ABOUT TO GO ON A COMPLETE UPSET AND ANGRY RANT!!!
I don't think I can do daycare anymore. I am so unhappy. I think I have a meltdown and cry at least once a day. I am only 20 years old and I feel so burnt out with life. I found out I was pregnant October of last year. I was 19 and me and my husband (20 at the time) were terrified, but with some decision making and planning the pregnancy became the happiest thing to ever happen to us! We got married in April and our son was born in July. A month later I started running my in-home daycare with another baby the same age as my son and three 2 yo's. I have always been interested in daycare, especially since my mother ran one, so I was raised in that environment. I thought I would be good at it, a natural, but I am so depressed. I find myself hating the children, which makes me just hate myself even more. I feel like a terrible mother because after only 1 month with him I have gone from loving mother to a childcare drone. I feel like a robot: Change diapers. Clean up. Solve conflicts. Potty train. Make food. Blah, blah, blah. I also find myself angry at my son because he cries and wants to be played with and held and changed and fed. I have such a wonderful husband too, but I take out most of my problems on him. We used to never fight and now we do all the time, I think I pick fights with him just to relieve some tension and blame someone else for my misery. I feel like crap all the time. I hardly feed myself well, I don't have time to workout, my back is killing me everyday, I constantly have headaches, and I am always on the verge of a breakdown. The worst part is I have no escape. My husband is working very hard as well an we can still hardly afford to pay our bills and buy everyday items. We are very fortunate though, we got a lot of help from our families to be able to get a mortgage and start out our own lives as a little family. That makes it so much harder though. We live in a very nice suburban city where both of our parents live, which is great, but it means to afford our house there is no way I can stop working. My husband and I have already talked about moving to a more affordable location so I can be a sahm and concentrate on raising our son and taking care of the house and dog and family in general. That would make us so much happier. But I just feel like we will disappoint everyone, especially my mother because she is still successfully running her daycare after over 20 years and expects me to as well. I am just so so sooo unhappy with my life. I am not cut out for being a daycare provider, no matter how much people try to tell me I'll get through it. I don't want to sacrifice mine and my family's happiness. And my son deserves a happy upbringing. I don't want to do it. I can't do it, I just can't.
I have to, though. There is no way I can stop working. Thanks for listening to me vent though, I feel a bit better. I guess it's time to snap back into reality and put on a happy face, nap time is almost over...
I don't think I can do daycare anymore. I am so unhappy. I think I have a meltdown and cry at least once a day. I am only 20 years old and I feel so burnt out with life. I found out I was pregnant October of last year. I was 19 and me and my husband (20 at the time) were terrified, but with some decision making and planning the pregnancy became the happiest thing to ever happen to us! We got married in April and our son was born in July. A month later I started running my in-home daycare with another baby the same age as my son and three 2 yo's. I have always been interested in daycare, especially since my mother ran one, so I was raised in that environment. I thought I would be good at it, a natural, but I am so depressed. I find myself hating the children, which makes me just hate myself even more. I feel like a terrible mother because after only 1 month with him I have gone from loving mother to a childcare drone. I feel like a robot: Change diapers. Clean up. Solve conflicts. Potty train. Make food. Blah, blah, blah. I also find myself angry at my son because he cries and wants to be played with and held and changed and fed. I have such a wonderful husband too, but I take out most of my problems on him. We used to never fight and now we do all the time, I think I pick fights with him just to relieve some tension and blame someone else for my misery. I feel like crap all the time. I hardly feed myself well, I don't have time to workout, my back is killing me everyday, I constantly have headaches, and I am always on the verge of a breakdown. The worst part is I have no escape. My husband is working very hard as well an we can still hardly afford to pay our bills and buy everyday items. We are very fortunate though, we got a lot of help from our families to be able to get a mortgage and start out our own lives as a little family. That makes it so much harder though. We live in a very nice suburban city where both of our parents live, which is great, but it means to afford our house there is no way I can stop working. My husband and I have already talked about moving to a more affordable location so I can be a sahm and concentrate on raising our son and taking care of the house and dog and family in general. That would make us so much happier. But I just feel like we will disappoint everyone, especially my mother because she is still successfully running her daycare after over 20 years and expects me to as well. I am just so so sooo unhappy with my life. I am not cut out for being a daycare provider, no matter how much people try to tell me I'll get through it. I don't want to sacrifice mine and my family's happiness. And my son deserves a happy upbringing. I don't want to do it. I can't do it, I just can't.
I have to, though. There is no way I can stop working. Thanks for listening to me vent though, I feel a bit better. I guess it's time to snap back into reality and put on a happy face, nap time is almost over...
Comment