be posted and will be regular/1-2x a week and that if I can't 'work with her' she might have to find somewhere else for dcg to go.

I'm calling her bluff. I just said "Ok dcm, thanks for letting me know. Per our contract---termination stuff here..."

I don't understand you wanting to term her if this is what you said to her (the part in bold). If she is giving you notice and talked about working with you, that is what you asked of her. Why would you call her bluff. IMO she is doing what you asked of her.

[daycarediva]

That is why this is an issue to her. YOU allowed it before with no explanation as to why it was or wasn't ok before. She is simply not understanding why it isn't ok now since it was before.

Perfect example of how "special" becomes the norm to daycare parents when there are NO clear explanations, boundaries and/or consequences.

OP~ I am NOT bashing you. I am only pointing out why this mom is upset.

She should have been denied early services before if it wouldn't have ALWAYS been ok or she should have been clearly notified that there would be additional fees for this service.

I understand you have sent out notices of new hours etc but I am referring to before you did that.

Yes I had allowed her to drop off at 7 previously. BUT dcm/dcd had always asked me the evening before. I even sent home notices about my hours changing.

I COULD do it on occassion, 1-2x per week isn't what I would consider on occassion. That, imho, is a regular thing. Mom also wants to drop off at the same time ds and dd's busses are scheduled to arrive. DCM refuses to pull into my (massive 4 car driveway) and blocks the road. DCG isn't the most happy child in the morning and doesn't do well AT ALL if I need to leave the room to get younger DS's up and ready, etc. I really was pushing it at once a month. If 7 were their regular hours I wouldn't do it.

I really feel like kicking myself in the butt over this. I NEVER should have allowed it, but other dcf were already here and I was open, and it was a once in a while thing (once a MONTH when dcd was out of town working, to be exact!) and I always had notice! DCG did better when their were two other kids here to play with while I got kids ready and prepped for the day, etc.

I already get up at 4:30 to workout, shower, eat, and then start getting my kids ready. I was previously getting up at 3 to do all this. Yes, 3. If I open with just dcg here I WILL have to get my kids all up earlier by those 30 minutes, as well as get myself up earlier by 30 minutes.

[daycarediva]

I don't understand you wanting to term her if this is what you said to her (the part in bold). If she is giving you notice and talked about working with you, that is what you asked of her. Why would you call her bluff. IMO she is doing what you asked of her.

I don't want to term, but I am not willing to regularly accomodate those hours. Dcm was notified. As I clarified in a previous post, it was a once/month thing and THAT was ok, 1-2x a week...not so much.

I also feel like the only reason dcm is even telling me is that I spoke up about the early drop offs. OBVIOUSLY she knew about it Friday, and today she MUST have been made aware of going to work early before this morning, kwim?

[daycarediva]

I also want to add, that previously dcm (or dcd) made me aware of the early drop off in advance, and PAID for the additional time. Last week was not paid/notified early and today was expected to be unpaid/obviously not notified.

It is my fault for allowing it at all, but at that time, it wasn't AS MUCH of an inconvenience as it is now.

When I sent my notice home Jan 1. I highlighted this portion as my hours changed significantly and I haD 2 families using me with prior notice for later pick ups and this ONE family using me with notice for early drop offs. That is pretty much stopped completely since upping the fees and stating that I wouldn't be doing it on a regular basis, but would do so when my schedule allowed me to, with advance notice, and payment of fees.

I also have to add, I feel REALLY disrespected because I JUST had this talk with her Friday morning. The very next time she drops off it happens again?

[Heidi]

I don't want to term, but I am not willing to regularly accomodate those hours. Dcm was notified. As I clarified in a previous post, it was a once/month thing and THAT was ok, 1-2x a week...not so much.

I also feel like the only reason dcm is even telling me is that I spoke up about the early drop offs. OBVIOUSLY she knew about it Friday, and today she MUST have been made aware of going to work early before this morning, kwim?

And, to be clear, you're not terming...she's saying she might have to find someone else (trying to blackmail you, in essence), and you're saying...well....okay...if you must

[lovemykidstoo]

I don't want to term, but I am not willing to regularly accomodate those hours. Dcm was notified. As I clarified in a previous post, it was a once/month thing and THAT was ok, 1-2x a week...not so much.

I also feel like the only reason dcm is even telling me is that I spoke up about the early drop offs. OBVIOUSLY she knew about it Friday, and today she MUST have been made aware of going to work early before this morning, kwim?

Now I understand. I knew there had to be something I was missing. Just tell her once in awhile WITH NOTICE and PAY is fine, but you just don't want to do it every week. I totally understand that.

[daycarediva]

And, to be clear, you're not terming...she's saying she might have to find someone else (trying to blackmail you, in essence), and you're saying...well....okay...if you must

This exactly. It's like any other hour change, if I can no longer accomodate your hours, I wish you the best of luck finding someone who can.

[daycarediva]

Now I understand. I knew there had to be something I was missing. Just tell her once in awhile WITH NOTICE and PAY is fine, but you just don't want to do it every week. I totally understand that.

Yes, sorry! I was pretty flabbergasted when I first posted (honestly still am!)

[DaisyMamma]

I don't want to term, but I am not willing to regularly accomodate those hours. Dcm was notified. As I clarified in a previous post, it was a once/month thing and THAT was ok, 1-2x a week...not so much.

I also feel like the only reason dcm is even telling me is that I spoke up about the early drop offs. OBVIOUSLY she knew about it Friday, and today she MUST have been made aware of going to work early before this morning, kwim?

I don't blame you for being upset. I would have been furious. Like down right PO'd that she showed up after you notified everyone of the change in hours.

You told her that occasionally is ok with notice and extra pay. I agree that 2x week or even 1x a week is regularly, not occasionally.

Kudos to you for not answering the door until 7:25. I would have been sitting there seething the entire 25 minutes though!

I also agree that it sounds like she is asking for the 1-2x a week just because you aren't allowing it.

I don't blame you at all for saying no, either! my first DCK arrives at 8:30. It irritates me when they show up at even 8:20 or 8:25.
I too find it to be a nuisance to have even one kid there when you are trying to wake up yourself, wake your kids and get them ready. It just does not work.
My kids leave at 8:00, and I need that entire 1/2 hour to either sit and mentally prepare for the day or clean up and prepare for the day.

30 minutes is a lot of time to add on to either end of the day, especially if it is for only one family. I did it for a family in the beginning of the year. It didn't work. It's just too much chaos for what is usually a quiet family time/waking up time.

[Blackcat31]

Yes I had allowed her to drop off at 7 previously. BUT dcm/dcd had always asked me the evening before. I even sent home notices about my hours changing.

I COULD do it on occassion, 1-2x per week isn't what I would consider on occassion. That, imho, is a regular thing. Mom also wants to drop off at the same time ds and dd's busses are scheduled to arrive. DCM refuses to pull into my (massive 4 car driveway) and blocks the road. DCG isn't the most happy child in the morning and doesn't do well AT ALL if I need to leave the room to get younger DS's up and ready, etc. I really was pushing it at once a month. If 7 were their regular hours I wouldn't do it.

I really feel like kicking myself in the butt over this. I NEVER should have allowed it, but other dcf were already here and I was open, and it was a once in a while thing (once a MONTH when dcd was out of town working, to be exact!) and I always had notice! DCG did better when their were two other kids here to play with while I got kids ready and prepped for the day, etc.

I already get up at 4:30 to workout, shower, eat, and then start getting my kids ready. I was previously getting up at 3 to do all this. Yes, 3. If I open with just dcg here I WILL have to get my kids all up earlier by those 30 minutes, as well as get myself up earlier by 30 minutes.

Oh I completely understand why you allowed it. I was just pointing out that what you are ok with and why means nothing to the DCM....kwim? She only hear/understands that it WAS ok before and now it isn't.

I also think that I would also handle it the same way you are. I would be willing to accommodate occassionally and WITH advance notice.

Just let her know that there could or will be times where you will NOT be able to open early even with advance notice. Make sure she understands that her request for "special" won't always be accommodated.

She MUST be prepared for those times and days when it isn't doable by you and that it can't fall on your shoulders. She must be prepared with alternate arrangements for those days you cannot or do not want to open early for her.

[daycarediva]

It gets better! Dcd just picked up....

DCM NEEDS TO GO TO THE GYM 1-2x per week! NOT work early! Her work schedule changed and she can't make it in the evenings anymore without missing dinner with dcg.

Yep, now I REALLY don't feel bad at all.


BC I totally get what you mean. I need to set the record straight and not allow any more 'special' without dcm knowing about it/paying for it.

I handed dcd a schedule for after hours care for Feb and told him to have dcm write in the days she needs earlier care and then I would see if I could accomodate that. I told him that even if it was for work, I may or may not be able to accomodate him every day they need. I also told dcd that the fees need to be paid (pointed to after hours rate schedule on the sheet) in advance for the following week. Dcd was SUPER understanding and said he would let dcm know.