When Everything Goes Wrong.....

[hoopinglady]

You ARE the baby whisperer.

I can't tell you how much I dig this post.

would just do things like approach him and stand next to him or touch him in such a way that I was waiting for/encouraging his energy to change it totally reminded me of the dog whisperer. I just tried to get through to him, be strong and in control but not battle him or feed into it...allow him to feel safe.

Read this thread:

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showth...ighlight=storm

Very interesting. I figured you'd have a theory on this.

Their mama is very young and has 3 babies under 5, recently divorced. Behavior-wise she is every bit the stereotypical modern parent in every way you listed.

I will say that the kids have responded very well to being here though.

edit: it took this kiddo forever (and he still struggles) to find interest in anything at all except for tormenting other kids. He feeds very strongly on their energy. If someone cries or throws a fit, he'd walk over and smack them.

[Kaddidle Care]

Interesting - I just read the attached thread and article about the raging babies. I still feel that all the craziness and even autism is due to environmental factors, terrible food choices and the fact that so many women have dabbled in recreational drugs. You have your eggs from day one and they are affected by everything you do. Sad but true. There is also the divorce factor.

To the OP - without a game plan you did what you needed to do to keep the child from harming herself and others.

Time for a meeting with the Parents pronto to work this out.

Something an online friend does with her Autistic sons is when they get really stressed, she has a plastic container filled with beans and rice (uncooked) and they just put their hands in it and roll it around - it has a calming effect.

I haven't tried it myself but am tempted to suggest it where I work for one particular child who.. well let's just say doesn't react properly when told No or Not Now. All of us that have worked with him have been hit and kicked. There are times when he has to be removed from the room so he doesn't hurt others.

[emmajo]

Something that scares me about this and Nan's linked post - does it follow that if young parents are not raising children well, neither will future day care providers be doing any better? Is this a whole society failure? This is not to find fault with any young providers on this forum, but a concern about the direction of child raising in general.

[Cat Herder]

Something that scares me about this and Nan's linked post - does it follow that if young parents are not raising children well, neither will future day care providers be doing any better? Is this a whole society failure? This is not to find fault with any young providers on this forum, but a concern about the direction of child raising in general.

Sounds like the book "A Mothers Job, The History of Daycare."

[countrymom]

you guys didn't answer the question, what is she going to do. I'm curious, because you said not to put her in a pnp, she can't be left in the corner, so what is she going to do, call the parents everytime the child has a melt down. I would be upset if I were her parents. I always say that, what happens at daycare, I will deal with it. I find it odd that after several hours when the parents pick the child up that they would deal with what happened at daycare, the child would have no idea what is going on. Happens at school too. So unless parents come right away, your defeating the purpose of calling them, and also like it was mentioned, the child will think its a treat to call mom or dad.

[mommiesherie]

you guys didn't answer the question, what is she going to do. I'm curious, because you said not to put her in a pnp, she can't be left in the corner, so what is she going to do, call the parents everytime the child has a melt down. I would be upset if I were her parents. I always say that, what happens at daycare, I will deal with it. I find it odd that after several hours when the parents pick the child up that they would deal with what happened at daycare, the child would have no idea what is going on. Happens at school too. So unless parents come right away, your defeating the purpose of calling them, and also like it was mentioned, the child will think its a treat to call mom or dad.

I agree that calling parents kinda gives her a treat. Like rewarding her behavior. On the other hand you do have to think about the other kids and how this affects them. Hum this is a hard one. I have no idea what to do as far as a game plan on this. Even my psychomotor development class didn't cover this one. Lol. I am interested to hear what others suggest. I didn't read article yet but it is disturbing to me the lack of parenting that is done these days. Its not a day cares job to parent but that is certainly the way its beginning to be.

[Cat Herder]

you guys didn't answer the question, what is she going to do. I'm curious, because you said not to put her in a pnp, she can't be left in the corner, so what is she going to do, call the parents everytime the child has a melt down. I would be upset if I were her parents. I always say that, what happens at daycare, I will deal with it. I find it odd that after several hours when the parents pick the child up that they would deal with what happened at daycare, the child would have no idea what is going on. Happens at school too. So unless parents come right away, your defeating the purpose of calling them, and also like it was mentioned, the child will think its a treat to call mom or dad.

I think she was told that putting her in a PNP will not work for long, not to not try it at all.

The child will escalate to climbing out, rocking it back and forth, tearing the mesh or flipping it over. It is a pattern. Continuous as the day is long...

Without a consistent discipline plan to stop the escalation it will continue to get more and more violent. Each childs plan will have to be individualized to the child.

For many years I tried to do all the hard work myself, but eventually it was time to hand the reins back, YKWIM? My clients understand and agree to this during enrollment.

HUGE tantrums that include kicking, rolling around, screaming, spitting, destroying property, throwing things or other violent behaviors are just not tolerated here. I think everyone has their limitations.

I go YEARS here without a tantrum. IMHO, It is not as common as some are inclined to believe.

[hoopinglady]

what I've done.

treat it like any tantrum. I use my hallway. If they are 3 and screaming really loudly, I will place them just outside the kitchen door in my mudroom where our cubbies are. I can still supervise but they are out of the group and the screaming isn't so nerve wracking with the door barrier.

If they are starting to be disruptive but not out of control I send to another room or another part of the room to play alone. I explain that if they can't play nicely than they can't play with the group. Often they will find something to do. If they are set on throwing a fit and refuse to do as told, back to the hallway, no playing, etc.

as calm as possible, matter of fact, don't engage and don't argue, don't over explain.

Parents are tricky because if they don't "get it" there isn't a lot you can do except for control the way things go down at your house. When I mentioned to my dcm about her toddler's anger she said, "I just laugh at him".

If they are truly willing to listen to your advice then everyone has to get strong, firm and consistent. It's hard and continuous.

It's difficult to say unless we see the child and know more about their family life and your house.

Does she have plenty to do? Does she have opportunities to express herself? Is she rested, hungry, in pain, frustrated. Does she have somewhere quiet to go if she needs? Is she being taught and demonstrated the proper words? Is she being empowered so she know that no means no for herself as well as her friends? Is she getting plenty of time to run and exercise outside preferably?

There's no easy answer.

Good luck, whatever happens.

[hoopinglady]

darn it catherder, another book for my wish list. I read the review for this one, yesterday, looks really fascinating.

[Cat Herder]

darn it catherder, another book for my wish list. I read the review for this one, yesterday, looks really fascinating.

Eh, I guess it is fair... Now I want "Fragile Families, Fragile Solutions" from your link above....

I AM ordering that one Friday....

[daycare]

I agree that calling parents kinda gives her a treat. Like rewarding her behavior. On the other hand you do have to think about the other kids and how this affects them. Hum this is a hard one. I have no idea what to do as far as a game plan on this. Even my psychomotor development class didn't cover this one. Lol. I am interested to hear what others suggest. I didn't read article yet but it is disturbing to me the lack of parenting that is done these days. Its not a day cares job to parent but that is certainly the way its beginning to be.

I cannot agree more..

Especially the part: " Its not a day cares job to parent but that is certainly the way its beginning to be."

I just ended a long time relationship with a family that took ZERO part in parenting thier children. They eventually went from a few hours at my house to 11+ hour days, eating every meal here with me.

It then went to whatever behavioral issues the children had out of daycare was my fault and my problem.

When I had confronted that parent about it, they basically told me that they have no control over their kids and that being a parent it too stressful. they just cant take it anymore and need me to do it.............I sat there floored for awhile, but realized that she had let her lack of parenting go on for so long that now she could not take it anymore so she had to have someone else deal with her kids. It was one of the saddest days in my daycare life. These people kept on having kids, but were sitting in my face telling me that they wanted NO part of being a parent to them.........


As soon as I found out that mom was sitting at home with her feet up eating chips and drinking soda, while I delt with her kids until 7-7:30 at night I termed. I told her sorry, I am not their parent you are. And (thank you Nannyde for this line) you will never get good at parenting if I keep doing it for you. YOu have to start doing it to get good at it.

GOod-bye to this family...........I am sad for the children, but I am hoping that she was not able to find another provider to send her kids to for every meal and for that many hours. They so bad just wanted to be with their mom and dad.

[mommiesherie]

Daycare, wow that is horrible!!!!! I can't imagine asking someone else to parent my child!! Why in the world have them?!?! Seroiusly! I mean the free clinic will give ya the pill or condoms lady. I know it had to be hard but I do not blame you at all for terminating them. If she is at home eating bon bons and you are getting the blame for behaviors. The thing she doesn't realize is their behavior would probably be much better if she would just love them and give them a little quality time. I didn't spank my children. I simply spent a lot of time with them and we talked a lot. I taught them kindness and self control. I had an uncle give me a hard time about not spanking them. Then we went for a visit to his house for a week. After the week was almost over he said ya know I thought since you don't spank the girls they would be terrible. He said they are the most well behaved polite children I have ever seen in my life. I explained to him that the reason is because I spent so much time with them and you don't have to spank them. Just teaching them kindness and showing them how to be kind to others would do it. Quality time with your children can shape them into quality members of society. I feel bad for many children that do not get any guidance.

[hoopinglady]

On one of my families' child info sheet upon enrollment, she listed the reason for leaving the previous child care as she didn't agree with the way the children were "being raised".

Now maybe it was just a poor choice of words but to me it sounded like, I'm paying you a few hundred bucks a month to raise my children.

No pressure, ladies.

[Kaddidle Care]

GOod-bye to this family...........I am sad for the children, but I am hoping that she was not able to find another provider to send her kids to for every meal and for that many hours. They so bad just wanted to be with their mom and dad.

How very sad indeed. But unfortunately, she'll find another care provider - or maybe two to do what you did so long as she can afford it.

I had a co-worker that was appalled that I was planning to stay home with my child until School Age. She told me "Oh I could never do that!" She didn't have the time, patience or understanding to raise her children, clip coupons and not buy the highest fashion to wear. Material things came first, her job, her money and last on the list were her kids. They were an accessory much like a bracelet.

She would complain that she had to spank her son to get him up in the morning so she could bring him to Daycare. Obviously she either wasn't getting him to bed at a proper hour or he hated his Daycare. She didn't care because she was too wrapped up in her little world.

Never liked that girl. Wonder why.

[Cat Herder]

On one of my families' child info sheet upon enrollment, she listed the reason for leaving the previous child care as she didn't agree with the way the children were "being raised".

Now maybe it was just a poor choice of words but to me it sounded like, I'm paying you a few hundred bucks a month to raise my children.

No pressure, ladies.

Oh... this NEEDS to be a thread topic.