DCM In Car Accident; Wants Extended Hours. WWYD?

[Unregistered]

Here's the scenario:

DCB 3 and DCB1 are brothers in care. They have a contracted pickup time of 4pm, with the exception of 5:00pm pickup twice a month with a week's notice.

Their mother was in a car accident this past weekend. She is going to be OK, but there is soft tissue bruising and she is off work for the next 2.5 weeks at least. This means that her DH needs to do dropoff/pickup instead and the hours he requires would be a 5:30-6pm pickup time. It varies because he is in customer service and could get stuck with a customer.

For M-Wed of this week I have accomodated the later pickup because she said that it would only be until today, but her doc said today that she is not to work for another 2 weeks.

All of my other DCKs are picked up by 4pm. In order to accomodate a pickup later than 5pm I have to call in favours from my MIL to take my children to their evening extracurriculars. The later pickup leaves me feeling frazzled and out of sorts. I feel like my evenings are shot. I accepted this when I thought it would be twice but I'm not sure I can be a good mother/provider with this later pickup for two weeks straight.

I am feeling very torn. The parents are nice enough. The boys are high energy and take a lot out of me but ultimately they are nice children. I feel so badly that she was injured and needs time off. I feel like I SHOULD try to pull strings. But I don't want to use all my emergency resources for their family when something could happen to my own family and I'll need my MIL's support then.

WWYD? I'm sure they will pull if I cannot accomodate. This would not ruin me financially. But does it make me a heartless b*tch? Ugggggggg!!! I'm so torn and sad and stressed about this.

[daycare]

One thing that I can say that I have learned, is that DONT LET OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS BECOME YOUR PROBLEMS. This is not your problem.

If I were you, I would have a heart to heart with mom and tell her how sorry you are that this happened to her, however, you are just not able to extend your hours an further. Let he know why and let her know that you have done everything that you can to help them. YOu need to tell her that you can only accommodate them until *** time that works for you.

Is there any way that dad can go into work earlier and get off earlier so that he can pick up on time. Have the dad talk to his boss and see if his boss can help them out. YOU already did what YOU can do.....

let them know that you have tapped out your resources for help that you used to help her and you no longer have that help. It is also not fair to your children to have to forgo their extra curricular activities so that you can care for her children past normal business hours.

OR the only other thing I can advise is for you to charge her more money per day for the next two weeks that would make it more beneficial to you...

But once again, this is their problem, not yours

[Cat Herder]

I don't know.... Soft Tissue Bruising is preventing her from being a Mom?

Sounds off to me.

Would she be willing to pick up early every day for two weeks without a discount if the roles were reversed?

[Ariana]

This is really tough spot to be in. I think it was really nice of you to accommodate for this week but can you tell her what you've told us? I'm sure she would be understanding if they're nice people. Maybe she's just asking you but has other people who can help out? My DCM always asks me first for this type of thing but also lets me know that if I can't she has others that can do it (late pick ups, getting kids off bus etc). I'd simply let her know what you've told us and ask if there is anyone else that can pick up the kids besides the dad.

I agree that it's just not your problem and her problems are creating stress in your life and that's just not fair

[bunnyslippers]

I would not keep them for the extra time. I had a family do this to me once. Both the DCM and I were pregnant, and she was on "modified bed rest." I started keeping her son until the father could pick up - sometimes as late as 6:30 (I am always closed by 4:00). I told them I would do it short term. Then I started seeing that mom was shopping (she would post it on facebook). When I told them I had to start ending my day at 4:00, I got a HORRIBLE letter from the DCD, calling me a terrible, heartless person. Mind you, I was working an extra 10 hours a week for this family to help out, and I was also pregnant.

From that point on, I have learned to never extend my day for anything more than an emergency situation. It is her responsibility to figure out a way to make it work. Doesn't she have a friend, neighbor, high school kid, family member, or someone to help her out? How would she feel if her boss just told her she had to work and extra two hours every day for free? You have a family, and they share you enough. Be strong, and don't do anymore than you are contracted to do. You might feel bad about it initially, but you will feel better in the long run. Good Luck!!!!

[littlemissmuffet]

I personally would not do it, simply because as soon as business starts negatively affecting my personal life and time I'm out. No daycare center in the universe would accomidate this situation and stay open later than their regular business hours - why should a HOME daycare?

I am sure that sounds harsh, but honestly, I think this is asking way too much. I wonder if they even bothered exploring other options before asking you?

[Unregistered]

OP here.

She just copied me in an e-mail with her family stating that the doc wants to reevaluate in 2 weeks, but that she may be off another 6 weeks in addition to that. She is suffering post-concussion issues, apparently, and she is not allowed to drive for the duration of that time.

I am going to call her and tell her that I'm sorry. I think that the potential of this being 8 weeks is too much for me. I have to think of being fair to my children (and the $$$ it cost to sign them up for extracurriculars) and I can't burn myself out. I'm hopeful that her family will help. It's tougher because I am not in their town. I am in the town where she works; a 45 minute commute from her house, and 20 minutes out of the way for her husband to drive to.

Thank you ladies. This is so very tough.

[sharlan]

Why can't the mother pick up the kids? Does she not have a car? Do they live in another area?

It would all depend on the relationship I had with the family. If picking up late is causing your family problems, then let her know.

If I chose to do it, I would definitely charge extra.

[PitterPatter]

I feel bad for the Mom but even worse for you being put in this situation. Been there done that with the pity. I have learned the hard way over the years not to let clients problems become my problems. I have done that same thing extended my hours way up until 10:00 pm for months even and that Mother still turned on me. I trust no one now! What is the problem that prevents her from resting on her own sofa and allowing the kids to play all day?

Honestly I would explain your situation first and make it known the bind it would put you in and although you feel for her you just can't commit to disrupting other family members schedules. You would be surprised at the back ups clients suddenly manage to pull out of thin air when it comes right down to it.

If you feel so strongly that you want to help then I would make a compromise. Maybe just a couple days or for an increased rate. Do not do any special favors without a compromise!

[PitterPatter]

I personally would not do it, simply because as soon as business starts negatively affecting my personal life and time I'm out. No daycare center in the universe would accomidate this situation and stay open later than their regular business hours - why should a HOME daycare?

I am sure that sounds harsh, but honestly, I think this is asking way too much. I wonder if they even bothered exploring other options before asking you?

In a way it does sound harsh but it's true! I have started acting more like a business because the softer I am the more people expect!

[familyschoolcare]

I would tell the parents that you can only accomdate if you can take they DCK with you to your children's evening activities, and charge extra. Tell

them you would be willing to give them a detailed invoice for the extra charges as they might be able to get the money back from their health insuarance.

[PitterPatter]

One thing that I can say that I have learned, is that DONT LET OTHER PEOPLES PROBLEMS BECOME YOUR PROBLEMS. This is not your problem.

If I were you, I would have a heart to heart with mom and tell her how sorry you are that this happened to her, however, you are just not able to extend your hours an further. Let he know why and let her know that you have done everything that you can to help them. YOu need to tell her that you can only accommodate them until *** time that works for you.

Is there any way that dad can go into work earlier and get off earlier so that he can pick up on time. Have the dad talk to his boss and see if his boss can help them out. YOU already did what YOU can do.....

let them know that you have tapped out your resources for help that you used to help her and you no longer have that help. It is also not fair to your children to have to forgo their extra curricular activities so that you can care for her children past normal business hours.

OR the only other thing I can advise is for you to charge her more money per day for the next two weeks that would make it more beneficial to you...

But once again, this is their problem, not yours

Yeah there you go!! Great idea!

No different than expecting providers to make adjustments.

[familyschoolcare]

In response to the people that do not understand why mom can not pick up and take care of her own children. Mom is supposed to rest not just

physicaily but mentally. This type of injury can be very serious. In the military for every head related injury reguardless of brain brusing or not the "patient"

is put on 48 hours of not being alloud to do anything. Then treatment goes from their depending on how it is going.

[countrymom]

I can see 48 hours but not 6 weeks. What is she going to do at home, rest, I think not. I don't understand why she can't watch her children or even has some family come by and help her out. To me I would say no, because I know how much activities cost. And seriously its not your problem that she was in an accident. Ask yourself this, "would she be accommadating if you were in an accident and you couldn't watch her kids"

[Childminder]

I would accommodate them but I don't have the short hours you do. That or I would take the kids home on my way to my kids activities, for a fee of course.