Daycare Child Telling Parents Things That Have Them Question Me Constantly

[E Daycare]

I have a 4yr old dck that has been telling their parents I throw the baby sibling in the bed or knock them down or force the child to nap and reprimand them. So I have had tons of questions from the parent if I abuse their kids or throw them around.

I do no such thing and have NEVER done it nor ever will. I have told the baby to stop throwing her paci out of her bed (baby is a year and thinks its a game but screams bloddy murder at nap time for it even tho baby throws it out ALL THE TIME. I discipline the 4yr old as when that child comes to my home that child doesn't think rules apply to the child (dck is the eldest in my dc of 4 other preschool age children). This dck goes to a "real" preschool once the school year comes as I've changed my schedule and won't be able to accommodate that child anymore (one of the reasons why I changed my schedule). So it's a plus that the child won't be here so much if at all but the sibling might (I have yet to decide if I want to terminate but in light of recent accusations I'm strongly thinking about it).

How have you handled false accusations from children to parents? I know kids misconstru things and see stuff differently but it was not fun to have to hear from a parent that they hear I throw their kid around or force the eldest to do things. Never in all my years have I had a child and parent say things like this. I know I don't do these things yet it makes me REALLY uncomfortable. When confronted I was taken completely aback, turned 100 shades of red and stammered. I had no idea this was coming. This child will sometimes tell me things like "don't yell at me or tell me to do something, that's not nice" and then I take a deep breath and tell the child "if I didn't have to repeat myself 5 times maybe you'd hear me ask the right way the first 4times!"

This child has always been my difficult one and it got worse when the baby came along.

Now I know the saying "if you're not guilty it shouldn't bother you" but when it comes to kids and calls of abuse that's not something anyone takes lightly and I'm real nervous with whatever I do and say. I don't want to spend the next month explaining myself or have them think every bump and bruise the baby will come home with is a sure sign I'm being less than careful with their kid.

I keep logs on what happens here at my house on each kid and I'm not licensed but the last thing I need is CPS doing a check up on my daycare to make sure things are ok. I've never had a complaint from my other kids or parents and I've had most of these kids 2yrs!

I have an open door policy and I'm glad the parent came to me instead of assuming but its been eating away at me for 3 days now and I'm at a loss of what to do.

Has anyone delt with this before? Do you sit with the child and have a talk and tell them that there is in no way you'd Hurt another child? That discipline is given when needed? That if they see something they feel is wrong they ask about it?

I know they are young and see things way differently but we teach kids to go to their parent when something is wrong and I don't want to be called out on everything I do as its the way I do things in MY home.

I just hated the "so and so said you did this" accusation and how sickening it made me feel. I wanted to close my doors that day and say "nope isn't worth the risk to stay home with my son, I'll go back to work at an office".

[cheerfuldom]

I wouldnt keep either of these kids.

I would call licensing and give them a heads up. I might even call CPS because maybe someone is being too rough with this child and that is causing him/her to tell stories about you?

Then give the parents a term letter letting them know that obviously the oldest child is misrepresenting something he/she is seeing at daycare but you feel uncomfortable keeping a family when you feel that the issues have caused the parents to doubt your care. It is better for them to move on to a provider that they can trust.

You are in a dangerous spot here.....keeping a child that is already telling false stories of your care, and knowing that the parents at least partially believe him.

[Happy Hearts]

Ugh, I know what you mean! I've never abused a child either, but I still constantly worry about being accused of something. Although I never have been accused of anything in the many years I've been caring for children.

Here's one that happened the other day: Dcg is potty training so I place her on the seat. The back of her thigh gets pinched between the seat and the rim and she screams , "you hurt my bum" and proceeds to cry. Sickening feeling right away.

When mom came I immediately told her what happened. Why do we feel guilt when there's nothing to feel guilty about? Must be my Catholic upbringing.

[Creek]

I feel that in this circumstance I would feel as though I had to term those children. If the parents are beliving their child and don't feel 100% confident in your abilities to properly care for their children - that the working relationship is over. I will not be stepping on eggshels and try to go above and beyond what you know to be proper care just to apease a child and hope he doesn't report any misconstrued information to his parents.

It doesn't seem like a good situation. GL!

[Meyou]

I would terminate because this is a huge trust issue. The parent could have clarified what the child said instead of accusing you of wrongdoing.

[youretooloud]

I would terminate too, since he's blatantly telling lies that could destroy your life.

You can't blame the parents for asking you, or believing him. If they didn't listen to him, they would be bad parents.

I dropped a kid years ago for telling her parents "SHe makes us wipe our mouth on our shirt" "She won't let me eat" "She won't let me go outside". ETC.... every day, the mom would come in with a very rude accusation. So, I said "Friday will be her last day". And, it felt very good.

I HAVE said to the kids "Hold on, let me go grab him". (meaning pick him up) and they said "You GRABBED him??????" So, now I know "grab" is a bad word to them. I used to say "let me throw him in bed" too....but, figured that didn't sound very nice.

[SilverSabre25]

Ugh, what a stressful situation!

I totally get 4 year olds and story-telling. My 4 year old dcb has been saying that a bruise on his leg today is because he got eaten by a giraffe at the zoo last night ::::::. Note: He wasn't at the zoo last night, our zoo doesn't have giraffes, and he's definitely not eaten!!

I think I can see where your 4 year old mangled the "Don't throw the paci again, sib!" into "you throw the sib"--he was probably trying to tell his parents that you told her not to throw it and it got garbled, then they made some assumptions based and he just kind of agreed. <--excellent example of why you have to be really careful what kinds of questions you ask. BUT I'd say if the parents are bringing this up to you in an accusatory way, it's a sign that they may not really trust you regardless of the stories.

I can also see, "I HAVE to take a nap, and I get in TROUBLE" <---two unrelated things but he could easily spin them in a way that sounds awful, specially if the parents are already distrustful (for their own cockamamie reasons).

That being said...yeah, wouldn't keep them either. But terming them might make you look guilty, and the main fault lies with the parents for being well, whatever.

[Unregistered]

If a parent REALLLLLY truly believes their child is being abused in their childcare, WHY WHY WHY, on God's green earth, would they continue to take their child there? Regardless of whether its true or not- if they THINK its true, what would motivate them to bring the child back? If I thought for a SECOND that my child was being mistreated in someone else's care, I would be DONE!! I have a parent who recently accused me of letting her child go an entire day in wet underwear because he was *kind of* wet when he left. He was dry all day!! OMG!! As if I'd let a child run around in wet pants all day. GROSS!!!!! This is the same parent who, after I tell her that her child JUST used the toilet, she takes him out to her car and lets him pee in my bushes on the side of the driveway. I'm sure my neighbors are wondering what kind of show I'm running here. WTH is wrong with these people?!! I have absolutely ZERO respect for parents who try everything possible to make you look like a horrible provider simply because they feel guilty that they are letting someone else raise their child. If they don't appreciate the care you provide for their child, they shouldn't be leaving them with ANYONE other than themselves. I'm so sick of these kinds of parents!! Okay, now you know the week I've had- done venting. I hope you have a stronger backbone than I do because I have plenty to complain about but its almost impossible for me to say anything to the parents. Thus, the venting.

[sharlan]

How did I handle false accusations from a child..........I termed the family with no notice. I called Mom at work and said come pick up this child now. I still miss this family, 6 years later.

[Mommy2One]

How did I handle false accusations from a child..........I termed the family with no notice. I called Mom at work and said come pick up this child now. I still miss this family, 6 years later.

Wow! How old was the child and what kinds of accusations were they making?

I always ask my daughter how her day was, what she had for lunch, things like that. I take her answers very lightly as she just turned 3 and is still learning concepts of time and clear communication but once or twice there's been something that's worth a quick follow up with the provider (she once told me every day for a week she had mac&cheese for lunch, right after starting with a new provider). I didn't think that was really the case but it was reassuring to hear the real story from the caretaker, kwim?

[daycarediva]

My four year old dcb lies like crazy! (I don't even think it's intentional, I think he just stretches the truth or really doesn't understand the difference between truth/lie or real/make believe yet) he told his Mom he slept ALL DAY once and she came in asking how long he slept yesterday because she said he didn't eat anything at all. In actuality he fell asleep during lunch and I had to carry him to his mat and then when I woke him up I said "C'mon sleepy head you can't sleep all day, I don't want you to miss snack!" I told the Mom that he does this to me/in reference to them on a regular basis. One time he told me Daddy threw him down the stairs, one time he fell off of an elephant and broke his arm, one time Grandma pushed him in the pool and his head went underwater and he died I could go ON AND ON!). ::

[daycarediva]

Oh, and I would probably term. Weird, if she is genuinely concerned for her child, why would she bring them back?

[E Daycare]

Thanks guys, you've been helpful and made me feel a little better about my thought process. No one likes getting accused but as a parent i also understand 100% the dcp questioning to make sure their mind is at ease.

This older child is in my care for a few more weeks so I'm hoping to stick it out and keep the sibling on the part time basis. The family has always been great but as the older sibling has gotten, well, older the child has just become an influence that I no longer think fits my daycare.

Other parents have just started to mention they can tell when so and so was there for the day, that their child acts and talks differently.

It's just hard to shake the feeling of being second guessed but I'm pretty sure they trust me. I don't ever want to do anything that betrays a parents trust though, it's like a stake to the heart feeling like they'd think you'd hurt their littles. I have a 3yr old myself, it kills me if I even remotely had to second guess or question his care (before I stayed home he was in a wonderful home daycare) and I thankfully never had to. Can't imagine how this parent felt to even have to ask.

I just feel so poopie yucky about it.

[Truly Scrumptious]

Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen to me....I would give them the boot!

[MissAnn]

I would terminate. I was closed for 2 months because of a false accusation. Nothing to fool around with. This kid is getting attention for his "tattles" and enjoys it. The parents are not trusting you enough....bad combination.