Opinions - Appropriate Behavior for Preschool Teacher? How to Respond?

[momofboys]

This situation happened to me this week & I was so dumbfounded when it did happen that I didn't really react. Sometimes when people are telling you something you don't want to hear or acting inappropriately it leaves me unable to respond. Based on the following scenario I was wondering how you would respond &/or if you would follow up with any action?

I nanny for a family & all is mostly good. No big issues with the parents & the kids are very good. I drive one of the kids to preschool a few days a week. Said child has a condition that makes it necessary on most days to wear sunglasses when outdoors. It's nothing that will harm him if he doesn't wear them - it is mostly a comfort issue. For obvious reasons when it is gloomy/dark outdoors it doesn't bother him. Today when I arrived to pick him up he was outside playing as is typical at pick-up. It was a cloudy & cool day. One of the teachers cornered me & said, "Child did not have sunglasses today". I responded that I was sorry I had forgotten & that I thought child had back-up ones here at school. Obviously that is not the case. Child's mom & I take turns driving child to school as she is off 1-2 days/week. Anyway, the preschool teacher goes on to say that "I need to be more responsible in making sure child comes each day with sunglasses & then she went on to say that she cares for said child & does not wish for child to be uncomfortable & again that I need to be more responsible". I didn;t know what to say I stammer & mention again that I was sorry & I will try to remember to bring them each day & I will ask mom about back-up pairs to leave at school.

I am a sensitive person & I started to tear up as I walked the child (With my own child & preschool child's sister) to the car. As I drove away though I got very mad. #1 - teacher does not know mw from Adam - I am a responsible person - just b/c I "forgot" the glasses (that I didn't even really know I was supposed to be bringing each day) doesn't mean I am irresponsible. And #2 - it really bothered me that the teacher would talk to ME this way - teachers are an authority figure - yes; but this teacher was talking to me in such a belittling manner that made me feel like I was the child. If I was a PARENT of said child I can't imagine a teacher ever telling me as the parent that I needed to be more responsible unless of course I had a major issue - like a drug problem or abusive nature. In fact if I was the parent & the teacher spoke to me this way I would be marching myself into the director's office to complain. So I wanted opinions & don't wish to make a big deal about this BUT I felt very put down like she only talked to me this way b/c I am "just the nanny" - I highly doubt she would have berated the mom had she forgotten the glasses.

What would you do? HOw would you react? What would you say, if anything, to this teacher when you saw her again. And I did cry the whole way home from the school b/c I really felt put down.

[daycare]

I am so so sorry that this happened to you and just wish that I could hug you and make it all disappear..

I am not good with words and I am also very sensitive, hopefully others will have something good to tell you.

Look at it this way! It's Friday. I know that doesn't resolve anything, but I hope you are able to relax.

[Unregistered]

Keep in mind, it is her Friday too~ She might have been coming from a place of being tired, that time of the lovely, having dealt with many parents that are irresponsible- who knows.

Next time........turn it around nicely to her. Why are you talking down to me like that?

It also might just be the way she comes off, her personality. Monday have the glasses in hand and maybe nicely reassure her that you too care for this child and if ever he needs anything don't hesitate to call me, I will see that he gets it right away. Talk to the parents about what happened. They might be able to offer advice or helps or talk to her themselves.

Hopefully you have your weekends off and enjoy it and don't put an overload of thought into this, let it go.... at least so you can refresh for Monday.

[momofboys]

Daycare, thanks for the virtual hugs - I really needed them!

[laundrymom]

I am sorry she was a terd.

I feel you have two options.

1. Mentally prepare a response for the next time she does this. Think about it NOW so you can shut her down before she gets her knickers in a twist.

2. Tell her next week. " hey robin, last week when you yelled at me about the sunglasses, that was really uncalled for. I feel you overstepped your boundaries. I'm sorry I inconvenienced you but you were out of line at pick up. I am mentioning the occurance to mrs mom and will allow her to give me direction of she sees a need. I've already apologized for forgetting the glasses and I will try not to do it again. Then smile.

[nannyde]

Shake it off sistah

I would have just said to her "Yeah I suck. I'll getcha the darn glasses come Monday."

When you see her next tell her in the most excited Paris Hilton voice you can muster... "I remembered them... I'm SO hot" GO TEAM ME happyface

Truthfully she's prolly dealing with a bunch of people who aren't bringing the stuff they should and she's on annyoy level number ten. Since you are "one of the staff" she could just say with you what she WANTS to say to everyone.

Treat her with a chipper attititude and give her a little wink and a nod for a couple of winks when you do it right.

She'll settle down.

[Kaddidle Care]

I think I would have a little chat with the Director if she acts that way to you again. If she is so demeaning that she brings an adult to tears, how do you think she is with the Wee Ones?

It may have just been that end of the rope Friday where this was just one of many things that went wrong that day and unfortunately you got the brunt of it as one of the previous posters mentioned.

I have to admit that I was rather snarky too one of the DCD's one time and I felt really bad about it afterward. I even told my Director that she may get a complaint and explained what I did. He just plain wasn't listening to me and on the third attempt I was a bit sharp. (used my "Mommy voice") Once I actually caught his eyes I realized that he looked like he hadn't slept in a week and not even sure if he caught my attitude towards him.

I've been super nice and sweet to him ever since. I still feel bad about it.

Hopefully it won't happen again.

[momofboys]

Thanks all for your insight - you have really helped me to shake it off so to speak & made me feel validated for my feelings & given me some ammunition to use if necessary! I think I will have a conversation about this with the parents - I feel they need to know since they pay the bill!

[sharlan]

Just know that you are doing a good job and let it go. Sometimes we sound a little snappier than we mean to be.

Is it possible that the mom got on her about the sunglasses?

[momofboys]

Just know that you are doing a good job and let it go. Sometimes we sound a little snappier than we mean to be.

Is it possible that the mom got on her about the sunglasses?

It's possible I guess but I highly doubt it - parents are very laid back & easy to get along with.

[cheerfuldom]

I think you are being too sensitive. Its possible that she was having a harsh tone but in the grand scheme of things, its no big deal AND in the end, the intention was good in that she was reminding for the sake of the child. Just bring the glasses, update the mom, problem solved

[e.j.]

One of the teachers cornered me & said, "Child did not have sunglasses today". I responded that I was sorry I had forgotten & that I thought child had back-up ones here at school.... the preschool teacher goes on to say that "I need to be more responsible in making sure child comes each day with sunglasses & then she went on to say that she cares for said child & does not wish for child to be uncomfortable & again that I need to be more responsible". (

If these are direct quotes, she was being incredibly condescending. I would have felt "stung" by her comments, too. It's one thing to remind you to bring the sunglasses, it's a whole other thing to tell you that you need to be more responsible. That comes across as an adult who thinks she's speaking to a child.

I probably would have reacted the same way you did since I don't react fast enough when someone blindsides me like she did you. I probably would let it slide this time but if it happened again, I would address it with her.

[Abigail]

I am exactly like you! I can be sensitive and tear up easily is what I call it. Then once I walked away I would think about it for hours off and on and think of all the best responses I should have said and then called a few of my closest friends to complain and tell them what I wish I would have said. LOL.

My first though when reading your post is that this child gave this teacher a rough time off and on because he wanted his glasses. Maybe he doesn't fit in in school like he does at home and brings a different attitude to teachers than what he does to you. Did you drop him off that morning? If you guys share who drops off and picks up in the same day it was by no means your fault at all. Besides, this isn't a preschool child who is 3 is it? He should have a responsibility chart to remember what he loves the most, his glasses. We have 3-5 year olds at daycare who say "I forgot my blanket" which they love so much, but teachers would typically say "the parents forgot". Feel better!

[permanentvacation]

It might be that if the paperwork at the preschool says the child has to wear sunglasses when outside, then the teacher will be in trouble with her director if the child is caught outside without the sunglasses. She might have been worried the entire time the child was outside without them that she would get yelled at by her boss, so when you arrived, she exploded at you out of frustration of basically waiting to get in trouble herself.

Most daycares are pretty paticular if the paperwork says a child must have a specific item, then the teacher has to make sure the child has that item or make other arrangements for the child. Most likely, technically, according to their rules at the daycare, the child either should have had the sunglasses or be kept inside if he didn't have them. If the child needed to be kept inside, then that opens a whole new can of worms as to which classroom to put him in while his class is outside, or how to keep him inside just because he doesn't have his sunglasses. Of course if he is kept inside, he won't be happy, and his parents will most likely fuss about him being kept inside even though the paperwork says that he must have his sunglasses on if outside and they were trying to obey the paperwork.

Basically, if the teacher allows something that goes against what is specifically requested in the paperwork, it's a lose/lose situation which makes the teacher upset, confused as to what to do, and REALLY hoping she doesn't have to go through that again.