How To Tell Other Parents That Family Is Leaving

[hgonzalez]

Hi,

I have a family that started with me 2 years ago and now has 2 children in my care. The toddler has become extrmely aggressive and poorly behaved. The older child is 5 and a sweet little girl to care for.

The parents have not been to open to working with me about the toddler's behavior. They claim he 'only acts that way' at daycare. I know this is not true, because the dcd has told me about a few incidents and also the 5 year old sister comes to daycare with her face all scratched up and bruised from her little brother.

Anyway, they gave me a two week notice and now have three days left in my care. I upset that I have a loss of income and will have to find a replacement family, but think that not having the little aggressive guy will be much better for my group as a whole. I was planning on terminating them as soon as I found a replacement family.

My question is this, how should I tell the other families? I don't want them to think it was anything I have done as the family leaving termed me and question whether my services are still what they need and want, but I also don't know how much detail I should go into about the struggles I have been having with the toddler.

Any suggestions?

[MarinaVanessa]

I would wait until you are approached once they notice that this DC family is no longer attending. When they do ask keep it simple "DCF doesn't come here for DC anymore" and leave it at that. This will work for the DCK's that ask also. If they press even further you can say "Due to privacy policies I can't go into the details but I wish them all well and the best." and leave it at that.

[Blackcat31]

I don't usually "announce" to other families that someone is leaving as it really is something that does happen.

If someone specifically asks about the absence of someone, I will usually just say that they don't come here anymore and don't elaborate any further.

If a parent asked for more, I would definitely go with what MV said and just say that privacy reasons do not allow me to share those details.

[Logged-out]

It's always a need to know business....

At a home daycare I used to work at (she's been in business over 30 years and is one of the highest in demand in her city) she never told the families when a kid left- though if a kid aged out (when they turned 13 or 14) or was moving away (usually a preschool graduate) and has been in her daycare since they were infants she might announce it at the preschool graduation but it is usually to announce that they are now a junior assistant/helper at the daycare or if the kid was moving away/ or just aged out but not going to be an assistant (usually on their birthday) she would have a small going away party on the last day for the kids to say "Good-bye".

For the other kids that come and go due to issues with families or the child or other wise, once in a while a parent would ask something like "I know that Junior always talked about all the fun he had with DCK and he says that he hasn't seen DCK in a long time and he misses him. Does DCK still come here?" usually a simple yes or no will suffice- just answer their direct question do not read too much into it. And if asked for why (other than aging out or moving) we usually just say something like "DCK's child care needs have changed", "DCK's parent's made other arrangements" or "DCK's family and I decided that DCK would do better {or be happier} (in one of the following): else where/ in a different setting/ in a different program". And if they press more don't be affaid to tell them "I prefer not to discuss another DCF's personal business with the other DCP without their permision". But other than that it's not really their business.

I know you don't want it to look like you did something wrong or that there is something wrong with your program but the more private you keep it the more professional you look; which means the more respect you will get from your DCP because if the parents think you gossip behind their back or will tell other parents that their kids were nightmares or they broke all your rules they will be more likely to leave. The wierd thing is some people see this business as a "babysitting" service but the daycare business is all about image and diplomacy- its almost like politics! Think about it- Would you want to take your kid to a program where you know the provider talks about your child and families personal information?

Even if you say something in a diplomatic way to show that the fault is mostly the parents and as tempting as it is to say something like like "DCF didn't agree with my policies so I decided it would be best for everyone invovled if they found another program" even though it could show the families you mean business it still could backfire because it will seem like you don't respect their confidentiality enough to swallow your pride. The best thing is to keep everything on a need to know baisis and keep it clean- just like you wouldn't like it if the termed family started saying bad things about you, not only would that family but the other families would not like it and think it is unprofessional and leave because of that.

If you do have an assistant (or plan to in the future) it may be best either not to tell them the reason for a family termination/leaving or tell them what they can say instead if other DCF's ask and have them sign a confedentiality agreement that they are not to talk about anything personal about DCKs/DCFs or you/your family or anything about your bussiness like "trade secrets" (i.e. telling another daycare provider about your advertising secrets, curriculum, etc.) of business outside of the daycare and this may result in a termination. If you do choose to tell them let them know that they are not to discuss the personal business of one DCF with other DCFs- Violation of this will also lead to termination.

[countrymom]

trust me, parents will figure it out. I had a girl leave too. Same thing, behavior was only at daycare never at home. But the other parents always saw what this child was doing here, the crying, the hitting... they all saw it. So when I said that dck wasn't attending anymore they all knew why.

[AnneCordelia]

I keep my parents on a need to know basis only. I don't tell them when I enroll new clients and I don't tell them when I have a family leave. All they need know is that they have childcare here and that I stay within ratio. The comings and goings of other clients is none of their business.

[daycarediva]

I always put a child leaving or coming into care in my newsletter. When dcp's enter my home, they come face to face with the cubbies and each is labeled, and then they enter the dc space where the kids are, most of the parents know each child by name and they always say hello to the kids, so it's not like they wouldn't notice.

This month we said goodbye to our friends John and Amy.

Keep it vague, and say nothing personal (unless a dck was blatant and shared that info or it was obvious, like aging out or going to kindergarten). One of mine moved and told EVERYONE that he was moving to *insert entire address here*, when I handed a Mom that newsletter she started laughing and said "Yep, Tyler moved to *address*!" that was 2 years ago and I can STILL recite that address! ::



(and even if dck was a nightmare, I try to include something positive like they will be missed, or we wish them well on their journey)

[Play Care]

At a home daycare I used to work at (she's been in business over 30 years and is one of the highest in demand in her city) she never told the families when a kid left- though if a kid aged out (when they turned 13 or 14) or was moving away (usually a preschool graduate) and has been in her daycare since they were infants she might announce it at the preschool graduation but it is usually to announce that they are now a junior assistant/helper at the daycare or if the kid was moving away/ or just aged out but not going to be an assistant (usually on their birthday) she would have a small going away party on the last day for the kids to say "Good-bye".

For the other kids that come and go due to issues with families or the child or other wise, once in a while a parent would ask something like "I know that Junior always talked about all the fun he had with DCK and he says that he hasn't seen DCK in a long time and he misses him. Does DCK still come here?" usually a simple yes or no will suffice- just answer their direct question do not read too much into it. And if asked for why (other than aging out or moving) we usually just say something like "DCK's child care needs have changed", "DCK's parent's made other arrangements" or "DCK's family and I decided that DCK would do better {or be happier} (in one of the following): else where/ in a different setting/ in a different program". And if they press more don't be affaid to tell them "I prefer not to discuss another DCF's personal business with the other DCP without their permision". But other than that it's not really their business.

I know you don't want it to look like you did something wrong or that there is something wrong with your program but the more private you keep it the more professional you look; which means the more respect you will get from your DCP because if the parents think you gossip behind their back or will tell other parents that their kids were nightmares or they broke all your rules they will be more likely to leave. The wierd thing is some people see this business as a "babysitting" service but the daycare business is all about image and diplomacy- its almost like politics! Think about it- Would you want to take your kid to a program where you know the provider talks about your child and families personal information?

Even if you say something in a diplomatic way to show that the fault is mostly the parents and as tempting as it is to say something like like "DCF didn't agree with my policies so I decided it would be best for everyone invovled if they found another program" even though it could show the families you mean business it still could backfire because it will seem like you don't respect their confidentiality enough to swallow your pride. The best thing is to keep everything on a need to know baisis and keep it clean- just like you wouldn't like it if the termed family started saying bad things about you, not only would that family but the other families would not like it and think it is unprofessional and leave because of that.

If you do have an assistant (or plan to in the future) it may be best either not to tell them the reason for a family termination/leaving or tell them what they can say instead if other DCF's ask and have them sign a confedentiality agreement that they are not to talk about anything personal about DCKs/DCFs or you/your family or anything about your bussiness like "trade secrets" (i.e. telling another daycare provider about your advertising secrets, curriculum, etc.) of business outside of the daycare and this may result in a termination. If you do choose to tell them let them know that they are not to discuss the personal business of one DCF with other DCFs- Violation of this will also lead to termination.

.
When I had to let my last family go, it was so hard not to say anything. But really, most everyone knew the truth of the matter (thanks to their kids ) and I'll admit it lessened the sting...but *nothing* came from me.
On a related note, I just recieved a letter from an old dentist of mine. He had been in business with another dentist for years. The letter said "due to philosophical differences, we will no longer be working together." And honestly even though I had not gone to this dentist in years (not even sure why I'm still on the mailing list) it left a bad taste.