New DCM Causing Me Much Unneeded Stress...

[Angelwings36]

Sorry but this is a long one...

I had an interview with a potential client on Thursday of last week. I hold all of my first time interviews outside of daycare hours for security reasons. Dcm shows up at 5:15pm and we were not done the interview until 7:00pm. I was completely mentally drained when this dcm left. Typically a 5:15pm interview will run until 6:00pm max, this is actually the first time ever that a family has kept me for almost 2 hours for an interview. I liked the dcm and her parenting style. She is a no bull**** mom and kept her son in line the whole time he was in my home. She is also a huge fan of cio. What I didn't like was some of the questions she asked and the remarks she made. I seriously felt that I was being interviewed for a job and it was extremely mentally exhausting. She also gave me the impression that she was going to be my boss. One of her comments especially stood out in mind for a long time after she left;

"I was going to interview another daycare and the lady told me she will not use pacifiers in her home after the age of 14 months. I thought to myself who's way it is here? Yours or mine?"

At the time that she made this comment I didn't say much. But I should have! I do not use pacifiers in my home past the age of 12 months (with the exception of nap time if need be). I think they are absolutely disgusting and totally unnecessary. I had my own son weaned from his pacifier by the age of 7 months. Her remark also threw up a huge red flag (I thought to myself who's way it is here? Yours or mine?) In MY home it is MY way!

One of the questions she asked me is who would be inside my home during daycare hours.

I responded with well that depends. My husband is typically at work during daycare hours but if he has the day off or is sick he would be here. My mom often stops by from time to time to tell me something or pick something up. I also have 3 younger brothers (ages 21, 18 and 12) that stop in from time to time. The 18 year old and 12 year old live out of town with my dad so if they stop in they typically spend a couple days at my home. She responds, "this would be during the week?" Um ya lady this could potentially be during the week, these are my little brothers. Good grief!:roll eyes: I can understand that this may make her nervous but this is a home daycare setting and I'm not going to turn my family away from my home.

She then asks me if I were to get any work done on my home if it would be during or after daycare hours.

I responded with well I just had my whole basement re-renovated and that was all done during daycare hours, so I guess that would answer that question.

Later on in the interview she said the reason that she is so uncomfortable about anyone else being inside the daycare during daycare hours is because she heard of a story where a daycare provider's 16 year old son was malesting (sp?) daycare kids. Although I can understand her side of this, I also have a 7 year old boy who is going to 16 years old in 9 years and to be honest if anyone told me they were uncomfortable for that reason the interview would be over.

Needless to say the lady called me back and wants my space. She also wants to do a second in home interview during daycare hours so she can see how her son interacts with the other children in my care. Although she is planning on handing over the deposit and paper work before this time.

I feel that I need to lay the cards out straight right now if I'm going to take this lady on. Make it clear that this is my business, that I am the boss of that business and she is the client. What do I do?

Thanks.

[Meeko]

I can't type one word because we need to write more than that to post. But the word is

R U N


In all the years I have done day care, it NEVER works out with the parents who think of you as their employee. Never. They will never accept that YOU decide on the rules about payment, what they can and can't bring to day care etc....her pacifier remark showed SHE expects to set the rules.

Either call her, or wait for her call, and word your conversation to get a point across...

"I am done interviewing applicants for the place in my day care. It was difficult to decide which child I wanted to accept! I only have the one spot available and I just wanted to inform you I have filled the spot and will be unable to accept your child at this time. Thank you for your enquiry."

Take the wind out of her sails. Your home. Your decision. Maybe, just maybe she'll realize that she's not interviewing a nanny.

[sharlan]

I have to agree with Meeko.

[cheerfuldom]

Move onto to someone else. You already know who she is as a mom and that her style does not fit with your care. Even if you try and "lay down the law", she will probably tell you want you want to hear in order to get her child started and then push things little by little as she can. I recognize your name and if I remember right, you have had a lot of drama and stress lately with the daycare. Do yourself a favor and keep interviewing. She laid her cards out on the table so to speak so you know what you are getting if you sign her up. Yes people can adjust and make things work but you cannot change who she is as a person. She sounds very strict with her child, very bossy and demanding of others and lastly, inconsiderate of your time. She has already taken 2 hours for one interview (mine are less than 30 minutes at this point), she wants another interview, she says she wants to watch her kid interact but that is parent speak for her wanting to watch you and see what other kids are at the daycare.

[MamaBear]

I SO agree with MEEKO... RUN! I've had these kind of moms before too. It NEVER worked out. I kept one like that for a few months and it made my life hell. She ended up moving and that was the best day of my life. Those types of moms will never let up and let you be in control. Run girl! Run

[Angelwings36]

I agree also that I shouldn't take this lady on. Unfortunately when she called I did say my space was still available and that she could take the space if wanted. I am really mad at myself over this as I need to learn to think things through before making my decisions. So how do I turn her down now? She has not handed in any paper work or the deposit so I am not legally committed to this lady but I feel bad saying yes yesterday and then no today? Any advice?

[Sunshine44]

Call her asap and tell her something has come up and you cannot take on her child. Apologize for the short notice, and don't feel too bad. You don't really have to give her a reason, just tell her something has changed (YOUR MIND haha) and you cannot take her child. If she is mad, oh well, you won't have to deal with her.

[MizzCheryl]

I had this lady a while back. But she went home to think about it. I filled the spot as soon as she left. Another parent called while she was here and wanted to come by. I gave the spot to her because she was normal. Thank you Lord. The lady called back in a few hours and said she would like the spot. I told her I was very sorry but someone had already taken it. The lady was so mad. She is a preacher too so I was a little worried about how God would feel but actually God worked it all out for me. The preacher lady called back 3 times to tell me how upset she was with me for not giving her the spot. Geez
I knew right then I had done the right thing.
LISTEN to you gut. If something feels wrong, it is.
You don't wanna get stuck for years with a thorne in your side. Jst say NO.

[nannyde]

You have nothing to loose if you call her and tell her the truth. You can say no off the top or you can tell her your issues and see if she is willing to back off. You could land yourself a parent who respects you from day one because you let her know you are the boss.

[e.j.]

You have nothing to loose if you call her and tell her the truth. You can say no off the top or you can tell her your issues and see if she is willing to back off. You could land yourself a parent who respects you from day one because you let her know you are the boss.

This is what I was thinking, too. If after talking things over with her you decide it might work, maybe agree on a trial period so that you have an easy out if you need it.

[Blackcat31]

I agree with Nan and e.j. too. I had a dcf come with HUGE warnings from a fellow provider. Mom was condescending, rude, rolled her eyes at you, had HORRID children who were never held responsible for anything. Basically, a nightmare of a dcf.

I took them anyways because although the mom showed ALL her colors at the interview, I was able to tell her up front that I would NOT tolerate eye rolling, condescending attitudes and that I ran my program as I saw best.

I have had the family for almost 9 years now. (4 kids). BEST family I have ever had. I think since I was able to level with her from the beginning she knew exactly where I stood and we were able to form and maintain a very good relationship. Her kids are good, she has supported me in many issues. She is also the ONLY dcm I have who gives me a gift or cash bonus for pretty much every holiday, special event and birthday.

I think you should take this opportunity to be honest and start there. I mean isn't an open, supportive and honest relationship with a daycare family every providers ideal client?

[nannyde]

I agree with Nan and e.j. too. I had a dcf come with HUGE warnings from a fellow provider. Mom was condescending, rude, rolled her eyes at you, had HORRID children who were never held responsible for anything. Basically, a nightmare of a dcf.

I took them anyways because although the mom showed ALL her colors at the interview, I was able to tell her up front that I would NOT tolerate eye rolling, condescending attitudes and that I ran my program as I saw best.

I have had the family for almost 9 years now. (4 kids). BEST family I have ever had. I think since I was able to level with her from the beginning she knew exactly where I stood and we were able to form and maintain a very good relationship. Her kids are good, she has supported me in many issues. She is also the ONLY dcm I have who gives me a gift or cash bonus for pretty much every holiday, special event and birthday.

I think you should take this opportunity to be honest and start there. I mean isn't an open, supportive and honest relationship with a daycare family every providers ideal client?

I have a similiar story.

About eight years or so ago a friend of mine who did child care for 25 years told me about this friend she had down the street who was doing child care. She told me over a few weeks about all these problems the friend was having with this new family. The interesting part of the story was that the baby's grandma kept showing up unnanounced and finding really weird reasons to come over. The gma was there during the interview and kept stopping by. The provider was getting pissed because the gma would say stuff like "oh I know he needs an extra onesie" so I stopped by.

Well the provider finally tells the Mom that gma can't keep coming over. The Mom was adopted and was a PRECIOUS child to this gma. The first grandbaby was all she ever wanted in life. The Mom made her first "big girl" decision to pick this provider and the gma just didn't like the provider. The Mom thought the gma was being a drama queen and was just upset because the daughter had finally cut the apron strings and made her OWN decision.

So after the provider tells the Mom to tell the Gma to bug off the Mom decides to start looking for child care. I get a call from a lady looking for newborn care and when the Mom shows up for the interview there is a grandma with her. Now we lived on opposite sides of town but I just KNEW this was the same Mom and Gma. When I found out the kids name I was nearly 100 percent sure because it was an odd name.

So I interviewed the family and I really liked the Mom and Gma. I "thought" it was the same family so I made sure in my interview that I told them that I don't allow ANY third party intervention. All contact with parents only and NO drop ins for the grands. If they couldn't do it then I wouldn't take the kid.

As soon as they left I called my friend.. she called her friend... and we all figured out it was the same family. I ended up taking them because I was really upfront from the begining how it was going to be. Either they sink or swim but it was worth a shot.

They hire me and within a week my friend tells me her provider friend had to call 911 on a kid in her house. Long story short the provider slammed a baby up against a wall and fractured its skull. At that point I had to tell the Mom what I knew. She ended up contacting the dhs and they asked her to please take her kid to the doctor. The doc orders a CAT scan and the kid was fine.

The grandma was RIGHT. She knew something wasn't right and was just scared for the baby. I worked for them for four years and never had a single problem with them. They were excellent parents and the gma never bothered me once. The grands were very well off and were very generous to me and my son. My son's birthday is a few days before the grandbaby's and two years in a row we had joint bday parties at Chuckie Cheese and the grandparents sprang for the whole thing. They were an amazing family.

You have to be upfront with what you want and expect and set clear boundaries. It's easier to say "no" before they start.

[saved4always]

I have to agree with Meeko.

Yep. I agree with Meeko, too. I have 2 teenage sons. If anyone told me they did not want them in my home during daycare hours, they would be shown the door (even if I was desperate for kids). She sounds like she will expect to make all the rules and that you will follow them. And...when are you supposed to have work done on your home??? In the middle of the night. I think this lady would drive you crazy! I agree with Meeko..R U N!

[saved4always]

I agree also that I shouldn't take this lady on. Unfortunately when she called I did say my space was still available and that she could take the space if wanted. I am really mad at myself over this as I need to learn to think things through before making my decisions. So how do I turn her down now? She has not handed in any paper work or the deposit so I am not legally committed to this lady but I feel bad saying yes yesterday and then no today? Any advice?

Definitely don't take her because you feel bad. I would just call immediately and tell her that, after further consideration, you do not feel that you are a good fit for her family. Don't let her waste anymore of your time or energy.

[MamaBear]

I've had this happen before too... Where I said I had a space and then after the tour I was like OMG... how do I tell her I don't want her? I'm sure its best to be honest with her and tell her why... but I could never do that. When I had this same situation happen, I called the mom and said that I was SO sorry but one of my current daycare children who was going to be leaving my daycare due to a move (or whatever) which was going to be the space that I had open, is going to stay after all! So now my spot is gone again! I'm SO sorry and hope you find another daycare you like. It works!