DCD Mad About Son Playing With Girl Toys

[daycare]

I know this has been discussed on here before, I think. (couldn't find a thread through the search)

I have a DCB age 3.5 who is a sweet heart. Very nice kid and he loves to play with the very few girl toys that I have here. Most of my toys are non-gender specific, but I do have a few my little ponies and etc.

DCD comes to pick up DCB and throws a fit that DCB is playing with girl toys. I laugh it off and thought nothing of it.

Well we had a St. Patty Day party and I bought hats for all of the kids. Some were covered in glitter, like a princess style or prince style. There were 3 different types of hats to choose from.

Well DCK wanted the one that kind of looked like a princes hat. Of course I don't care, so that is what he got to wear.

Well once again, DCD comes to pick up, but this time he goes off. He did not yell or anything like that, but he was using a very stern aggressive tone and told me that it is NOT ok for his son to play or wear girl stuff. I was really taken back and didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

Usually this dad is as sweet as his child and the wife is very nice. I have never had an issue with this family before, however, I need to address this issue. I will not allow for it to go on...

BUT I don't know what to say......HELP.....

[greenhouse]

I can't believe parents would care at such a young age. DCD sounds like he has his own unresolved issues. At 3.5 you are supposed to police toy selection?? Give me a break! I would remind him the definition of " free play"- kids have the freedom to choose the toys they find interesting and it is as innocent as that.

[itlw8]

so what is a girl toy??? a doll hmmm does dcd never hold his child

the kitchen does dcd dad never cook?

So what you are to run over and yell you can't play with that ask dcd how that would make him feel if he were a child. What would it do to the childs self esteem. Go online and find articles to give dcd. remind him what a child plays with has NOTHING to do with sexual preferance as an adult.

Besides Pink used to be a boy color and blue was for girls.. Red dye was more expensive so Boys got red clothes and it faded to pink. Girls got the cheap blue.

[Angelwings36]

This is completely ridiculous! As far as I am concerned children of any gender can play with dinky cars, barbies, construction toys, my little ponies...etc. I don't give a rats *ss if the parents like it or not. When I was growing up I hated barbies and dolls and really anything "girl" related, instead I played with all boys toys. I wouldn't dress my boys in a princess dress for play time, but I wouldn't limit them from having access to all the toys in the daycare. If you are like me in this sense then I would just be straight up with dad and tell them that you do not have the space in your daycare to have a 'boys toy only zone'. If he doesn't like it TOO BAD...NOT YOUR PROBLEM!!

[BigMama]

Ok, I want to share this story because I feel that it is important. I do not want to start a philosophical or religious argument so if you disagree with me or have strong opinions about this please try to remember that we are talking about a young child and be appropriate.

When I first opened my home child care, I had a 4 yr. old DCB that not only preferred the traditionally feminine types of toys (dolls, princess-type dress-up, etc.) he would frequently verbalize his desire to be a girl. He would also ask me, "Miss _________, how come I'm not a girl?" He would often dress-up in dresses and skirts from the dress-up box and use whatever he could (scarves, leaves) to put on his head to mimic having long hair.

Personally, I believe that children should play with whatever they are interested in. I also think it is important for them to experiment with traditional gender roles (boys playing kitchen, girls using tools, etc.) I have often had boys who would wear dresses during dress-up, but I truly believe that this particular child was a transgendered person. I never wanted to discourage him expressing his emotions yet wanted to support who he was. His parents however, especially his father, felt very differently.

One day the boy arrived after having spent the morning at pre-school and his left cheek was red and raw (and he was a darker skinned child). I was like, "DCB, what happened to your face?!" His father said that he had gotten his face painted at preschool and that he had chosen a flower. The dad said a flower was "not for boys" so he had scrubbed it off his face. Another time the boy told me he'd gotten in "big trouble" at home because he colored his fingernails with a marker. One time his father arrived as the children were cleaning up the playroom and he saw that the boy was putting away dress-up clothes and he yelled, "DCB, you BETTER NOT be wearing any dress!" I wanted DCD to be accepting of his son, but more importantly in that moment, to relax.

I said, "You know DCD, young children are often curious about the other sex. Plus, it is just dress-up. They are having fun. Try not to read so much into it." DCD just flared his nostrils at me and told DCB to say good-bye. Eventually this child left my care when his mother had another baby and decided to stay home. I worry about him still because if he is trangendered his family is not going to be supportive and being a teenager and young adult with gender issues will be so very difficult for him.

[daycare]

Ok, I want to share this story because I feel that it is important. I do not want to start a philosophical or religious argument so if you disagree with me or have strong opinions about this please try to remember that we are talking about a young child and be appropriate.

When I first opened my home child care, I had a 4 yr. old DCB that not only preferred the traditionally feminine types of toys (dolls, princess-type dress-up, etc.) he would frequently verbalize his desire to be a girl. He would also ask me, "Miss _________, how come I'm not a girl?" He would often dress-up in dresses and skirts from the dress-up box and use whatever he could (scarves, leaves) to put on his head to mimic having long hair.

Personally, I believe that children should play with whatever they are interested in. I also think it is important for them to experiment with traditional gender roles (boys playing kitchen, girls using tools, etc.) I have often had boys who would wear dresses during dress-up, but I truly believe that this particular child was a transgendered person. I never wanted to discourage him expressing his emotions yet wanted to support who he was. His parents however, especially his father, felt very differently.

One day the boy arrived after having spent the morning at pre-school and his left cheek was red and raw (and he was a darker skinned child). I was like, "DCB, what happened to your face?!" His father said that he had gotten his face painted at preschool and that he had chosen a flower. The dad said a flower was "not for boys" so he had scrubbed it off his face. Another time the boy told me he'd gotten in "big trouble" at home because he colored his fingernails with a marker. One time his father arrived as the children were cleaning up the playroom and he saw that the boy was putting away dress-up clothes and he yelled, "DCB, you BETTER NOT be wearing any dress!" I wanted DCD to be accepting of his son, but more importantly in that moment, to relax.

I said, "You know DCD, young children are often curious about the other sex. Plus, it is just dress-up. They are having fun. Try not to read so much into it." DCD just flared his nostrils at me and told DCB to say good-bye. Eventually this child left my care when his mother had another baby and decided to stay home. I worry about him still because if he is trangendered his family is not going to be supportive and being a teenager and young adult with gender issues will be so very difficult for him.

thanks for sharing your story. I don't care if anyone thinks its wrong or right, I just need to let this dad know that I will not stop his child from making choices. All choices are healthy as long as they are not hurting anyone or themselves.

I was just not sure how to approach this conversation and make it as simple, sweet and to the point. I don't want it to get opened into a debate or become more than it should.

[skittles]

Hey everyone,
By chance I have had boys the past five years in care. Guess what. I still leave out the "girls" toys such as dolls, strollers, ponies, ect.. and yes the boys do play with them. And yes I get crap from some parents. oh well. when they go to school guess what will be available in the classroom. I always remind parents I treat my daycare as if it were a classroom. Usually the boys will crash the strollars and use the girly toys as guns anyways but they are still there. Our society puts the girl toys in one section of the store and puts pink on it. Our society puts boys toys in the othe section of the store and puts blue on it. I don't see the kids doing this. I hope someday our society can get past this.

[Ariana]

I would just flat out tell the dad that this is perfectly normal behavior for boys, that ALL boys do it and that it doesn't mean his son will turn out to be gay...just like girls playing with trucks doesn't mean they will be gay (which let's face it is this dad's fear). We all know his attitude is ridiculous and 'backward' so it's best to meet him at his level. In reality this dad was likely treated like this as a child and studies have actually shown that males who are very homophobic actually have homophobic tendancies. He likely hates this about himself and is trying to make his son the opposite of how he was. Seeing his son play with this stuff likely reminds him of himself. It's so sad

The biggest repurcusion of this is bullying at school unfortunately. Bullies (especially those that prey on gay or feminine males) seem to always come from homes where the dad bullied their sons about this type of stuff.

[BigMama]

I would just keep it light and to the point.
DCD, the children are free to make their own choices during activity time. We don't make a distinction between "girl" and "boy" toys as all types of play materials enhance children's learning."
If it is difficult for you to stand-up to DCD (not saying it is) blame it on the regs. "The state requires that the children have access to all types of play materials."
I used to blame everything from my food policy to my opening and closing times on the regs. when I was young and just starting out!

[dave4him]

My son can have his fun now I'll make sure I help guide him right. With two sisters though he's gonna play with what they play with . And they all like dinosaurs and cars

[daycare]

My son can have his fun now I'll make sure I help guide him right. With two sisters though he's gonna play with what they play with . And they all like dinosaurs and cars

Ugh thats what I hate....girls can play with boys toys and there are no issues, but if it's the other way around, then there is a problem.

I just need to say what Big Mama posted....FREE CHOICE.... there is not right or wrong as long as its safe....

[laundrymom]

I would ask dad if he was giving you notice and looking for a ' no girl' daycare.

[daycare]

I would ask dad if he was giving you notice and looking for a ' no girl' daycare.

lmao hahahah thats so funny.....I wish had the backbone to say that...

[SunshineMama]

DCD,

It is normal for children to explore toys. At his current age, he is just exploring. If you keep them from exploration, that is when probems arise. I would then reassure him (if this is true) that dcb plays like a perfectly healthy normal boy and that honestly he has nothing to worry about.


I allow all of my daycare kids to play with whatever toys they want. I probably have more girls toys than boys toys bc of my dd's. DD plays Power Rangers, and "boy" things all the time, but loves girly stuff too.

I try to be sensitive to all children and not put gender specific restrictions on anything.

[Michael]

I know this has been discussed on here before, I think. (couldn't find a thread through the search)

Here is the thread: https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32878