A Serious WWYD?

[hcmom]

I am a in home DCP and SAHM. I am thinking of returning to work PT-Which means obviously putting my 3 yr old DS in a daycare/preschool setting a few days a week.

Last week I checked out a preschool that is literally 5 minutes away from my home. The price is right and I figured DS could go once or twice a week when I am home to get out of the house and play with kids his own age. (I currently just have infants in my care)

So, yesterday DH dropped DS off and all was good. DS came home later and was super excited about going to "school" and playing with the kids.

Well yesterday on FB Chat I was chatting with my SIL and she asked the name of the school. I told her and she said, "Oh, I would be careful, 4 years ago there was a little boy that was molested by another little boy there and the teachers did nothing about it" It caught me off guard a little bit. I called the State of CA and inquired about the daycare and any complaints,etc and they informed me that the daycare had an unannounced visit in Sept 2009 and they were cited for some broken playground equipment that has since been repaired.
Then last night, SIL's DH (DH's older brother) who is also a cop, called DH and told him that there have been 4 confirmed cases of molestation at the daycare, but no one reported them to state or police because the parent's did not want the children to "be put through that" (court and testifying). At this point I was sick to my stomach and in tears because DS just went there, loved it and now I heard the above accusations.

Well...I had DH call his brother back and ask where we would be able to get the records, how does dh's brother know the info and why has no one been reported.

DH's brother said the following: "The 4 Children's parents (4 sets parents) told dh's brother that their kids had been molested by teachers there. " DH said his brother also said that these 4 kids' parents' are friends of his and his wife's. My question is, Why in the world would these four sets of parents tell my BIL but not inform police or state?

So, I called the state again today and told them what we were told, the lady I spoke to told me that there have not been any reports and that my BIL as a cop is also a mandated reporter and that he should have informed police if no one else did. She also took the name of my BIL and said that if he continued to state the above accusations she would get in contact with his Superior.

So, my WWYD is this...

DS loved going, DH and I felt super comfortable with the daycare/preschool. Would we be STUPID to send DS back or does the above accusations sound made up or like a story.

FWIW: This center has been open since 1972 and is owned by a husband and wife.

ETA: This SIL and BIL have always been highly negative if they didn't agree. Also, they believe the I should be a SAHM forever and that Daycare is "evil".

[laundryduchess@yahoo.com]

I would talk to the daycare.... don't tell them how but tell them the rumor around town is,.... and have them explain things. right to the horses mouth.... thats the best way.

[Crystal]

Honestly, I would not believe it. Sounds like "rumors" to me. And, if it did happen, apparently the perpetrator was another child in care, who certainly would no longer be attending, as he would have aged out of the program.

I could see it happening with one child and it not being reported, but i highly doubt that 4 children would be molested and not even one parent felt compelled to register a complaint.

And, yes, as a cop he is a mandated reporter, and if he is so concerned aout it, he would have reported it.....not just because he is a mandated reporter, but because it is the ethical thing to do.

Sounds like a load of wash to me..........people are always going to talk. Ask the program for some references of current and former clients, then call them and see what they have to say.

[Unregistered]

Wouldn't believe it either. Sounds like nothing but rumors, and those can be very hurtful.

[booroo]

Never take a case of molesting as a RUMOR!!! If the parents didn't officially report, then there can not be an investigation... At times even as a mandated reporter they have to look at all the angles before reporting.. After living through a molesting to one of my children; I can see were the parents are coming from not wanting To put there child through it; but as a victims mother, I know how important it is to report these situations, so that no one child would ever get hurt again!!!

If it was not reported then the state would not have a report, so calling the state doesn't help!!

I would not send my child if I thought for 1 minute something could happen to him..

This something you don't want to play with, RUN, something like this can tear a family apart!!

4 years later it's an every day struggle for my husband, my child, and I!!!

[happykidschildcare]

Wwyd

to me it sounds like a load of bs... If it was true its hard to believe 4X over that there would not be something on record. I guess you could ask the provider herself? If a parent came to me and asked something like that my jaw would drop I would be completly floored at the aquisation...

[hcmom]

to me it sounds like a load of bs... If it was true its hard to believe 4X over that there would not be something on record. I guess you could ask the provider herself? If a parent came to me and asked something like that my jaw would drop I would be completly floored at the aquisation...

I was a victim of child sexual abuse. So this is not something I am taking lightly.

I will say that BIL and SIL are very negative and I find it very very difficult that all 4 families had this happen and that they ALL KNEW BIL.

I also find it hard to believe that all 4 families would freely tell BIL (Who was not in law enforcement at the time) and not tell the police. (At least one of the families) tell police. So that way the center could be investigated and shut down.

[MarinaVanessa]

I agree that if your BIL had heard these things that he would have needed to report this so the fact that he didn't is questionable to me. Either he heard the rumors and didn't believe it as well, is making it up that he knows the people, or just decided not to say anything (which is really surprising).

I'd go to the top at the daycare center and ask about these allegations and see what they say. Talk to your child about how our bodies are our own and how if someone (even another child) should happen to touch or do something that is uncomfortable it should be told to you immediately. Talk to other parents also that have been there a long time and ask them. Chances are if it really did happen to the extent that you've been told, it be hard to keep it a secret.

Just as a thought, innapropriate touching between children can happen and is more out of curiosity than sexual (depending on age). It's difficult for a Daycare center to term a child in these cases if it happens just once but I can see how easy this situation can be told and re-told and made into a story about how it happened to four kids and it was a teacher. Again, just a thought so I would defenetely look into it more.

[hcmom]

DH is going to call BIL this evening to ask for the phone number(s) of the so-called parents who's child was molested. So we will see if BIL even has a number.

Well I just called the center and asked to speak to the owners.

They will be in the office after 3:30pm (Pacific) time and they will call me back.

I did get the owner's name and googled cases against them. There was one case in August 1991. It was a small claims court case where the Owner took a client to court for non-payment.

[hcmom]

Just as a thought, innapropriate touching between children can happen and is more out of curiosity than sexual (depending on age).

I totally agree with this.

[booroo]

I hate to tell you this but now that BIL is in law enforcement, he can't give out that information; even though this happened before he was in law enforcement!!

As far as being a mandated reporter, if he wasn't in law enforcement at the time he was told, then hate to tell you this, but he is under no obligation to REPORT!!!

I hate to say this, but it's very possible that 4 families, were victimized and didn't say anything.... Specially if it happened to boys, a lot of boys are victimized and it's never reported, because the parents and the child are embrassed, they question their sexually and everything else, boys handle this differntly than girls, and so do parents!!!

I can't find my all my statistic right now, it can happen to 4 families and not be reported, they could be other families, sometimes there can be years and years of abused before it's reported, just because it 2010 doesn't mean this situation is handled any different than it did in the 40..

[hcmom]

I hate to tell you this but now that BIL is in law enforcement, he can't give out that information; even though this happened before he was in law enforcement!!

As far as being a mandated reporter, if he wasn't in law enforcement at the time he was told, then hate to tell you this, but he is under no obligation to REPORT!!!

I hate to say this, but it's very possible that 4 families, were victimized and didn't say anything.... Specially if it happened to boys, a lot of boys are victimized and it's never reported, because the parents and the child are embrassed, they question their sexually and everything else, boys handle this differntly than girls, and so do parents!!!

I can't find my all my statistic right now, it can happen to 4 families and not be reported, they could be other families, sometimes there can be years and years of abused before it's reported, just because it 2010 doesn't mean this situation is handled any different than it did in the 40..

I am not saying that nothing happened. I am saying that his story doesn't add up. First SIL says that a boy molested another boy 4 years ago and then BIL says that 4 children were molested by teachers. They had two different stories. I also find it hard to believe that he knew all 4 families-that all 4 families went to the same center and that all 4 familes chose not to report. I would think at least one family would report.

I also have a hard time thinking that these four families had something happen and they don't report, because you would think that they would not want the same thing to happen to other children in the care. Just Sayin'

[hcmom]

Also, I cannot for the life of me figure out why four families would just tell friends something that personal-but not tell police.

As a mom, I would not go and tell my closest friends, "Oh, BTW, DS was molested." and not tell police.

I just can't wrap my mind around that thinking.:confused:

[booroo]

Hcmom--

I'm trying to tell you that it is very much possible that all 4 families said nothing!! My child was molested by a family member that molested several children before
mine, it was never reported, my childs abuser molested over 14 kids in over a 25 year time frame, 5 durning the same time, NO ONE REPORTED, until us!!

I hope that my son his is last victim, but i doubt it, he's out of jail after serving a big 15 months, and was doubed a repeat affender..

You have really got to open your closed mind!!

[MarinaVanessa]

I agree that their two stories don't add up but think that it's a great idea that you follow it up and get more facts. Either it happened or it didn't and I know that if it did happen I would want to know and pull my child out, if it didn;t happen then I would not want to pull my child from a program that he/she loved.