Teens!!!

[daycare]

Please tell me that I am not the only one that has to deal with this.

My daughter who is 13 years live a very social life. She works very hard in school and earns the time that she gets to hang out with her friends.

At the start of the school year, I enforced a 24 hour rule where should is required to inform me 24 hours in advance of her plans/outings/events.

Well, so far it has not worked. I tired to enforce a communication board where i required everyone to write down their schedules for the week, or at least by Wednesday so that I would know what is going on.

I have 3 kids, run my daycare, work as personal trainer on weekends, carry all of my husbands responsibilities because he works and is in school and I just cant seem to keep up.

I am about to lose it with all of these crazy schedules.

Any advice on another way to keep track of everyone's schedule?

[momofsix]

It depends, are there "just for fun" outings or are they things like sports practices etc.?
For practices and other school related things I used to write everyone's things on the calendar right when we got the schedules and highlight each persons activity a different color.
For things like going out with friends, babysitting etc. my kids weren't allowed to "tell" me anything. They needed to "ask" me before they could commit to something. It's not that I ruled like a dictator or anything, but if they asked ahead of time then I would know (and be able to let them know) if the activity was going to work for that time.
For example, our 14yo dd accepted a bbsitting job last week. She did NOT ask me first. That day she calls me fromo school panicked b/c she double booked herself (a very important college scholarship meeting she was required to be at) -asking if I could bbsit that evening for the kids she was supposed to watch but couldn't. Yeah right! If she would have asked me first like she was supposed to, she would not have made that mistake and put herself in an awkward position.

Also, don't feel your daughter MUST go to everything she wants to go to or be a part of. She really will not be "the only one" not going/participating Your family life needs to have balance and you can't be running around getting stressed out to make everyone else happy. If Mama's not happy...no one's happy!

[permanentvacation]

There comes a time when a parent has to tell their teenager something along these lines... " You didn't tell me about this ahead of time, and I have already planned something else. No, I can't take you where you want to go right now. If you want to go, you'll have to find a ride there and back home from someone else."

If she works that hard in school and in your opinion has earned the right to spend time with her friends, then she has shown you that she can be responsible. Now she just needs to learn to be respectful of your scheduling needs and take responsibility for planning her outings ahead so you can fit them into your schedule.

You have already let your kids know that you need them to let you know in advance of what they want to do and when they want to do it. Don't let them drive you crazy. I used to be the Supermom. I ran my daycare, did all the typical man chores around the house (he was always at work!), made sure my 2 daughters were in church activities, sports, after school activites, had free time to hang with their friends and gave them and their friends rides to the skating rink, mall, movies, you name it, I did it! Then I realized that I simply can't do it all anymore! Now, I work it this way... If I am available, can fit it into my schedule, and WANT to do it, I'll do it. If it's not something that fits nicely into my day, I simply can't/won't do it. If my kids want to do something that doesn't fit well into my day, I tell them to find a ride from a friend or simply don't go.

Now, on the flip side, many of your kids friends will wait to the last minute to decide what they want to do, where they want to go, and how they are going to get there. Also, even if the kids ask their parents in advance, many parents either don't answer or give a vague answer such as, " I don't know", "We'll see", or something along that line that doesn't really give the kid an answer so the kids can't make plans in advance. When I was a kid, we had to make definate plans by Thursday so our parents could plan ahead. However, nowadays, I've noticed that the kids and many parents don't know what's going on til the last minute and it seems like many parents don't want to commit in advance whether their kid will be alowed to go somewhere or whether they will be willing to drive at that time. I think because parents are so busy nowadays, they dont' want to commit to another errand to have to run on a specific day and time just in case they get tied up with another errand. So it's hard to make plans in advance nowadays.

So it might not exactly be your children's fault that they can't plan ahead. I pretty much gave up demanding to have pre-arranged plans. Now I make my own plans, ask my daughter if she has any plans - if she does, pre-arrange my days, if she does not have advanced plans, and something comes up out of the blue for her when I am busy, I don't stress over it. I simply tell her I can't do that right now. Often enough she gets a ride from a friend if I can't drive her at that time.

[laundrymom]

I have 4 kid's a dh, dog and daycare and I have tried everything from online reminders, to Flylady

What works best for me is a 16 mo calendar I keep in my purse. Like the size of a large index card The kids and my husband are welcome to get in it, they write ANY thing they need to in it. And say, MOM I'm writing in the calendar xyz,..... Bla Bla Bla. I also have a paper clip and index card for the " what I need" list. If its not on the calendar, it doesn't happen.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I FEEEEL your PAAAAIN. I suffer from teenager-drive-crazy-ism as well. Your system sounds like a winner, mine is the "fly by seat of pants" system. My only sucessful tool: text message. Yep. I must get a text or its not ok and that's that. That's probably not helpful advice, mine is an almost 17 year old boy.

[daycare]

thanks so much for your feed back and responses.'

I think some of it, is that she has way too much

ASB for school, cheer, gymnastics, softball, community service, piano, and private lessons for her horse. She also has to go to the Chiropractor 3 times a week. My ex husband is the one who signed her up with the Chiro, but he lives overseas and they never call me to tell me when she has an appt. They always tell my daughter what time.

lately, its been, oh MOM I need to go to a cheer try out, but its 20miles away. Ok when is it. Today, saturday. Um NO. Sorry that's two hours of my day you want to take without any notice. There and back 4 times. I had too much going on, I said NO I can't and the whole entitlement attitude took over..

I am getting so burnt out. Most of these activities she has ride shares to, that is not really so much the issue. I think the real issue is the bombs she drops and then me not always knowing where she is...

I am SOOO frustrated.

[Nellie]

When I was a kid my mom made us remind her of what we had going on daily. If we had practice on Friday at 6 and found out on Monday night we needed to tell her Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday morning. I hated it, but now as a parent I can see why she needed those reminders. I have a 13 year old daughter too. She plays school volley ball in the fall, Club basket ball all winter long, school basketball from Jan to March, club volleyball in the spring, and almost every Wednesday she has CCD. I don't think I'd let her join one more program. She would need to prioritize what is most important to her. CCD is non negotiable. She does well in school and I feel that sports are a good thing for her to be involved in. When it comes to spending time with friends and going to each others houses I do make sure that she has been helping around the house. I don't think it is to much to ask for 15 to 20 minutes of helping each night and a little extra on the weekend. Granted homework needs to be done-- so some nights she gets out of helping, but recently I found out that she goes and helps the 6th grade gym class out instead of doing homework in study hall. She is no longer allowed to go do that if she has homework she should be doing or studying considering some nights she isn't home for very long. Recently she didn't let me know that she had a Friday night practice until Thursday night. I made plans for her to go Christmas shopping with her Grandma and cousins. It was a no. I received attitude. But I stuck with it. If she can't let me know what is going on --it is on her. It's not my activity. I do alot of driving around for these things. She HAS to let me know when games and practices are. Even though she puts a scheduale on the fridge a few times a weeks she quickly summerizes on what days and times are practices and games. I feel bad because I know that missing practice is frowned upon and loss of playing time in a game, but I bet it will be the last time she forgets to let me know about it. She is required to ask for permission to go to a friends house.
Maybe until she is more responsible about letting you know when her activities are she might need to drop a few or not let her go. Stay strong and ignore the attitude. After a few consistent NO's hopefully she will be more that happy to let you know what is going on. Sense your ex isn't doing the driving for the Ciro doctor, let him know that he needs to send you an email of her appointment times. Maybe let him know when it works out good for you to bring her there. I'm assuming he is paying for it. He will be billed weather she shows or not. If neither work with you on letting you know when her appointments are tell him that you may not be able to bring her if it doesn't work out for you.
Teen years are hard and especially if you have little ones too. Sending you hugs.

[dave4him]

Not looking forward to that

[Meyou]

I have a very large calendar very close to the front door. If it isn't on the calendar IT DOESN'T EXIST. The kids can write their own stuff on or drop the notice on top of my laptop (same location) and I'll include it. My DCF also know if it isn't on the calendar it doesn't exist. They often start conversations with, "Can you add it to the calendar that......" ::

I grew up in a family with 3 teenagers and we all played competitive sport (6+ days per week). My mom couldn't have survived if we didn't write it down and if it wasn't on her calendar you were on your own for drives. She couldn't coordinate what she couldn't see. It worked well. We LEARNED to write it down or we were out of luck.

With 3 playing competitive soccer on up to 8 different teams at a time (league, school and provincial) and 2 of us plus my dad refereeing soccer plus school stuff plus band plus friends my mom had it totally right IMO. We all had part time jobs too.

[familyschoolcare]

We have a similiar situation to many here.

The kids tell not ask


If it is not on the calendar it is not happening.

My hubby will call me and ask what am I doing on such and such day I whant to book an apointment to.

My teenagers know the sooner you ask about it the more liekly you can go. They also have gotten used to the answer you may go however, I am already booked so you will have to find other transportation. And yes, it is up to the teen or highschool student to find the transportation, not me.

[sharlan]

I have a very large calendar very close to the front door. If it isn't on the calendar IT DOESN'T EXIST. The kids can write their own stuff on or drop the notice on top of my laptop (same location) and I'll include it. My DCF also know if it isn't on the calendar it doesn't exist. They often start conversations with, "Can you add it to the calendar that......" ::

I grew up in a family with 3 teenagers and we all played competitive sport (6+ days per week). My mom couldn't have survived if we didn't write it down and if it wasn't on her calendar you were on your own for drives. She couldn't coordinate what she couldn't see. It worked well. We LEARNED to write it down or we were out of luck.

With 3 playing competitive soccer on up to 8 different teams at a time (league, school and provincial) and 2 of us plus my dad refereeing soccer plus school stuff plus band plus friends my mom had it totally right IMO. We all had part time jobs too.

I use the same system. I have a large calendar that hangs on the wall w/ 5 slots per day - Mom's Family Calendar. I have it set up for me, dh, my mom, my niece - dd #1 & her dh - grandkids #1 & #3 - dd #2 and her dh - grandkids #2 & #4. It is not my responsibility to write it down for someone else.

[beachgrl]

I use the cozy calendar app on my cell to put ever ones stuff in and any family member with phone or pc can add to it..I'm the only one that doesn't , it will send you reminders if you want..color codes ea persons activities. My son is 17 and doesn't have nearly that much going on but his dad and I live an hr apart so getti g him back and forth and planning around things he wants to do with us and friends can get crazy...he wont get his licsence until June and even then he better get much more practice in with driving which he has little interest in compared to me when I was that age.

[Unregistered]

The joys of parenting a teen!

My DD is 15 and is almost always on the go! My DH is the lucky guy who gets to take her from place to place (which is cool with me!). She is notorious for making plans and waiting until last minute to let us know....ugh...

[daycare]

I like the every day reminder. She will need to start reminding me every morning of her events.

I don't care if its a note on my desk, a text, verbal, or something else. I just need to be informed.

Thanks everyone for responding. I feel like sometimes I am alone in this and that I am doing something wrong.

I am gonna stop jumping through hoops trying to get her places when she fails to tell me on time.happyface