Cigarettes

[Unregistered-logged out]

I am a member, but I'm logged out for privacy. Dcg is 4 and was drawing on the magna doodle. She drew a picture of herself and was talking to DD (3) about it. She was pointing out her hair, mouth, and her cigarette! I asked her (in a calm way) what she said and she looked at me with that "busted" looked. She didn't answer, so I asked if she said cigarette and she said yes. I told her that's not something we talk about here and asked her to bring the magna doodle over and show it to me. She didn't draw an actual cigarette, it's just a dot where the nose is. I emailed mom about it and told her I'd try to call during nap time because I didn't want to discuss it in front of dcg. Mom smokes but tries to hide it from the kids, at least she use to hide it maybe not so much anymore? I know there are other smokers in the family, so I know dcg has seen people do it. I wasn't sure what else I should have said to dcg. I didn't want to say anything to dcg that would offend dcm by saying anything like cigarettes are yucky or not good for you. I'm not a smoker, so I was really taken by surprise by this. I probably should have asked her more questions about why she drew it and what not, but I didn't think of that at the time. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, but I'm going to tell dcm she should talk to dcg about it. I know dcm will talk to her. How would you handle it?

[SunshineMama]

I am a member, but I'm logged out for privacy. Dcg is 4 and was drawing on the magna doodle. She drew a picture of herself and was talking to DD (3) about it. She was pointing out her hair, mouth, and her cigarette! I asked her (in a calm way) what she said and she looked at me with that "busted" looked. She didn't answer, so I asked if she said cigarette and she said yes. I told her that's not something we talk about here and asked her to bring the magna doodle over and show it to me. She didn't draw an actual cigarette, it's just a dot where the nose is. I emailed mom about it and told her I'd try to call during nap time because I didn't want to discuss it in front of dcg. Mom smokes but tries to hide it from the kids, at least she use to hide it maybe not so much anymore? I know there are other smokers in the family, so I know dcg has seen people do it. I wasn't sure what else I should have said to dcg. I didn't want to say anything to dcg that would offend dcm by saying anything like cigarettes are yucky or not good for you. I'm not a smoker, so I was really taken by surprise by this. I probably should have asked her more questions about why she drew it and what not, but I didn't think of that at the time. I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, but I'm going to tell dcm she should talk to dcg about it. I know dcm will talk to her. How would you handle it?

If it were me, I would have definitely told DCG that cigarettes are yucky and bad for you. My dd is almost 4 and we talk about health and what is "good for your body" and she knows that cigarettes are not good for your body. I would not have cared about offending DCM- if DCM isnt being a good enough parent to teach her child that cigarettes will kill you then I see no problem with you speaking up.

I would just tell DCM about the incident and how you handled it and let her take it from there. My guess is that dcm thought she was being sneaky and didn't realize how smart her little dd has gotten over the years.

[MsMe]

I would have been tempted to tell the girl that smoking is yucky and bad for her.

We had this same discussion in class I took last year and it was brought up that it *may not* be our place to tell a child that their smoking parent is yucky and "bad"

Yes, we spend time talking about what is healthy and good for our bodies and it is good for us to teach them good habbits, but not our place to tell them their parents are "bad" or 'going to die from smoking"

It is really just another thing to list under being 'PC'

[MrsB]

I may have a different opinion than most providers and agree that smoking is not a healthy choice. But where is it me to judge that it is "bad". It is not illegal, so I might mention it to mom in a joking way. "hey daughter drew a cigarette today". I would have told the girl that cigaretts are only for adults if they choose. I dont tell children that their moms are bad because they eat at mcdonalds every night or that their parents are bad because they have less than 2 hours of face time with children at night. All are unhealthy choices. More people die from heart disease and diabetes due to an unhealthy diet than people with smoke related cancers.

My job as a provider is to provide a safe and healthy learning experience for them here. Not to judge.

[littlemissmuffet]

I smoke. Most of the members in my family smoke and many of my friends smoke. Some choose to smoke in front of their children (outside) and some choose to hide it. Either way, I think it's important for adults to inform children that smoking is dangerous, unhealthy and indeed gross. It never offends me when my neice or nephew tell me "Ew, that's gross" - because it is, and I'm glad they are aware.

I never smoke indoors and certaintly never around my DCKs but I know children of my family and friends have seen me smoke. It's unfortunate, because I don't ever want any of these kids to grow up smoking - it's a very difficult habit to break - but at the same time, they're going to be exposed to it one way or another... the whole point is to educate them early.

Parents who smoke in their homes and cars with their children present (or not) is incredibly upsetting to me and I have said as much to people when I've seen it happen.

[Unregistered-logged out]

Thanks

MsMe: That's almost exactly what I was thinking and why I didn't say it's yucky or gross.

Littlemissmuffet: I'm glad to get a smokers opinion.

Thanks for the opinions! I did ask the girl a few more questions to see what she knew about cigarettes and she was intending with the cigarette. I could tell she was trying to make something up. I'm not sure how much she understands about smoking or maybe it's a lack of being able to explain it to me. I knew mom would want more info (in a good way so she could talk to her), so that's why I asked some questions later. They clearly need to have a discussion of some type since dcg obviously knows the word cigarette and needs to be educated about it.

[Ariana]

I wouldn't have cared about this at all! I see people smoking all the time and no one in my family smokes! You can't go anywhere these days without seeing smokers so I'm sure kids pick up on that too. It's not a criminal activity and although you see it as "yucky" it's not a good idea to shame the child for drawing it in a picture when it's part of her every day life (trust me she sees her mom smoke!!). I might be more concerned if it was a picture of a gun or a 40oz bottle of vodka

I think a better approach would have been to ask her about her picture. "why did you draw that?" "who in your family smokes"? "what do you think about smoking"? those types of questions. This will open the dialogue about smoking with her witout creating a sense of shame.

[Heidi]

I may have a different opinion than most providers and agree that smoking is not a healthy choice. But where is it me to judge that it is "bad". It is not illegal, so I might mention it to mom in a joking way. "hey daughter drew a cigarette today". I would have told the girl that cigaretts are only for adults if they choose. I dont tell children that their moms are bad because they eat at mcdonalds every night or that their parents are bad because they have less than 2 hours of face time with children at night. All are unhealthy choices. More people die from heart disease and diabetes due to an unhealthy diet than people with smoke related cancers.

My job as a provider is to provide a safe and healthy learning experience for them here. Not to judge.

I agree. It is not "bad", it is not "illegal" I would simply say we do not smoke in our house because it's not healthy.

Years ago, I had 4 twin girls. They were playing nicely in the playroom, and I started lunch. When I came back, each one had a toy phone, was patting a "baby" on their shoulder, and a "cigarette" (toy spoon) in their mouth. I stepped out a took a breath. Then, trying to look very serious (this was sad AND funny), I stepped back in. "OH...I'm sorry ladies, but we don't allow smoking in our house. It's against licensing rules"

but mommy does it (no kidding)

Well, mommy is a grown up, and makes her own choices. But here, we don't smoke.

End of discussion...

[Heidi]

I wouldn't have cared about this at all! I see people smoking all the time and no one in my family smokes! You can't go anywhere these days without seeing smokers so I'm sure kids pick up on that too. It's not a criminal activity and although you see it as "yucky" it's not a good idea to shame the child for drawing it in a picture when it's part of her every day life (trust me she sees her mom smoke!!). I might be more concerned if it was a picture of a gun or a 40oz bottle of vodka

I think a better approach would have been to ask her about her picture. "why did you draw that?" "who in your family smokes"? "what do you think about smoking"? those types of questions. This will open the dialogue about smoking with her witout creating a sense of shame.

I witnessed a 3yo driving around in a coupe car saying "I'm gonna drive me to the liquooor store" over and over again.

My kids love going to the liquor store now, because momma always sings..."I'm gonna drive me to the liquooor store..."::

[MNMum]

I smoke. Most of the members in my family smoke and many of my friends smoke. Some choose to smoke in front of their children (outside) and some choose to hide it. Either way, I think it's important for adults to inform children that smoking is dangerous, unhealthy and indeed gross. It never offends me when my neice or nephew tell me "Ew, that's gross" - because it is, and I'm glad they are aware.

I never smoke indoors and certaintly never around my DCKs but I know children of my family and friends have seen me smoke. It's unfortunate, because I don't ever want any of these kids to grow up smoking - it's a very difficult habit to break - but at the same time, they're going to be exposed to it one way or another... the whole point is to educate them early.

Parents who smoke in their homes and cars with their children present (or not) is incredibly upsetting to me and I have said as much to people when I've seen it happen.

My husband and I do not smoke. Both of my parents still smoke. My 2 yo DS loves to pretend he is smoking. We tell him it is yucky, and not healthy. For our older girls, we discuss that Gma and Gpa smoke, and that it is something they started when they were very young, before doctors knew it was bad. It is hard to change that habit and is something they should never do.

[Soccermom]

I really don't see what the big deal was. I think making an issue out of something like that can create a fascination about it for children. I would have completely ignored that or just said something like - A cigarette. Yucky. Little girls can't smoke cigarettes. They are yucky.
I don't think the dcm would mind you turning her off from cigarettes. Dcm probably knows that it is yucky and bad for you and would tell her dd the same in your position.
I highly doubt she will end up a smoker or create a smoker out of your child because she drew a picture of herself with a cigarette. My MIL smokes and my kids used to pretend they were smoking all the time with licorice or whatever. I would just casually say - yucky! You silly!
They were little and didn't know any better. We started talking about how bad smoking was for them when they were about 6 or 7. At 4 they are too young to comprehend what bad for your health even means.

[Ariana]

I used to pretend I was smoking constantly when I was a kid!! sometimes I would even steal my grandma's cigarette and pretend with it (unlit of course!!). I never became a smoker. It's just something I saw my mom and grandma do when I was young before they thankfully quit.

[spud912]

This post reminds me of those cigarette gum sticks (where you would "puff" out powdered sugar). I remember being disappointed when they no longer sold them. I loved the gum cigarettes, but had never been around adult smokers as a child, so I'm assuming I must have picked it up from somewhere. I tried cigarettes once as a teenager but never again.

From what I'm told, I drew a vivid picture when I was 4 or 5 and my preschool teachers made a huge deal about it (they convinced my mom that I had to see a psychologist and was sent to a special school also). It turns out that I was perfectly normal (or so they say :::. I remember the special school (barely), but nothing about the drawing. I can only assume I got the idea from watching tv?

I personally would not make a big deal about any child's drawing. If it were me, I probably would have said "eww yucky! That's for grown ups" and made a joke about it to her mom.

[Bookworm]

I've had children on the playground pickup wood chips and pretend to smoke like mom/dad. I always tell them that it's not something that kids should do. When they ask why, I say that adults pay bills and taxes so they can do it. Surprisingly, it works. I've even had a child show show me how her mom drinks and passes out on the couch.

I feel like it's not my place to judge so I don't give the "Smoking is evil" speech. If the parents feel comfortable smoking/drinking in front of their kids, there is nothing I can say to change it.

[SilverSabre25]

I say that cigarettes are not good for us or safe.

I say the same thing about motorcycles. And guns (to a point--one dcd hunts so I have to be careful how I phrase it).

And when I'm asked by my ever-perceptive 4 yo why someone is doing something that I have previously mentioned is not safe, I tell her that people have control over their own bodies and sometimes people make choices that aren't safe.