Unbelieveable, What are They Thinking?

[mac60]

Last Week: Mom keeps mentioning to 3 yr old that after Friday no more diapers. Claims have been pottytraining at home. So last week, everyday, I ask 3 yr old every hour on the hour if he has to pee, and he always tells me no, never peed in the potty once, peed in his diaper, yes, diaper, several times each day. Then on Friday, mom says to 3 yr old that after the diapers are gone, no more, big boy panties. I am like---I don't think so, not here anyways.

I told my hubby I wonder if she will bring him in cloth pants on Monday, and if she does, no way in hell will I leave them on him.

So fast forward to Monday morning.......Mom says 3 yr old has big boy pants on. I am thinking there is no way in hell I am leaving cloth pants on your child to pee all over my house. He is not ready at all. He will not tell me he has to pee, he tells me he is dry when he is wet, he has never sat on my toilet and went pee in my house, why would you send him in cloth pants. I must of had a "look" on my face, because she said something, and my response was "I will put a pullup over his cloth pants, because I don't normally let the kids go to cloth pants until they go 2 weeks of no accidents with them telling me they have to go potty on their own. That is....not me asking, them telling and knowing they have to pee and understanding we don't pee our pants.

Ok, what is wrong with parents, that they would bring a child to daycare in cloth pants, when the child clearly does not understand the concept of peeing in the toilet.

So I take the boy into the bathroom and sit him on the toilet, leave him there for about 3 minutes, come back and ask him if he peed, he says yes, but I know that he didn't, there was no pee in that toilet, not a dribble. He lies all the time. If he pees his pants he lies and says he didn't, etc. So he has a pull up over his pants, and I will take him every little bit. But no way in hell will he be in my home in cloth training pants. Really, unbeleiveable.

[MN Mom]

Maybe the underwear under the big boy pants will agitate him enough, and he will start going on the potty. I used this method to train my now 4yo boy at 2. It worked wonderfully. He idolized Lightning McQueen at the time and was so upset every time he soaked his "Cars" underwear.

[mac60]

Here is my Potty Training paragraph in my handbook:

Potty Training

When you feel your child is ready for potty training, please let me know so we may work together on this. Please initiate the training at home before asking me to start it at childcare. When your child can verbally tell me they have to go potty, I will begin the potty training process here. Please remember that the activity level here can distract your child from realizing they need to use the potty, more so than at your home. Extra outfits, including socks, will be needed during the training period. Please, PULL UPS ONLY, NO CLOTH TRAINING PANTS. During the potty training process please dress your children in clothes that make it easy for them to go use the potty. When your child has gone potty with no accidents for a period of 2 weeks, cloth panties can then be used at daycare. During these 2 weeks, the child must verbally tell me each time they need to potty, or just go on their own.

[mac60]

Maybe the underwear under the big boy pants will agitate him enough, and he will start going on the potty. I used this method to train my now 4yo boy at 2. It worked wonderfully. He idolized Lightning McQueen at the time and was so upset every time he soaked his "Cars" underwear.

I will tell you this, if he pees in his underwear, even with the pullup over them, he go go directly to a pullup minus the underwear. As this will tell me he clearly doesn't get it.

[nannyde]

Here is my Potty Training paragraph in my handbook:

Potty Training

When you feel your child is ready for potty training, please let me know so we may work together on this.

Too vauge and allows the parent to be in control. Do not let them tell you when the child is ready. Tell them to keep you updated on their routine at home.

Please initiate the training at home before asking me to start it at childcare.

Too vauge again. Tell them you will let them know when the child is showing interest in potty training.

When your child can verbally tell me they have to go potty, I will begin the potty training process here.

Just add the word "before" in that. The child must tell you they have to go BEFORE they have to go.


Please remember that the activity level here can distract your child from realizing they need to use the potty, more so than at your home.

Good

Extra outfits, including socks, will be needed during the training period.

This sends the message that accidents are okay. I would not put this in there. If you make sure the kid is accident free for two weeks consequtively BEFORE you put in underwear you shouldn't need the extra clothes. If he has any accidents during this time the clock starts over. Just tell them you will keep them posted as to when day one starts. If you want to ask for extra clothes let them know it will be when he is two weeks accident free and you ask for him to be sent in undies.

Please, PULL UPS ONLY, NO CLOTH TRAINING PANTS. During the potty training process please dress your children in clothes that make it easy for them to go use the potty. When your child has gone potty with no accidents for a period of 2 weeks, cloth panties can then be used at daycare. During these 2 weeks, the child must verbally tell me each time they need to potty, or just go on their own.

Just add that " When your child has told me BEFORE he has to go potty and gone potty with no accidents for a period of 2 weeks.

From your description the child hasn't even met the first marker which is to tell you he has to go before he has to go and/or to pee on the potty when you place him on it. I start with just putting them on the pot during diaper changes. Once they start peeing consistently in the pot then I work towards them telling me they have to go before.

[mamajennleigh]

I hope that no one takes this the wrong way, but if you have a written policy and then the parent does something that is clearly against that policy and then you let them in the door without saying a word, or without putting your foot down, who are you really supposed to be angry with?

If you say no cloth underwear until you are satisfied that your home is not going to be faced with a child who urinates and defecates in their clothing, and that your furniture and carpeting aren't going to be ruined, and it is your home these children are coming into, then put your foot down, Mac, tell her NO. Tell her that when she is at home and it is HER carpet and HER furniture that might be ruined, THEN she can put him in whatever she likes, or nothing at all if it suits her. But at YOUR home, and in YOUR daycare, YOU will decide what works best.

I would have no problem telling a parent, "Listen, I am seeing no signs that this child is ready to transition completely to cloth pants. Until I see those signs, I am not taking chances with my carpet and my furniture. When potty training, there are signs we look for that alert us that a child is ready to take the first step in training. I have asked him repeatedly if he needs to go pee and he does not respond. I have put him on the potty several times today and he did not make use of the toilet ONCE, but he did soil his pants. In my experience, these are signs that he is not ready. I do not mind helping you introduce the potty to him (taking him several times a day and allowing him to sit until he gets the idea) but, as per our agreement, I am going to ask that you re-read my policy on potty training. Once your son shows signs of readiness and has made some progress at home, we can begin here as well. It's not fair to the other children as well as my family, to have to sit on furniture that has been urinated or defecated on, especially when it's completely avoidable."

I know that it's difficult to confront a parent, especially if you are uneasy with confrontation, but grown ups are no better than children when it comes to testing boundaries. They will push you as far as you let them. Mac, you seem to have quite a bit of experience under your belt, and your policies don't seem unreasonable to me at all. You have the right to protect the other kids in your care, and to protect your home from things that are avoidable. There are so many things in childcare that are just plain unavoidable and those are gross enough ! Realize that this parent is asking you to do something that goes against your policies and that is not reasonable. Stand up for yourself and for your home.

[nannyde]

I hope that no one takes this the wrong way, but if you have a written policy and then the parent does something that is clearly against that policy and then you let them in the door without saying a word, or without putting your foot down, who are you really supposed to be angry with?

If you say no cloth underwear until you are satisfied that your home is not going to be faced with a child who urinates and defecates in their clothing, and that your furniture and carpeting aren't going to be ruined, and it is your home these children are coming into, then put your foot down, Mac, tell her NO. Tell her that when she is at home and it is HER carpet and HER furniture that might be ruined, THEN she can put him in whatever she likes, or nothing at all if it suits her. But at YOUR home, and in YOUR daycare, YOU will decide what works best.

I would have no problem telling a parent, "Listen, I am seeing no signs that this child is ready to transition completely to cloth pants. Until I see those signs, I am not taking chances with my carpet and my furniture. When potty training, there are signs we look for that alert us that a child is ready to take the first step in training. I have asked him repeatedly if he needs to go pee and he does not respond. I have put him on the potty several times today and he did not make use of the toilet ONCE, but he did soil his pants. In my experience, these are signs that he is not ready. I do not mind helping you introduce the potty to him (taking him several times a day and allowing him to sit until he gets the idea) but, as per our agreement, I am going to ask that you re-read my policy on potty training. Once your son shows signs of readiness and has made some progress at home, we can begin here as well. It's not fair to the other children as well as my family, to have to sit on furniture that has been urinated or defecated on, especially when it's completely avoidable."

I know that it's difficult to confront a parent, especially if you are uneasy with confrontation, but grown ups are no better than children when it comes to testing boundaries. They will push you as far as you let them. Mac, you seem to have quite a bit of experience under your belt, and your policies don't seem unreasonable to me at all. You have the right to protect the other kids in your care, and to protect your home from things that are avoidable. There are so many things in childcare that are just plain unavoidable and those are gross enough ! Realize that this parent is asking you to do something that goes against your policies and that is not reasonable. Stand up for yourself and for your home.

Yeah what she said

[MarinaVanessa]

I would have no problem telling a parent, "Listen, I am seeing no signs that this child is ready to transition completely to cloth pants. Until I see those signs, I am not taking chances with my carpet and my furniture. When potty training, there are signs we look for that alert us that a child is ready to take the first step in training. I have asked him repeatedly if he needs to go pee and he does not respond. I have put him on the potty several times today and he did not make use of the toilet ONCE, but he did soil his pants. In my experience, these are signs that he is not ready. I do not mind helping you introduce the potty to him (taking him several times a day and allowing him to sit until he gets the idea) but, as per our agreement, I am going to ask that you re-read my policy on potty training. Once your son shows signs of readiness and has made some progress at home, we can begin here as well. It's not fair to the other children as well as my family, to have to sit on furniture that has been urinated or defecated on, especially when it's completely avoidable."

I like how this is worded and it all sounds great and everything and I would tell them like this also but we all know that we have those parents that think that they know what's good not only for their kids but for us as well and don't always agree with our methods. I say putting pull ups OVER the pants and undies is a great idea. I used it on my own daughter because (I have to just face it) she was just plain lazy. She was 3 and had been doing so well and had already been 1 month without an accident and then decided that it was easier for her to just go in her pants than to stop playing and go in the potty. I put undies, pants/shorts and then I put the pull-ups OVER her clothes and even took her out in public. She didn't like that very much because she was bulky even before she wet or soiled herself and the feeling of cloth on your butt is way different than having a diaper or pull-up directly on your bottom to absorb everything. It's more uncomfortable. So I say if mom doesn't get that her kid isn't ready and wants him wearing "big boy" pants and undies then throw the pull-up over his clothes.

[momma2girls]

This is what I have written in my contract-
I will assist with potty training, this needs to be started and home and making good progress and totally understand the concept of it, before I will assist with it here at daycare. Pullups are required at all times until totally potty trained(this means goes on their own without assistance and reminders from myself and accident free for quite some time.
I think this pretty much sums it all!!

[judytrickett]

we don't pee our pants.

Ok, what is wrong with parents, that they would bring a child to daycare in cloth pants, when the child clearly does not understand the concept of peeing in the toilet.

.

Because she wants YOU to potty train him.

[mamajennleigh]

I definitely agree with what Mac is doing by putting the pull up over the cloth, she has to do what she has to do to protect her furniture and her sanity .

I have a child who would NOT eat real food at all. She was so far behind the other children in my care, and I brought it up as gently as I could with the mother (who is already high-strung and high-maintenance) time and time again. She kept bringing me solid table foods, and her daughter would just "hold" the food in her mouth, and I couldn't always tell she still had something still in there. She just was not ready to chew solid food yet. She was (and still is) tiny for her age and would only swallow baby food for me, and even then not always.

I kept letting this 22-year old-first time mother tell me, a 36-year old veteran with four kids and countless dck's under my belt, that she was right and that we needed to just keep giving her this food until she "caught on". Well, one day this child was holding food in her mouth and I didn't see it (quite a large chunk, I have no idea where she was holding it!) and I put another piece in her mouth. She choked and I had to perform the heimlich maneuver on this tiny little girl. That evening, I told her father that I didn't care what they did at home, this child was showing me no signs of being ready to chew solid table food, and that I was not ever going to perform another lifesaving technique on a child when it was completely avoidable. I told him he could either bring me puree'd baby food that I knew she would swallow and not choke to death on, or he could find another person to keep his child. Period. I told him that this child was several months behind the other kids, she did not self-feed at all or eat solid food that required any kind of manipulation or chewing (at 18 months) and that my advice was that he get her to a specialist who could tell him what to do. BUT, even if he did not, I was not going to feed her another morsel of food that required chewing until I saw evidence that she was going to chew her food up and swallow it.

The mother called me that night and was very upset with me, but I held my ground. I told her that if she feeds her daughter that food and she chokes, it's an accident. If I feed her that food and she chokes, it's a liability. End of the story. I told her that I trust my instincts both as a mother and as a person who cares for children 10-12 hours every day, and that my instincts told me her daughter was not ready for solid table food, and until I saw evidence to the contrary, her daughter would be eating puree for me and nothing else.

Fast forward a few months. She eats table food, chews it and swallows it, and although she is still behind the other kids, she seemed to catch on quite well, as soon as she was ready. She still holds food, and she still needs to be reminded to chew, and to swallow, but she is doing much better, on her own timetable.

My point is that we do this for a living, and many of us have been doing it for a very long time. Don't let a parent dismiss your experience, or your instincts. If you are comfortable offering an alternative to your policy, then do so, but don't let her come into your home and tell you her son is completely ready to potty train in cloth underwear if he hasn't even shown signs that he knows what the potty is for or how to use it!

[originalkat]

I know this doesnt help...but I thought I would chime in with my potty training woes.

My oldest daughter was trained at 26 months and took 1 month to be fully in underwear.
My youngest daughter turned three in March and is STILL not potty trained. I tried putting her in panties consistently several times for weeks at a time with NO progress. I couldnt keep that up with all the daycare kids so she is back in pull-ups again. SHe seems to care nothing about it and doesnt care that all the other three girls who just turned 3 as well are all FULLY potty trained. The "big girl" thing doesnt work with her.

I am frustrated and really dont know what to do about it. Like I said I have successfully potty trained a lot of daycare kids and my other daughter, but no luck with her. Any suggestions?!?!?!

[mac60]

Kat, I would not fret over it. Honestly, I truly believe that each child is different and learns at a different pace, a different age, etc. My own son was about 3 yr 4 mo when he was potty trained, but it was done and over with in a few days and that was that. No accidents, never peed to bed, etc. I had tried a couple times before, but was not going to make it a battle. I do believe that potty training should only take a few days, if they don't get it by then, wait and try later.

[[email protected]]

I always tell the parents ,.. "they will learn to potty by the time they go to prom,.. promise. =-) " but heres my policy.



I do not push to potty learn. I believe that a child will only learn when they are ready and no amount of coaxing is going to make it happen any easier. All children become ready to toilet learn at different ages but it is generally considered to wait until the child is at least 2 yrs of age, before that time he or she is not physically or emotionally prepared to control his or her bowel or bladder movements. Work with them first at night and on weekends. As they progress and experience success at home I will work with them during the day. Once everyone has decided the child is ready to toilet learn, the only time diapers should be used is at naps and bedtime. When your child is ready to toilet learn please dress them in easy to remove clothing. No Belts, zippers, snaps or buttons that your child can not manage alone. Elastic waistbands are the easiest for the child to control.

[originalkat]

Kat, I would not fret over it. Honestly, I truly believe that each child is different and learns at a different pace, a different age, etc. My own son was about 3 yr 4 mo when he was potty trained, but it was done and over with in a few days and that was that. No accidents, never peed to bed, etc. I had tried a couple times before, but was not going to make it a battle. I do believe that potty training should only take a few days, if they don't get it by then, wait and try later.

Yes, that is what I figure too. I will try again in June and see how it goes.