Not Really DC Related, But Y'all Give Honest Answers...

[KDC]

Alright, so this is a Daycare forum, and this isn't really DC related... but you've all helped me so much with my daycare issues, I'm hoping for an honest opinion for a family issue I'm dealing with.

My DD just turned 5 and she decided she would like to have a gymnastic party. We decided to invite all her friends (and this included the daycare friends, school friends). We had extra room so I invited my nephews that were 2 & 4. It was a blast, I took lots of pictures and posted them to Facebook. Shortly after posting, I received a note from my other SIL that she wanted me to untag my DH from the party pictures so that her 13 & 9 yr. old son didn't get his feelings hurt by not being invited?

We didn't invite them because it was a 5 yr. olds party where the average age of kid was 4. If we invited them, they'd run over all the little ones (there were about 15 kids total). She was hurt because we invited the other 2 nephews that were age appropriate. BTW, we have NEVER been invited to any of their kids parties (and I totally understand, my kids are too young!)

My question; Should she be upset that her 13 yr old hockey playing son wasn't invited to my daughters preschool gymnastics party? She said he was in tears? I think he was fine, but she convinced him he should feel hurt when she's the one that feels left out. AGE was the ONLY reason her children weren't invited (She's crazy, but we adore my nephews!). They're invited to the family party this weekend, and the invites were sent long before this gymnastic party?

Should I have invited her or called her to explain BEFORE the party? I just feel she should be a mature adult and explain to her 13 yr. old that he was too old for a preschool party and leave it at that. Am I being a bit*h?

[Blackcat31]

I just feel she should be a mature adult and explain to her 13 yr. old that he was too old for a preschool party and leave it at that. Am I being a bit*h?

Sounds to me like SIL needs to put her big girl pants on and stop trying to convince her DS that he needs to feel a certain way.

If it were me, if I really felt the need to call and explain, I would call the 13 yr old nephew and tell him why he wasn't invited.

I'll bet you he couldn't care less......

[dEHmom]

I agree with blackcat.

When my kids were younger, we used to throw one huge family/friend party, and everyone came.

For their kindergarten party, we did the same, and allowed a few friends from school, and the family/friends we normally see.

Once in grade 1, i stopped the family party, and just invited school friends and other close friends with kids.

You can't invite everyone, and it makes sense to invite those that are age appropriate for the party. I bet if you had invited the older nephews, they would've said "aww do i have to go?" And since they are coming to the other party, there's no need for them to go to both.

[MarinaVanessa]

Me too, I agree with blackcat. Just call her and tell her that after thinking about it you do feel bad that she feels bad but that it was a party for young kids only where the oldest child was 4yo so you figured that the older boys wouldn't enjoy themselves. Explain that even if they did come they would have had to play on their own anyway because of the age difference and to prevent accidents etc. Assure her that it was nothing against her or her children and that you were actually thinking about their feelings and didn't want them to be bored.

As far as untagging your DH from photos ... don't do it. There is no valid reason to. She already made a mess of things and her kids already know that the pictures are there so what's the difference KWIM? What difference will it make if you untag him?

If it bothers her so much then she can simply not look at the pictures. If she claims that "her kids" are the ones that are bothered by the pictures assure her that other people posts will bump the pictures down and by the end of the day they'll have to go digging for them anyway so it won't be a big deal. You can also tell her that DH would like the photos in his pictures and if you untag him then he will simply just upload the pictures into his album anyway (which will then show up as a status update all over again) so there is no need to untag him. What does your DH say about this?

[Willow]

We either have an all family party, or an all friends party. Maybe she thought it was a friend AND family party that they weren't invited to?

Not that it matters entirely, I'd just let hubby handle it if I were in your shoes

[countrymom]

Ignore her,I highly doubt it that he sat there crying.

[SunnyDay]

Teenagers can be emotional, but it sounds like she is just trying to cause drama by not handling it herself and explaining the situation to him. What would be the point of untagging the photos if he already knows about it?

[sharlan]

Alright, so this is a Daycare forum, and this isn't really DC related... but you've all helped me so much with my daycare issues, I'm hoping for an honest opinion for a family issue I'm dealing with.

My DD just turned 5 and she decided she would like to have a gymnastic party. We decided to invite all her friends (and this included the daycare friends, school friends). We had extra room so I invited my nephews that were 2 & 4. It was a blast, I took lots of pictures and posted them to Facebook. Shortly after posting, I received a note from my other SIL that she wanted me to untag my DH from the party pictures so that her 13 & 9 yr. old son didn't get his feelings hurt by not being invited?

We didn't invite them because it was a 5 yr. olds party where the average age of kid was 4. If we invited them, they'd run over all the little ones (there were about 15 kids total). She was hurt because we invited the other 2 nephews that were age appropriate. BTW, we have NEVER been invited to any of their kids parties (and I totally understand, my kids are too young!)
My question; Should she be upset that her 13 yr old hockey playing son wasn't invited to my daughters preschool gymnastics party? She said he was in tears? I think he was fine, but she convinced him he should feel hurt when she's the one that feels left out. AGE was the ONLY reason her children weren't invited (She's crazy, but we adore my nephews!). They're invited to the family party this weekend, and the invites were sent long before this gymnastic party?

Should I have invited her or called her to explain BEFORE the party? I just feel she should be a mature adult and explain to her 13 yr. old that he was too old for a preschool party and leave it at that. Am I being a bit*h?

That sentence sums it up nicely.

I would ignore her request. If she brings it up again, remind her that your children don't get their feelings hurt when they don't attend her children's parties.

[cheerfuldom]

I would call the nephew, explain to him and very likely he won't care. Then call SIL, tell her you called nephew and smoothed it over and also, he didnt seem upset as she seemed to think.

[KDC]

Teenagers can be emotional, but it sounds like she is just trying to cause drama by not handling it herself and explaining the situation to him. What would be the point of untagging the photos if he already knows about it?

She asked me to un-post before he got home from school to see them, I did untag any pictures with little nephews, since the 13 yr. old is only 'friends' with my DH. I double checked to see if it worked and it did. I don't know how he saw the pictures of the kid party and felt left out if he didn't realize his little cousins weren't invited. It all is just a little fishy to me that he raced home from school, opened up facebook, saw pictures of his 5 yr old cousins gymnastic party (a cousin he sees maybe 6 x's a year total), the proceeded to ask why he wasn't invited and cried). He's definitely not one to care -- he's a typical 13 yr. old boy. I really think SIL is just upset she was left out. This is her... I just wanted to be sure I was putting it in perspective and not just relying on past drama.

Since she contacted me, I said my piece - It wasn't meant to hurt anyone or be rude, just simply her boys are too old. It's like talking to a wall. Now I'm ignoring her.

[wdmmom]

The person you tag in a FB photo can untag themselves.

I wouldn't entertain her discussion or her reasoning. Its done and over with. Time to get over it!

[SunshineMama]

I agree with the others. SIL is over-reacting. Offer to talk to the boys if she feels its necessary, other than that, just drop it.

[Countrygal]

I agree as well. I have raised three kids and I can assure you that NO 15yo (at least none I've ever met) wants to go to a toddler birthday party!!! Even if it was at a water park! They are all into being with friends and having a good time. Most 15yo's would be afraid to be invited to a toddler party, because they'd figure they were being invited to "babysit".

As to untagging the photo - if she doesn't want to look at it she can simply hit that little "hide this post" button.

If you honestly think the teenager's feeling were hurt (I'd talk to them when I get a chance), then I'd invite them over another time. A toddler party is not the place for teenagers unless they want to earn some extra cash for babysitting.

[DCMom]

As the mother of boys, I am certain that the 13 and 9 year old boys are relived that they didn't have to a preschool girls' gymnastics party! ::

Honestly, she needs to grow up and if the person tagged in the photos wants to be untagged, then they can do it.

Some people are just not happy unless they are creating drama...

[Sunshine44]

I don't agree with everyone

I really think it was rude for you to invite SOME of the family to the non family party, but not others...even if they aren't the same age. Seems really rude imo and I wouldn't have done it.

Seems the only thing you can do is call and apologize to the boys.