DCB Cries All Day

[Hunni Bee]

1st issue of the new job!

Okay, so in my group I have a 4 year old boy who is a twin. The twin is in the other class. Every morning since school started he has had to be dragged into the classroom kicking and screaming, and has to be pried away from his mom. Then once he calms down, he pretty much does nothing but sniffle by himself the rest of the day. He wont eat, he wont play, he wont talk. He just stands by himself and cry quietly.

He's not new to the school at all, but he is new to the classroom and its the first time away from his brother. They said he did this last year, and the brother doesn't do this at all. The kids all stay with the group of kids from infancy, and stay with the same teacher for a whole year.

I comfort him when his mom leaves, and aside from periodically trying to engage him or get him to play, I leave him to it. We figured by not giving it attention, he'd move on...but he isn't. Any ideas?

[daycare]

1st issue of the new job!

Okay, so in my group I have a 4 year old boy who is a twin. The twin is in the other class. Every morning since school started he has had to be dragged into the classroom kicking and screaming, and has to be pried away from his mom. Then once he calms down, he pretty much does nothing but sniffle by himself the rest of the day. He wont eat, he wont play, he wont talk. He just stands by himself and cry quietly.

He's not new to the school at all, but he is new to the classroom and its the first time away from his brother. They said he did this last year, and the brother doesn't do this at all. The kids all stay with the group of kids from infancy, and stay with the same teacher for a whole year.

I comfort him when his mom leaves, and aside from periodically trying to engage him or get him to play, I leave him to it. We figured by not giving it attention, he'd move on...but he isn't. Any ideas?

sounds like separation anxiety from the twin. when did this change occur?

[Hunni Bee]

sounds like separation anxiety from the twin. when did this change occur?

last week but i was told that the same thing happened last year while his twin was right with him.

[countrymom]

sometimes one twin is the dominent twin and the other is the follower. so maybe now he doesn't know what to do. Or maybe the noise and the large group scares him or maybe he's shy and it takes a while for him to warm up.

[Blackcat31]

Could he possibly have periodic "visits" with his twin? Do the classrooms have lunch or outside time together at all?

I kind of feel like this is really a different situation that simple separation anxiety since the boys are twins....I dunno. I am not a twin but I do know that the connection between them sometimes is VERY strong and "forcing" the separation could be detrimental to the kids.

How is the other twin? Does he want to be with his brother? Is he aware that brother is having such a tough time? Why are they separated?

Maybe one of our forum members is a twin and can shed some more light on the subject...

[youretooloud]

I think it's very hard for twins to be separated. But, if one twin is holding the other back, it might be a necessary evil.

I would set a goal for him to become confident and self sufficient without his twin. Make this his only major milestone this year. If he doesn't learn the other stuff you are teaching, make sure he learns this.

Try to give him as many opportunities to spend time with his brother throughout the day. Or even make it a reward for his new efforts. Perhaps on Wednesday, he can spend part of the afternoon with his brother. Or maybe nap time every day can be spent together. (bring the strong one in his class so it's easier to send him back to his own class)

[Hunni Bee]

Its kind of strange...because while thats what I feel it is, the several different staff have told me he behaved that way last year with his brother in the same room with him. The parents didn't want a horrible shock next year in K when they will almost definitely be separated.

He sees his brother several times a day....at outside time and at meals. Yesterday, "my twin" all but demanded everyone to hurry so he could get outside to his brother. The brother is sometimes not as eager to play with my twin because he tries to monopolize his time.

I'm not super concerned, because I do think he'll learn to be happy without his brother....but I am concerned because it seems to be getting worse. He spends most of his day standing off to the side crying . He responds to my comforting, but I don't want him to begin to be dependent on THAT either.

[cheerfuldom]

that sounds like a tough one. There is only so much you can do and really, not much at that.

He's not new to the school or to the group of kids. He did this all last year WITH his brother so I dont think its a twin thing. Not every kid is cut out for group care and some kids really do hate every day. Sometimes they blossom in grade school, but he might cry all thru kinder as well. I am sure the staff there has tried everything that you are doing. At this point, I would do what I could but not to the detriment of the care of the other kids. The parents know what is happening yes? If they are that concerned about, they can pay for one on one care, thats not your job description.

My only other thought is....are you sure there are no delays or special needs issues here?