I have 2 sibling girls. One just turned 3 and the other just turned 4. I've had them in care since Jan of this year, so 11 months now. I see them part-time 11-12 days per month but long hours. They are both complicated children and from what mom has told me and what I observe with her, they deal with "adult problems".
A little background info. The parents are divorces, I believe just over 2 years now. The girls go one week on and one week off with each parent. They also stay with grandparents at times when mom and dad are working and I am closed. So mainly weekend days. According to mom, dad is VERY unstructured, lets them go to bed whenever they want, use binkies all day long (and professionally and personally speaking, they DONT needs them. I broke them both of using binkies in the first month they were here, and they basically did it themselves I just gave them the "help" to forget about them, KIDS ARE SMART!). Anyway, according to mom the older one gets ignored a lot by dad and the younger one gets a lot of 1:1 attention, like cuddling, hugs, etc. (I'm not so sure I believe this 100%). The older one is BOSSY when she's not in my care. I have had to set rules and boundaries and make her be a child, play, etc. But she acts sneaky and thinks I don't see some of the things she does. The younger one is a tantrum thrower and acts out because she can get away with it (Mind you both of the girls are MELLOW in my care!) They're completely different children when mom comes to pick them up or is dropping the off. I've never met dad.
What I see: Mom is ALWAYS last minute, in a rush, scatter brained, never has a solution or ideas about behavior issues that I do have with the girls. She just always says, you have such a good schedule it makes it easier for me to get them back on a schedule after they're here with you. (Routine!, ever child needs it.) Ok but that doesn't explain why the older girl shows her panties to other children (which I now require them to be in shorts and pants and they are no longer allowed to wear skirts or dresses without covers underneath.
My issues:
Other than mom being late many times and showing up 1-3 hours after she should be here and texting after she should be here saying she'll be late (very annoying since the girls are my earliest children I take 6:30am) All my other kids come at 8-9am and stay 6:30-7:30pm.
The older sister will pull the younger sisters shirt up and pinch her nipples. Ive seen her do it several times before she knows I see her. (She only does it when she thinks I can't see her or know what she's doing). The younger sister (sometimes) will giggle but most of the time she doesn't like it. And the older sister will continue. (I always remove her from the group and have quiet time by herself and tell her that is not appropriate. This also goes for the older one showing her panties to the other children and talking about it. She only does things like this when she doesn't think I can see her. The older sister generally likes to bug her younger sister (and of course the younger one feeds into it and does it back), Since they lay down in the mornings and at nap time I require them now to lay across the room from each other. When we watch a movies though I do allow them to sit or lay next to each other. (because they're sisters and they do enjoy playing together). But the older one likes to bully, push, flop on top of the younger one and even sometimes likes to pin her down. The younger one thinks it silly or funny until she gets irritated.
I talked to mom MANY times about these things and she never knows "why". OK, but as far as the pinching nipples goes she said, "oh yeah, they use to do that and I got them to stop because it's not ok but they're dad does that with them at his house." And my response was, "They can't do things like that here, it's inappropriate." OK, so she agreed but that's it. The solution to the underwear things was that I require them to wear pants, shorts, etc. Mom didn't understand this at first and said, well what if they sit sideways on the floor. I tried that and it's not a girly modesty issue, it's a behavior issue.
Weird things I've heard the girls and the mom say:
The older girl says things like, "were here all by ourselves." When I'm standing in the kitchen and she can't see me. Her mom said, "oh yeah she says that whenever she can't see anyone. She thinks she's alone." I just heard this last week.
That dad pinches their nipples and plays a lot of tickle games. That dad ignores the older sister whenever mom is around or sees them together (ie at drop-off, pick-up, etc) and gives the younger sister a lot of attention in the same scenarios. That dad has a room mate but it's non of mom's business who it is, when she asked about who he was. (Room mate is new about 4 months ago.) Mom moved and 2 weeks later dad moved.
I ask a lot of questions and have had many conversations with mom about the girls. I have this weird nagging feelings that "something" isn't right for them. I just don't really know what it is. I know there's relevant information I'm missing but I can always answer questions from other people if that helps.
I guess I would like some advice. I know kids so "funny things" but I also know kids do things that they know, learn and see.
A little background info. The parents are divorces, I believe just over 2 years now. The girls go one week on and one week off with each parent. They also stay with grandparents at times when mom and dad are working and I am closed. So mainly weekend days. According to mom, dad is VERY unstructured, lets them go to bed whenever they want, use binkies all day long (and professionally and personally speaking, they DONT needs them. I broke them both of using binkies in the first month they were here, and they basically did it themselves I just gave them the "help" to forget about them, KIDS ARE SMART!). Anyway, according to mom the older one gets ignored a lot by dad and the younger one gets a lot of 1:1 attention, like cuddling, hugs, etc. (I'm not so sure I believe this 100%). The older one is BOSSY when she's not in my care. I have had to set rules and boundaries and make her be a child, play, etc. But she acts sneaky and thinks I don't see some of the things she does. The younger one is a tantrum thrower and acts out because she can get away with it (Mind you both of the girls are MELLOW in my care!) They're completely different children when mom comes to pick them up or is dropping the off. I've never met dad.
What I see: Mom is ALWAYS last minute, in a rush, scatter brained, never has a solution or ideas about behavior issues that I do have with the girls. She just always says, you have such a good schedule it makes it easier for me to get them back on a schedule after they're here with you. (Routine!, ever child needs it.) Ok but that doesn't explain why the older girl shows her panties to other children (which I now require them to be in shorts and pants and they are no longer allowed to wear skirts or dresses without covers underneath.
My issues:
Other than mom being late many times and showing up 1-3 hours after she should be here and texting after she should be here saying she'll be late (very annoying since the girls are my earliest children I take 6:30am) All my other kids come at 8-9am and stay 6:30-7:30pm.
The older sister will pull the younger sisters shirt up and pinch her nipples. Ive seen her do it several times before she knows I see her. (She only does it when she thinks I can't see her or know what she's doing). The younger sister (sometimes) will giggle but most of the time she doesn't like it. And the older sister will continue. (I always remove her from the group and have quiet time by herself and tell her that is not appropriate. This also goes for the older one showing her panties to the other children and talking about it. She only does things like this when she doesn't think I can see her. The older sister generally likes to bug her younger sister (and of course the younger one feeds into it and does it back), Since they lay down in the mornings and at nap time I require them now to lay across the room from each other. When we watch a movies though I do allow them to sit or lay next to each other. (because they're sisters and they do enjoy playing together). But the older one likes to bully, push, flop on top of the younger one and even sometimes likes to pin her down. The younger one thinks it silly or funny until she gets irritated.
I talked to mom MANY times about these things and she never knows "why". OK, but as far as the pinching nipples goes she said, "oh yeah, they use to do that and I got them to stop because it's not ok but they're dad does that with them at his house." And my response was, "They can't do things like that here, it's inappropriate." OK, so she agreed but that's it. The solution to the underwear things was that I require them to wear pants, shorts, etc. Mom didn't understand this at first and said, well what if they sit sideways on the floor. I tried that and it's not a girly modesty issue, it's a behavior issue.
Weird things I've heard the girls and the mom say:
The older girl says things like, "were here all by ourselves." When I'm standing in the kitchen and she can't see me. Her mom said, "oh yeah she says that whenever she can't see anyone. She thinks she's alone." I just heard this last week.
That dad pinches their nipples and plays a lot of tickle games. That dad ignores the older sister whenever mom is around or sees them together (ie at drop-off, pick-up, etc) and gives the younger sister a lot of attention in the same scenarios. That dad has a room mate but it's non of mom's business who it is, when she asked about who he was. (Room mate is new about 4 months ago.) Mom moved and 2 weeks later dad moved.
I ask a lot of questions and have had many conversations with mom about the girls. I have this weird nagging feelings that "something" isn't right for them. I just don't really know what it is. I know there's relevant information I'm missing but I can always answer questions from other people if that helps.
I guess I would like some advice. I know kids so "funny things" but I also know kids do things that they know, learn and see.
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